Sooner or later, every child enters the time of growing up, along with it come the problems of adolescence. A kind, sweet, affectionate baby begins to change before our eyes, becomes rude, aggressive, and possibly, vice versa, withdrawn and distant. There is nothing surprising in this, because during this period the children's body begins to change rapidly, along with this, there are changes in the worldview, attitude towards oneself and others.

The time of growing up is one of the most important, but at the same time the most difficult life stages of every person. The future of the child may well depend on how it passes. That is why the main main task of the parents of a teenage boy is to help him survive this period as painlessly as possible.

transitional age

In general, transitional age is usually called the time period during which puberty occurs in children. During this period, physical development and growth accelerates, the systems and internal organs of the body are finally formed. It is very difficult to say exactly when all these processes will begin and end. This is due to the fact that the body of each child has its own, individual rhythms and physical characteristics.

Therefore, it is impossible to accurately predict at what age the transitional age for boys will come. It can start at the age of ten or fourteen and last up to fifteen or seventeen. Moreover, these indicators can vary. In boys, maturation occurs about a couple of years later, is much more active and lasts longer (about 4-5 years)

Experts believe that the beginning of adolescence depends on various factors - heredity, nationality, level physical development lifestyle, presence or absence bad habits etc. Boys who ate right stuck to healthy lifestyle life and showed physical activity, enter the time of puberty, as a rule, on time.

But whenever he comes of age, he will consist of three main phases:

• preparatory- it is often referred to as the younger adolescence. During this period, the mind and body are preparing for the coming changes.
• puberty- this is the transitional age or adolescence.
• Postpubertal- in this period, the psychological and physiological formation is finally completed. It already affects the time of youth, it is at this time that boys begin to show an active interest in the representatives of the opposite sex.

With the onset of adolescence, the child's body undergoes strong changes, such changes affect both its appearance and behavior. The main reason for the changes are actively produced hormones. It is they who become the culprits of sudden mood swings, irritability, nervousness, intensive growth, etc.

To begin with, consider the physiological changes that can be used to determine the transitional age in boys. The signs of puberty are as follows:

• Be your child's friend. Since at this stage friends play a big role in the life of a teenage boy, parents need to make every effort to get into their number. So it will be much easier for you to be aware of what is happening in the life of your child, which means that you will be able to provide him with help or support in time. Of course, it is very difficult to become a friend of a child, especially if he is used to hearing only moralizing from you. Understanding the boy that you are equal to each other will help to do this. Remember yourself at this age, you probably thought that adults would never be able to understand you. Believe me, your son thinks the same. Try to dispel this belief, open up to the child from the other side, stand before him common man with its shortcomings and complexes. You can tell the boy something about yourself, tell a few stories about your youth, first love, problems at school, etc.
• Do not limit the freedom of the child. AT adolescence there is a particularly acute need for personal space. Give it to the child. Moreover, we are talking here not only about their own territory in the apartment (room, table or corner), maturing children must have it, but also about freedom and the right to choose. You should not control every step of the son, rummage through his things, eavesdrop on conversations, this will only lead to negative consequences. Do not limit the child in everything, thus trying to protect him from troubles, since total control will not allow him to feel independent and will only set him against you. Naturally, it is impossible to destroy all frames, they must be, but reasonable. Learn to trust your son, offer compromises in controversial issues, but to learn more about his personal life, communicate more, but in no case do not interrogate.
• Avoid excessive criticism. Naturally, there are circumstances when it is impossible to do without criticism, but it should only be constructive, and directed not at the child himself (you are a slob, lazy, etc.), but at his actions, behavior, mistakes, in a word, at everything that can be corrected. Since teenagers are too sensitive to any comments, express your dissatisfaction as gently as possible, you can even combine it with praise.
• Show interest. The maturation of boys is accompanied by a change in the value system and worldview, it is not surprising that hobbies, judgments, and views change during this period. If you show interest in what your child is doing (but not obsessively) and support him in this, he will begin to trust you more. Do not be lazy to talk with a teenager, be interested in his life, reasoning, etc. It will not be superfluous to ask the opinion of the son in the decision general issues(what wallpaper to paste, where to move the cabinet, etc.)
• Be Patient. If the child is rude or rude, try to control yourself. Remember, excessive emotionality is a consequence of the transition period. By answering your son in the same way, you will only provoke a scandal. Better try talking to him later. calm environment, such communication will be much more effective.
• Praise more often. Praise is necessary for everyone, after words of approval wings seem to grow, there is a desire and strength to conquer more and more peaks. Praise your child more often, even for small achievements or just good deeds, this will serve as an incentive for him to develop and improve himself. In addition, praise is a good way to show that you care about the child.
• Recognize his identity. A teenager, albeit small, but already a person who has his own interests, hobbies, outlook on life, opinion. Do not try to change your son, do not impose your beliefs, it is better to accept him as he is.

Transitional age: how not to miss a child?

Your son and daughter were obedient, good children yesterday and suddenly became rude, harsh, uncontrollable? Do you feel that you can not cope with your offspring, losing control over him? Yes, the transition period is a very difficult stage in the life of a teenager and the whole family. How to build relationships and not miss a child?

Your son and daughter were obedient, good children yesterday and suddenly became rude, harsh, uncontrollable? Do you feel that you can not cope with your offspring, losing control over him? Yes, the transition period is a very difficult stage in the life of a teenager and the whole family. How to build relationships and not miss a child?

Rampant hormones

Scientifically, this period is called puberty. It represents the transition from childhood to adulthood and lasts from 12 to 16 years (with some fluctuations in one direction or another). This stage is very difficult and dramatic for teenagers.

One of the main reasons for these difficulties is puberty, - explains psychologist Elena Shramko. Adolescents become extremely sensitive to outsiders' assessment of their appearance, and this is combined with arrogance and peremptory judgments about others. Mindfulness coexists in them with amazing callousness, painful shyness - with swagger, the desire to be recognized and appreciated by others - with ostentatious independence, the struggle with authorities and generally accepted rules - with the deification of idols, - emphasizes the psychologist.

At this age, teenagers begin to dislike their appearance, their own body. A year ago, the child did not think about it, everything suited him, and now he often repeats: “I am ugly / ugly!” (although in reality the opposite is true). A teenager is embarrassed to show his body, makes you leave the room when he changes clothes, forbids you to enter the bathroom when he is washing, refuses to be photographed, although he used to willingly pose for the camera.

All this happens because serious hormonal changes are taking place in his body, all organs and systems are being restructured. During this period, teenagers need material to build tissues, so they eat a lot (especially boys). At the same time, they experience fluctuations in appetite.

In adolescents 13-14 years old, alternation of bursts of activity is often noted, says the doctor psychological sciences, Professor Anna Parishioner. Either the child is alert and active, or he suddenly becomes tired, up to complete exhaustion. The phenomenon of “teenage laziness” is connected with this (often from adults one can hear complaints that a teenager is lazy, wants to lie down all the time, cannot stand straight, constantly strives to lean on something). The reason for this is increased growth, which requires a lot of strength and reduces endurance. Teenagers become awkward, often break something. It seems that there is malicious intent here, although, as a rule, this happens against the will of the teenager and is associated with the restructuring of the motor system, says Anna Prikhozhan.

So the child gradually turns into an adult. All this requires a great expenditure of physical and mental strength. At the same time, it happens that the child does not want to grow up, on the contrary, he wants to linger in childhood. He subconsciously feels that from the usual child condition it goes into something else. What this will bring him, he does not yet know, but now he feels only discomfort.

Challenging Behavior

The behavior of the child also changes dramatically. He is constantly rude, closes himself in his room, does not let him in. He often has mood swings. He does not allow himself to be hugged, kissed. When you try to do it, pushes you away, behaves like a hedgehog.

Refuses to clean up in his room (it’s impossible to go there, everything is scattered on the floor, closets are wide open); refuses to perform household chores (take out the trash, walk the dog, etc.), and if he does, then with a scratch and through endless reminders.

He seems to deliberately anger you, provokes a scandal. He ceases to obey, becomes so sharp that it is impossible to communicate with him. And even, it happens, he begins to call names, using, among other things, obscene language ...

You feel confused and powerless: is this really your child? Do not wonder. Such behavior is expressed in the desire to develop one's own (and not dictated by parents or society) view of things. At this age, adolescents have already accumulated stress from the pressure of parents, school, - says psychologist, psychotherapist Elena Savina. The teenager believes that he is able to live independently, make decisions. And adults often continue to talk to him, as with a young child. Hence - a huge protest against the world of adults. A teenager thus declares himself to the world, while his life goals have not yet been determined, there is no emotional stability, and the state of “dreams” is stronger than the consciousness of the need to learn and grow up.

Birth of personality

And how to behave? What to do? We must understand that in this difficult period the child becomes a person. He must not be humiliated in any way. Moreover, swing! Treat him like a person, no matter how hard it is sometimes.

Although a teenager strives for independence, in difficult life situations he tries not to take responsibility for the decisions he makes, and waits for help from adults, - says Elena Shramko. Adolescence's "sense of adulthood" is expressed mainly in a new level of claims, ahead of the position in which the adolescent actually finds himself. It is very important for him that his adulthood be noticed by others, so that the form of his behavior is not childish. His ideas about the norms of behavior provoke a discussion of the behavior of adults, usually very impartial, hence conflicts arise, - the psychologist explains.

Now for a teenager, the main thing is understanding, support. He needs your love more than ever, although outwardly he pretends that he does not need adults. In fact, he needs a trusting relationship with a loved one who will listen to him, support, approve, say the right words.

Despite the fact that a teenager protests against you, he painfully lacks communication with adults who are able to answer his questions, Elena Savina explains. But he accepts this communication only when they speak to him on an equal footing, without moralizing, shouting, simply sharing his observations from life and describing that in this case the result will be like this, and in this case it will be like that. Give him the opportunity to think for himself, and you, as looking ahead, lay out the map of life in front of him. Your interest in the life of a child should be really real, and not only in the part where something needs to be banned or tracked. It is the acceptance of a child as an adult that should underlie your relationship with a teenager, the psychologist believes.

A teenager needs to know that you love him, that he is dear to you. What is it expressed in? The ability to forgive. If a conflict happened yesterday, don't think about it, don't itch, don't lecture. The teenager remembers what happened, he experiences it himself. Therefore, do not stir up yesterday. Say once what you think about it, and close the topic.

How to resolve conflict

The well-known American psychologist J. Scott advises during conflicts not to throw accusations and insults, but to speak only about your feelings. Therefore, if you want your child to really understand you, say only what you feel in this moment. For example, refrain from an offensive tone, do not state: “You are behaving ugly, rude, rude!”, “You made a mess in your room! How much can you repeat!..”, etc.

Instead, voice your feelings, say what you feel at the moment. For example: “When you talk rudely to me, it depresses me, I worry because you don’t love me”, “When your room is such a mess, I feel that my request is not important for you, and I painfully". Perhaps the child will say in response: “I don’t care!”. But this is just a mask. In fact, he will remember your words, they will have an impact on him. But insults addressed to him will cause him even greater aggression. And your feelings are very important to him, even though he tries to hide it. By talking about how you feel, you will stop the conflict from developing further.

Avoid criticism

In adolescence, a teenager has a very vulnerable psyche. He overreacts to everything. His emotions are seething, so his reaction may be disproportionate to the offense. It can be the sharpest and most unpredictable when adults try to humiliate him, infringe on his pride.

The psyche of the child is now unbalanced, life experience missing. If he does not find understanding anywhere, he may end up in the wrong company, where, as he thinks, he will be understood. And the worst thing is that a child can do something irreparable ...

Russian Commissioner for Children's Rights Pavel Astakhov considers the situation with child suicides in Russia to be extremely alarming. In terms of the total number of suicides, the Russian Federation is in sixth place in the world. However, in terms of suicide rates among adolescents aged 15-19, Russia ranks first in Europe and one of the first in the world. In our country, the death rate of adolescents from suicide exceeds world indicators by almost 3 times! And this happens because sometimes children simply have no one to turn to for help. “Teachers and guardianship authorities do not always pay attention to the difficult situation in which the child finds himself,” says Pavel Astakhov.

Just in case, write down the phone numbers of all your child's friends and, preferably, their parents. Know the contacts of teachers, teachers of circles that your child attends.

This period must be experienced.

While your child is going through a transition period, stock up on great patience, love, and most importantly, the ability to forgive. To get through this period without loss, you will need diplomacy, flexibility and maneuverability.

Do not lisp with a teenager, do not pester him with unnecessary questions. Be patient and tactful. Your child is very vulnerable right now, take care of him. Aim for the future, move forward together and remember that this period will pass. You just have to be patient and wait. And all will be well!

Inna Kriksunova, for Fontanka.ru

I brought together my knowledge, which I share in consultations with parents of teenagers. I'm happy to give you my luggage. Use for good!

Ekaterina Sivanova

Teenager. Instructions for use. Or what to do when “there is no more strength, my own child is unrecognizable, what is this happening to my life”?

1. Yes, this is your child. He was not replaced. He has been like this since birth.

2. All the trials of adolescence are a reason for the joy of parents. P because everything has to be done on time. The steeper a person goes through an age-related crisis, the more productive and, to some extent, the next one will be easier (there are (usually) 8-9 age crises in a person’s life).

3. A source of endless patience in communicating with a teenage child in response to the question: “What did / did I do at this age?”. As soon as the answer arises within you to this question: “I was a normal child and my parents had no problems with me,” smile! Your "teenage" crisis caught up with you at the same time as your "baby" and it's about to start. Only it will be called "Midlife Crisis".

4. Look for answers to questions about the behavior of your child from your reflection in the mirror.

5. A teenager is a temporary state.“This” age will one day end, the problems will go away. Others will start, but these will definitely go away.

6. You will talk so much all the time you are a parent of a teenager. that you will know how it is when the tongue hurts. But there are no other options here. Talk, talk, talk. It is important (!) to understand the difference between "to take out the brain" and "to speak."

7. Yes, you need to weigh your every word. and take each step based on the fact that you are in a minefield. There are no other options. But the trust that will arise between you and a teenager during this difficult period will never disappear, and betrayal can forever deprive you of the opportunity to communicate with each other.

8. Grandparents of a teenager can become great helpers for parents of a teenager. Just because our parents have already experienced teen crisis in their children and know well that "this also passes."

A remark is important here: this item works provided that there is no internal intergenerational conflict in the family and all participants in the upbringing process “look in the same direction”.

9. Communication with very different and very strange peers a teenager needs to try everything and try on all the possible roles in society.

10. Form a teenager's social circle. Study information about courses - clubs - camps - projects together. It is important (!) to first study the issue on your own and be ready to offer and offer new things, as well as go to meetings with your son or daughter (unless, of course, the son or daughter does not mind)

In the same paragraph: significant adults. These are teachers, coaches, tutors, mentors. For a teenager, sometimes “strangers” have much more authority than “our own”. You always have the option of "interacting" with the adults who surround my child.

11. The fear “he can do something to himself” is one of the main ones. Only conversations with a teenager (see item 11) and your own love for life (the latter extends to our children like the flu virus) will help you here.

12. Don't even try to compare your situation. with how and what happens in the same circumstances in other families. You are a parent and your teenage child is unique, you are the only one. There is no repetition and never will be.

13. "I don't love you", “Other parents have normal people and only you don’t understand me” - your teenager says these phrases in order to learn how to speak them in principle. He (a teenager) "trains on cats", like the hero Vitsin in the film "Operation Y".

Rejoice. This skill (voicing your feelings - emotions) will be very useful to your child in life.

Don't worry about "I don't love you" at all. RA child loves his parents unconditionally. Just like the parents of children. Moms for sure.

14. If a teenager sorely lacks love and warmth in the family, he will look for them elsewhere. It was an item about sex among teenagers.

15. Any lie is always a cry for help(each situation is individual, but in fact - yes, a person needs help). This is where theft comes into play. It is very common among teenagers from families where there are dependents (love can also be an addiction).

16. He (she) is not interested in anything, he (she) does not want anything.

As a rule, it follows: "Comes from school, does homework, and sits at the computer."
After all, it is obvious that a person is interested in what is happening in the computer and, accordingly, it is interesting. Go there. If this bothers you so much, register in the same game and become a team. Well, or opponents.

17. Can ignore the smell of cigarettes. You can ignore the fact that your child came home drunk. You can make a huge scandal out of all this. You can try to ban. You can ... You can do everything. Choose. I talked and talked about where the first cigarette happened and how I found out what a hangover is.

18. Cleaning up a teenager's room is impossible. And you don't need to.

19. You have the right to make tough decisions in all cases related to the safety of your child's life on the simple basis that, under the law, until the age of 18, it is you who are responsible for his life and health.

Item "out of competition":

Both you and your teenager always have the opportunity to seek help from a psychologist. Do not deny yourself this. Sometimes we - parents just need support, and teenagers need it (support) is vital.

Transitional age is a special period in a person's life. It is manifested by certain symptoms, to which parents should respond correctly. Children dramatically change their behavior, they are difficult to manage. However, this stage, although difficult, can be overcome without any problems.

There are techniques that allow you to establish normal relationships with children. Some parents will benefit from reading the relevant literature to avoid the consequences of communicating with the child. Indeed, it is at this age that there are a lot of deaths, when a small person could not find support from his parents and cope with his own experiences. Many run away from home, trying to find support on the street. They become disillusioned over time, but there may be no turning back.

What is transitional age? Its other name is puberty. For a child, not only the sensations of life and himself as an element of the whole system change, his body is transformed. Why is adolescence called a transitional age? At this time, the transition of each person into adulthood from childhood takes place. Everything changes: attitude to parents, to life, to the future.

How long is the transition period? Its duration can be approximately 4 years. Now children are growing up earlier, so the transition period can be reduced by 2 times, but this is all individual. At what age does puberty begin? From the age of 12 and ends at 16. In each individual case, this time period can vary in any direction.

The stage under consideration is notable for its complexity, a certain drama for some teenagers. Transitional age is associated with difficulties due to a number of reasons. The most significant factor is . Teenagers are characterized by a high degree of sensitivity to how others evaluate their appearance. At the same time, they show independence, firmness in opinion, which is expressed about other people.

When a transitional age sets in, in children one can simultaneously observe callousness, attentiveness, and painful shyness. There is a need to evaluate personalities authoritative for him. They want to be recognized, they behave in many situations quite cheekily. Characteristic at this stage is the deification of the idol. They strive in every possible way to demonstrate their own independence, fight against established rules, and oppose authorities.

This stage is manifested by the fact that adolescents are often not satisfied own appearance, there is dissatisfaction in one's own body. The child may have embarrassment about the body, he is embarrassed to openly show it. Often children do not want to be photographed, although they previously liked this activity.

All this can manifest itself due to ongoing changes at the hormonal level. Restructuring of absolutely all systems should begin in the body and internal organs. Throughout time, there is a need for a material that is the basis for the construction of fabrics. Because of this, there is a need for abundant nutrition, but there are changes in appetite.

Other reasons

The characteristics of the transitional age suggests that adolescents who have reached the age of 13-14 experience certain alternations of bursts of active periods. A child may be vigorous, but after a short time period he becomes tired or completely exhausted. The period of transitional age is characterized by the syndrome of teenage laziness. At the same time, parents describe this so-called syndrome by the fact that the child is lazy to do something and reveals a desire to lie down, sit, or does not want to stand upright (relies on various objects).

Experts associate these features of the transitional age with increased growth, so he expends a lot of strength and energy to perform certain actions. All this is reflected in the fact that the endurance of the child is greatly reduced. The manifested effect of the syndrome is reflected in the general condition and behavior of the child.

So, a teenager has some awkwardness, which leads to various breakdowns and damage to objects. These difficulties of adolescence may give the impression that a teenager is acting on purpose, but this is not so. All negative manifestations occur regardless of the child, they are caused by the restructuring of the motor system.

Coping with the changes in question is quite difficult, but over time, a teenager becomes an adult. In order for the process to be realized, large physical costs are necessary. If you pay attention to psychological aspect, then the child is hard enough to live at this point in time.

The transitional age in certain cases proceeds with difficulties that are associated with an unwillingness to grow up. It is in his subconscious that he will lose his usual state, so discomfort arises.

About the possible behavior of a teenager

Signs of adolescence are observed in the behavior of a teenager. Quite often it changes very much and becomes defiant. These changes are manifested in rudeness. He does not let adults near him, does not want to share his personal. In addition, his mood often changes, and he also does not allow a parent to be close to him, for example, he does not allow himself to be hugged. Psychologists compare this behavior with a hedgehog, which all the time repels others and.

Late transitional age is even more difficult. It is not uncommon for a child to refuse to clean their own room. Parents can observe a complete mess there, which absolutely does not bother the teenager. He also does not want to hear about household duties, it is very difficult to make them perform.

The symptoms of adolescence are also observed in the fact that the son or daughter tries to anger their parents, which can ultimately lead to a scandal. At the same time, a teenager may not worry at all about this.

The crisis of adolescence in adolescents sometimes negatively affects the condition of parents, as they all this time feel some confusion and cannot understand what actions to take. This whole process is painful for both parents and children, but all these symptoms can be overcome if you approach this behavior in the right way.

If the transitional age has approached, what should I do? Parents should respond wisely to such behavior. A teenager, with his extraordinary behavior, is trying to develop his own approach to certain events.

The crisis of this age makes it clear that a teenager is under pressure from various parties: parents, school and peers. Therefore, he tries to start living his own life without outside help. Psychology focuses on the fact that a teenager is trying to declare to others about his existence. However, the problems of adolescence begin to develop here due to the fact that the child does not yet have goals in life, emotional stability is also not observed.

About the development of the personality of a teenager

How to deal with transitional age? In this case, psychology comes to the rescue. This science focuses on the fact that a teenager in this difficult period for him becomes a person. Therefore, no reproaches, humiliation or similar actions can be resorted to.

How to help a teenager during this period? First of all, you need to try to occupy him with something. But at the same time, you need to remember that the child must be perceived as an individual.

How long is the transition period? For each teenager, this time can last differently, but all the signs are almost the same: this is the desire for maximum independence and refusal to accept problem situations.

When the transitional age begins, adolescents have a feeling of excessive adulthood. At the same time, psychology notes that he has a new level of claims that does not coincide with the actual state. Transitional age, features of contact with adolescents must be taken into account. It is extremely important for a child that his growing up is noted by parents and others. However, if the behavior does not satisfy adults, conflicts arise.

How to survive the transitional age? It is very important for a teenager that he receives and feels the support of loved ones all this time. But at the same time, the child can in every possible way refuse care and other manifestations of support.

What it is - correct behavior parents? It's lining up trusting relationship with loved ones. This process should be based on support, approval. The duration of the transitional age will also be determined by how well the parents behave.

You need to be prepared for the fact that a teenager will protest in every possible way, and he will not have enough adult advice. Communication will be accepted properly only in those cases when he understands that he has equal rights with adults. The transitional age is ending when a parent has a constructive conversation with his son/daughter. At the same time, there is no need to be rude, scream, etc. You just need to show in every possible way that the child is understood. It is necessary to share with him your own thoughts, experiences, etc.

When the teenage period ends, the child already acquires the ability to independently think and understand various life situations. Interest in the life of a child should not be artificial or simulated. All his actions must be monitored and negative deeds prohibited.

additional information

Regardless of how old the transitional age began, it is recommended to use a certain developed technology to repay the emerging conflict between a teenager and adults. Not many parents know that in the process of quarrels with a teenager, one should not insult him or blame him for something. It is recommended to express your attitude towards the child, and only positive. This process should be called building trust.

In the first year of adolescence and beyond, it is necessary to build a dialogue with the child as correctly as possible. For example, you need to focus on the fact that rude behavior negatively affects adults, etc. At the same time, you need to be prepared for a sharp response from the child, for example, that he doesn’t care. But this is just a mask, and sooner or later this behavior must end. A teenager will definitely remember these words and draw conclusions for himself.

A new period should begin in the child's life, and it should not be supported by any insults or other negative emotions, since all these are mistakes. Allowing them, parents cause only aggression in their child. But all this passes with time, and as a result, only positive impressions from parental support. speaking out own feelings and feeling the child will be able to avoid conflict.

The biggest difficulty of adolescence is the simultaneous very powerful restructuring of the child's body and psyche. Quality adult life largely determined by how successfully a person went through the teenage crisis.

Adolescence is usually called the period from 10-11 to 15-16 years. It is called transitional, since at this time the child moves from a child's model of behavior to an adult. There is a change in self-esteem, perception of oneself in society. There is an ability to perceive the environment critically, to analyze and draw one's own conclusions, to consciously appropriate those or other moral values ​​offered by society.

In addition, during this period, the teenager is experiencing serious physiological changes.

Age features of adolescents

• Physiological processes hidden from the eye cause a feeling of anxiety, discomfort, constant tension and emotional fatigue.
• Psychological changes, in turn, lead to emotional imbalance, internal and external conflicts, the solution of which requires the energy of internal strength.
• To the described problems of a teenager, a significant increase in the teaching load in high school, increased pressure from parents is added.
• All this creates a feeling of confusion in a teenager: old landmarks are lost, new ones have not yet been found.
• The natural processes of growing up cause feelings of catastrophe and loss of oneself in the world around
• The social skills of a teenager are not yet formed, personal life experience is too small to independently find solutions in difficult situations.
• Constant internal disharmony leads to increased conflict and aggression, which only reinforces the negative perception of the situation.
• As a result, a teenager becomes isolated, withdraws into himself, acquires unnecessary complexes, instead of solving problems, he is looking for easy ways to escape from them.
• In the worst case, teenage problems can break a person as a person.

The first signs of adolescence

Outwardly, the beginning of the transitional age is manifested in the following:

• The child begins to grow rapidly, the increase in height is more than 10-15 cm per year
• Secondary sex characteristics develop
• Teenage acne and skin rashes appear
• The child becomes too vulnerable, offended by things that he did not notice before
• Shy about showing parental affection in public
• Arguing and being rude more than usual

Physiological problems of adolescence.

• There is a serious restructuring of the endocrine system. The body of a teenager during the transition period develops unevenly and disproportionately. By the end of puberty, disproportions in most cases disappear
• Central nervous system undergoes significant changes, the result of which is the excessive emotional excitability of adolescents. The processes occurring in the cerebral cortex provoke an increased reaction of nerve endings and at the same time reduce the inhibition reaction

• In the transitional age, the final formation of adipose tissue and fiber, bones and muscle tissue occurs. The body takes on finished forms. During this period, proper healthy nutrition and metabolism are especially important.
• Problems often arise in the gastrointestinal tract during adolescence, as the digestive system is very sensitive to physical stress and emotional changes.
• Physiological changes in the cardiovascular system and respiratory organs lead to disorders in the heart, lungs, frequent weakness, dizziness and fainting. It is very important to choose for the child correct mode sleep and rest, as well as carefully consider the definition of permissible loads on the body

The main features of adolescence in girls

• The body gradually takes on the forms characteristic of the female figure: round hips, convex buttocks, the lower body becomes wider than the upper
• There is a growth of the mammary glands, often the process is accompanied by painful sensations and a feeling of discomfort. The breast may grow unevenly, the mammary glands may differ in size from one another, but by the end of puberty, the difference practically disappears
• In adolescence, girls begin to grow hair in the pubic and armpit areas, at the same time, the sebaceous glands begin to work more intensively, body odor becomes sharper. At this age, it is necessary to reconsider hygiene issues and develop an individual body care regimen.
• The formation of the genital organs is completed. Often during this period, violations of the microflora and associated complications (irritations, fungal infections) are possible. It is necessary to teach the girl to be attentive to health in the field of gynecology and to properly care for this part of the body

The main features of adolescence in boys

• In adolescence, boys begin to grow bones intensively, and then muscle tissue, and bones usually grow faster than muscles. Hence the frequent excessive thinness in adolescent boys. Sometimes such a backlog of muscle tissue can cause pain and temporary malaise.
• Teenage breaking of the voice is the growth of the larynx, during which the boy has an "Adam's" apple, and the voice drops by several tones to the timbre characteristic of adult men. During this period, boys are prone to frequent complications and diseases of the throat, since with the growth of the larynx there is a rather strong blood flow to this area.
• A very subtle and delicate issue of puberty in boys is wet dreams (involuntary, usually nocturnal, ejaculation associated with excessive sexual arousal)
• Changes on the face caused by hormonal changes: facial features become sharper and more masculine, childish roundness disappears. Vegetation appears on the face and neck. Juvenile acne in boys is usually more pronounced than in girls.
• Hair growth on the chest, in the armpits, in the groin, change in the smell of sweat. It is important to teach the boy to daily hygiene and use cosmetics body care products (deodorants, lotions, creams)

Reorganization of hormones. What to do with problem skin?

Acne on the face in adolescence is almost inevitable due to the global hormonal changes in the body. Because teenagers are very sensitive to their appearance and assessing one's appearance in the eyes of others, acne on the face is not only a physiological, but also a psychological problem.

At puberty, the sebaceous glands of the child begin to work in an enhanced mode. The fat they secrete creates ideal conditions for the development of pathogenic flora on the skin, which leads to blockage of pores and the development of pustular lesions.

With proper daily care, you can significantly reduce the level of bacteria in the pores and prevent excessive acne on the face.

What to consider when treating acne in teenagers:

• Teenage skin is very sensitive and prone to irritation, so you should choose products that are gentle, designed specifically for teenagers.
• "Adult" remedies can lead to serious irritation and allergic rashes, which will only aggravate the physical and psychological discomfort of the child.
• Means based on natural ingredients are better suited; when washing, you can wipe your face with decoctions of medicinal herbs that have an antiseptic effect
• Do not use alcohol-containing preparations, as alcohol dries out the skin, which in turn causes even more active work of the sebaceous glands and the release of fat.
• Acne can be exacerbated due to improper digestion, so it is important to eat a healthy and balanced diet.
• It is important to remember that not only the skin should be clean, but also the towel, bedding and underwear. Teach your child to avoid touching their face unless absolutely necessary, to wash their hands more often, and to use clean handkerchiefs.
• Teenage skin is more prone to pollution than adult skin, so you need to wash your face several times a day, at least in the morning and evening.

Social problems of adolescence. Adaptation in society

The main motivation of a child in society in adolescence is gaining respect in the eyes of others, especially peers. The opinion of classmates begins to prevail over the opinion of parents and teachers. Adolescents are very sensitive to the slightest change in their position in the circle of their peers.

Hence, sudden actions are frequent, uncharacteristic for a child, designed to demonstrate to peers his exclusivity and eccentricity: hooligan antics, rash risk, extravagant details of appearance.
It has been noticed that the weight of a child in the eyes of a teenager directly depends on his emotional well-being and the microclimate in the family.

Psychological problems of adolescence

The main tasks of personal growth that the child solves for himself in adolescence:

• Ability to analyze, compare, draw own conclusions
  Independent decision-making based on the conclusions drawn
  Awareness of personal responsibility for their decisions and actions
  Awareness of oneself as an individual and a subject of society
  His status and position in society

An important aspect for a teenager is self-respect as a person. Having learned to perceive the world critically, children begin to see too many shortcomings in themselves, especially in comparison with other peers. They also painfully perceive any hint of disrespect from the outside.

Often, a teenager's depressed state or increased aggressiveness is caused precisely by an imbalance between the child's internal need for respect and its insufficient manifestation on the part of parents and peers.

Problems of interpersonal relationships in adolescence

• In terms of interpersonal relationships in adolescence, there is a decrease in the importance of adults and a high dependence on the opinions of peers. That is, a teenager from the position of a subordinate moves to a position of equal value
• If there is a serious distance and subordination in the relationship between an adult and a child, then in a relationship between a child and a child, a teenager can fully realize his main needs for this age: to feel like an adult and gain respect in the eyes of others
• The main problems of interpersonal communication of a teenager are the unwillingness of adults to agree with a decrease in their own importance in the eyes of a child, and the inability of a teenager to form harmonious relationships based on equality, since the skill of communication in childhood was based on obedience to adults and fulfilling their demands
• Frequent conflicts of adolescents with each other are caused precisely by attempts to build new relationships based on old skills. In early adolescence, the child is not picky in friends, he is interested in communication as such and the development of the necessary experience.
• By their late teens, children tend to be well versed in their choice of permanent friends of interest, clearly define their role in their company, and have sufficient skills to maintain smooth relationships over a long period of time.

Problems of learning in adolescence. How can you help your child cope with school?

Most teenagers, in addition to all of the above difficulties, have another one - loss of interest in learning. Each child may have his own reason, they have one thing in common: adolescence is full of emotional and physiological experiences, which inevitably affects all aspects of a child's life.

Possible reasons for poor performance

• In early adolescence, the child becomes high school, where the organization of educational activities differs significantly from the initial one. Instead of one teacher, many teachers appear, each with their own requirements and attitudes. The ways of presenting the material are becoming more academic, the emphasis is shifting towards theory and complex conceptual structures. The child needs the help of parents in order to timely and correctly adapt to new conditions.
• AT high school the increased requirements of parents to the quality of grades and the level of knowledge are added to the complexity of the material, since there is a question of entering professional educational establishments. There is increasing pressure from teachers interested in the quality of passing the exam. The teenager himself is experiencing natural fears about the upcoming exams and admission to the university.
• All this leads to a serious psychological burden, which can affect the quality of academic performance. Help your child to evenly distribute the load during working week, correctly alternate the mode of rest and work. Try not to escalate the situation, cheer up the child, help him gain a sense of self-confidence and his strength.

• Conflicts with teachers and lack of motivation. Adolescents are very sensitive to criticism, especially to its public manifestations. The most natural reaction of a teenager is aggression, which only exacerbates the conflict. Underachievement in individual items may be associated with a negative relationship between the teacher and the child. Try to find out the causes of the conflict and help the child build contact
• Personal problems. For a teenager, relationships with peers are much more important than academic performance. At the moment, this is his biggest pain point. If a teenager is not adapted in a team, experiences difficulties in communication, this may be the cause of general apathy, including in relation to studies. It is very important not to dismiss the problems of a teenager, no matter how insignificant it may seem to you.
• Recognize its importance, try to call the child to straight Talk and give him real help, otherwise next time he is unlikely to share the problem. Remember that independence is important for a teenager, so do not try to solve his problems by force, do not lecture his classmates. Help the teenager find a worthy way out of the situation or change the team

The problem of conflict in adolescence

In adolescence, the features of the development of the psyche and body develop in such a way that the child experiences several serious internal conflicts at the same time.

• The desire to be an adult is a denial of the values ​​of surrounding adults
• Feeling like the center of the universe - self-criticism and rejection of oneself as a person
• The desire to be "like everyone else" - a deep need to declare one's individuality and exclusivity
• Puberty - fear and rejection of changes occurring in the body
• Attraction to the opposite sex - inability to build relationships

It is difficult for a teenager to cope with such an influx of emotions, experiences and physical sensations during this period. Internal conflicts are inevitably reflected in external life.

Relationships with parents and relatives of a teenager. How to behave to the older generation and what to expect?

• In adolescence, the child leaves the custody of the parents. If in childhood he perceived parental assessments and requirements as correct by definition, in adolescence the child begins to evaluate what is happening around him from the point of view of his personal perception. He is aware that he has his own preferences, sympathies and aspirations, which do not always coincide with the opinions of adults
• In relation to parents, a teenager during this period seeks to distance himself from their guardianship and patronage, to demonstrate his adulthood and independence. However, this does not mean that a teenager is ready to refuse communication with parents in general. It's just that his communication during this period goes to a qualitatively new level.
• It often seems to parents that the child is showing unreasonable aggression and stubbornness, and the only thing that drives him is to do everything out of spite. But the misunderstanding is rather caused by the inability of the child, due to age, to express his true emotions, and the unwillingness of his parents to understand him. As a result, the child has a feeling of loneliness, isolation
• It is important to understand that the child emotionally suffers from conflicts no less than the parents. But, not having enough experience in adult relationships, a teenager is not able to understand the cause of mutual dissatisfaction, does not know what to do to resolve the conflict.

It is also necessary to understand that the hormonal revolution of the teenage body causes uncontrollable outbursts of emotions that the child is not physically able to control.

Personality of a teenager in the period of transitional age. New hobbies and world views

Psychologists divide adolescence into two phases: negative and positive.

• Negative phase- this is the withering away of the old system of values ​​and interests, the active rejection of the changes taking place inside. The child feels that changes are taking place, but psychologically he is not yet ready for them, hence his irritability, apathy, constant anxiety and discontent
• AT positive phase the teenager is ready to accept and realize the changes taking place. He has new friends, interests, he is able to communicate at a new qualitative level, a feeling of maturity arises, emotions become more stable

It is during the period of a positive phase that a teenager has stable hobbies, creative talents are clearly manifested. If at 10-12 years old teenagers choose friends according to the territorial principle (they study together, live nearby), then in older adolescence the circle of acquaintances is formed on the basis of common interests and hobbies.

Cognitive development of a teenager

Cognitive development is the development of cognitive skills.

• In adolescence, a child is able to assimilate abstract concepts, analyze hypotheses, build his own assumptions, reasonably criticize someone else's point of view. The teenager discovers a logical way of learning objects, in addition to mechanical memory used by children of preschool and primary school age
• With mechanical memorization, the material is reproduced in the sequence in which it was memorized: verbatim retelling of the text, strictly sequential execution of physical actions
• Logical memory focuses not on the form, but on the essence of the subject being studied. The subject being studied is analyzed, the most important points, their logical relationship is established, after which the studied material is stored in memory
• In early adolescence, it is difficult for a child to understand in which cases to use certain acquired skills. Some school subjects lend themselves well to the logical method of memorization, some subjects can only be studied with the help of mechanical memory (foreign languages, complex formulas and definitions). At the age of 10-12 years, children often complain of memory impairment and inability to understand this or that material.

By late adolescence, the child is usually fluent in the acquired skills and their use does not cause difficulties for him.

Generational conflict: to resolve or not to resolve?

Conflicts that arise between parents and a teenager can have a variety of reasons, but if you do not try to manage the conflict, any minor trifle can lead to very serious consequences for both parties. What to do if there is a conflict?

1. The first step is to listen to the arguments and arguments of both sides. Teenagers do not perceive categorical prohibitions, it is important for them to understand what is behind your “no”. Give your child the opportunity to express their point of view. Firstly, he will learn to formulate explanations for his actions (he does not always understand them himself), and secondly, you will let him know that you consider him an adult and respect his opinion. This will significantly reduce the intensity of passions
2. After you have carefully and respectfully listened to the child's position and expressed your arguments, try to find a common compromise. Indicate to the teenager the boundaries in which you are ready to give in, invite him to refuse part of the requirements. So you teach your child to find a middle ground in conflicts with other people.
3. If you find a solution that suits both parties, do not try to revise it under the influence of external circumstances. Be logical and consistent in your desire to speak to your child from a position of mutual respect.

How to build a relationship with a child so as not to harm him?

The parental family is the first and most important model of relationships between people in a child's life.

Possible distortions and disharmony in family relationships are most acute during adolescence. A few examples of inharmonious behavior of parents and their consequences for a teenager.

How can I help my child accept himself as a person?

• Excessive criticality with which a teenager analyzes me and others fully applies to himself.
• All adolescents are, to one degree or another, dissatisfied with themselves, their appearance, their achievements and success among their peers. Girls are more prone to low self-esteem than boys
• Help your teenager see their strengths, understand what makes them attractive and unique. Celebrate his real successes, try to raise his self-esteem in your own eyes
• Teenagers have a very great need to communicate with their peers. To become one's own, to be a full member of a social group, a company of friends is the main dream of any teenager
• Help your child build relationships in a team. Find time for a heart-to-heart talk; Tell your child about your adolescence, about your first love, friendship, first fights and mistakes. By analyzing your stories, it will be easier for a teenager to make decisions regarding their own problems.
• In search of his own “I”, a teenager may begin to behave shockingly, dress in strange clothes, listen to unusual music, and so on. If the child's behavior does not pose a threat to himself and others, let him "go crazy"

• Do not make fun of his new hobbies, do not forbid self-expression. Make it clear that he is still appreciated and loved regardless of his appearance.
• Let your teen make mistakes. This does not mean the absence of parental control. On the contrary, allow the child to do it in his own way, but warn about possible consequences, in your opinion.
• Lessons from personal experience are learned much better than parental instructions. Of course, such experiments are appropriate in those matters where a child's mistake will not lead to critical consequences.

Video: Problems of a teenager in adolescence