A small child fights with his mother. If the child is fighting. Step-by-step instructions: how to wean a child to fight

Young mothers, observing manifestations of aggression in their babies, often do not know how to react to it. In most cases, everything ends with a prolonged hysteria of the child after a “deserved” punishment. We have collected information that will help parents of children-fighters aged 3-5 to identify the causes of aggression and respond correctly to its manifestation in children.

Why children fight: causes of aggression in children 3-5 years old

It is generally accepted that aggressive behavior is a child's reaction to external stimuli. In most cases it is difficult to disagree with this. In those moments when the child is just learning to interact with the outside world and people, aggression serves as a certain defense mechanism. Therefore, its manifestations are natural, but should disappear within a short period of time. If attacks of uncontrollable rage become more frequent and last unreasonably long, then specialists diagnose a pathology in the social development of the child.

Causes of aggression in children 3-5 years old:

A kind of exploration of the world. It is with the help of blows or pushing of peers that the kid learns the reaction of parents, just adults who are nearby and the "test subjects" themselves to such behavior. It defines the boundaries of what is permitted and it is not worth calling these manifestations of aggression. Usually, the child himself does not change his mood during such experiments, that is, he remains calm.
The manifestation of aggression and anger. Often, aggression in a child appears if what is desired for a toddler is not achievable. Find out the child's need for this moment, and explain why she cannot be satisfied or, on the contrary, satisfy her, if possible. Offer a replacement, such an exchange can calm the child and show that his opinion is important to parents. Children easily agree to compromises offered by adults who are authoritative for them. Do not try to respond to the displayed aggressiveness with your own irritation, as this will develop into a clarification of "who is in charge", and the suppressed emotion will do the child a disservice in later life.
At the age of 3-5 years, expressing his opinion, the child is very egocentric. That is, he still cannot agree with his peers, but in general he needs clear guidance from his elders. The planning of the situation and the vision of the future have not been worked out, the line between fantasy and reality has been erased. A child, seeing on TV how an adult defends his territory, believes that he should do the same. Aggression in this case is just a peeped skill. Next, we will describe what methods of explanatory work will be effective in this case.
Misbehavior of parents and adults that are near the child. Inadequate behavior of parents in everyday life, in front of the baby, dislike expressed by parents too clearly, resentment arising through the fault of parents or circumstances, insults from elders or threats can negatively affect the child.

A small child fights: what should parents do?

To help a child overcome aggression, parents will have to learn to be patient and talk to their child correctly, listen to him to the end and use simple ways to distract attention. Practical Tips, which are presented below, were developed by specialists in working with aggressive children. All of them have passed the test of time and are recognized as the most effective for solving such issues.

To prevent aggressive behavior in a child 3-5 years old, experts advise:

Teach your child to express anger , choosing an acceptable form for this (we work with manifestations of aggression).
Show baby how recognize your own anger and control yourself.
in a playful way develop empathy and compassion for others.

These general recommendations implemented in different ways. Talking and playing, modeling similar situations using favorite toys or fairy tale characters, sports games and switching attention - each of these methods is effective in combating aggression in a baby.

Examples of effective methods to eliminate aggression in children:

When a child feels irritation, anger, resentment, invite him to draw or what he feels. But at the same time, be sure to ask to tell what he does and feels at the same time. Most likely, the story will be about the real causes of aggression in a child. Focus your baby's attention on feelings, so that later you can help him identify them and control them on his own. Distracting his attention, you will not let scandal and hysteria flare up.
Sew a pillow and announce that it is a "piss bag". Ask the baby to beat her as soon as he is annoyed, that is, put the bad in a bag. This will protect him from injury during a tantrum, will not allow him to beat and throw dishes or things.
Explain that in the long run, pugnacity is not beneficial to him personally. . If he beat a peer, then he will no longer play with him. If it hits adults, then they will not want to communicate with someone who hurts them. As a result, one will be much more boring than in the company. You can approach the child whom your baby offends, hug and kiss him. Thus, attention is not paid to the fighter, and he quickly realizes that he can be left alone.
Be sure to convey to the child the rules of behavior in the house and on the street. For example, “when we don’t fight, they don’t fight with us either”, “if we don’t offend, then they won’t offend us”, “toys can be taken when they are free”. Children strive for order and direction because it is difficult for them. So use persuasion with words and rules.
Praise your child if he listened to your instructions , but do not use the word "good" (according to the observations of psychologists, babies do not react to it). Focus on how much pleasure he gave you with his restraint.
Come up with joint fairy tales, where is he main character . This will help to better understand the feelings, as when drawing and sculpting. Using effective methods, you will help your child understand how to behave and how to behave.
Participate in competitions more often and arrange sports games, physical fatigue leaves no room for mental irritation.
Leave paper or old newspapers in an accessible place for the child to tear. Explain in advance that in this way you will find out about his anger, and he will not break anything. A sentence similar in strength is considered to be stamping your feet or strong inhalations-exhalations at the moment of an attack of aggression, as well as boxing with sofa cushions and rubber mallets.
Recognition of anger can be taught with the help of posters or drawings that the baby will draw. Ask to depict different emotions and do not remove the drawing. Agree that the baby can show you on the poster what he feels. This will help prevent outbreaks of aggression.
The kid will learn to sympathize and empathize with the dramatizations that he will conduct with his parents. Any toys and objects will do, because the imagination of children is much more developed than that of adults. Ask him to invent and talk about fictional characters. Discuss with the children who is right and wrong in the situations they invented. During the game, information is perceived better than during a lecture about misbehavior.

Sometimes let your child make noise, run, jump and yell. It is better to let the baby throw out energy under your supervision than in a fight with other children.

It is necessary to show the child to a psychologist if fights, manifestations of aggression continue regularly for six months.

How to wean a child to fight: the opinions of psychologists

Anna Berdnikova, psychologist:

Before you react in any way to your child's aggressive behavior, listen to your feelings: what are you experiencing? This is important because by the feeling you experience, you will determine what is really happening and how to respond to what is happening.
During the next outbreak of aggressive behavior of the child, listen to your feelings. What do you feel? Bitterness and resentment? Or anger and desire to defeat this little villain, to show him who is in charge here? If the latter, then you have firmly fallen into the trap of a struggle for power.
What to do in this situation? The very first step is to try, as far as possible, to evade the struggle. Because by continuing to fight, you start the situation in a circle.
If you feel resentment, then you need to ask yourself: what made the child hurt you? What is his own pain? How did you offend or constantly offend him? Having understood the reason, it is necessary, of course, to try to eliminate it.

Child psychologist T. Malyutina:

If (a child) bites or hits you, an adult, stop it. Don't be patient! Show that you are hurt, shout, cry. And then explain. If a child of 2-3 years old hit a child in the sandbox, take his hand, apologize to the mother of the victim, take the child away. But do not forget to praise when the child plays calmly, shares toys. Show that feelings can be expressed in words. Until the baby himself has learned to explain what is happening to him, do it for him. “I don’t like that you beat me, it hurts me, but I understand that you are angry because I forbade you ...” When the child grows up, just ask: “You don’t need to beat me, better tell me what you don’t like?” Until the age of 4, until the child is aware of his feelings, speak for him, and then he himself will be able to express dissatisfaction with words, and not with his fists.

Psychologist Olga Tseitlin about fights between children in the same family:

Often parents protect one of the children, usually the weakest or youngest, and ask the children to do as he wants. In the elders, this causes resentment and a desire to take revenge on the younger. They can do it unnoticed by adults. If the parents protect the younger, he feels like a winner, and he continues to pester his brother or sister. Parents do not understand that by such actions they only fuel the rivalry between children. Parents often fail to notice the provocations of a "nice" child who provokes his sibling by kicking him under the table or whispering offensive words.

E. Komarovsky about the aggression of kids towards their parents:

Again, my attitude to how to correct such behavior does not correspond to what psychologists recommend. My opinion: if a child shows aggression towards adults, then this is the realization of certain instincts, but he also has another instinct: the child yields if he sees that the one against whom he uses physical force is stronger. Therefore, whenever a child raises a hand (or foot) to his mother, one must allow oneself to respond with controlled aggression. Not a single aggressive physical action of a child in relation to adults should go unpunished. Adults have great amount ways to control the behavior of children, because the whole life of a child depends on an adult. It is you who give your daughter sweets and goodies, buy toys, perhaps turn on cartoons - and in all this you can limit the child if he does not behave the way you want. In any case, the topic raised is not pediatric, but definitely psychological. This I mean that everything you have read now is not the advice of a specialist, but the opinion of your doctor friend, who is not an expert in child psychology.

Quite often, parents suffer from misunderstanding on the part of their child. If a child at 2 years old fights with parents and other children, such behavior often causes bewilderment and confusion on the part of mom and dad. Parents simply do not know how to respond to such behavior correctly, what needs to be done so as not to aggravate and reinforce such a behavior pattern. Of course, it is recommended to consider each specific situation separately. But there are patterns in the behavior of all children of this age period, and each baby just goes through them differently. The family plays a big role: if a child has brothers and sisters, then most likely the relationship model will be completely copied from older brothers and sisters.

In order to better understand your child, you should familiarize yourself with the stages of his mental development at two years old. This will help not only to understand him and realize how best to build relationships with him, and what measures in education are best used.

So, the child in this period undergoes the following changes in development:

The beginnings of self-awareness and self-acceptance as a separate person are born. It is easy to understand: in infancy, the baby and the mother are one whole, and the child does not perceive, there is not even the rudiment of the thought that the mother exists separately, and he is separate. If it happens for a long time breast-feeding, then this connection is prolonged. But starting from the moment when the child learns to walk and the first attempts to speak appear, a crisis arises. There is a separation from the mother, and the process of self-consciousness begins.
At this age, active speech develops. Another very difficult and important moment for the baby is when he masters speech and is already learning to interact and come to mutual understanding. Indeed, quite often parents meet with aggression and even tears of the baby when they do not understand him. He can easily come up and strike out of indignation. Parents in this case should take the baby by the hand and explain that this is very bad behavior and mom or dad doesn't like it at all. And in order to understand his desires, it is necessary to ask the child to show or ask leading questions, but just does not seek to guess. Otherwise, the expectations of the baby will always be tuned to the fact that parents should immediately guess what he needs.
Thinking in children from 1-3 years old is visual and effective, and here, perhaps, the whole secret is hidden. See and do, repeat the same actions several times, consolidate your knowledge through actions. Gradually, intellectual development takes place, and at the age of 2-2.5 years, the baby already has an internal plan of action. Moms and dads should clearly understand that for a baby to think means to understand the emotional connection and take certain actions in a certain situation, as he himself perceives it.
And of course, same emotional development at this age stage plays a big role not only in relationships, but also in understanding their desires. Toddlers of this age are all self-centered, in other words, only their desires exist for them. Parents need to be understanding and patient about this, but methodically and without negativity explain how the baby should act and react in a given situation. Yes, you should not expect that mom and dad will be heard right away, but repeated repetition and the same reaction of parents to the behavior of the baby will help develop the right reflex and eventually understand the situation itself.

If parents understand how the baby perceives this situation how exactly he sees her, then it will be much easier for them to choose words and, accordingly, respond to his behavior.

It is necessary to understand some common situations of aggressive behavior of two-year-old children, and how a parent should respond to them.

At this stage, children, as already mentioned, are egocentric, and they simply do not yet know how to empathize. Now in their life is the most opportune moment for mom and dad to teach them precisely empathy, the presence of their own boundaries and the boundaries of another person. Of course, no matter how trite it may sound, but this is exactly how a child should at least know and constantly hear that others also have their own desires and feelings.

For example, a kid tries to get a certain object out of his toy box, but he doesn’t succeed, he starts to get angry and, most importantly, this anger has no direction yet. He's just angry that he can't get what he wants. Because of this, he begins to cry and hits a nearby parent or a rushing to his aid. At this moment, the child splashed out anger specifically on mom or dad. And still very important point: he probes the boundaries of what is permitted.

It is advisable not to react strongly and emotionally to this and, of course, in response. You can stop the blows with a strong grip of the hand. You should sit down at the level with the child, and looking into the eyes, strictly say that you do not like this behavior, as it is very bad. It is important not to give a negative characterization to the child himself, not to say that he is a bad boy or girl. These words act as labels and can adversely affect the formation of self-esteem in the future.

There can be many examples. Often, moms and dads get lost when they encounter this problem in a public place, such as a store. The child fights, demands and screams, rarely, but still it happens. The best way is to ignore or calmly explain your position. If there are two parents, then it is better for one of them to take the baby in his arms, hug him with love and take him out of the store. Children at this age switch very easily. Going out into the street, you can offer to see what kind of cars or birds, or supposedly a running rabbit, or anything that can distract him from the current situation.

It is more difficult for parents when there are several children in the family different ages, and everyone has their own claims to parents, toys and other things that have to be shared. Because of jealousy, children are often angry at them for hugging a brother or sister. There is already a need for attention and the constant presence of parents in the actions, games of the baby.

Co-creation helps well, for example, where parents with a child draw their family. It is important to portray everyone close to each other holding hands, and at the same time tell a story and repeat how much mom and dad love their child. It is impossible to spoil a child with caress and love, but it is very possible with excessive demands or a negative attitude. Sometimes parents should watch how they communicate with each other. Quite often, children simply copy and repeat the behavior of their loved ones, only their negativity can also manifest itself with fists.

The child fights with peers

Starting from this age, the baby can already attend kindergarten, groups early development and increasingly play with children on playgrounds. A completely new stage of relationships begins for him: he learns to behave in society. In a child, communication is still based on emotions, and cooperation with others is not yet clear to him, in connection with this quite often there are conflict situations. Communication with other children is just beginning, and it is important to help the baby learn how to build it correctly. It must be remembered that emotional reactions at two years old are a natural phenomenon, and they are directly related to his desires.

For example: summer, children play on the playground. They did not share the toy, one child beats the other, and then the conflict arises not only among children, but also among mothers. To avoid this, parents should do the following.

The child is small, and therefore it will not be true to believe that he can already play on his own with children. Mom should be nearby, but it is to be and control the process. If the baby is on the playground for the first time, then you should take him by the hand and, leading to the children, greet the kids and give your child the opportunity to inspect everything and choose what to do for himself. Further, it is better to play the role of an observer, and at the right time to advise or show how best to behave.

What can be done?

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Every year, 150,000 offenses occur with the participation of minors. In the US, 79% of juvenile life prisoners committed a crime at age 14 or earlier. Remember this when a 2-year-old child freaks out or hits mom and dad.

Peak manifestations of aggression begin precisely at two years.

Why a cute child suddenly starts to fight and what to do about it, we will tell in this article.

Getting to know the reasons

Yevgeny Komarovsky reassures young mothers that child fights with parents and peers are common. According to him, four out of ten children beat their parents at least once. In two cases, the child becomes a real tyrant.

The first attempts to express the anger that has risen to the throat appear as early as six months.

There are several reasons for this behavior:

insufficient development of speech;
adult attention deficit;
nervous or psychiatric disorder.

The fact is that until the age of two, a child beats his parents as an experiment. So he knows the reaction of the world to his aggression.

He just can't control his emotions yet. After two years, these are conscious actions that have a goal. Komarovsky claims that the main reason for unconscious children's aggression is the irritability of the mother.

Inefficient Methods

Child psychologists say that persuasion does not work. Aggression is one of the basic instincts. With instincts pedagogical methods do not bring results. If it worked, it's an exception to the rule. Simply explaining the problem to a child is a bad method. A cunning kid will pretend to listen, but will do it his own way. More straightforward - simply ignores such tactics.

It is important to observe the correct reactions to the aggression of the child. Doubling is not allowed.

If mom swears and dad laughs, the child will not understand how to react.

Effective Methods

Everything is not entirely clear. In any case, you will have to experiment. Komarovsky, for example, advises turning on the mirror mode - answering the child in the same way. Other experts do not recommend this. But there are steps you can't do without. In order for a child to stop beating his parents, it is worth considering the following tips.

Refusal of game violence

All games with an element of fights and struggle should be forgotten. Excessive stimulation of motor memory is useless. According to child psychologists, most children already perceive the fight as a game. And if the opportunity presents itself to “revive” the behavior patterns from the game with the parents, the child will certainly do it.

The importance of a tough fight back

The Komarovsky mirror method provides that the parent will not comfort the child after a reciprocal beating. A hard rebuff must be consistent until the habit of fighting disappears. But in non-aggressive situations, the mother should still be a faithful helper and comforter. So the baby will learn to respect elders and quickly make a connection between his pain from the bite of the parent and the pain of the parent from his bite.

The negative needs to be spoken out.

Children fight when they can't express their pain.

It is necessary to teach the child to pronounce everything that does not suit him. Always look for the cause of discontent and pull it out.

The speech flow will ease the anger. Spoken dark soaps lose their power.

Another way is to get away from the child when he is fighting. After every aggressive attack.

Ears are the main tool

Without active listening, speaking out the negative is meaningless. The child needs to be listened to. You can teach him to fight only by giving him enough attention. It is only necessary to listen to the opinion of the child not only in tense situations, but also in life. So he will understand the importance of his opinion for his parents, he will see that he is loved.

A moderate sense of self-importance generates a response of gratitude.

Do not be afraid

You don't have to hide your dissatisfaction. The child pronounces the negative, the parent listens. Then vice versa: the child's turn to listen. So he will understand the importance of not only his own opinion, but also someone else's. Adequate self-esteem has never hurt anyone. The best example is the ancient Greeks. They said: "Nothing beyond measure." It's similar here. Constant tension and negativity on the part of parents will not lead to good.

The stick must be followed by the gingerbread

Be sure to praise the child for good deeds. At this age, a causal relationship is just beginning to be established. Associations with objects and events are growing. After good deeds - gingerbread. The child will understand this and will strive to be closer to the "confectioner".

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What to do if a child fights with parents? How can parents deal with this situation? What are the reasons for this behaviour? You will find answers to these questions in our material. If you have already encountered such a situation, then our material will help you understand the reasons for the child's behavior. If your baby has not yet shown aggression, then you can predict it if you are “armed” with the appropriate knowledge. Children's aggressiveness can manifest itself in the very early age baby, moreover, this can happen abruptly and completely unexpectedly for adults. It is important for parents not to get confused and not to let such behavior take its course.

Why does the child show aggression

To deal with the problem, initially parents should think about its root causes. Children are open and unsophisticated, they rarely pretend, and all their emotions are an expression of their inner state. Think about what could be the reason for such behavior! A few of the most common reasons are:

If your son or daughter is fighting because of the above reasons, then do not let the development of further events take their course. Remember that children need to be taught decent behavior and a careful, careful attitude towards people around them.

Child beats mother: what to do

Often, the baby’s closest person, the mother, gets “hit” by the baby. It is explainable! After all, it is the mother who spends the most time with the baby, often it is she who forbids a lot, controls, she is also present during the period of overexcited behavior from lack of sleep, in a bad mood, etc. If a child hits you and you want to correct this situation, then act consistently and always show the same reaction. “You can’t fight with mom!” - the kid must remember this expression. If the child hit (no matter for what reasons), then show that you are hurt and offended. Ask them to take pity on you and never do that again. Get "offended" by fights even when they happen during the game. But at the same time, don't give up! Double standards of behavior rarely lead to positive results, so do not allow yourself to raise your hand to the baby if you do not want to receive the same actions in your address.

What should adults do if the kid beats them

In addition to the above, we want to talk more about how adults should behave when children are fighting with them. To begin with, we will answer the most common question of parents: “Is it worth punishing a child for fighting?”. Theoretically, punishment can work, but not for long. It is likely that it will only increase negative emotions and lead to their strengthening. The child may stop fighting at home, but he will go out to the yard and throw out the aggression driven inside there. In fact, punishment is an example of the fact that cruelty is justified as a measure of influence. If this model of behavior does not suit you, and you want to change the situation, instead of temporarily "extinguishing" it, look for other ways to solve the problem.
How adults can act:

What to do if the child does not obey?
Sooner or later, all parents encounter the disobedience of their children. Causes of whims can be ...

If a child hits you, then the very first thing to do is tell him how you feel. At the same time, it is important not to use the word “you” in the sentence and not to evaluate the child as such. Express your attitude about a particular act of the baby. For example, instead of the phrase: “You did a bad thing when you hit me! I told you not to do that!” tell me about the fact that you don’t like being beaten, it’s unpleasant for you, it hurts and it’s very insulting.

CHILD AGGRESSION.
IS THE BABY FIGHTING? WHAT TO DO?

psychologist Marina Morozova

If a child fights, many parents feel confused and do not know how to react to it. "I don't know what to do anymore. The son is fighting in kindergarten every day, fights on the playground. I have tried everything, nothing helps. I do not know what to do".
Of course, each case is individual.

IS THE CHILD FIGHTING IN KINDERGARTEN OR SCHOOL?

If a child fighting in kindergarten or school, that is, not with you, it can be difficult to understand the situation. It is NOT necessary to talk in front of the child with one of the adults who witnessed the fight, and separately with the child himself. Versions, most likely, they will be different. But if your child clearly explained the reasons for the fight, then most likely he is right. If a child defended himself or a friend, or his toys, other things, then it is important to teach him to defend himself and defend his interests without a fight, explaining to him that a fight is the most exceptional case.
But the question is for you, dear parents, do you know how to protect yourself and your interests?

In no case should you scold or punish a child, the child may perceive this as an injustice towards him, and even a betrayal on your part. In the future, this may lead to the fact that we will beware of defending ourselves, and this must be able to every person.
As an example, I will give one case.
I was contacted by the mother of a 10-year-old girl. Sveta absolutely did not know how and was even afraid to defend herself in various situations with her peers. In the course of consultation with mother it was found out the following.
When the girl was 7 years old in the school yard, her classmate put a large stone in the hood of her coat. Sveta took out a cobblestone, swung it and hit the offender in the face, almost hitting him in the eye, that is, she exceeded the measures of necessary self-defense. For this, the girl was punished both at school and in the family. Since then, she has become afraid to defend herself, so as not to accidentally harm someone.

If a fight or other manifestation of aggression is a one-time case of self-defense, it is important to talk to the child, to explain to him possible consequences this, but do not scold or punish.

Another thing, if the child himself constantly starts fights. In this case, it is also important to talk with the child, find out the reasons for this. Maybe your child sees everyone as an enemy. Then, together with him, look for virtues in other children.
Or punishes other children for not wanting to play with him (be friends). Then it is important to explain to him that in this way he achieves the opposite result. No one will play and be friends with fighters. Teach him how to make friends with other kids.
So, sixth grader Sergei constantly beat his classmates, but Petya got it the most. As it turned out from Sergei's explanations, earlier he tried to make friends with Petya, but he did not want to be friends with the fighter, and now Sergei took revenge on him for rejection. If a child fights, there is always a reason for it. You will not be able to change something until you find out his motives and reasons.

IF YOUR CHILD FIGHTS IN YOUR PLAYGROUND

If the fight happened in front of you, do not scold the child, otherwise he will still fight, but when you are not around. But do not defend him until you figure out who is right and who is wrong. Such a reaction can lead the baby to a sense of permissiveness. First understand the situation.
If your child is wrong, encourage him to apologize to the other child and make amends. If he refuses, then take him home. Explain to him that fighting is bad, but don't tell him that he is bad.
Discuss in private with your child what the consequences of his pugnacity might be. Suppose a neighbor boy is offended by him and does not want to play with him, other children do not want to play with him either, he can hurt another child, explain that when he hits another, it hurts.

IF A CHILD FIGHTS WITH PARENTS OR OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS

If a child swings at you, catch him and hug him. Hug until he calms down. After that, say that if he hurts or feels bad, then he can tell you about it.
If he not only swung, but hit you(or fights you regularly), don't yell at him. It is possible that unconsciously he wants to get just such a reaction and thus attracts your attention. On the contrary, say that it hurts you and show with all your appearance that you are offended by him, step back, turn away, leave the room or take him out. Let another family member (if there is a witness to the situation) come up to you and take pity on you in the presence of the child, but ignoring him, stroke you " sore spot' will show that you are in pain.

HOW YOU SHOULD BE WHEN YOUR CHILD IS FIGHTING

Remember that a lot depends on how you react to your child's fights. Shouting at a child, let alone hitting him, is useless and ineffective.
In case of a fight first help the child cope with anger (read about this below), then figure out who is right, who is wrong, who violated existing rules or agreements, and help come up with several other ways to resolve the conflict.
Most often, they say to a fighter: "If you are fighting, then you are bad. Petya does not fight, which means he is good." Remember that you can criticize the behavior, but not the child himself. It is very important not to compare your child with other children (in no one's favor). In addition, for you, your child is always good, and you love him in any way. And it's important to tell him. Perhaps it is no coincidence that the words beloved and any have the same root "love".

Do not forbid the child to feel and express anger, irritation, anger. Don't use phrases like "Don't shout!", "Don't get angry!", "Don't fight!", don't make him feel guilty about those feelings. Do not tell him stories about the fact that somewhere there are children who never get angry. Help him to respond correctly in these situations, but first learn how to do it yourself. After all, the child imitates you in everything. Anger is a natural defensive reaction. And it is important not to suppress it, but to learn to give it a way out.
But a lot also depends on your reaction to the aggressive behavior of the child.

HOW TO HELP A CHILD COME WITH AGGRESSION?

Often young children, when they are angry, do not themselves understand what is happening to them. It is important to explain to them. For example, "You are now angry with Vanya, because he took your typewriter to play without asking your permission" or "You are angry with your dad because he does not allow you to play on the computer."
Sympathize with him: "Of course, this is unpleasant. I understand you," "If I were you, I would also be angry (unhappy) if my thing was taken without asking."
How less baby, the less he realizes what he is doing in a fit of anger. As a rule, children do not understand that they are hurting others when they fight. And this must be explained to the child in his language, given his age. In addition, children still do not know how to control their anger. By the way, do you know how?

Encourage your child to tell you about their feelings.
Teach him to voice his feelings in "I - messages", for example, "I was angry because you broke my phone", "I feel bad when my things are taken without asking." Thus, you teach him to express anger with words, and not with action.
Of course, express your feelings in "I-messages" too. "I'm sorry that you scattered all things."
Show different ways expressions of anger: stomp, clap your hands, crumple and tear paper, cut with scissors, throw soft balls.
To respond to anger in boys, games of "war" are useful, in brave and strong heroes from fairy tales, cartoons, films that uphold justice and goodness, in "fights with the dragon, the Serpent Gorynych, Koshchei the Immortal", in which your son will act as a brave hero and conqueror of evil. In such games, good always wins. Buy military toys for your son: tanks, pistols, swords. With the help of them, he will also be able to respond to his aggression.

You can vent your anger in role playing where there is "aggressor" and "victim", for example, "cat and dog", "cat and mouse", "wolf (fox) and hare". Important: in such games, change places so that the child visits both roles, and any game should end well, at a truce. In role-playing games, it is necessary to show the child the possible consequences of aggression and teach other, peaceful ways to resolve the conflict. Of course, first you have to learn them yourself.
Direct his aggression in a different direction, for example, he can throw out anger in sports. You can hang a punching bag in the house.
You can react to anger in all games where there is an opportunity to hit, kick A: These are all simple ball games, football, hockey, badmenton, tennis, basketball, naturally, all kinds of wrestling. Even the simplest charge will help relieve stress.
On walks, encourage the child to move more, run, jump. Be sure to dance with your child.
Watch good programs, cartoons and films with your child, read fairy tales in which good triumphs over evil. Keep away from cartoons and films that show violence.
Sing and listen to good, cheerful songs.
Act out scenes from fairy tales and cartoons with toys, from the child's life (without naming names), act out different ways of resolving conflicts.
Ask your child to come up with new ways to resolve the situation in a peaceful way. For example, a scene in a sandbox can be played using the example of two bunnies. One took the toy from the other. What to do in such a situation? For example, play this toy together, together or in turn.
I also want to offer you the following games that you can play with your child from time to time, and especially when he is angry.

The game "Evil Pillow" or "Whipping Pillow"

We choose a separate pillow, which we beat, bite, trample, kick when we are angry. At the same time, you can scream directly into the pillow. Then on this pillow in no case should you sleep or lie down. Such a pillow must be stored in a special place.

Magic bag game

Sew or pick up a special "magic" bag in which you can talk about your grievances, pain, anger, annoyance and other feelings. Explain and show your child how to use it.
"This bag has the magical property of turning unpleasant feelings into calm ones. To do this, you need to open the bag and say everything you feel into it. And then close it (tie it, fasten it with a button). Then this feeling will fall into the bag and remain in it until then until it disappears. This bag can dissolve bad feelings. And you will feel light and calm."
Encourage the child to use the magic bag whenever he is angry, offended when he has Bad mood to make it a habit for him.

CAUSES OF CHILD AGGRESSION

If you or someone in your family hits a child(dad, older brother), or someone in the family (let's say dad beats mom), do not doubt that this is the main reason for child aggression.
Your aggression towards the child leads to the fact that he redirects his aggression to the weaker ones. He cannot answer you YET, but he takes out his anger on other children. Think about the example you are setting for him. The child is your mirror, it reflects you and what is happening in your family. If you change your behavior, he will change too.
Unfortunately, aggression in the family is still the norm. 90% of my clients admit to me (not immediately) that they beat or beat their children. Moreover, many people do not consider spanking and cuffs to be a manifestation of aggression. And they simply do not represent other ways of raising children.

If you scream or swing at a child, insult and humiliate him, threaten him with a belt, "break" him, put pressure on him - you form the role of a victim in him. But the victim of parental terror in a different situation with the weaker acts as a "tormentor". At home he is the "victim" and in kindergarten or on the playground he is the "tormentor".

Let's take a look at other common causes of child aggression:

1) The inability of parents to cope with their own aggression. Let's say you yell at a child and at each other, you are often irritated, you can hardly contain your anger or vice versa, you suppress your aggression, you do not acknowledge and do not accept your feelings.
Aggressive parents have aggressive children. If you do not know what to do with your aggression, then how can you teach this to your child? If you break down on your child, then suffer from guilt, then the problem is with you, and you need to urgently contact a psychologist.

2) Constant criticism of the child. Very often, parents give little or no praise to their children, they perceive success as the norm, but they react emotionally and negatively to any mistake. If you know this feature behind you, learn to emotionally respond to the slightest achievements of the child, thus positively reinforcing them.
3) Indifference to the child, lack of attention and love for him. In this case, with the help of aggressive behavior, the child can attract YOUR attention, even if only with a minus sign.
4) Harsh atmosphere in the house and iron discipline.
5) Indifference and ignoring the aggressive behavior of the child. If you do not react in any way to the child's pugnacity and other forms of aggression (for example, you took away a toy from another baby), then in this way you encourage him.
6) The praise of the child and the pride that he gives change, behaves like a real kid, naturally, also reinforces his pugnacity.
7) The child's aggression may be an unconsciously adopted feeling of one of your family members and even ancestors. I'll give you an example.
I was approached by the mother of 4-year-old Vasya, who fought every day in kindergarten, beat children on the playground. We made a deal with her.
As a result of the arrangement, it turned out that Vasya was identified with his maternal great-grandfather (mother's grandfather), who during the Great Patriotic War He was taken to a camp and never returned. Of course, the theme "victim - tormentor" was very strongly manifested in the fate of his great-grandfather. Being a victim of fascist tormentors, he could not help but feel aggression and a desire to take revenge, to stand up for himself. What the great-grandfather failed to do, his great-grandson Vasya does instead, who unconsciously "took" his aggression. After Vasya was disidentified with his great-grandfather in the arrangement and freed himself from other people's feelings that had nothing to do with him, the boy stopped fighting.

Why is your child fighting? Each case is unique, and it is important to understand each situation separately. If the previous tips did not help you, then The best way make a difference - family constellations