For a long time it was believed that the behavior of a girl should correspond to the image of a proud and impregnable beauty. Parents often bring up girls in terms: do not call, do not write, do not apologize. These beliefs are completely incompatible with the desire for harmonious relationships.

In human relations, both personalities should be equal. Only in this case it is possible to build a harmonious and long relationship based on respect and trust.

However, in life there are situations when one person offends another. Cinema and literature are teeming with images of offended women, bypassing male resentment. The very combination of the words: “man” and “resentment” seems ridiculous to us. Although this is the reality of life.

Do I need to apologize to a man?

Male psychology differs from female psychology in many ways, which do not include the perception of resentment. Insults, offensive words, humiliating actions affect the stronger sex no less than the weaker one. With the difference that a woman has always been allowed to express her emotions: to cry and suffer. And from a man from childhood they demand male behavior which does not include tears. However, resentment does not become less significant for a man. He simply does not have the opportunity to express his emotions as vividly as the female gender.

Does a man take offense more easily? Of course not. heartache of a person depends more on personality traits than on gender. The law of harmony and karma is simple: if you offended someone, apologize.

The choice of method of apology directly depends on the depth of resentment. The most important thing in an apology is not the process, but the result. In other words, it doesn't matter how you do it, it's important that the guy forgives you. You can’t ignore resentment, even if the guy behaves as usual. Remember that the pain of resentment tends to accumulate like a snowball. And one day a simple careless word can destroy a long relationship.

A few rules to keep in mind when apologizing to a guy:

1. Determine how much you offended him. To do this, analyze your words (actions) and his reaction. It must be taken into account that male psychology does not tolerate complaints and suffering. It is necessary to capture changes in his usual behavior in order to understand the depth of the impact. It is from the depth of his resentment that the depth of your guilt and the method of apology will depend.
2. Give him a compliment. Small hurtful words or actions can be compensated with compliments. At the same time, it is important to note that you are wrong. Here are examples of some statements of this kind:
   “How could I say yesterday that you are greedy? You are the kindest."
   “I want to see you as soon as possible, look into your deep eyes, which yesterday I unfairly called small.”
3. Use your sense of humor. Come up with a funny explanation for an offensive word or offer to make fun of yourself.
   For example: “I didn’t paint my lips today, because unpleasant words about you flew off these lips yesterday ...”.
4. Text your boyfriend or send a funny picture with emoticons on social networks.

When choosing a poem, remember that it should be light, short, and funny so that offended guy I was able to read it with pleasure. When looking for pictures, you should not stop at the very first ones in search engines. Just imagine a situation where your boyfriend has already seen her, choosing a way to apologize to you.
If the situation is serious and the offense is deep, then simple ways apologies won't do here. Take this seriously, because your future fate may depend on the resolution of this problem.

How to apologize to a guy?

1. Determine the degree and essence of your guilt. Guilt must not only be defined, but also spoken out, choosing a clear wording: incorrect behavior, ignoring attention, excessive attention to another person, a forgotten date. The formulation of the essence of guilt is important, because. this is the definition that will sound during the apology. At the same time, you need to be prepared for the fact that the guy will define your act differently. And during the dialogue, a situation of inconsistency may arise that needs to be resolved.
2. Schedule a meeting. You should not apologize by phone or text message if the result is not the process, but the result is important to you. During the apology, you need to have eye contact and free time to talk. Therefore, you should not conduct such dialogues in between work or "on the go" on the way home. The meeting must be specially organized. Both should be ready for it: both the guy and the girl. At the same time, the girl is preparing to apologize, and the guy should be ready to listen to them.
3. Do not say too much. It often happens that when meeting, girls begin to say not the planned words, but unnecessary expressions that, as they think, justify them. Should not be doing that. Apologies with clear language should not be supplemented with unnecessary excuses. Say only what you have planned and wait for the guy's reaction. If the meeting is not accidental, then he also has something to tell you. Only after the guy’s words proceed to further dialogue. Remember: you came to ask for forgiveness and you should not move into an accusatory position.
4. Give the guy time to think. It is not always possible to achieve results immediately. The guy needs time. Imagine a situation where resentment dictates specific images and reasons, and a dialogue with a person represents a completely different situation. How easy is it to change your beliefs? Pretty hard. And it takes time to accept the position of another person. Give it time and just wait for the result.
5. Don't be intrusive. Keep your dignity even in the most unpleasant situations. Do not impose your apologies on the guy, do not humiliate yourself with unnecessary words. Do only what you must, and leave the choice to him. This will emphasize both your own and his significance. Let the decision to forgive be his own decision, and not an answer to requests and prayers.
6. Make a decision to forget the situation. Make it a principle for your couple that you cannot accumulate mutual grievances. After forgiveness, the act must be forgotten and never returned to it.

To be able to forgive and to be able to ask for forgiveness are important concepts necessary for deep harmonious relationships.

Every relationship goes through different stages. At the initial stage, most often they resemble an idyll, they are filled with romantic experiences and strong love. But over time, the nature of the partners begins to manifest itself in its entirety. In addition, difficulties, unpleasant situations and other trials may arise. In such conditions, quarrels between lovers are inevitable. You should not take this as a tragedy, they should be taken for granted, as an integral part of any relationship. The main thing is to be able to get out of conflict situations, go for reconciliation and restore relationships. In this case, consider the form in which you can apologize to the guy.

Depth of conflict

This is one of the basic concepts that are directly related to the method and form of apologies. In other words, if a girl committed a serious misconduct, let down or even betrayed a guy, one simple “sorry” will obviously not be enough, after all, she stepped on his foot. It requires a thoughtful, balanced approach and, perhaps, considerable patience. If the offense is minor, and the quarrel is trifling, on the contrary, it is better not to dramatize the situation and not overdo it by apologizing. In a word, reconciliation should be equivalent to the quarrel itself.

To understand how deep the problem is, let's try to divide the possible situations into several groups. By comparing your own example with the situations below, you can roughly determine the depth of the conflict:

• The conflict is small, insignificant. It often arises out of the blue, has no meaning or principled position. Often such quarrels break out due to the nature of the partners, for example, because of their stubbornness. Many are familiar with the situation in which two people cannot stop the bickering just because they want to keep the last word. At least a small, monosyllabic, but certainly the last. If you ask why they do it, they won't always be able to even answer.
• The conflict is minor, but it has a basis. The reason for such a quarrel may be a lack of attention, lack of a sense of tact, measure, etc. An example is a petty domestic quarrel that broke out because the guy's patience had run out. For example, he reproaches the girl for regularly planning time, choosing a place for a walk, or making decisions without asking his opinion on this matter. Or often pours himself a cup of tea without asking him if he wants tea too. Shows insufficient attention to him when he is sick, etc.
• The conflict is serious and fundamental. This is a quarrel in the full sense of the word. It arises due to serious disagreements, as a result of rude, offensive words, broken promises, disrespect for the feelings of a partner. For example, in the process of arguing on some serious topic, a girl loses her temper and insults a guy or reminds him of something difficult for him, reproaches him with his help or care, puts a guy in an awkward position, hurts with his own words. And although both argued, it turns out that the girl is to blame for the guy to a much greater extent.
• The conflict is serious, unintentional. This is the type of conflict when an offense is committed accidentally or in a clouded mind, for example, in a state of intoxication. Sometimes even the very fact of such intoxication can be regarded as a serious offense, especially if third parties were the witnesses of this situation. If at the same time the guy was forced to get nervous, look for a girl, take her home, apologize to friends, then he probably really has a reason for resentment. Either the girl gave the guy serious trouble against her will or without even knowing it.
• The conflict is very serious, on the verge of breaking. In this case, we are talking about the kind of quarrels that can not always be settled in principle. If the girl made a mistake, as a result of which the guy changed his attitude towards her, reconciliation may not be possible. This category includes treason, duplicity, betrayal, lies. Sometimes a girl, trying to evoke in her young man jealousy, starts flirting with another guy, but goes too far. As a result, the young man turns away from her, accusing her of frivolity and betrayal. Convincing him that this is just a staging will not be easy. Moreover, he may not want to listen to explanations.

Of course, in each of the situations described, the tactics of the girl's behavior and the form of apologies will be different. Not the least important are factors such as the personality of the guy, the character of the girl, the circumstances of the conflict, etc. Therefore, in this case, we can only talk about the basic principles of reconciliation, based on which you can make an apology in a conflict situation.

Principles of reconciliation

So, the basic principle is the comparability of the depth of the conflict with the seriousness of the apology. The second principle is to focus on the characteristics of the personality of the guy. And, finally, the third is the use of basic male needs. The latter skill is especially useful in solving unsolvable problems, including reconciliation after betrayal, but this is a science that requires special attention. Now about everything in order.

If the quarrel is not serious, try to apologize in a semi-joking manner. This will solve two problems at once - to exhaust the conflict and not leave a bitter aftertaste after it. Some simple phrase like “This time we must immediately make up, because if anyone asks why we had a fight, I will sink into the ground from shame” or “If you stop pouting at me, I I promise that I will find and kill that fly that bit me last time.

When a guy is offended by something tangible, such as a lack of attention or your inappropriate laughter, you should apologize lightly, but seriously, otherwise he may think that you continue to mock him. In this case, the phrase “I thought it over and realized that you were right. Indeed, I didn't pay any attention to that moment. If you did that, I would be embarrassed. I'm sorry". Or like this: “I’m sorry I didn’t think about how important this is to you earlier. I'll try to be more careful. Tell me right away next time if I'm doing something wrong."

The intemperance that caused the bitter words to escape and the resentment that followed them deserves a full-blown apology, but without undue tragedy. In this case, you must apologize directly and literally: “Forgive me, I was wrong. You know that I really don’t think so, I just broke down from resentment. Or: “I feel that I hurt you, I myself suffer from this now. Forgive me, please, I will try not to allow such situations, because you are very dear to me.

When a guy is offended by a girl’s misdeed, committed by her unintentionally, you should let him know that this whole situation as a whole terrifies you. You are shocked by what happened, and, of course, deeply repent. For example, if we are talking about severe alcohol intoxication, tell him: “I beg you in advance to forgive me for everything that I could have done yesterday. If you want to punish me, just tell me everything I did." Do not forget to thank him for the fact that, in spite of everything, he did not leave you, say that you admire his stamina, that you are happy that you have someone to rely on, that you have someone to protect you. And, of course, promise to remember this lesson forever.

If the offense is too heavy, then you should prepare for any outcome. Even with all the skills of persuasion and the highest eloquence, you cannot be sure that you will be able to beg forgiveness for yourself, for example, for treason. But it's worth trying. The main thing is to first be able to capture the guy’s attention, because it’s far from a fact that he wants to listen to you at all. Here you can apply the following tricks: "Give me five minutes to say what I'm going to, then do as you please," or "Even a complete scoundrel is entitled to a last chance. For the sake of justice, leave it to me too”, or “I know that not everyone can forgive this, but you are not like everyone else. At least try to listen to me."

If the guy categorically declares that he will never forgive you, say that you don’t hope for forgiveness, but you just want to tell him something. If he agrees to at least listen to you, there will be a chance to soften his heart or make him think about possible forgiveness. It all depends on the skill of the girl and the character of the guy himself. In any case, there is a chance.

Whatever your quarrel, always try to find ways to reconcile. Even parting is better, forgiving each other all the insults. And if there is an opportunity to save the relationship, it should be used. The most precious thing is time. Losing him to quarrels is just stupid.

Quarrels are most often not planned and occur spontaneously, so it is difficult for yourself to predict what to say or do at one time or another. But now everything has happened, a quarrel has occurred and an insult has been inflicted, what to do next, how to apologize to your husband? Shut up and withdraw into yourself or try to still ask for forgiveness from your husband and fix everything? Definitely an apology! But how to do it right?

Sincerity First

You can apologize to your husband in different ways, but first of all, be sincere with yourself and do not ask for an apology if you do not feel guilty. When a person himself does not believe in the honesty and seriousness of his apology, how will another believe in them?

If you yourself do not believe in what you want to say in your apology, then it is unrealistic to convince your husband of this. It is better to wait a while, understand everything yourself, draw conclusions, and only then apologize. Then your apologies will be honest and sincere, and the right words there will be.

Time is very important

Even if you immediately understood and felt everything, do not rush to apologize. Let your husband cool down a little, and slow down the steam yourself. Emotions in any quarrel just go wild and the intensity of passions is very high. It is better for both of them to move away a little, calm down, only then start a new conversation with a sincere apology.

If this is not done, a new round of quarrel may arise due to misunderstood words or misinterpreted intonation. You yourself will feel when the moment has come to ask for an apology, but you should not delay it, otherwise even the most sincere apologies can be interpreted as simple banality.

Find the right setting

Just use the time that both of you will cool off to think about the right setting for an apology. Doing it in a hurry, on the run or on the phone is not worth it. A little romance, silence and comfort, a delicious dinner and your "alone" - this is the best setting for an apology.

Even if your quarrel happened in front of people (relatives, friends, just acquaintances), the first apology is best made in private. And only then, if you yourself feel the need for this, you can apologize in public.

Eyes to eyes

Never look away when you apologize - this will be a sign of your directness and sincerity. Moving eyes will convict you of insincerity, but an averted or downcast look will make your man think that your fault in the quarrel was much greater.

And his look will help you understand faster than words whether you are forgiven or not (or not completely). With your eyes, try to express not your guilt, but your love for your husband - then forgiveness will not take long!

Your tears and strength and weakness

Do not try to squeeze tears out of yourself on purpose to ask for forgiveness. If you are so sensitive that you simply cannot contain them - cry, but without sobs and tantrums. But it’s not worth it to “crush with tears” on purpose - men really don’t like this.

Most men are so afraid of women's tears that they are ready for anything to stop them, but to specifically use this “male weakness” is a low blow and a forbidden hold. It might work the first few times and then it won't be taken seriously.

Moreover, after a few such “tears strikes”, instead of guilt and pity, a man will have a feeling of irritation, and you will achieve a completely opposite effect. Yes, and the words “I forgive you” can be a simple “excuse”, but is it really for this that you ask for an apology?

Stopping in time is the main problem of female apologies

It is advisable to say your apologies, explain why you did it, and say words of love - that's all! You should not make excuses, prove something, constantly ask again “what would you do in my place?”, And the like, especially if you use one of your friends or relatives as an example. Otherwise, your apologies, instead of the long-awaited peace, will bring you not just a new quarrel, but also a protracted cold war.

A few words on the matter gentle kiss and stroking your hand - and step aside, go about your business (for example, start preparing a delicious dinner). You need to let the man calmly think over your words, draw his own conclusions.

If he begins to drown in the abyss of your excuses, babbling or cute absurdities, a quarrel may flare up again. And the second round of a quarrel, as a rule, gains much more momentum and often develops into a scandal with slamming doors! But even this can be avoided if it is simply done in a simple way.

by Notes of the Wild Mistress

"Lovely scold - only amuse" - is it so?

There are quarrels between lovers - this must be taken for granted. Quarrels are different, but they have the same result - to be able to make peace and forget all the negative things that happened during it. Women's psychology is such that it is often more convenient for her to blame a man for a conflict than to admit her own wrong.

Today there is a phrase that is gaining more and more momentum: "If a woman is not right, a man needs to come up and apologize." This phrase was coined by an unreasonable woman who thinks only of herself. We should not forget that a man is also a person, and he is not less woman capable of experiencing torment from experiences and quarrels.

By the way, men endure quarrels harder than women. A woman can throw out her pain in the form of tears and tantrums. A man carries all this in himself, which means that it is much harder for him.

Why do quarrels happen?

All fights are completely different. There are domestic quarrels: you left your socks in the wrong place, you folded your clothes in the wrong way. There are fights because of stress. We live in a very hectic world, where we experience discomfort every day, and if we restrain ourselves at work and in transport, then we can vent all the evil at home.

There are personal disputes. Time passes, and remorse begins to torment us, but it is not so easy to make peace with your husband. After all, the most important thing to do is to step over your huge and arrogant "I".

How to reconcile with your husband if you yourself are to blame?

This question is asked by many women. Reconciliation with a man can occur in different ways. Here, another important fact is played by the temperament of a man. There are those who need to be given time to "cool down", to analyze the problem, to evaluate it.

The main thing is not to delay reconciliation, a maximum of two days of quarreling, and then you just urgently need to look for ways to each other.

So how to make peace with your husband, if you yourself are to blame? There are a few banal, but effective ways a truce with your husband if the fault lies with you, and the first of these is to admit your guilt.

Learn to apologize for your mistakes

Moreover, to obey is half the success. A simple apology works much more effectively than other methods. It is clear that it is not so easy to say to a person in the eye: “I'm sorry, I was wrong,” but without this, nowhere!

You should not apologize by phone, in the form of SMS, or send banal apologetic cards to the post office or to social networks. This is what small children do, and adults should be able not only to admit their mistakes, but also to be able to apologize for them. The reaction will be immediate - most men will melt and forgive their beloved. Of course, if the reason is not so global and fundamental.

A romantic dinner will pay off a quarrel

Psychologists generally recommend having romantic dinners at least once a month. But, even if you and your spouse do not have such a tradition, then making a romantic dinner as a sign of reconciliation is the very thing! Prepare his favorite dishes, meet your loved one with a smile right at the door.

Of course, such dinners should have their logical conclusion in the bedroom. Men love with their eyes, so please him with beautiful underwear. By the way, in general, teach yourself to wear exceptionally beautiful underwear, this will allow you to feel more confident yourself, and your man will be pleased to look at you.

Honest conversation is so important!

Frank talk during a quarrel is a dangerous option, but you still need to talk with a man. If you are guilty, explain to him the reason for your action and what you now think about it. True, here the line between just a conversation and a new wave of quarrels is very thin. Be careful. If you see that your husband only breaks out from such a conversation - stop. Explosive emotions do not lead to anything good.

If you intend to end the conflict in this way, then you need to constantly keep yourself within the framework.

The easiest way to make peace with a man is if you yourself are wrong - romantic dinner and apologies. This gives an almost one hundred percent guarantee that he will forgive you!

From life experience...

Finally, I will tell you one story. I have one friend - a quick-tempered and very emotional person. She quarreled with her husband. The quarrel was domestic, something she did not like in his behavior. Word for word, they raised their voices at each other, expressed to each other something that had absolutely nothing to do with the cause of the quarrel.

Particularly striking were the claims to her husband on her part, as they say, she said too much. You know how it happens - you start with one thing and end with another. Staying in the house became unpleasant for her, she took it and went to her friend for the weekend. There she had time to think and analyze the situation. And it became embarrassing. And for the words, and for the departure. Pride does not allow to reconcile, but also a keen understanding that it was she who was not right did not allow her to sleep peacefully.

Returning home, she bought all sorts of goodies and wine, and while her husband was at work, she cooked dinner. The husband came home from work, and the first thing she did was just ask how his day went. A person melts as soon as he sees that someone is interested in him, that he is not indifferent. After such questions, a man, if he does not become talkative, then at least will answer briefly how the day went.

Seeing dinner on the table, the man begins to think: “I took care of it, cooked it, so I was waiting.” The most important thing is not to waste a minute at this moment. And my friend did not lose. Touching his hand lightly, she said, “I'm sorry, I was wrong. Something happened to my nerves, but I didn't mean to offend you."

The most important thing is to fully admit your guilt, without any reservations there, such as: “But you are good too.” When reconciling with your husband, you need to think about your mistakes, and not about his. After such an attack of apologies, the man himself admits his mistakes.

Then my friend bombarded her husband with questions: how was he without her these days, while simultaneously recognizing what a stupid thing she had done that she had gone to her friend. Everything ended well. Passionate sex after a delicious dinner and verbal apology erased the last remnants of the conflict.

In general, when a woman apologizes, she should know that the crown will not fall from her head. Men are mere children, who also perceive everything through the prism of emotions, they just have such a role - to keep impregnable. In fact, melting his touchy heart is easy.

Therefore, to make peace with your husband, even if you are to blame, is not so difficult. Three rules - verbal apologies, intimate dinner, passionate sex - after this, the man himself will feel guilty (for what?!) and will please you in every possible way.

Hello dear readers of the blog Samprosvetbulletin!

How to ask for forgiveness from a loved one? I did the typical ones: I got into his mobile phone, saw a list of women's phones, made a scene of jealousy. I would have shown and kept silent, but I was carried away and left. He said I'm being stupid, disrespectful towards him. All the women on his list turned out to be older than him, married, work colleagues, wives of friends that I had already heard about. He said, I am his only woman and he has no one else, that I myself am destroying our relationship. I see that he is offended. How to apologize to your loved one? — Alexandra writes.

“I don’t know how to ask for forgiveness from a loved one. I offended him very much and now he does not want to talk to me. I dont know, . I apologized, but he still walks puffed up. I say that you still need it, I apologized. And he replied that my “well, I’m sorry” sounded like a favor, and if I loved him, I wouldn’t treat him like that! I don't know what other ways there are to apologize to a loved one.», — writes Galina.

If you offended your loved one, then you probably often thought about how to return everything back and do things differently. Unfortunately, you cannot turn back time and fix everything. What's done is done and you both have to live with the consequences. Now we need to think about how to ask for forgiveness and restore relations.

Strange as it may sound, you must first forgive yourself, stop scolding and judging yourself. Otherwise, you will constantly mentally return to the past, instead of taking concrete steps to correct the current situation. Everyone makes bad decisions sometime, does things that they later regret. But there is no point in getting stuck in the past and getting discouraged, we must move forward. The sooner you forgive yourself and decide to be constructive, the sooner you can take the next steps: take responsibility and apologize.

Forgiveness is an integral part of a relationship. Without forgiveness, it is impossible to create or restore the destroyed. There may be situations in life when one “Excuse me!” or "Sorry!" sometimes it’s not enough, your loved one doesn’t seem to hear your apologies. It seems that you admitted your guilt, asked for forgiveness, but you feel that your apologies were not accepted.

Every person needs individual approach. From parental family we make assumptions about relationships and what is meant by an apology. Doctor of Philosophy G. Champen in his book identified five languages ​​in which we ask for forgiveness. (His book is available for purchase.) These are certain patterns of behavior that need to be put into action in order to reach out to an offended partner.

5 Forgiveness Languages ​​by G. Champen

1. Express your regret

Regret is the language of forgiveness that heals the emotional wounds caused by resentment. Regretting what you did, you admit your guilt and are ashamed that you caused pain to your loved one. People who tend to perceive forgiveness in this language want to hear words as an apology. "I'm sorry". Regret implies to them your sincere commitment to repair the relationship.

Regret must come from pure heart when you do not look for excuses for yourself and do not make attempts to deny your guilt, but take responsibility for what you have done. The expression of regret will be more complete if you reinforce what is said with body language: a look, a touch.

2. Admit you were wrong

There are people who won't take your apology seriously unless you admit you were wrong and made a mistake. As an apology they want to hear the words "I was wrong)". It is important that by apologizing, you show that you take responsibility for your mistakes.

Some people find it hard to admit they're wrong. It strikes at their feeling dignity. We all make mistakes and the ability to admit them is a sign of maturity of character. To learn to ask for forgiveness in this language, you need to overcome your selfishness.

3. Make amends

There are people who believe that the damage should be repaid and carry this attitude into the relationship. For them, an apology is reparation. They will believe in the sincerity of your forgiveness if you make amends with something. In fact, your offended partner just wants to see that you still love him.

There are many ways to make amends. To do this, you need to know what your partner needs to feel loved. G. Chapman described our emotional needs in relationships as: words of encouragement, gifts, specific deeds, time, touch. Let your partner feel that you love him by speaking to him in his love language.

For people who accept apologies in this language, it doesn't matter how many times you say you're sorry and you were wrong. They will never consider such an apology as sincere until you make an effort to make amends, show that you still love your partner and are ready to make things right.

4. Express remorse

Many people believe that forgiveness is impossible without repentance. To forgive them, you need to see your sincere repentance, a desire to improve and avoid such behavior in the future. The desire to improve must be expressed in words. It is necessary not only to say, but also to outline specific steps for change.

Some people have difficulty with remorse, they do not feel that they violated any moral standards. But in life there are situations that are not related to general ethics and relate to the subjective world of a person, his unique perception surrounding reality. This must be taken into account in order to maintain harmonious relations.

5. Get forgiveness

There are people for whom it is important to see the partner's desire to receive their forgiveness. When we seek forgiveness, we really just want confirmation from our partner that they love us and the relationship is fully restored. It also shows that we sincerely feel for what happened and understand how badly we did. We place the future of the relationship in the hands of our partner, whom we have offended, leave final decision behind him: forgive us or not.