One of the basic human needs is the need for affection and love. But when a relationship with a loved one is destroyed for any reason, life begins to be perceived in a black light, depression rolls in. It becomes impossible to simply move on with life as the brain is consumed by memories of the past. The question arises of how to psychologically rebuild, how to cope with parting with a loved one. If you are a man and a girl recently left you, or you are a girl and just broke up with a guy, a psychologist will tell you how to survive the pain of loss.

The first advice of a psychologist on how to survive a breakup is to give yourself time to grieve, to learn a kind of mourning for lost relationships and broken hopes for a joint future. After all, the rupture of significant relationships is archetypally lived as an experience of death. An individual has to come to terms with irreversible changes in his life, learn to live on a new energy, without the love and support of a partner, which he used to count on.

After parting with loved ones, people suffer not according to the person himself, but according to the emotions that they experienced in a relationship. Recognize that you are addicted to feelings of love euphoria caused by the release of neuropeptides and compounds chemically similar to amphetamines - a class of soft drugs. Suffering after the departure of a loved one is in many ways similar to the pathological state of drug withdrawal.

For one category of individuals, the most pleasant thing in a relationship is to feel like an object of close attention of another person, his care, support. For the other - to experience the very feeling of falling in love, spiritual uplift, to idealize a partner. In both cases, suffering due to the departure of a loved one is a consequence of selfishness.

The good news is that you can learn to call everything. pleasant feelings who experienced in a relationship, on their own. And no longer depend emotionally on the presence of a loved one nearby.

You need to grow, develop, strengthen the parental subpersonality in yourself, which accepts, loves, protects you under any circumstances. Make sure that your inner voice always sounds approving and affectionate. And try to trust the pleasant emotions that arise in response to good thoughts about yourself and about your life. Treat yourself with paternal (maternal for men) care, and the need for co-dependent relationships with fixation on a partner will be significantly reduced.

The second step - again As a rule, we admire certain qualities in a partner, which, as it seems to us, we ourselves are deprived. Was he the smartest, the most gentle, the most purposeful? Cultivate these qualities in yourself! Don't wait for someone from outside to come along and complete you.

You don't have to hope that you can still get along. At least until you find a sense of peace on your own. If you try to win back your loved one before you get rid of dependence on relationships, you risk repeating the same negative scenario.

Replace the need to make your loved one your property with the desire to make him happy. You need to find the strength in yourself to give him freedom. And do it with peace of mind. Recognize that everyone has their own path. And be grateful that some part of it your loved one chose to go through with you.

How to behave correctly if a man left you: advice from a psychologist

When a relationship breaks, not only feelings become vulnerable, but also a worldview. often undermines a woman's deepest beliefs about love, devotion, justice, men. A rejected woman experiences a feeling of humiliation, loss of self-worth.

A huge amount of energy is spent on introspection and giving yourself “twos”. Conclusions are drawn that it was necessary to behave differently, to dress differently, to have sex. “Now it’s even embarrassing to remember what I thought about myself after my husband left me,” shares Veronika (31 years old). When the level of self-flagellation reached the point that I considered the lack of smoothness of my legs to be the reason for his departure, it was as if a brake light went off inside me. I realized that even women with a perfect appearance from the modeling industry are abandoned by men. It’s funny, but the thought made me feel relieved.”

Understand, if your man really valued your union and treated you as an equal partner, he would have made you aware of his dissatisfaction with some aspects of your relationship in advance. I would give you a chance to find a way out of the situation together. Analysis of your mistakes - useful activity. But only on condition that you know how to forgive yourself for mistakes. Accept what you did out of inexperience and promise yourself not to repeat the same mistakes in the future.

Every woman dreams of being adored. A common mistake is to immediately rush into a new relationship in the hope of feeling needed, desired, loved again. However, the advice of a psychologist on how to survive if a man left is not to rush. Wait until your self-confidence is restored. Otherwise, you run the risk of creating a relationship that matches your bad self-image. If you are cheated, you will only attract those who will treat you like a former partner.

It is generally accepted that the stronger sex is much less emotional than the female. However, men are capable of experiencing the same strong feelings as women. It's just that they are taught from childhood to maintain an image strong man and they get used to hiding their pain. As a result, separation is even more traumatic for them than for women.

A woman can openly sob on her friend’s shoulder for more than one evening. A man, even in the presence of his closest friend, may be hesitant to admit how depressed he is. Yes, and male friends are usually frightened by the expression of strong feelings of another member of the stronger sex. They have no idea how to provide the right psychological support in such cases. Therefore, the way out is to apply for

The opinion that it is much easier for a man to survive a breakup with a girl is actually erroneous. Many men simply cope less emotionally with such an incident, and also look for ways in every possible way to survive a breakup with a girl. Despite this, breaking up a relationship is always a painful process for those people who have experienced strong feelings.

Not finding options for themselves what to do if the girl you love left, men give up and lose themselves much more often than women in such situations. Such disappointing statistics are confirmed by the observations of psychologists. First of all, in order to find ways and methods of how to survive a breakup, men need to know all the stages of separation in order to go through each stage without loss and psycho-emotional stress.

Psychology calls 5 stages of breaking up a couple's relationship:

1. Negation- at first it is hard to believe that the relationship is no more, but the hope still glimmers in the soul that everything can be returned to normal. The man refuses to accept the fact that the breakup will be final.
2. Anger- after realizing the situation, a man is overcome by anger and anger, first of all at himself, then at the girl and in general at the whole world.
3. Bargain- at this stage, the man makes attempts to return the relationship, tries to establish contact with the ex-girlfriend, sets deadlines for restoring the relationship.
4. Depression- after the final realization of the irreversibility of the situation, the man is overcome by depression, which lasts differently depending on individual characteristics character of a man.
5. New life- depression is replaced by apathy or sadness, and sometimes both states at once, and only after fully accepting the situation, a man will be able to build new life without a girl.

In the end, according to the normal scenario for the development of the situation, a man must accept the state of affairs, take out the beneficial aspects and pluses for himself, plan further actions in life, and also accept everything that happens as an experience. Due to emotional openness, women go through all these stages of separation much faster and easier, while a man goes through everything inside himself, sometimes without even showing outwardly.

Since most men are very difficult to endure a breakup with a girl, as well as the beginning of a new life, psychologists advise adhering to several simple rules for quick psycho-emotional recovery.

Is it easy for you to break up with girls?

YesNot

1. Abstraction. In order not to look for someone to blame for what happened, not to torment yourself with worries and painful experiences, you need to find an exciting business for yourself, for example, make repairs or go on a long trip. In no case should you withdraw into yourself, psychologists advise sharing all the difficulties with close friends.
2. Refusal to find the guilty. In any quarrel and scandal that lead to a break in relations, both are always to blame, so there is no need to try to shift all responsibility onto your or her shoulders. Psychoanalysis at the breakup stage can only excite emotions and experiences even more.
3. Small joys and pleasures. To cope with negative emotions, they need to be covered with joy and pleasure. To do this, you can visit the theater or cinema, any entertainment venues with friends.
4. Restricting contact with an ex-girlfriend. Any circumstances under which you have to intersect with an ex-lover should be tried to be corrected. Otherwise, the meetings will raise all the unpleasant sensations outward.
5. Opting out of any news about ex girlfriend . It is not necessary, under the pretext of worrying about her, to seek the possibility of obtaining information about her. Otherwise, strong feelings will fade much more slowly, hurting a man.
6. Acceptance of a break. Only by accepting for himself the need to part with a girl, a man will be able to cope with such a difficult period in his life. You need to reassure yourself that both partners got the best out of this relationship, and there is no future for them.
7. Attention to other girls. Despite the presence of feelings and experiences, a man needs to look at others, appreciating how many attractive and worthy girls are around. The man is still young, strong, smart and interesting, after the breakup, new opportunities open up for him.

Expert opinion

Elena Druzhnikova

Sexologist. Expert on family relations. Family psychologist.

A big mistake many men make is to start a new serious relationship after a painful break with an ex-lover, believing that they are kicking a wedge with a wedge. First you need to finally go through the pain of parting, get rid of feelings and vivid emotions in relation to the former, enjoy a free life, and after that look for new girl.

What to do when you broke up with a girl: what to do with yourself?

Traveling experts in the field are ready to share methods on how to forget a girl after breaking off relations with her. interpersonal relationships. Most often, new activities and hobbies become effective, for example:

• Sport- if a man exhausts himself in the gym, develops endorphins during training, he is not afraid of any depression.
• Friends- the best helpers difficult situation always friends, so after a breakup, you need to spend as much time with them as possible.
• Overcoming fears- with help extreme species sports and fighting fears a man will block negative emotions fresh impressions, as well as increase your own self-esteem.
• New acquaintances- with the help of flirting and making new acquaintances, a man can enjoy the impressions of a free life, broaden his horizons and affect self-esteem.
• New hobbies- so that a man does not have time to worry about how to live on, you need to completely occupy him with new interests, training.
• job change- thanks to the search for a new position, you can forever say goodbye to memories of a past life.
• Moving to another city- this is the best solution for starting a new life, if a man has such an opportunity.

For a man, such a period in life is given primarily to enjoy freedom, new opportunities and prospects. Many visit psychologists with requests “thinking about her” or “going crazy without her”, forgetting about themselves. Although in the period of absence of relationships, you need to take care of yourself and live a full life, engaging in self-development and self-improvement.

What if you can't forget?

• getting rid of all things that remind a man of a former passion (photo, her gifts, phone number, etc.);
• distraction from bad thoughts by traveling to another city, visiting new places and establishments;
• enjoying freedom and favorite things;
• avoiding any contact with an ex-girlfriend;
• refusal to further friendship with her;
• keeping in mind not only good memories, but also bad deeds, so as not to idealize the ex-girlfriend;
• new acquaintances with girls and flirting will help increase self-confidence and amuse the hurt male ego.

The most difficult thing is to part with a girl if a man does not realize the reasons for the breakup. You can call the girl straight Talk, or you can independently analyze the situation, determining the lack of a future between former partners. Only accepting the situation as a given will help to gradually erase everything connected with the ex-darling from memory and heart.

Is it worth returning the relationship if you love a girl?

After breaking up, is it very painful for a man to let go of a girl, since he has strong feelings for her? In such situations, not all men are ready to give up and do nothing. But first of all, you need to understand for yourself whether he needs an ex-girlfriend, why return her. There may be several reasons for this:

• fear of meeting new people- a man needs to improve himself, increasing his own self-esteem;
• fear that it won't get better- as practice shows, a new girl is always better than the previous one;
• she hurt her ego- with the help of new acquaintances, flirting and relationships, you can restore your pride;
• the man still loves her- any person is able to survive the stage of parting, even loving, time heals;
• several reasons at once- only by improving oneself, developing opportunities and talents, one can cope with such problems.

Love, addiction, habit- all this passes with time, all that is required from a man is the realization that a relationship with an ex-girlfriend is impossible. You can return it only if there are no unforgivable acts between the partners, and there are also mutual feelings.

Conclusion

Parting with a girl is always a painful and lengthy process if a man has feelings. Despite the fact that rarely anyone shows suffering and experiences from the outside, inside the representatives of the stronger sex undergo no less difficulties than women. With the help of the above tips, you can go through all 5 stages of parting with a girl, find the strength in yourself to live again, enjoying freedom.

Can the stronger sex show weakness? No wonder men are considered restrained, brave, fearless and responsible. Even if a guy at some point becomes sad and ill, he tries to drown out these feelings, at least in public. There are situations in which even the most persistent begin to close in on themselves and sink into depression. What to do if you broke up with a girl? We have some recommendations that will help you stop being discouraged and look at your new life with optimism.

Many girls think that breaking up is much easier for guys. Suppose that she is, but only if the partner was not loved. In a situation where relationships break up at the initiative of a lady, men tend to experience a serious blow to self-esteem. What can we say about strong mutual feelings. In this case, even the most serious male has to endure despair, pain and sadness.

Love is not always the result of hard work, long communication and penetration into each other. More often the opposite happens. She suddenly announces her presence, saying, "I came spontaneously, and I'll leave even more interesting." Most breakups happen precisely for the reason that partners do not know how to work on relationships, plunging only into feelings and emotions.

Such emotional swings can drive anyone crazy. It doesn't matter if it's a blonde with the eyes of a naive deer, or a brutal alpha male. Lost love affects all of us in much the same way. Another question is that not everyone is able to survive a breakup and make a useful experience out of it.

Paired analysis i

The first step is to try to understand yourself. Most people allow themselves to become depressed for a long time after separation from a loved one. This is very dangerous, because it is extremely difficult to get out of the position of an offended victim. The longer you allow yourself to morally decay, the greater the chance of long-term apathy.

The next stage, which will not allow you specifically to improve your personal life in the future, is accusation and anger. Men endure a breakup with a lady of the heart a little differently than girls. If the girl herself designated it, the guy can spend a long time trying to understand what is wrong with him.

Let's just say that both are always to blame. Even the word "guilty" does not correctly reflect the essence of the event. People sometimes fall in love with the wrong person. It is impossible to explain such unions to everyone around. It would seem that the two of you have in common. Different interests, goals, hobbies, plans for life and a look at family values. But then love and passion happen, which in no way coincide with the portrait of two people.

What to do if you broke up with a girl? The first tip should be used even when there is a chance to talk in calm environment and without excessive destructive emotions. It may not be easy to tune in to a meeting with her, but this is an extremely important aspect.

You meet on neutral territory to discuss a little, or rather, just tell your partner about your motives. It is important that the dialogue does not flow smoothly into a monologue. It is not worth expressing grievances and trying to defend one's innocence in the conflicts of the past years. Your conversation should be built on the principle of theses. Each of the former partners can clearly and briefly indicate what exactly prevented you from building a relationship.

Why is this even needed? It's simple - in your new relationship, skeletons are sure to come out, securely locked in the closet. If you do not understand your mistakes, in the future you will have to step on the same rake for a long time.

Even worse, if a person comes out of love with a distorted understanding of himself. It may seem to him that it is his misdeeds and peculiarities that lead to parting. It is even worse, and men have sinned this for centuries, to hate the entire female race.

A man who has experienced a serious emotional shock because of a girl can curse and humiliate other ladies all his life. He will never find harmony in love if he mentally compares the new lovely nymph with the former Natasha. The human brain will always find negative points and obvious similarities if it is given such a setting.

Let's say you managed to talk frankly and calmly. You leave the cafe as a completely different, clean and peaceful person. There is no thought that everyone around is “like that”. There is no anger, resentment.

Who are you now? 2

We will give advice that is worth remembering to both men and women now. Parting with a loved one, you do not lose a part of yourself. Many tend to blame the other half for wasted time, ingratitude, wasted money, and mental devastation. The position of the victim destroys only you.

It is worth remembering the negative experience, but only in order to draw conclusions from it and not repeat mistakes in the future. In everything else - you are also filled, whole. It is important to take only positive things from any situation.

So, it is still impossible to remain the same all your life. We meet people, whether it's a girl, or a friend, or a colleague. Each of them tells its own story, brings something new to us, shows other facets of the world. What to do if you broke up with a girl? Accept yourself with this experience and change.

Men are much harder to experience a difficult gap. The fact is that it is difficult for them to talk heart to heart even with the closest people themselves. You close yourself, shielding yourself from the world with a friendly smile. Or you begin to yearn alone, flooding your grief with an evening bottle of beer. Psychologists say that it is even useful. But there are a number of things that you must objectively understand.

If the relationship deteriorated towards its end, you definitely spent a lot of energy on sorting out relationships, conflicts and worries. The body is exhausted, it needs a short break. It is quite normal if you lie on the couch in front of the TV for a couple of days or a week. It is completely abnormal if such behavior begins to be accompanied by alcohol and drags on for a long time.

The best way to recover and get back to life is not to give yourself slack. Try to speak frankly with yourself, but do not refuse the help of relatives who understand people. This does not mean that you need to run to see a psychologist. One sincere conversation with your best friend will be enough.

Contact with people 3

Now you have already let your ex go free. The stage of introspection has also passed, which is most often very difficult. The time has come when you can get you out of depression yourself. It's quite simple - become active among people.

It does not matter at all what kind of contacts they will be. Maybe you spend most of your time at work. Then start making small talk with your colleagues. This is banal advice that helped many not only get out of broken relationships, but also inspired new ideas and advanced them up the career ladder.

Feel free to talk about anything. for your benefit there will be a new information. Let's imagine that at lunch you discussed with a colleague his first trip to the gym. Previously, there were no thoughts of going in for sports, but then a person gave you interesting idea. You sign up for a trial lesson, you understand that training relieves stress and tension. Obvious benefit, and after all, just one conversation at dinner.

You can communicate with people not only at work. New interesting acquaintances, including with girls, it is quite possible to start on the Web. Heard about Tinder? It is the most popular online dating app. You can just chat, or maybe you will like the beauty so much that in a week you will go with her on your first romantic date.

Dating girls 4

We continue the theme of communication with people. Let's say right away that trying to plug a hole in the heart with the help of other ladies is not the most the best option. Going to cafes and the same type of meeting with those who are not close to the soul quickly get bored. There is a risk to imagine that among women it is no longer possible to find such a classy woman as the former.

If you understand that you are ready at least for friendly communication - go for it. In online applications and on dating sites, it is really possible to meet not just a girl, but an interesting interlocutor. Unfortunately, most people who use online dating are on sites for fun. But at first, you just need to be distracted.

Here you can realize how vast our world is. How many girls and guys are not in a relationship, but are engaged in themselves, development. Maybe that's the kind of incentive you need.

If you want live communication and do not recognize the Internet with its endless correspondence, you can meet girls at parties, in shopping centers, or even better, take up some new hobby for yourself. So you get into an environment where people will definitely be passionate about the same thing as you.

Self-development 5

Our new proposal follows smoothly from the previous one. What to do if you broke up with a girl? Take care of yourself. Now you have a huge amount of free time. Why waste it on all sorts of useless nonsense, if there are a lot of interesting things to do.

One of the guys wants to learn how to drive a car - so it's time to enroll in a driving school. Another long ago comes the idea that you need to learn a foreign language. With this skill, you will be able to communicate freely while traveling, and maybe get a new job offer. Here, interesting acquaintances often happen.

What else can you do? Everything to which the heart lies. Whether it's learning web design, setting up advertising on the Internet, writing texts and poems, playing sports - everything is within your control, the main thing is to set clear goals.

Travel has helped thousands of people, including men, to survive an extremely difficult breakup. Today, trips to different interesting countries are available to everyone. Even with a small budget, you can snatch a last-minute tour or visit inexpensive Asian countries.

Traveling can reveal new facets in a person. At such moments, when everything around is unfamiliar and different, the realization of the infinity of choice comes. You can do anything if you really want to and work on an idea.

By the way, many bloggers said that their first trips happened just after breaking up with their girlfriend. Initially, they planned fun trips with friends, where there would be endless bars and discos. During a couple of sunsets spent in silence by the sea or in the mountains, they understood that life goes on.

If you are a very open person, you can carry out special prevention of past relationships. Filming yourself on camera and uploading videos to the Internet - this is what a huge number of men and women do. You can show your life, talk frankly about your experiences. There will definitely be people who will be able to support and help, and will also begin to admire your features.

Don't speak badly 6

After a breakup, it’s common for guys, and girls too, to speak badly about their ex-partner. It seems to us that, having poured out all the resentment, we are cleansed. In fact, it only exacerbates the situation.

When we talk about someone in a negative way, we are thinking bad things. How can one get out of the cycle of sadness and despair, if all our thoughts are concentrated around black. Where is the white?

Light and happy changes will come to you at the moment when you concentrate on something equally pleasant, positive. Therefore, immediately stop pouring mud on the former. Let her do a lot of nasty things. It is important for you to move forward without a trail of bitterness and anger.

It is enough to tell your friends a couple of times how it was, and close the topic once and for all. Otherwise, commercial vile words, dirty thoughts and a thirst for revenge will never let you go. It will only increase in size. And after a couple of months you realize: she left a long time ago, and you are still sitting in this puddle. The only thing worse than that would be for you.

What to do if you broke up with a girl? Do not blame and do not sink into a vicious depression. Day always comes after night. The difference in our life is that you yourself determine the white and black stripes.

It is always nice to feel sorry for yourself, blaming someone else for all the failures. People who give in to temptation are unlikely to succeed and become truly happy.

A breakup is a hard blow for both a woman and a man. The weaker sex experiences a breakup more emotionally, finds support from family members and girlfriends. Among men, it is not customary to complain. However, they suffer no less, and sometimes even more. When there is a breakup with a girl, how to survive it? How can a man cope with the pain of loss and not be afraid to meet a new love?

What men are silent about

The question of how to survive a breakup with a girl, a man asks only when he really loved. When he felt that he had found his soul mate, he made plans for the future, took care, tried to be the first to reconcile during quarrels. That is why the words: “We need to leave” can sound for a man like a bolt from the blue. He cannot believe that his girlfriend left him, especially if this happened after a long relationship.

At the first moment, denial of what happened may come. Then comes the realization that the girl left him. And there is a sharp pain of loss. And the question that haunts: “Why did this happen?”. Sometimes a man feels that not everything is going smoothly in a relationship, and understands where everything is going. And it happens that he is confident in his relationship. But every man who survived a breakup asked himself what he did wrong, what he did wrong.

It is important to understand that not only separation itself makes a man suffer, but also a sense of global responsibility for a destroyed relationship.

This responsibility for his woman is inherent in a man by nature. He feels guilty when his woman is unhappy or unhappy, even if the reason is not at all in him. And when the girl leaves, the man feels rejected. Even realizing that two people are always to blame for a breakup, deep down he is afraid that he was simply not good enough. The hardest thing is when the girl went to another - she chose the better option, as it seems to the man. All this becomes a strong blow to male self-esteem and undermines his faith in himself. How does he deal with his pain?

How does a man deal with a breakup?

As a result, all unexperienced emotions go into blocks - emotional and physical. Health problems may begin, especially with nervous system. The worst thing is when a man tries to find solace in alcohol. It gives only a temporary relief effect, but it adds unnecessary problems.

A man, trying to cope with pain, can become embittered and begin to hate the entire female sex. In this case, he comes to the conclusion that all women are bitches, which means they just need to be used. So the man tries to get away from own feeling inferiority and guilt for being abandoned. This is not the way out.

Breaking up right

Is this possible, are there rules for parting? Of course, everything is very individual. But there are common stages that all couples go through when they decide to break up. And, if you go through these stages with the least losses, then the wound from the loss loved one will drag on, but life will go on.

To accept means to leave

In order to understand how to survive a breakup with your girlfriend, it is important to accept this fact itself. You broke up and that can't be changed. You need to be humble and not have false hopes. It makes no sense to think that you could fix the situation. Relationships are always two people, and the responsibility lies with both. It is important to understand your mistakes - in order to do everything differently next time, already with another girl. But those that have already ended, the path remains in the past. Imagine that your love is a crystal ball that you were holding together with your girlfriend. When one person lowers his hands, the ball breaks. Gluing the pieces is pointless. What can help at this stage?

1. Burn bridges. If you finally decide to leave, it is best to reduce communication to zero. In the future, you can chat if you want. But for now, you just need to get over the breakup. And it will be very difficult to realize that you broke up if you continue to chat on the phone or in in social networks, meet with mutual friends, go somewhere together. An abrupt breakup is preferable to a painful slow parting. Delete all contacts so that you don’t make a mistake in a moment of weakness. This will only prolong the agony. If it is impossible to completely stop communication, then reduce it to the necessary minimum.
2. Get rid of reminders. Try to put things out of your sight that will remind you of your ex-girlfriend. It's about about her things, gifts, joint photographs. Don't listen to music or watch movies that are associated with your relationship.
3. New impressions. Switch to something else, get a charge positive emotions from new hobbies, go on at least a short trip. Try to do what makes you happy. You need it now.

From love to hate

When the first pain begins to subside, other emotions will begin to control you - anger, anger, resentment. It is important to understand that this is a natural and necessary step. These emotions need to be lived, but not directed against your ex-girlfriend or yourself. You need to learn how to safely get rid of anger or use it as fuel:

1. Anger Letters. This technique is especially good for men, as they are used to keeping everything in themselves. When you feel hatred for an ex-girlfriend, resentment at how she treated you unfairly, write her a letter. Say what you feel like it is, without choosing words. You need to write, write until you feel relief. And then just tear up the paper. Letters should be written as much as necessary.
2. Use anger as fuel. There is a lot of energy in anger. You just have to point it in the right direction. Squat with a barbell in the gym or do any other sport. You can go and learn something new. Or change jobs, start your own business. Let at first it will be only a desire to prove to HER that she has missed a wonderful man. But you will not only be able to overcome the pain of parting, but also get bonuses in the form of a healthy toned body and excellent work.

Who is to blame and what to do?

The next step is guilt. Anger helped to hide this feeling, but when it is lived, guilt comes to the fore. This is a heavy feeling that deprives you of strength. A man subconsciously may be afraid of this stage, fixated on anger. But, only after going through all the stages, you can be reborn to a new life. What can help?

1. Accepting your responsibility. Yes, you realize that you, too, were wrong about something. Try to remember conflict situations with your ex. What claims did she make to you? It is best to write them down on paper. Think about what she really lacked. Draw conclusions for yourself - decide how you will behave in a new relationship in order to make it better than the previous one.
2. Ask for forgiveness. This can be done mentally. Most importantly, sincerely say that you regret your mistakes, that you hurt, voluntarily or involuntarily. Reminisce about Forgiveness Sunday Everyone has something to apologize for. Do this and you will feel better.

say goodbye to the past

Any strong emotions are an indicator that the pain has not yet been lived to the end. The moment you forgive both your ex and yourself, the time will come to finally say goodbye to your past. This is the most difficult stage - when you realize that this is the end, there will definitely be nothing more. There is no hope of reunion, and you realize that you need to move on without her, without even thinking about her.

It is important to allow yourself to live all the emotions that overwhelm you. Then you will feel the desire in last time feel like a single whole to part forever. At this stage, allow yourself to do this, but only mentally: listen to music that reminds you of her, think about what you learned from her. Remember all the good things that happened in your relationship. Thank the girl you once loved for being a part of your life. And then say to yourself: "I'm letting you go."

A new meeting is the best remedy for loneliness

When you broke up with the girl you love, it seems that you won’t be able to fall in love again. Especially when it happens after a long relationship. It's hard to trust someone again, it's scary to make a mistake and be disappointed again. But the pain is not eternal, it passes. And man is reborn to life and to a new love. You don't have to avoid it.

The most important thing is not to rush into a new relationship immediately after breaking up. I really want to feel needed, but a wounded soul needs time to heal. When you live through all the stages of parting, admit your mistakes and draw conclusions, it will become easier for you. You will come out of a breakup with useful experience. And the burden of past relationships will no longer be able to prevent a meeting with the very girl with whom you will find true, mutual and happy love.

"When it's too late to go back to start right, it's not too late to push forward to finish right."

- Osho

Hello, in touch Roman Vinilov! Now we will talk about an unpleasant, but important topic - about parting and how to behave correctly after a breakup.

Back in the late 1960s, two psychiatrists - Thomas Holmes and Richard Rey, created a stress scale on which they placed a variety of life events. So, divorce or parting with a loved one takes 2nd place on this scale (death of loved ones is on 1st). Yes, parting with your beloved girlfriend or wife, especially if it did not happen on your initiative, is always painful and hard. But life goes on, even if it seems to you that it has lost its meaning. And now I will tell you how to survive a breakup with a loved one without consequences in the form of prolonged depression or failures in your personal life.

How to behave after a breakup?

Many immediately after a breakup start doing stupid things: drinking and spending nights in clubs, looking for quick sex, or, conversely, closing up at home and withdrawing into themselves. Desperately trying to get back a loved one or immediately get a new girlfriend. Moreover, it often happens that today you want to get drunk and pick up someone, and tomorrow you are ready to rush to the former with flowers and seek another conversation. This is normal, after the break you are in a shaky state, you are "sausage" - you can consider this a fever during an illness. But remember that your goal is not to fully live all the symptoms, but to cope with the disease and recover.

The first thing to do is to find balance. Accept the breakup as a given, as a fait accompli.

Yes, it is possible that the ex will regret her decision and return. But you don't have to think about it now. It is much more profitable to accept the gap at face value and live on as if you broke up forever.

Psychologist's advice on how to behave in order to survive a breakup:

• Accept the breakup and impose a moratorium on the thought of returning the former- at least for the first time. If you rush to return her immediately after she left, this will further reduce your importance in her eyes.
• Try not to see or hear from your ex for at least 3-4 weeks - do not walk around her house or place of work, do not try to arrange chance meeting Don't call or text her. If you lived together and one of you needs to pick up things, it is better to do this through friends or acquaintances. Remember that you should first find balance, and then act.
• Do not go to her pages in social networks and don't ask your friends about it. If they themselves tell you something, it is better to cut off the conversation and answer that she is no longer interested in you (believe me, she will be informed about this). I know it's hard to resist and not try to find out "how is she doing without me." But any new information will stir up your emotions and delay the process of "recovery".
• Find a way to relax and exercise- sign up for a gym or a martial arts section, take part in bike races, start learning rollerblading or skating... Firstly, when playing sports, endorphins (pleasure hormones) are released, and secondly, the level of cortisol (stress hormone) decreases. In other words, physical activity is The best way how to get over a breakup with a girl quickly and without depression. Let not only your mind, but the whole body work to overcome the negative.
• Avoid anything that reminds you of your ex- do not visit cafes and other places where you have often been together, do not listen to "your" songs, put away from your eyes any objects that may remind you of your relationship. If you still have her things, it is better to return them as soon as possible through mutual friends (without personal meetings). By the way, this way you will demonstrate that you have completely accepted the breakup and are not going to return anyone. If she expected something else, you will get a small “break in the pattern”, and these are points in your favor.

In the first time after parting, the main thing is endurance, patience and self-respect. If your ex wanted to break up herself, don't be afraid to be too cold and miss the chance to win her back.

Any promises, gifts and other investments in such a situation will only reduce your importance. By this, you seem to be telling her that you agree to be there and on worse terms. Can she respect you if you don't respect yourself? And without respect there is no love. Compliments, surprises, gifts should reinforce only those words and actions of the girl that benefit you and your relationship.

Is it worth looking for a new girlfriend right away?

There is no definite answer to this question. Looking for a new girl specifically in order to quickly forget the former - no, it's not worth it. Being open to new contacts and acquaintances is, of course, worth it.

To everyone who thinks how to survive a breakup with a loved one and live on, psychologists advise not to immediately rush into a new relationship, because it is unlikely that anything will come of them. Most likely, you will compare the new girl with the former and you will not be able to look at her objectively, to notice her real advantages and disadvantages.

There is another reason why you should not try to immediately find a replacement for the former. The topic of relationships does not tolerate coercion - the more you try to find a "new love", the worse it will turn out. Most best relationship add up when you are in the mood to just chat, flirt and enjoy it. Therefore, it is better to say to yourself: “I don’t need anything serious yet, I want to be free.”

Do not try to find a "new love" right away - meet different girls, enjoy chatting, learn to flirt.

How to deal with difficult thoughts?

Everything that I said concerns the practical part - how to behave correctly in order to survive parting with a loved one. But there is another side: thoughts, feelings, emotions. Parting literally knocks the ground out from under your feet and creates a feeling that "the world has collapsed." Proper Behavior will help you get rid of these heavy thoughts faster. And remember: no matter how hard it is for you, any pain becomes weaker after a while.

Psychologists distinguish 5 stages of experiencing grief - absolutely everyone goes through them. Perhaps it will be easier for you to survive the breakup if you understand what is happening to you now and what will happen next.

Five stages of grief

1. Negation- this is the very first stage when a person experiences shock and cannot believe that everything really happened. At this time, I want to “wake up” and see that everything that happened is just a bad dream. So, you can think that the girl didn’t seriously say about the breakup and this is just another quarrel, and tomorrow she will calm down and change her mind.
2. Anger, aggression- after the first shock comes the desire to find out who is to blame for the breakup. You can blame everything on yourself, your ex, her relatives or friends, any involved persons. But in fact, at this time, the search for the guilty does not make sense. You need to analyze the situation when emotions subside, and you can think about everything calmly, but for now it’s more important not to break firewood and not lose face.
3. Negotiations, bargaining- after outbursts of anger, it becomes clear that by blaming anyone, it is impossible to correct the situation. And then comes the desire to negotiate, to come up with some conditions on which you can "cancel" the gap. You may want to promise your ex everything she wants, give her an expensive gift and return it in any way. But this should never be done. You don't want her to come back out of pity for a while, and then decide to leave again, do you?

The only case when it makes sense to ask a girl for forgiveness and promise her to fix everything is if the reason for the breakup was your betrayal or another serious jamb on your part.

• Disappointment, depression- as a rule, the previous stage shows that everything is in vain and the girl seriously decided to leave. It hurts to understand, but heartache can and should be experienced. Remember that she is also a stepping stone on the road to recovery. Moreover, even if the ex returns in response to persuasion and gifts, you will quickly notice that her attitude towards you has not improved. You will simply become the one with whom you are ready to be on the condition of some kind of investment. Therefore, do not sacrifice self-esteem for the sake of relationships.
• Adoption- the last stage at which you are ready to recognize the separation as a fait accompli, and perceive it without despair, despondency and other negativity. It is from this stage (but not earlier!) that you can think about whether it is worth trying to return the former or start a new relationship.

Psychologists who study the issue of how to cope with emotions and survive a difficult breakup with a loved one say that a difficult period takes up to 4-6 months on average. Of course, this does not mean that after 4 months you will forget your ex or you will suffer and worry for no less than six months. Although in any case, time works for you, and difficult emotions pass if they are not supported and reinforced. But again, it all depends on how much you can fill your life. interesting things and events.

Remember that a relationship with a girl cannot be the meaning of life. You should have your hobbies, your life goals, work and hobbies.

If it turned out that after the breakup you don’t know what to do with yourself and everything seems uninteresting, this is a bad sign. So, during the relationship, you merged your life too much with the life of the former. Sooner or later, this would begin to interfere with you, a man should have his own personal space, regardless of whether he is dating someone or free. Your hobbies, activities, hobbies are a circle of resources and supports that will help you not get depressed under any circumstances. I talk about this in more detail in the article “What is the strength of a man”, there are several useful tips on this topic.

And, as always, in conclusion, I suggest watching my video with tips for men on how to survive a breakup with a loved one and not do stupid things:

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