Sometimes a child avoids contact with other children, in psychology this is called “fear of strangers”. This can happen at any age, starting from 8-9 months, and there are many reasons for this. How to save the baby from the problem and normalize his communication with peers so that he stops being afraid of them?

Why a child aged one year and older may be afraid of other children

There are many reasons why a child may be afraid of peers:

• offended on the site;
• hit;
• fear of uncontrolled actions towards oneself from others;
• inability to interact with children and find a way out of conflict situations;
• overprotective adults.

But speaking of fear of other children, you need to pay attention to the temperament and character of the child. Perhaps your baby is very shy, and therefore avoids contact with peers. In this case, he would rather prefer to communicate with someone he knows well, and not with a big noisy company. But if the baby starts to cry, starts screaming or says that he is afraid, it is worth considering. Observe its behavior to identify the cause of the problem.

Determining a fearful child is usually not difficult, given the tension and anxiety in behavior, avoidance of the source of the threat, and a positive response to the question of the presence of fear.

What to do to make the baby stop being afraid of peers

Fear of peers has a very strong effect on the child. You can overcome it different ways. But first of all, it is necessary to determine the situation, to identify negative experience in kindergarten, school or any other team that influenced the formation of the baby's behavior.

How to play on the playground with a lot of children to overcome fear

In more younger age(from about two years old) parents need to help their child deal with fear starting small:

• having come to the site, ask the baby to say hello to the children, draw his attention to those whom he saw earlier;
• during the game, assign roles: one digs, and the other takes the machine with sand;
• do not let others offend your little one, he should have only positive emotions from the games, and he needs to be sure that in which case mom and dad will always protect him;
• in order for the kid to enjoy playing on the playground, in play centers and kindergarten, teach him to share, wait his turn and exchange toys, show him this by your own example.

Two-year-old children have a need for communication, which will help to cope with the problem. Increasing interest in peers will eventually overcome fear.

Now there are a lot of children's centers for the development of children, where they learn to play and do something together. Try to enroll your child in a group with no more than ten people of his age, experienced teachers will also prompt and help you solve this problem.

Example of adults for three-year-olds

There are certain circumstances that contribute to the emergence of fears. These include features family education when parents are too protective or, conversely, practically do not pay attention to the child due to constant employment or unwillingness to caress him.

If the baby is constantly surrounded by his mother or grandmother, he feels that he does not need anyone else. Excessive care can do harm, because the chick needs to be released little by little from the nest and from under the warm wing, where it will not stay for life. Give your child more freedom - let him choose which toys to take to the sandbox and which playground to go to. Instill in the child a sense of self-confidence so that he grows up as a full-fledged personality.

A child's fears are often influenced by the words and actions of adults. For example, when a mother or grandmother says that she is afraid of dogs, diseases, disasters, it will not be surprising if, after some time, the baby also starts talking about these topics and is just as afraid. Watch your words and actions, because they greatly affect the perception of the world by your child.

Before the age of 3, babies are more likely to communicate with adults, observe them, learn the rules of behavior and follow the actions with various objects. Everything that happens around the child, he instantly “absorbs” it into himself like a sponge.

If the problem has already appeared, talk to the child. Support the baby, tell him about what you yourself were once afraid of. In more difficult cases, seek the help of a psychologist, he will help get rid of the fear of children.

The positive impact of fairy tales

Fairy tales will help in the fight against fears. While reading them, analyze with the child the situations described and the actions of the characters. Analyze in detail what the characters in the stories are afraid of and how they overcome difficulties. This will help the child to believe in himself.

Correct Behavior Model

Instill in the child the correct model of behavior. To do this, you need to develop sociability. Go to developmental classes, playgrounds, visit, and also invite friends with children to your home. It is important to teach the baby to be cordial and respect the order in a strange family. Introduce him to peers and show that they are great guys and you should not be afraid of them. Convince the baby that it is interesting and exciting to play with him, teach him perseverance in certain situations.

If a person from childhood is calm, confident and sociable, he will easily enter any team.

What not to do if the child has fears

1. Don't focus on an existing problem.
2. Don't say your baby's "diagnosis" out loud.
3. Do not discuss the situation with others, so as not to injure the child.
4. Do not force someone to be friends, do not impose communication.
5. Protect the child from offensive nicknames and any labels, because it is quite difficult to get rid of them.
6. Refer to other children as kind and sweet.

Experts point out that moms and dads have a different approach to children's fears. Women react more seriously to this problem, and men are simpler: in one case, they consider it necessary to support the baby, and in the other - to shame. That is why psychologists often have to work with parents (usually mothers and grandmothers), pointing out their mistakes in upbringing and behavior.

It is not necessary to work with fears for those parents who do not have the habit of teaching children to be afraid, and who do not reinforce the cowardly behavior of children.

Encyclopedia practical psychology"Psychologos"

http://lib.komarovskiy.net/rabota-so-straxami-u-detej.html

The easiest way to overcome fear is to distract the child, switch his attention to a secondary problem. Try to ask the kid to draw his fears, to lose the situation with his parents. Children can cope with the problem themselves, it is important to tell them how to do it.

The main technique in working with fears in children is the removal of the child's fear of fear. ... Wordings: “Fear is not scary”, “Fear is normal, everyone is afraid, it’s not shameful to be afraid”, “Fear helps us, fear takes care of us”, “You need to accept your fear” - all these outwardly diverse suggestions have one inner task: a calm, fearless attitude of the child to those psychophysiological processes that are commonly called fear.

Encyclopedia of Practical Psychology "Psychologos"

http://lib.komarovskiy.net/rabota-so-straxami-u-detej.html

Children's fears are normal, but the role of parents is very important in solving this problem. Help the child cope, support him, talk to him and try to gradually get rid of fear. Surround the little person with warmth, care and love. Work on yourself, look at yourself from the outside, because children completely copy adults. Tell us how you deal with your fears. If you cannot solve the problem on your own, contact a child psychologist.

Is it worth protecting the child from all possible fears or forcing them to overcome fear, no matter what? reasoning Anna Harutyunyan, counseling psychologist.

Fear or whim?

Children's fears are not always unambiguously evil. Coping with them, the child gains experience, learns to overcome, grows up. But the volume and strength of fears must be feasible for the psyche of a particular child, otherwise it will result in a mental trauma that will ruin his life when he grows up. And then even a specialist will not be easy to establish where the health problems, neurosis, insomnia came from.

Where is this tolerable limit, knowledge of the patterns of development of the child and common sense the parents themselves, who know their offspring well. If a child is afraid to fall asleep without light or to be left alone, there is no need to resist and force him to sleep in the dark, lock him at home alone - just because he is already 8 years old and this does not scare other children of the same age. So you turn him into a neurotic. It is important to understand whether the child is really afraid or whether he is manipulating his parents in this way. For example, because he wants more attention and more often to be with his mother. If this is the case, you need to let him know that he was seen through, and explain that there is time for him, but there is time for other things. But at the same time give him enough attention. No parent will ever be able to satisfy all the needs of the child - he needs to learn independence.

Are the parents to blame?

Often parents themselves are the authors of fears in their children. For example, when a mother does not approach a screaming baby for a long time, trying to accustom him to the regimen. Or when, as if taking care of safety, we say to the child: “Don’t do this, I’m afraid you will fall, cut yourself, burn yourself ...”

Warning: "This boy is a bully." Watch for yourself: how often do you threaten the baby that Baba Yaga, someone else's uncle, will take him for disobedience. If so, then you should not be surprised that the child wakes up and screams at night or cannot be left alone. Do not show self-doubt in front of children, try to say as little as possible: "I'm afraid ...".

Many childhood fears go away on their own with time. But there are children who, by virtue of their nature, do not share their fears with their parents, they drive them inside. Fears accumulate, anxiety grows, and this sets the stage for the formation of a future neurosis.

Little legs run down the hallway and quickly jump into your bed, shouting "Maaaam, there's a monster under my bed!". Familiar?

Feeling fear for anyone healthy and normal is a completely natural reaction to learning about the world around us.

The most fearless age for boys is 4 years, and for girls - 3 years. More fears appear in children from single-parent families, especially in boys who live only with their mothers

AT 7-8 years old old fears are softened, but new ones appear. The student is getting scared disapproving reaction on the part of parents, to worry that they will not be able to meet their wishes and expectations. This is how school fears appear, for example, getting a bad grade or being late for school and “running into” a remark in the diary. After 8 years, children are more and more afraid of losing their parents, afraid of death.

Often, with our excessive anxiety, we simply “infect” the child with fear, for example, of hitting or getting sick. True, it also happens vice versa: the lack of emotionality of parents and their excessive severity engenders in the child a large number of fears.

In order to timely notice the problem associated with parental relationship, ask the child about his dreams . If the characters are male, for example, Koschey, then most likely there are problems with the father. If female characters of cartoons or fairy tales dream, then this is a reflection of the conflict with the mother.

Valentina Kindritskaya, psychologist:“Situations are dangerous when a parent of the same sex as the child is rather harsh towards him, and the opposite is soft. For example, a strict father and a soft mother for a boy and, conversely, a strict mother and a father who loves to spoil for a girl. As a rule, the child identifies with the parent of his gender. The support and approval of the father is very important for the son, the support and approval of the mother is very important for the daughter. If such a mechanism of approval and support is violated, the child's self-esteem decreases, and a feeling of failure appears. And this situation is fertile ground for the emergence of various fears.

The normal lifespan of fears is 3-4 weeks . If during this period its intensity only increases, then we are talking about obsessive fear. But do not worry: up to 9-10 years, anxiety in a child's character can still be eliminated. You need to act softly and smoothly.

How to free a child from fear

One of better ways getting rid of fears is. Many psychotherapists use this practice in the treatment of their young patients. Children relax, do what they are interested in. Ask draw your fears . The main thing is not to say how everything should be in this drawing, do not suggest color, size and do not try to make the drawing beautiful - its psychological component is much more important than the external gloss.

You can overcome fear in game form . Let the child choose some toys and simulate a situation that scares him. Important here are the characters themselves, and what the baby does with them.

Margarita Feseeva, art therapist: “In my practice, there was a case when I invited a child to play with figures in order to find out what he was afraid of. He took a figurine, calling it Pie, added improvised Barmaley and Vovochka to it. The boy lost the situation when Barmaley made Pie eat a lot before going out, and then Vovochka threw sand at him in the yard and called him names. After talking with my mother, I found out that a grandmother lives with them, who constantly overfeeds the child, which no one can cope with, and the boy almost always returns from the yard dirty and upset. Mom talked to Vovochka's mom, explained the situation to her grandmother - and the problem was practically resolved.

If a child , put him to bed at the same time every day, hug him before bed, make him feel safe. Buy him pajamas with his favorite cartoon characters, superheroes who will protect him all night, leave the nightlight on.

A common fear among younger students is fear . To overcome fear, always tell your child where you are going and when you return, give him the opportunity to play interesting games while you are away. Limit TV viewing , in particular, scary news releases about disasters, tragedies and violence or cartoons / films with violent behavior of the characters.

Whatever way you choose to deal with fear, do not leave the child alone with his fears and phobias, do not ignore his complaints and do not laugh at his petty problems (for him they are oh so great!).

Remember that the child always needs your help and support, even if he does not ask for them. All adult problems come from childhood, so make sure that your child does not have these problems!

The fear of sleeping alone is included in the list of the most common. The reasons may be different: the child's habit of sleeping with his parents, overexciting him nervous system, old fear, fear of losing a parent, sudden changes in life, conflicts in the family, personal experiences. How to be in a similar situation?

Why is the child afraid

Fear and anxiety are natural emotional reactions. As your baby grows older, new fears will appear. What are the most popular causes of the fear of sleeping alone?

1. Fear of life changes. For young children, this could be a new crib, moving into a nursery, waiting for guests, or a long trip. For older children - the excitement before entering school, before the exam, leaving the parental home. Again, any painful condition can trigger the fear of falling asleep.
2. Fear of fairy-tale and fictional characters. A fairy tale teaches a lot, but at times becomes a reason for fear. Do not scare the child with Barmaley and Baba Yaga. Children are really afraid of them, and quiet rustles or moving curtains are mistaken for the appearance of monsters.
3. overexcitation. No wonder grandmothers say "do not walk the child before bedtime." Too much activity an hour before bedtime can turn into a sleepless night for the whole family.

Regardless of why the baby is afraid to sleep alone, in most cases, it is up to the parents to make the child’s sleep stronger and the nights calmer.

The expert tells about the causes of children's fears I am a Parent, child psychologist Nikolay Lukin.

1. Give your child more attention during the day

A child who receives enough attention and bodily contact during the day feels calmer at night. He does not have to wait for bedtime to receive parental love the only time in the form. Fear of falling asleep for parents is a signal to spend more time with the baby: play, walk, develop his talents.

2. Choose a bedtime ritual

About an hour before bedtime, you need to finish all active and outdoor games. Nightly rituals will help the child fit into the routine. If at exactly eight in the evening he goes to the shower, drinks a cup of kefir, then brushes his teeth, listens to a fairy tale, kisses his mother, wishes her " Good night”, then turning off the light and leaving his mother in the kitchen, he will perceive as an excuse to turn on his side and close his eyes. When there is no time left for long rituals, you can shorten them, for example, to changing into pajamas, covering with a blanket and a gentle whisper in your ear.

3. Turn on the night light

Do not abruptly accustom children to sleep in the dark. If the baby is afraid to sleep with the lights off, and there is no night light, turn on the lights in the hallway or adjacent rooms. Children get used to the dark gradually.

4. Get a thing that symbolizes safety

With a favorite toy or even with a mother's jacket, sleep is always calmer. And if you whisper magic words to the toy, it will become the most important “guardian of a peaceful sleep” for a long time. Magic words can be thought up and said together, or they can be kept secret to add to the ritual of laying the magic that children love so much.

5. Talk in the next room

Little cowards are calmer when they hear their mother's voice. If you leave the nursery door ajar and talk calmly, the child will fall asleep faster. Of course, it’s not worth it to sort things out loudly when the baby hears you, but you don’t need to calm down with the whole house either. Silence frightens children, it is very easy to discover new fears in it.

An aquarium or a cage with birds has the same effect: at night, the child hears the same sounds as during the day, and calms down.

6. Pay attention to the interior of the nursery

Each person has his own bed: this must be explained to the child before moving him to a separate room. The crib "grows" with the child. And, if earlier she could stand in the parent's bedroom, now she "lives" in the baby's personal room.

In the nursery, everything should be different from the adults' room. Favorite fairy-tale heroes, gentle and bright colors, toys, soft carpet covering create comfort and desire to be in the room more often. It will be easier for the child to fall asleep in "his" space.

Children are often frightened by the emptiness under the bed. It is better to put there boxes with toys.

When a child is afraid to fall asleep, he resorts to his mother. First you need to hug him, calm him down, and then gently but persistently take him to his bed. It is important to let him know that you are there, you hear everything, and you will come to the rescue at any moment.

Repeat the shortest version of the laying ritual.

The child's fear of falling asleep alone and being in a room at night without close people, especially adults, is only the top of the problem. If the kids climb into the parent's bed or ask to sit next to him, then older children may not show their anxiety to their relatives, as they are shy or do not count on their help. The causes of fears, like the underwater part of an iceberg, are hidden in the depths. A loving and attentive parent will definitely try to figure it out and help his child stop being afraid, find peace and learn to sleep alone.

Many children do not want to lose sight of their mother, are afraid to be alone in the dark, or simply find it very difficult to calm down before going to bed without the help of an adult. During and after the infant period, such behavior is quite explicable by a close relationship with the parents. With them, the child feels safe, and all his basic needs are met. Often these problems disappear on their own as they get older. But when a grown-up baby insistently does not want to fall asleep in his crib, does not let his mother go, wakes up in the middle of the night and runs to his parents, adults should think about the origins of such behavior. Perhaps their child is still too young, but sometimes there are reasons that do not allow their child to relax and feel safe.

The most common fear is the fear of the dark, which brings uncertainty and incomprehensible mystery to the baby's world. Few people manage to avoid this in childhood. During the day, everything has its clear outlines and boundaries, thoughts participate in the continuous process of classes, games and walks. The flow of changing information often does not allow you to focus on one thing for a long time. But when the night comes, everything changes. Things are behind, and the child is left alone with the impressions, feelings and thoughts accumulated during the day. And in the light of the moon, violent fantasy begins to work actively, drawing the silhouettes of objects in the room and the shadows on the wall to terrible monsters, frightening with their obscurity.

Fear is an inner feeling of a person that occurs in response to a real or perceived threat. This feeling is always negatively colored and uncomfortable. From the point of view of evolution, fear is an innate basic emotion that contributes to the self-preservation of the individual.

To cause anxiety that interferes with the full sleep of a child at any age, there can be completely different reasons.

1. If the baby is punished by locking him in a dark room, he will certainly be frightened and take out his fear from there when the door opens.
2. Past events can overload the child's psyche. For example, the day was emotionally intense and/or there was a lot of movement. Even an overabundance positive impressions can cause restless sleep.
3. Terrible imaginary monsters, unkind characters of fairy tales, intimidation of the baby by Baba Yaga, Babai, or some terrible uncle also prevent the child from falling asleep peacefully. After all, if a loved one says that someone will come and take him away, the crumbs have no reason not to believe in it. Therefore, it is better not to scare the child, not to read stories and not to watch cartoons or films with similar characters.
4. Older siblings or other children may frighten their little friend with ominous stories. And in the dark, these stories take on a second life, coming to life in the head of an impressionable kid and turning into silhouettes on the walls.
5. TV is not always a source of positive information. Seen news with a negative color or footage of disasters are postponed by disturbing thoughts.
6. Excess negative emotions, which arose in recent times, can develop into fear and disrupt the child's sleep. Older children often replay in their minds everything that has made them upset. As a result, anxiety builds up and prevents you from finishing a bad day.
7. Moving to a new place of residence does not give the child a good night's sleep. Unfamiliar surroundings take on a frightening shape at night.
8. Overstrain and a continuous flow of information load the mind of the baby so much that he can no longer relax on his own. Classes, tutors, circles should leave the child enough time to relax and play their favorite game.
9. Clarification of relations between parents also affects inner world their children. Even from a small quarrel, with the help of imagination, something incomprehensible and very frightening grows.
10. If a child is afraid of some situations, his nightly fears become aggravated. It could be a trip to the doctor, a long trip, or September 1st.
11. Conflicts with peers and teachers often leave an unpleasant imprint on the day.
12. AT transitional age emotional condition a teenager is often dependent on hormonal levels. As a result of this, inexplicable tension, excitement and restless sleep appear.
13. Dreamed nightmares frighten both the baby and the teenager, disturb the internal balance.

All experienced events and imaginary fears can develop into constant anxiety. This makes it difficult for the child to feel secure and sleep peacefully. Being alone in the dark with his thoughts becomes a test for him. And, of course, I want to get rid of all negative emotions, or at least muffle them. And the best assistants in this matter are the parents, to whom the baby comes with his problem.

Fear of the dark in a child: how to help - video

How night terrors change with the age of the child, and how to deal with them

The kid grows, and as he grows up, the perception of the world around him changes, a new experience appears, his personal qualities develop. And what frightened a child at the age of five may seem ridiculous and absurd to him at ten.

In order for the baby to outgrow his "night monsters", the adults around him must create a comfortable and protected environment. The readiness to always come to the rescue, listen and support will have a positive impact not only on relationships, but also on the child's confidence in the future.

Fear tends to exaggerate the true meaning of a fact. (Victor Hugo)

Possible problems depending on the age of the child - table

What Not to Do

1. You can not swear with anyone and sort things out in front of the child. The family is a fortress in which it should be peaceful and calm.
2. Beating and locking a baby in a room alone is strictly prohibited. Such actions only breed fear.
3. It is better not to show your confusion and weakness in a difficult situation. The child must be sure that the parents will be able to protect him under any circumstances.
4. You can’t scare the baby with negative characters who are ready to come and punish him. Young children may believe this so much that they will not fall asleep alone without adult protectors.
5. It is advisable not to tell blood-chilling stories, not to read sad tales and not to show scary movies and cartoons. Everything seen and heard by the baby can be projected onto his life.
6. You can not laugh at the fears of the baby. This leads to a loss of trust and to the silence of problems in the future.
7. It is better not to put pressure on the child, saying that he is already too big boy to act up and be afraid of the dark and monsters. If the child has spoken about his fears, then he needs help.
8. You can not ignore the anxieties and nightmares of your child. If any problem has arisen, it must be solved without waiting until it develops into something more.
9. Don't play along by claiming monsters are real. Such adult behavior will only feed the child's anxiety.

Even if, talking about his fears, the child just wants to be with his parents, you should not immediately send him to his room to sleep. Perhaps he really lacks attention and communication with loved ones.

How to help your child not be afraid to sleep in a room alone

In order for unreasonable anxieties to disappear, and the child to feel confident and calm, adults need to help their child overcome the negative perception of reality. There are several ways to get rid of fears and maintain a positive attitude.

1. It is necessary to provide a friendly and calm atmosphere in the family.
2. If the child has a separate room, you need to take into account his wishes when decorating the space. So, the bedroom will become more beloved and safer for its owner.
3. The regimen and daily routine will make the baby's life more predictable, and he himself more confident.
4. Constantly repeating bedtime rituals will help the baby relax and prepare for sleep. These activities include brushing your teeth, putting on your pajamas, and good fairy tale at night, and calm music, and a light massage or just stroking.
5. Many young children fall asleep well to a lullaby. Drawling sounds and a native voice soothe the baby, foreshadowing a sweet dream.
6. Before going to bed, the parent can go around with the child all the nooks and crannies of the room, showing that there is no one there.
7. Among the toys of the baby, there will always be a kind protector who can protect his owner from all adversity. It is allowed to be taken to bed. The rest of the inhabitants of the room will also stand guard all night.
8. You can visualize the fear of the crumbs by drawing or molding it from plasticine. Further, at the request of the baby, this image must be decorated, making it kind and funny, or you can tear it or send it on a paper boat along the course of some river.
   

   What has become funny cannot be dangerous. (Voltaire)

   For children after 7-8 years old, there is a way to relax in bed: you need to think about something very calm and pleasant, delivering positive emotions. For example, imagine yourself walking along the coast of a warm sea, pouring sand from palm to palm, or relaxing in a clearing surrounded by flowers and butterflies. At first, it is desirable to carry out this imaginary journey in the presence of mother and even together, discussing the pop-up pictures. Then the child can do it on his own without the participation of an adult.

   There is another method of dealing with fears: when fear arises, a person mentally very quickly builds a wall between the threat and himself or a dome that descends and protects from all troubles. Children trained in this technique will protect themselves not only from scary characters, but also from possible offenders at school.

   If the mother cannot sit with the baby for a long time every evening, putting him to bed, she can gradually replace her voice with her favorite audio fairy tales or calm music.

   Positive communication, joint walks for the coming dream, confidence in your loved ones will definitely help in the fight against fears.

   Dr. Komarovsky: what rituals should be performed with a child before going to bed - video

   When to Get Professional Help

   If by the age of 8–9 years, the fears that arise do not become obsolete or there are persistent obsessive phobias that are not subject to any positive messages from the parents, it is necessary to consult a specialist. Sleepless nights, anxiety, tantrums and recurring nightmares may be symptoms of a disorder. Improperly chosen tactics of behavior and tensions in the family interfere with coping with the problem. It is impossible to leave these issues without elaboration and solution, because not only restful sleep, but also the health of the child depends on this. And when they grow up, children can take with them adult life along with positive examples and unconquered fear.

   Fear is a necessary emotion. When babies are born, we ourselves teach them to be afraid of a hot kettle, an electrical outlet, a suspicious person. But if this feeling is unreasonable and obsessive, it negatively affects the baby, disturbing his peace, peace of mind and sleep. The task of adults is to explain to their child what to avoid and what does not really pose a threat to him. And love, understanding and care will certainly help the child become more confident, and parents happier.

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