B red you say. And without thinking, I agree with you. How can you put a loved one below a friend? After all, as many say, this is our soul mate, our destiny, the person with whom you plan to live best years life and meet old age in happiness. No, the ancient Greeks obviously messed up something ...

And suddenly not?

In ancient Greece, love was viewed as a sexual attraction. An attraction that can cloud the mind, knock the ground out from under your feet, or, as the Greeks said, upset the healthy balance of body and mind.

Friendship is not sympathy and, even more so, it is not a clouding of the mind. Friendship is something more. This is a skill of communication that cannot be acquired without a kindred spirit.

You say, what about love without kindred souls? It's unthinkable! - and you will be right. Only besides this, friendship implies at least the presence of trust, honesty and devotion, which, unfortunately, cannot always be said about love...

After all, sooner or later, physical attraction will still disappear, and with it, it happens that love also leaves ... Let's face it: replacing a person who was loved by us quite recently is quite easy, but replacing a friend is almost impossible. Probably each of us at least once in life had to go through a breakup.

At the first moment, a person is ready to “climb the wall” from grief, but after a while (for someone a year, and for someone a couple of weeks is enough), we find a replacement, get married (get married) and meet a happy old age with another person , the same relatives, loved ones and only, but different!

But what about a friend? Unfortunately, in life we ​​have to lose not only loved ones, but also friends. And hardly anyone can replace a true friend. The place that he occupied in the soul will be empty for a long time: a week, a year, five, ten or more years. It will always be empty!

So maybe the ancient Greeks are right? - it’s not for nothing that they say about a man in love that he “wears rose-colored glasses.” The feeling of falling in love is short-term, quick and fleeting, which cannot be said about true friendship. Friendship that comes from pure heart. Friendship cannot arise in a couple of seconds, minutes or even hours. No, this is too little!

It takes a long period of time for two people to realize that they are truly close, that they are able to understand each other perfectly, that they are really ready to sacrifice themselves for each other. And here sometimes a dozen years is not enough to realize this. Friendship that has been tested by grief and happiness, sadness and joy, ups and downs, despair and hope will live for many years. At a time when sexual desire (which, alas, many people confuse with love) can arise instantly and disappear just as instantly.

This position was held by the ancient Greeks. I also adhere to this position. Perhaps there are those who will try to refute my words, and I will say with full confidence that they are truly happy, because only someone who knows how to combine both friendship and love for one, himself can give strong enough arguments. close person in the world…

This chapter is about friends. Husband. Which were including yours. And they were very good, because they were cheerful, sociable, in general, shirt-guys.

And after the wedding, they remained the same. To your regret.

It used to be their cheerful disposition was in your favor. Because you were always together - they, you and your fiancé. And, therefore, they played into your hands, bringing your chosen one closer to you.

Now everything has changed. And it became exactly the opposite. Guys in shirts are no longer your friends, as they are now taking your husband away from you. To yourself. In his reckless bachelor company.

And God be with him, let him have fun! But only in that bachelor company women appear from time to time. And where is the guarantee that any of them will not lay eyes on your husband. Single friends are a stepping stone to treason. Your husband - you.

There are no women in their company? Well, then there is vodka. Which is also not good. After all, by and large, it doesn’t matter to you who will take your husband away from the family - a woman or alcohol.

In addition, it can be more interesting in a friendly company than at home. And at home, against her background, it’s more boring. Which again can take her husband away from his native walls. In non-native.

Well, enough arguments against?

Then let's move on to the methods of keeping the husband at home.

No, it is not necessary to prove to him that his friends are all scoundrels. Just get offended.

And across the threshold with the appearance of friends, friends, you should not go to bed. And kids shouldn't be around. Will not help. Step over. If only because he would be ashamed to show his weakness in front of his friends.

And in general, you will not achieve anything by forceful methods here.

This is where you have to be sneaky. Constantly putting the faithful before a choice, when the wife is or friends. Up to setting soft ultimatums. You go to another bachelor party - in the evening you will sleep on the floor. Another time I went - then I'll go to a bachelorette party. For two weeks.

Well? Does not help?

And how old is your marriage? Thirty five? Then everything is clear. Then it's too late to set conditions. He absolutely prefers the company of friends.

Putting your husband before a choice is you or they should be in the first years of marriage. While you can give him or not to give what he really wants. And which, for obvious reasons, friends cannot give. Then yes. Then he will prefer you. That his friends won't forgive him. They will be pushing. make fun. Pin up.

Why one step to resentment and quarrels.

You look - friendship apart!

Probably, ideally, no matter how absurd it may sound, chain the husband at home to the battery so that he is not with anyone at all. Except you. Not with friends, not with friends. To be only yours.

There was something like this in my experience. That husband never left the house. I sat near the computer from morning to night and did something like that. What did he get paid for.

He is at home all the time, - the wife complained.

How so - all the time?

So! Morning, afternoon, evening, night. Weekdays, weekends. Summer, autumn, winter... All the time!

What does not suit you?

The ones that are boring. We do not go to the theater, to visit, on weekends. I'm tired of sitting in four walls.

What does the husband say?

He doesn't say anything. He looks at the computer.

How did he live before? Before you?

Terrible. He drank to the point of insanity. Walked…

Are you more comfortable with this option?

Of course not!

Then get used to it. What's more, it's good for you. Your husband will always be with you! Firstly, because he will not have the opportunity to meet anyone. Secondly, he will gradually lose the habit of communicating with people and will become a forced homebody.

And you can have fun alone. I don't think he will protest much against it. As long as you leave him alone.

Strictly speaking, that woman was lucky, because she had a husband and a good livelihood and was completely protected from betrayals and departures. Others only dream of such a thing!

But in the end, you can not create a vacuum around your husband. But only to correct his acquaintances, bringing someone closer, someone moving away.

This one is good. Family man, teetotaler, plays chess. This can be left. And here's how to remove it. A drunkard, a reveler, an ignoramus, a brute. And this one is generally “blue” and, therefore, directly threatens family happiness.

And what if dangerous friends are not removed?

Be friends with them! Yes, yes, you heard right. That's right - make friends. And not only together with her husband, but also independently.

I strongly advise against breaking off relations with them, no matter how unpleasant they may be. Otherwise, if you quarrel with them, you will not be able to control your husband. Which is very important.

You must be entered into all the houses where your husband enters! All without exception. Then your spouse will have nowhere to go.

I went to Peter, he says.

Maybe to Peter, but maybe not to Peter. How to check?

I'll go with you, you say.

No. Uncomfortable.

What's inconvenient? Is it uncomfortable for Petka? I'm to Petka at any hour. We're friends!

Well? Failed to escape in an unknown direction.

Or you can call your friends. At least be able to.

You don't have mine? Then give it here.

If the husband's friends do not make contact, you can make friends with their wives. And call and visit them. Or ask to report on her husband's movements. From a sense of female solidarity.

And your husband can't go anywhere. Because control!

Chapter 51

The psychology of friendship between a man and a woman is the most mysterious question, for many years psychologists have been trying to determine whether such friendship exists? Let us consider in more detail the features of heterosexual friendship, how to establish and maintain such friendly relations? Why do friendly feelings arise between a man and a woman, what contributes to their creation?

Features of friendship between a man and a woman

The friendship of a man and a woman causes conflicting opinions, some people believe in its possibility, others do not, and girls are more prone to such relationships, and the guys understand that it is difficult to keep such friendship, love is likely to arise.

Why do girls like to be friends with guys, what are the benefits of such communication?

1. Men think objectively, they can help with advice in resolving the situation.
2. Men are sincere in their manifestations, inspire trust, and are not inclined to compete with women.
3. The guys are always attentive and courteous with the girls, allow them to be in the spotlight.
4. Reliable in friendship - obligatory, always ready to help, focused more on actions than reasoning.
5. Friendly communication helps in the future in building love relationships, promotes self-knowledge and understanding of the opposite sex, features, differences.
6. A good friend can give advice male point perspective, help to look at the situation differently.
7. Men are more truthful in their assessments, do not show envy, can sincerely rejoice at achievements, appreciate new outfit, make a compliment.
8. For a young girl, communication with guys is of great importance, it contributes to the growth of self-esteem.
9. Communication with men is more interesting - it allows you to look at the world differently, new topics for conversation arise, and the circle of interests expands.

Therefore, for girls and women, friendships with the opposite sex bring a lot of positive things, while you should be confident in choosing friends and careful in choosing a company.

What are the reasons for the friendship of guys with girls?

1. AT adolescence the influence of the hormonal background increases, there is an interest in the opposite sex, an unconscious attraction.
2. Girls are sensitive, they can understand, show attention, care.
3. It is pleasant to be in the company of girls, men like to feel the attention of women, support, positive evaluations.
4. Desire to impress the opposite sex.
5. The desire to know the girls, the characteristics of their behavior, thoughts, the desire to get friendly advice from them.

Usually guys prefer male companies for friendship, but in teenage years more often female and male groups intersect, mixed are formed. There is more and more interest in each other. At this stage, friendship is more of a preparation for love.

Are there friendships without intimacy? The psychology of friendship between a man and a woman gives such friendship a special status - it is not just friendship and not love, rather an average. When people are just friends, talking, there is a feeling who it is - a girl or a man, which causes special feelings. We are opposite in our inner essence, like fire and water, earth and sky, it is the differences that cause a strong attraction between men and women.

Psychology of love, love is friendship, how to distinguish friendship from falling in love? - a question that haunts many young people. Communication can bring pleasure, but where is the line that symbolizes falling in love?

Let's try to identify the main differences:

• love arises like a flash of lightning, a discovery, a sudden feeling, and a friendly attitude is the result of a long communication, a series of meetings, joint activities;
• love does not have special levels, it exists as a given, it is hard not to notice, friendly affection has different levels - weak, strong, there may be acquaintances or true friends;
• love- this is passion, and hence suffering, implies ecstasy and high joy from meetings, but also the torment of separation and experiences. Friendly feelings are not connected with experiences, rather they are aimed at the joy of communication;
• love can be one-sided without an answer, and friendly interaction is usually a mutual process - communication, mutual sympathy, the desire to help in difficult situations;
• prone to idealization, a person is real and at the same time becomes special, the best in the world, in friendship we really evaluate a friend, we see objectively;
• in friendship it is important to feel understanding of a friend and to feel the similarity of views, in love a person is constantly in search of answers - is there reciprocity or not, whether they love me;
• fair and demanding to a lesser extent, love is madness, constant anxieties, thoughts, even having found reciprocity, a person often feels ups and downs of joy in moments of separation, experiences.

The psychology of friendship between a man and a woman makes it possible to understand that friendly feelings are more humane, tuned to the mutual joy of communication, and are useful for both a man and a woman, but we remember nature. If you want to maintain friendship and not move to the stage of love, you should follow the recommendations of psychologists:

• Remind periodically that you are just friends.
  I co-sport. Diverse friendships have their advantages and disadvantages. Main question: how do people perceive these relationships, what do they invest in them, see each other as friends or hope for more?
• Do not use flirting in communication, transparent hints of the closeness of the relationship.
• Do not play with a person in the family - joint purchases, repairs and other similar matters.
• Try to keep a distance, too active communication can turn on other mechanisms.
• Report that you are not looking for love or that the place in your heart is occupied.

The psychology of friendship between a man and a woman determines: such friendly feelings arise as a result of joint activities - general work, team, hobby, hobby. You can go to courses, learn foreign languages, play sports together. Diverse friendships have their advantages and disadvantages. The main question is: how do people perceive these relationships, what do they invest in them, do they see each other as friends or hope for more?

friendship and sex

The modern world has become more pragmatic, not everyone needs real feelings, there are young people who are just interested in a partner for a relationship. There was also the expression "sex for friendship". What does this mean and is such interaction possible without a feeling of love? Initially, friendly communication excludes intimacy, and its presence indicates greater intimacy. How to perceive such a trend?

There are 3 options for the development of events:

1. casual sex with a friend- booze, party, carried away and this is the result. How to be further? Forget and stay friends or become a couple, move to the next level of close communication;
2. friendship for sex is the search for a temporary partner to enjoy life, often people feel uncomfortable being alone, and this simplified version meetings without obligation;
3. friendship+sex- relations are based on friendly feelings, however, there is also a conscious desire for physical relaxation, the rules of the game are established - no obligations, dates continue until the moment of meeting true love, according to observations, can last up to 10 meetings, then falling in love occurs or one of the partners leaves for another person.

Of course, such relationships seem cynical or vulgar, less elevated than love, but they take place in modern world, while "sex for friendship" is a big risk - it is difficult to meet a real friend, and close intimate communication can ruin a wonderful friendship. It all depends on people, moral principles, life values, priorities.

Friendship between a man and a woman is a reality

Psychologists have established that friendship between a man and a woman exists, which is confirmed by social surveys among the population - 61% of respondents believe in heterosexual friendship, 31% do not. However, the line is rather shaky and friendly communication is possible under certain circumstances:

• friends have partners, lovers;
• there is no intimate interest, there was already an affair, friendly feelings remained;
  family couples.
• there is a mutual desire to maintain communication at the level of friendship;
• friendly communication with married couples.

How to perceive when there is friendship between a man and a married woman or a girl with married man? Of course, not all spouses approve of friends of the opposite sex, for fear of losing loved ones. The essence of the issue is deeper - when a close friend arises, besides the spouse, there is a high probability - there is no spiritual intimacy and understanding in the family, which creates the basis for friendly relations.

A friend compensates for the lack of communication, mutual understanding, playing the role of a congenial, dear person. Such attachments often arise on the basis of common interests - music, literature, foreign languages. People are united by common views on life, values, worldview.

It is worth remembering: in the case of a person’s sociability and desire to communicate with a large circle of friends, this is normal, but a close friend is an alarming sign for a couple. Such interaction in case of difficulties with a loved one can become an order of magnitude closer. Often there is sympathy between friends, but they try to keep their distance, maintaining the boundaries of independence from feelings.

The psychology of friendship between a man and a woman pays special attention to the question of the transformation of friendship. Love after friendship is a fairly common scenario. Friendly feelings imply trust, respect, mutual assistance. The stage of friendship can be a preparation for love, serves as an excellent foundation for establishing strong family relations. Indeed, to create a lasting union, friendship, love, passion, respect, understanding are needed. And a close friend can know a person quite well and understand perfectly. Often close friends can be a wonderful couple, but are afraid to upset the existing balance.

As you can see, love after friendship is quite possible and develops well on the basis of friendly feelings, the main thing is that it be mutual and desirable, then the likelihood of a successful development of events is high.

Benefits of love after friendship:

• lovers never get bored, have a great time together, have common interests;
• the partner knows the secrets, perfectly feels and understands the loved one;
• the beloved is already familiar to friends and relatives, therefore, those around them perfectly perceive the newly created couple, usually support and rejoice;
• the beloved knows the positive and negative sides of the partner, calmly treats the shortcomings;
• a person perceives a partner naturally, there is no need to embellish oneself outwardly or attribute special qualities;
• similar pairs are easy to find mutual language have an excellent level of understanding.

Negative points:

• in the event of a break in communication, there is a high probability of losing a friend,

Friendship between a man and a woman is an eternal dilemma that everyone argues about. How many people, so many opinions. These feelings go hand in hand throughout life. Can ordinary, friendly relationships arise without falling in love and romantic feelings? Love and friendship have a lot in common - to understand where the border is, and it can be difficult to distinguish it. To begin with, it is important to understand these concepts and determine their meanings. What romantic feelings and what is friendship.

Love - you can talk about it endlessly, this is one of the most powerful and beautiful feelings that people experience. It has many meanings and forms. Main types of love:

• Eros - romantic feelings, sympathy for a man or woman;
• Storge - implies feelings for relatives, family;
• Philia - feelings that are shown to close friends;
• Agape is the love of God.

Every facet of love contains a feeling of deep affection for another person. It encourages you to live for others and give. In the name of love throughout human history, many heroic, beautiful, fantastic deeds have been committed. It doesn't always happen with happy ending. But she always does happy addition who manifests it. The ability to love others enriches and relieves selfishness.

Friendship is a relationship between people, the basis of which is love, honesty, sincerity. Close friends have mutual sympathy, common goals and interests, complete trust among themselves. Friends help each other get better.

The concepts of love and friendship seem to be closely related. These feelings simply cannot exist in isolation. There are no friends who do not love. Yes, and sympathy will arise if the foundation is a good friendship. More than one example has shown that the secret happy marriage there are relatives trusting relationship before marriage. Husband and wife simply have to be best friends.

Common Grounds for Friendly and Romantic Feelings

Both falling in love and good friendship are characterized by attraction. People who communicate closely, like couples in love, can miss each other. They have a desire to often spend time together, call up.

Both friendship and love involve close relationships. The desire to share the innermost, their feelings, dreams, goals. A loved one or friend becomes special, closer than everyone else. A bond based on understanding and trust is possible in both cases.

Friendship or love is simply not possible without mutual respect. You cannot say that you love a person and at the same time treat him carelessly or somehow humiliate his dignity. Both feelings encourage mutual support. Thanks to this, any relationship becomes stronger, develops and is valued more. And, of course, the time spent together brings pleasure. It's nice to laugh together, look forward to the next meeting.

What is the difference

This is not love, but friendship, how to make sure? Although friendships and romantic relationships have many things in common, there are also significant differences. These concepts can be distinguished in many respects. Of course, good friends have a lot in common, they can have the same outlook on life, common aspirations. But just Good friends do not strive for the general implementation of their goals. Only potential families plan a joint future.

You can also determine the true attitude towards a person by the amount of attention paid. Even in the strongest friendship, there is not as much time devoted to it as in a romantic relationship. Lovers give all their free time to each other every minute. And if this is not so, then this is not love, but friendship, or even something less.

When two people love, they do not have the concepts of “I”, “me”, “mine”, they say “we”, “us”, “our”. Comrades have a need for each other, but still each of them has his own life. Friends go through life in parallel, side by side, and when they bind the bonds of love, the two become one. Of course, the relationship of couples in love is much closer and warmer than friendly feelings. From these aspects, it is not difficult to distinguish and understand the difference between friendship and a serious love relationship.

From friendship to love

Can a good friendship grow into something more? The answer is obvious: yes, it is possible. As mentioned above, strong families are made from good friends. No one is immune from love. And it is more difficult to distinguish this fine line. Friendship develops into closer relationships gradually and imperceptibly. Therefore, it cannot be determined immediately. Relationships become warmer and stronger, a person becomes simply irreplaceable in life. This is how they have been friends since childhood, they sit at the same desk, share their innermost secrets. But they say that they are just friends, there is no question of love. But suddenly something happens and the two fall in love. It's great if these feelings are mutual, you get a wonderful family.

Of course, this is not always the case. The question cannot be answered in the affirmative. Some will say "no", others - "yes". It all depends on each individual situation.

There are many examples of friendship between opposite sexes. But there are no less examples when she grew into a warmer and more tender relationship. There may be sympathy, close relationships, but they will not be romantic, but rather like kindred. Two people can be united by common memories, the past, they are comfortable together. But there is a different kind of love between them. The relationship between a man and a woman can be like that of a brother and sister. But again, no one is safe, even a very long ordinary communication can turn into romance. It is not always easy to understand and sort out your feelings. The time spent together will help determine this. Love and friendship are the kindest and brightest facets of human relations. It's great when they complement each other. Whether it's friendship or love.

Many of us consider these concepts to be the same, although in reality they are not at all. What are the differences anyway?

Friendship is a cooperation in which both people receive some kind of mutual benefit from each other, but at the same time no one owes anything to anyone, because such relationships are based on selflessness. The saying "Trust but verify" is irrelevant here. We do not need to prove something to anyone or demand loyalty and devotion from others. We just help each other when needed.

What is the difference between love and friendship?

Imagine that love is a beautiful house designed by an experienced architect, that is, one who loves. Any house always stands on a solid foundation, in our case, this foundation is sexuality. A bad unstable foundation can destroy the whole house, no matter how beautiful it is. Therefore, a good architect takes care of everything.

If we feel only passion and nothing else in relation to a person, it's like a foundation without a home. You can't live on it.

A house without a foundation is a mirage, detached from reality, dreams that it will be durable, but sooner or later it will collapse. Therefore friendship cannot be love. However, it is possible that friendship will develop into.

How is love manifested? Each of us is ready for anything for the sake of a loved one. We are haunted by the desire to make him happy. We generally think more about him than about ourselves. In friendship, after all, one's own interests are valued higher than the interests of a partner.

In addition to love and friendship, there is also psychological intimacy.

About psychological intimacy

According to E. Bern, psychological closeness is when there are no “manipulative games” in communication between people that arise during the maturation of hidden conflict situations. This means that the partners fail to communicate in an adult way (intellectually, consciously) or in a childish way (emotionally).

All people change, so you can’t think that you can finally build psychological intimacy. One way or another, we will build it constantly. Therefore, we should always be interested in our partner.

If we compare psychological intimacy, love and friendship, then friendship is more logical. Love is more emotional. Psychological intimacy is simultaneously logical, emotional and censorship; she is often out of love and friendship.

Does psychological intimacy always occur?

We must understand that psychological intimacy can develop between people. But the greater their number, the less important it is. This means that its role in society is falling, and quite a lot.

Now it's pretty obvious why even among hundreds of people we can feel lonely. But a way out of this situation is also visible: we need to choose among the society that person with whom we will be ready to build psychological intimacy. Then the problem of loneliness loses its sharpness and becomes completely solvable.

What is more important

Having found out what each of the concepts we have considered means, it is logical to ask the question: what is more important, love or friendship, or maybe psychological intimacy? It's pretty hard to answer. Some people think that friendship is more important anyway, because…

Any of the above has the right to exist. It cannot be said that some feeling is better or worse, and therefore it is impossible to judge the importance. We just feel one thing for some people and another for others. To someone, perhaps everything at once, but to someone nothing at all. You need to put up with it and take it for granted.