No screaming or tantrums. Yes, it's true, no one likes to lose, but we all make mistakes at some point and that's okay. Coping with losing is a skill that children need to learn, thanks to a certain amount of parenting. >

Losses are setbacks that prevent children from reaching their goals as quickly as they hoped. But the task of parents is to explain to the child that mistakes encourage not to give up, temper character, and lead to the right decisions in the end. Children need to see failure as a strength, not a weakness. >

How to choose the right words, support your baby and what not to do - read in our material. >

Benefits of Losing for Kids >

In fact, mistakes have many advantages and the child should grow up with this idea. Here are some of the benefits of losing:

1. Mistakes harden our children. Nobody is perfect, and children need to understand that the ideal is an illusion. People don't achieve goals immediately, and that's okay. It is normal to experience many mistakes and negative experiences. For a child, losing should be an incentive, not a disappointment in oneself. The task of the parent is to convey this idea correctly.
2. We focus on the process, not the end result. The path to the goal and the time spent on this goal will temper the character of your child, teach patience and work on yourself. Also, this skill teaches not to go over the heads to a quick result, but to respect people, friends, classmates around.
3. Mistakes encourage children not to give up. Raising a child and instilling in him perseverance and perseverance will bear fruit and then he will not give in at the first difficulties in life.
4. Mistakes help your child find solutions. Instead of feeling defeated, the child will see where he can improve something in himself and where he went wrong. Losses make you think and find a way out, be flexible and adapt to any situation.

How Parents Can Help Children Accept Losing

We present 5 basic tips for a parent to teach a child to play without screaming and tantrums.

Watch your reaction to the child's mistakes

Our reactions to our children's mistakes can send different messages. >Let's say you told your child to put the dishes in the sink. The child> did not just put the dishes, he threw them and accidentally broke them. >As a result, the whole sink is covered in broken glass.>>

You can just yell at the child without explaining that it was necessary to carefully place, and not toss. >He may even feel ashamed or embarrassed because he thought he was doing the right thing and doing what he asked.>>

What if instead, you briefly talk about your disappointment and focus on what he can do next. You could show him how to put the dishes neatly in the sink. By doing so, you show that while mistakes happen, they can also serve as learning. >>

Focus on positive error outcomes>>

When a child makes a mistake, you can say, "That's interesting, let's see what we can do."

Let's say your child is playing the piano. He needed to play a specific song, as specified in the sheet music. But no matter how many times he tried, he still couldn't figure out the sequence.

What if, instead of immediately correcting his "mistake", you say: "This is interesting, let's think about what to do next." Use your child's loss as an opportunity to teach him something new.

Teach your child to deal with disappointment

Mistakes are inevitable, no doubt. >Therefore, we must teach our children to deal with their later disappointment. For example, when a child does not know how to solve a problem, he must understand that he can count on you to help and explain. >

Sometimes hugging, kissing, stroking your child helps to cope with disappointment. Unconditional love and acceptance by anyone. >

Don't save your child from losing

Let's say your child's favorite game is Lego. You reminded many times that after the game, you need to collect the parts, otherwise they may be lost. But the child did not do this again and lost the parts. Now he asks to buy new parts. >>

If you do this, then crying and requests will stop, but you will not be able to instill a sense of responsibility in a child. When we save our children from all their mistakes, we deprive them of the opportunity to learn. >>

Therefore, next time, he will not take your requests seriously. >After all, he knows he will always get another action figure. >>

Teach your child to find the reason for losing

Errors are the best teachers, so life teaches lessons to our children and to us. >They won't teach us anything if we don't dig deep and find out what went wrong, analyze the reasons. You need to teach your child to draw conclusions. >

For example, a child lost in sports, although he prepared and tried. Give him your support and gratitude for his attempt, courage. And then carefully indicate what can be corrected for the future, draw conclusions about how the competition went, why the opponent was stronger. >

This analysis will lead to an understanding of what qualities your child needs to develop in order to win.>

Now you know 5 tips on how to teach a child to lose and make mistakes without screaming and tantrums. >

Do you often play board games with your child? Have you noticed how he reacts to losing? Checkers (chess, chips, etc.) fly in different directions as soon as the result of the game is not in favor of the “youngest”? “So there’s nothing-ee-stna-ahhh ...” turns into a protracted howl and hysteria of a small prickly hedgehog ... Familiar?

What to do? How to resolve the situation so that the games do not stop, and the hassle and tears do not overshadow the joint pastime?

Let's go in order...

If your child can't lose, help him learn how to lose. Winning always and in everything is unrealistic. Preschoolers often cry because of a loss, but a teenager will no longer shed a tear because of a triple in Russian, losing a tank in a computer game, or losing a chess tournament. And that's okay.

But nevertheless, there is no need to wait for the situation to be resolved in a year or two. Even a small child needs to be explained that it is always simply impossible to win, luck is a capricious lady and does not always smile at those who are waiting for it. Sometimes you need to adequately accept defeat, there is nothing wrong with that.

• Let your child know that you love him Be proud of him no matter what. He lost, but steadfastly reached the end, did not quit what he started halfway, did not give up without a fight ... Great! Well done!
• Don't make a losing child a victim. Do not start comforting him, otherwise he will begin to feel unhappy.

• Calm, only calm, as one moderately well-fed man in the prime of his life used to say.
  Even if you happen to notice that the child is cheating, moving the pieces "invisibly" and making extra moves out of turn, do not shout. This does not mean at all that a thief and a deceiver will grow out of a child. capital letter. Not!
  He himself is well aware that he is not acting entirely honestly, but his desire to win at any cost in this moment overshadows the calls of conscience. For some children, due to their age and character traits, it is sometimes difficult to play according to strict rules, they strive to do it in their own way, as it is beneficial for them.
  Of course, it is not worth ignoring such cases, but also scolding too much - going too far. You can completely destroy the motivation and desire to win.
• Do not introduce very rigid rules into the game. If a player made a mistake, looked wrong, etc., you should not say that he "drops out". He is already a "loser", he himself knows that he has failed.
• No giveaways! Children are very sensitive when they are being deceived. It's even worse than losing. It is better to find an opportunity to play with a weaker opponent from time to time ( younger brother, sister, friend, grandmother, who is “not in the teeth in these chess of yours”) But there is also the other side of the coin. Playing all the time with a weak opponent is not an option. Explain to the child that it is more useful to play with someone who is stronger than you. More can be learned, there is someone to take an example from, there is something to strive for.

It is important to teach the child not to laugh at the loser, because in his place you can be yourself. No insults, let alone offensive teasing!

Simple tips can help solve the problem:

• Don't focus on losing. It is possible that the process of the game itself, communication with peers was important to the child, and he did not attach much importance to the outcome. Don't do this either.
• To a small child it is best to say that everyone who reached the finish line and completed the task to the end- well done. It doesn't matter who did it first.
• Don't compare your child to someone else otherwise "win at any cost" may be his goal. It is better and more correct to compare his successes with what was before, i.e. compete with yourself. You can even start a separate notebook and record achievements in a particular game.
• If the defeat is perceived by the child very painfully, try to choose such games where you need to play not against each other, but against a virtual opponent (against the field, computer, etc.).
• Alternate successes and failures. For example, you can play quick games like Tic-Tac-Toe, Rock-Paper-Scissors, where each new game does not take much time and the result is not always predictable.
• After the defeat, offer to play the game where the child will clearly win. Examples of such games are in the article (part 2), you can put an active link.
• come up with consolation prize loser.
• Demonstrate adequate behavior when losing by your own example. For example, you should not show complete indifference or become excessively angry. It's better to seem a little sad, say things like "Lucky next time", "Next time I'll come up with the right strategy and I'll definitely win."
• Encourage your child to come up with a game where there will be no losers.
• If the child is still upset, do not aggravate the situation. Calmly explain that no one is immune from bad luck, it happens. Support him with the words “It was difficult for me to play with you. I had to work hard to win” or “Each time it gets harder and harder for you to win. You're making progress!"

One more nuance. Psychologists advise finding for a child who reacts painfully to a loss, such a thing in which he can become a leader.

It is not possible to be the first in a sports competition, perhaps you should try checkers. Can't decide the fastest logical tasks maybe you should try writing poetry or painting landscapes. The main thing is not to give up!

And do not be offended by everyone and everything. Once you and your child understand that they are unique, capable, and simply wonderful, the problem with winnings will disappear by itself. Self-confidence and self-confidence is the main weapon of a person who does not need to prove anything to anyone.

Dear readers! How does your child react to losing? Do you often succumb to him when playing with a child? How do you help your child not get upset when they fail? We are waiting for your answers in the comments!

Even in childhood, each of us was able to experience and survive the loss. Then such an alignment of the game seemed unfair to us, brought to tears, insulted to the core and caused a storm of emotions. However, over time, the situation has changed, and most of us have realized that winning 90% of gambling is a matter of chance, and in order to win in various adult games, you need to properly prepare. In addition, in the event that the outcome of the struggle is not in our favor, we can make such a situation useful for ourselves or console ourselves with the fact that a negative result is also a result.

Every person becomes an adult, but not everyone can part with their inner child, who never learned to lose. It makes life very difficult. After all, an adult has to lose something every day, and if each such situation ends with an explosion of emotions and unpleasant experiences, then life will become just hell. Therefore, sooner or later, a person who does not know how to lose will have to look for an answer to the question: what to do? How to change the situation and if not learn how to lose, then somehow mitigate the situation? After all, only a superman can win all the time, and even then in numerous Hollywood films.

Reasons for failing to win

Before answering the question of what to do if you do not know how to lose, let's figure out why this happened.

The first reason for this attitude towards losing is the desire for excellence. The game is usually played by several people. Therefore, it will not be possible to hide your own defeat. At the same time, the loser is most worried about the fact that in this way he will show others his inconsistency, incompetence. As a result, a person drives himself into a dead end, convincing himself that he is worse than others, and if this is so, then no one will communicate with the loser.

The reason for this attitude to loss lies in childhood. Some parents want their children to be perfect and successful. How to achieve this? Yes, just punish for failures, mistakes. The result of such upbringing is that an adult begins to try with all his might to satisfy the need hammered into him to be the best and perfect, to achieve recognition, winning at all costs. For such people, winning the game helps in self-affirmation, and losing indicates that you need to prove your own importance again.

The second reason is the desire to keep everything under control. The one who does not know how to lose equates the game with reality, with such a space in which there is an opportunity to build one's life in a different way. Also, every game has rules. It attracts those people who are afraid of the chaos of life.

If most of us think of the game as a perfectly safe activity, the result of which can be replayed, then those who do not know how to lose do not realize this. They equate failure in the game with a threat to life. For them, losing is the return of unpredictability, chaos, and is generally dangerous. This is what happens to those who were forced too early to show independence, although they still needed the participation of adults.

How to learn to lose?

To learn how to lose, you need to regain pleasure, change the rules of the game and become an adult.

The game is fun and entertainment. Sometimes useful, sometimes not so much. To get back the fun of the game, you need to find out which games you are most interested in, and play those games, feeling the joy of the process, and not the result of the game. At first, as partners, you need to choose those people in whom you are completely confident, who do not care if you win or lose. Their attitude towards you will not change anyway.

You can also try change the rules of your life. If you used to live by the rule: i get mad when i lose, then you can enter the rule: it's just a game, so I'm fine with losing. As a result, you become a winner even if you lose, because you were able to overcome yourself.

Yes and in the end time to grow up. A truly adult person gets satisfaction from the fact that he feels himself the driving force of his own life. For adults, the game is just fun. If this is not the case, then perhaps some life conflicts are hidden in the game. Then you need to go to a psychotherapist, because suffering cannot be a game. You need to get rid of him.