We will talk about 7 ways to build relationships with a teenager. Relationships with children who have crossed over become unpredictable, like running through a minefield.

Teenagers and parents are an eternal confrontation. Some insist on their right to patronize and direct, while others desperately defend their right to freedom and their own decisions, although they have absolutely nothing to back up these decisions.

Writer and journalist Ksenia Buksha says,. The problem is that teenagers are no longer children, but not yet adults. They cannot be controlled from the position of an omniscient adult, but you should not expect full awareness and responsibility for your choice either. What should parents do with those who cannot be forced, there is nothing to punish and it is unrealistic to convince - read in our article.

Strategy 1. Force and forbid

In fact, we still have this tool. Only it will not have to be used voluntarily, which means that the price can be spoiled for life child-parent relationship.

We are adults, and we can still do anything with a teenager, even send him to a school at the monastery, like my friend dad, a drug addict daughter. She sat there for six years and left at twenty, when all her friends and girlfriends had already died. I don’t want to judge or praise that dad, or even evaluate it in any way, and I certainly don’t want anyone to follow his example. I'm just trying to show the scale of the problems in which it makes sense to act in this way.

We apply prohibitions only when there is a complete disaster. Drugs, anorexia, talk of suicide, banditry, involvement in a sect - grab and pull from the edge.

But smaller accidents like “dropped out of school”, “has sex before marriage” - are we ready to pay for this with a relationship with a child? “Laying around with the phone all day long” - and for this? More likely no than yes, but what if he's seriously depressed? Before wielding with an iron hand, we also need to understand where we are going to drag.

Strategy 2. Draw up a contract

In a written form. And hang it on the wall. A treaty can make bearable Cohabitation with an emotional teenager.

Parents and children have rights and obligations. The parent has the right to sit on a clean toilet in the morning. The child has the right not to answer SMS, but he is obliged to call. Or vice versa.

Any thing thrown outside the room goes to the trash can. For dirty marks on the ceiling - independent whitewashing, for example. Anything, as long as items that are realistic for your family and discuss them together.

Most teenagers already know how to more or less control impulses, which means they will follow these points. The agreement is good because when sanctions come, it makes no sense to sort things out with parents - everything is honest. From the bathroom, candy wrappers and skins must be removed without a sound, and in his room they can rot for at least an eternity.

Important: the contract is not an attempt to get the desired "course of his life" from the teenager, it is not a motivator. This is just a means to clearly separate the boundaries. Therefore, it is not worth adding items like “computer time, no more than two hours a day” and other things that the parent does not personally relate to in any way.

A treaty is a division of rights and duties, territory and resources.

Strategy 3. Hand over autonomy

Want to find mutual language with a teenager - let him defeat himself at least in something. We reduce the initiative and hand over the right to decide for yourself. We can't put you to bed if you haven't gone to bed yourself, and we can't make you put on a hat if you don't think it's cold.

We can think for a long time before letting go, and we can take back the rights if we see that it is heading for a complete collapse.

But we are not disappointed, but constantly test reality - maybe your child is already ready for independence. For example, he overslept on Tuesday and Wednesday, but on Thursday he got ready on time. It turns out such scales: for now we are stronger parents, and here we are already a teenager, and here we are again.

Strategy 4. Discuss plans

From the age of 15-16, it is necessary to let the teenager understand what level of support awaits him after 18, and where we will begin to insure his risks.

This should be very clear. For example: "We will always help you at first and you will be able to live with us." Or: "You are responsible for your studies yourself, we will not excuse you from the army if you do not enter." Or: “Until the sixth year, you don’t have to worry about anything.”

Man must somehow plan his future. And then you live on everything ready, like, but it’s somehow unclear: am I already an adult or not yet? And when I become an adult, then what?

If you clearly discuss all these things together, talk about specific plans for the future and ways to achieve them, a direct close motivation can be born. Only plans should be made by teenagers and parents together. We do not inform the teenager that after 18 he is swept out of our living space and do not try to "give him a good education." Only together and with love we decide the next steps, where the family will always support him.

Strategy 5. Shut down

For every day, our main tool is to turn off. There are such heaters: they heat the air to the specified temperature - once, they turn off, they stand like goodies and cool down. A parent of a teenager should also be able to do this.

The child has broken all the rules, violently resists, does not want anything, or, conversely, wants the wrong thing and our strength is not enough to convince him. Let's ask ourselves if someone will die, God forbid, if we turn off right now. If the question is this moment not fatal - feel free to switch to the "off" mode.

It is more useful for a teenager to see not a strict parent, but a person who knows that he is right, but refuses to fight. Which, as it were, silently says: "your move", "you yourself know what to do." And, importantly, it lets you do the wrong thing.

This means that we continue to be present, but we cease to conflict. We drink tea peacefully in the kitchen. We only do what we want to do. If our child is difficult and problematic, this is a good prevention of codependency. The main difficulty is to turn off all general thoughts, like "what will grow out of it." Now we are not interested in this, but to live quietly for an hour.

By switching off, we give ourselves a rest and circumstances work for us.

Strategy 6. Get involved

Well, if we know how to turn off, then we also need to turn on correctly. If you want to find a common language with a teenager, set yourself up for friendly chatter every day, which includes your independent remarks, listening to the interlocutor, and feedback.

Choose a topic that is interesting for a teenager (not about school). Turn on, smile, nod, listen. Mentally horrified, but do not evaluate or criticize.

Such a conversation is always effective, even at the time of conflict. Relationships with children almost immediately move to a different quality level, trust and intimacy appear.

Strategy 7. Surprise

By adolescence, our children know us well, and our reactions are habitual and predictable for them.

The essence is not important, the range is important. An affectionate joke, biting irony, absurd absurdity, sometimes sarcasm, and sometimes tenderness, like with a baby.

A teenager is, after all, a kind of baby-adult, a newborn full-fledged member of society. He is born as an adult and in this capacity deserves all sorts of tenderness - only carefully.

Surprise again and again, be different person, and not just the "parent" function, to show how interesting it is - to really communicate, look for ways, approaches to each other, to be alive. Maybe there won’t be fewer stubs in the car, but is it really about them? But all the participants in the conversation will develop a different look at each other, closer and with many discoveries in the future.

Now you know the main 7 strategies for how not to destroy the parent-child bond and find a common language with a teenager.

Educators starting to work with new group children are concerned about questions: how to find the way to the heart of parents? How to make the upbringing of children our common cause? How, what to talk about with parents when they rush to work in the morning and when they return tired from work? How to make sure that even at such moments they willingly listen to the words of the educator, show interest in them, so that they express a desire to hear how the child lived in kindergarten What new did you learn during the day, how did you prove yourself?

The teacher can achieve such contact by showing constant goodwill, interest in cooperation with the family.

From the first days we strive to find out how the child lives in the family, what surrounds him there, what the family gives him. During the first visits to the kindergarten, we begin to get acquainted with the conditions of family upbringing of each child. In a conversation with parents, the teacher begins about what mode the child is used to, what toys he has and which of them are his favorite, how he plays with them. The teacher should always be with good intentions.

Parents should see in the educator a person who loves their child, lives by taking care of him. This causes them frankness, they confidentially about their difficulties, ask for advice. A teacher is also a psychologist.

Usually, when parents come in the evening, they are most often interested in how the child ate today, assessing him: whether he is clean, well-groomed, whether he is not offended. And then they hurriedly leave the kindergarten.

How to interest parents in the life of children in kindergarten? How to show the need to adhere to a single approach to raising children with kindergarten, especially moral?

First of all, during the hours of receiving and leaving children at home, we systematically began to share news with parents about the life of their children in kindergarten: “Your son has learned to tie his shoelaces. Now he will need your help at home too”; “Oksana diligently and carefully began to draw with paints. She especially likes to apply a pattern to the drawing with a brush. Check out her work here. Or “Your Sasha gave Lena a toy today. And at the door missed the girls. Please support his skill of cultural behavior”; “Please bring Natasha early in the morning so that she has time to exercise. After all, this will give her vigor and health. Gradually, parents began to show interest in the content of the life of children in kindergarten, more and more often they began to stop at the stand “for you parents”.

We paid serious attention to informational material, especially the section “About our children”. For example, they posted the following information: “This week we taught the children Barto's poem “Goby”. All the children remember him. Julia, Alyosha, Irina, Olya read it loudly and expressively. Ask the children to read this poem at home, or “We planted peas, beans, and onions with the children. All children now know how to plant seeds so that plants grow from them. Support. Please, the children have an interest in working in the garden. Get involved in the hard work."

Of course, one has to talk with parents not only about the positive, but about the negative in family education children.

How to tell parents about mistakes, wrong behavior. In order not to cause a negative reaction, so that they understand: is the teacher doing this in the interests of the child? A conversation from the perspective of the interests of the child, as a rule, evokes the desired reaction from the parents, the conversation takes place in a friendly, businesslike tone. We never allow ourselves to reprimand parents in front of the children or discuss with the children why mom or dad did not comply with our demand.

As a result of all the work, we will improve contact with parents, and this is a reliable basis for successfully solving the problems of education. Parents have gained confidence in us, they go to kindergarten for help, share their difficulties. So Yulia’s mother, coming to kindergarten, saw how her daughter was willingly and diligently cleaning up the toys in the group, which made her bewildered: “But Yulia doesn’t want to do anything at home!” We advised, first of all, to be persistent in your demands, first, together with your daughter, clean up the toys, then instruct the daughter herself, after classes and games, put everything in its place, emphasizing how pleasant it is to look at the cleaned corner. Now Julia willingly and skillfully helps her mother to clean the room. The girl had a desire, "to do like mom."

There are many children in our group, the only ones in the family, and they, as a rule, are spoiled by the attention of the elders. The education of children from such families of an attentive, caring attitude towards people, the ability to empathize should be given special attention.

Natasha, after entering the kindergarten, did not play with the children for a very long time, she did not give toys to anyone. Mom paid attention mainly to ensuring that the girl was dressed as best as possible, took care of her clothes and toys. We started our conversation with Natasha's parents based on the positive: we noted that the girl is always neat and takes good care of her belongings. Then they tried to convince the parents that Natasha's inability to communicate with children could adversely affect the formation of her character. They advised to encourage Natasha's games with other children, the desire to share toys, and to give simple labor assignments at home. Mom agreed with us, but did not change her attitude towards her daughter. The turning point occurred when, at our suggestion, she was on duty in the group and could observe her daughter in the children's team for a long time.

To increase the interest of parents in all activities held in kindergarten for the purpose of pedagogical education, we strive to satisfy their need for knowledge, improve the content and forms of pedagogical propaganda. Thanks to well-established contact with parents, thanks to constant attention to the life of the child both in kindergarten and in the family, we have achieved positive results in raising children.

Sometimes communication with parents is truly catastrophic. Maybe because we are more sensitive to their assessments and comments, our reactions to them are more emotional.

Strange, but the fact that we easily forgive strangers, we often cannot stand in parents. As we grow older and gain experience, we often move away from our parents or one of them. Many adults prefer to keep them at a distance so as not to experience negativity when they persistently and consistently interfere in the affairs of children.

After all, it is rare that an important life event passes without a comment from the elders. They want to discuss our successes and failures, the choice of a life partner, the acquisition of a profession, travel and recreation, raising children, cooking, cleaning the apartment, work, clothing style, gifts, relationships, feelings ...

How to build relationships with parents?

Let's take a look at a few tips from psychologists.

First, parental advice must be taken seriously. Show them that you are listening carefully and accepting what they have to say. Remember they have a big life experience and they want to give you the best, help you avoid mistakes.

Secondly, you need to be aware of the differences that exist between you. It is important to love them for who they are. After all, your parents sacrificed a lot in your life in order to provide you with a decent life. If you respect their way of life, then they will reciprocate in this matter.

Thirdly, you need to devote more time to parents. Listen carefully to them, you need to be aware of the latest developments. Find time to spend time together.

Fourth, support your parents. If you see a bad mood, then you should ask what it is connected with. Throwing out emotions, it will become easier for them, thus, you can demonstrate care and love.

Fifth, parents need to give gifts. These do not have to be grandiose gifts, pleasant little things are enough.

Sixth, be sure to talk about your love for your parents. They need to know what's important to you. Talk about being proud of them, that they are the most Dear people For you. Trusting relationship building is not easy, but necessary.

Seventh, don't forget your sense of humor. Laughter is an indicator of a good relationship between people. Tell funny stories, new jokes. Tell us about a funny situation you found yourself in at work. Among other things, laughter helps to smooth out conflicts and relieve tension.

Eighth, be an independent person. Try to manage all your affairs on your own. Do not involve your parents in your family or financial troubles. Practice shows that such assistance, for example, financial, can cause conflict and ruin relationships.

Ninth, try to relive the memories. Good memories are very important in old age. Vivid images of the past help a person to realize that life has not been lived in vain. These memories can be awakened different ways. For example, look at a family photo album together. Ask your parents about people in the photo you don't know. Ask them to talk about your childhood.

Tenth, find common interests. As a child, did you help your father fix the car? Resurrect doing something together now. Remember what you did with your parents and try again to join forces in some business. Common interests will bring you closer and further strengthen your relationship.

Parents and children: how to find a common language?

Beware: mother-in-law!

Webinar "Oh, these ancestors!"

Difficult parents are for you headache? Then you are here!

What will you learn?

• Why is significance the most important human need, and what follows from this?
• Why is it extremely important for adults to give advice to everyone around them, even if they are not asked?
• And what about self-esteem? You will also be aware.

What will you learn?

Correctly voice their feelings and concerns about the behavior of relatives.

• Listen and hear right!
• It is right to criticize.
• Proper support and care.
• To be in the eyes of relatives (and, if necessary, in your own) a good son / daughter / granddaughter / grandson / ... (underline as necessary).
• Send good energies and feelings to your loved ones using the “Turn on the flashlight of the heart” technique.

In total - what will you get?

After this webinar, you will easily and most importantly - immediately (of course, if you want) to establish a super a good relationship, even with the most creative relatives.

Conducted by a psychologist, hypnologist - Polina Sukhova.

The article was written by psychologist Polina Sukhova in 2012 while studying at the University of Practical Psychology.

Declaration of love

Friends, I want to confess my love for psychology. Psychology is my life, this is my Mentor, this is my dad and mom, my guide and great, good friend- I love you! I am grateful from the bottom of my heart to all the people in this field who have made a healthy contribution to this science. Thank you and kudos!

What prompted me to make this confession? I am amazed at my results in various areas that have been achieved with the help of psychology in just 3 months. I can’t even imagine (although there is a plan!) what will happen in a couple of years if we move at the same pace. It's fantasy and miracles.

This article has been in my project for a long time, but only something distracted and stopped me all the time. And how well it turned out that the end of my article coincided with yesterday's webinar on the topic “Can we love?” As the saying goes: "Everything happens in time!"

I share my successes in personal relationships with my parents. The shift was such that I myself am amazed ... this sphere seemed to me the most difficult and difficult, not shifting, because I thought that little depended on me. So my new story building relationships with mother and mother-in-law.

Mother

My mother is very good man, she has many positive qualities, she has no greed, she will give the last to her loved one, and many other qualities. But there are also negative features. First, she will help with something, and then she will definitely emphasize that she helped, she will certainly reproach her for the fact that people are not grateful to her in return.

It also has demonstrative behavior (creating a favorable, but false impression of oneself). He loves to draw attention to his person. He does not tolerate criticism at all, and someone else's opinion on any issue. Not inclined to revise their views and mistakes. He only believes his opinion is correct. It was especially annoying that she constantly pretended to be the Victim. Her duty phrase: "Nobody needs me!" and "I'm going to die soon" repeated for 15 years, with normal health at her age (71). As a rule, in the end, this tendency results in aggressive forms of behavior (if they do not regret it, then it explodes).

These and many other similar tendencies made me impatient for her. Outwardly, I didn’t show much, but internally there was always a protest. Communication always came down to scandals and outbursts of aggression on her part, and we parted in bad mood. The next meetings were more on autopilot. Once again, without any enthusiasm, I went to visit, sort of like a mother, and we must respect her all, without a trace. Well, I thought, I’ll sit a bit, I’ll suffer ... But with my studies at the University Practical psychology, I began to understand that I, too, am building a Victim out of myself. I don’t want to, but I have to ... and I go to these meetings, as if to “hard labor” - I feel sorry for myself.

After a month and a half of training at UPP, I began to rethink my “difficult” position in this niche: “Stop playing the Victim, you need to be the Author and take into your own hands what I can do to improve relations.” Armed with distance exercises "Empathic empathy", "Calm presence" and, as I then understood it. And I think, come what may, I will work out all these exercises on my mother. And you won't believe it, friends! The meeting went off with a bang! It was an acquaintance with a new person whom I did not know well before, and I have known her for more than 4 decades. It turns out that there is hope, and not everything is so bad in our relationship. I change myself and the person changes. It turned out that observing and exploring this metamorphosis is extremely interesting!

So, our meeting with mom

We met as usual. I was super friendly, smiling all the time. She asked a couple of attentive (empathic) questions: “How do you feel. What news? Mom started talking. The conversation started and went more actively. At first, I just actively listened to female type empathic listening - from heart to heart. Just like in this passage from the Psychologos: “What did you feel? You were upset... Was it hard for you to hear that? You became attached to him ... How did you survive what he did to you? I understand you so much!” - all these remarks express soft support, spiritual understanding andsympathy. There was sincere interest on her face, she was more silent, only nodded her head, inserted supportive phrases. Although many things that she said, she knew that it was a frank exaggeration (this is another minus of her mother) and for the 25th time she listened to the story she told as if for the first time.

Her next moments of self-sacrifice, that she “gave her all for us!” (which was a clear exaggeration), but I did not refute it, like: “Why? Ko asked? ”, But earlier she could easily ... I just confirmed in places that without her we really wouldn’t have taken place as individuals. The phrase sounded like this: "You really did a lot for us and made a great contribution to our development, for which we are very grateful to you ...". I took the courage to be responsible for all my loved ones, which was a sincere truth, although exaggerated, my mother does not take into account our further independent development.

Then she began to remember all her "hard fate". The fate of the average Soviet period, there was nothing particularly tragic and difficult there, the usual problems of that time. In my life, I really met people with a very difficult fate, there is something to compare. But I genuinely sympathized with her, agreed and encouraged her with the phrase: “We are proud of you. You are our super mom! (from my side and raising it).

Mom was inspired by my words and began to continue her story. She iswas at the moment the “star of the stage”, no one interfered with her, and earlier there were refutations of her exaggerations, which made her very angry, and now was even an appreciative listener. I began to share even deeper, began to tell my hidden stories, which I did not know about. From which loomed a man with a sense of guilt for his behavior and a sense of conscience, which was a little news for me, because of which I was even more encouraged by listening and support.

It turns out that she really sees her inadequate behavior towards her husband (constant "sawing") and towards us, but she hid it from us very much. And that she is ashamed and difficult to cope with. Previously, you couldn’t say a word across her about her behavior, she took everything with hostility: “Eggs don’t teach chicken, etc.” There was a sharply aggressive defensive reaction. I immediately clung to it, but very carefully. She expressed her thought that “it’s good, if you see yourself from the outside, then it’s worth a lot, you’re done and a hero!” (support, inspiration for personal development). And on this wave, she began to give a little advice on how to act in such cases.

Joy, tenderness, sincerity, love, care!

The first started on the advice of her husband, gave a couple of methods on how to develop a new habit, give constructive criticism to restrain yourself and not be sprayed. Calm down first, then give instructions, etc. She explained that she simply did not have the right reaction and she needed to learn this: “You need to try a little and everything will be fine!” She LISTENED to my advice calmly, there was no protest! And I even tried to voice them in my own way, and what will do them and is already trying - for me it was a breakthrough into space!

I was even more enthusiastic and channeled my energy into supporting and praising her. To which she responded with kind feelings - tenderness and warmth. Of course, we cried a little, well, women, you know ... girls will understand me, men will smile. On my part, it was such an explosion of love for my mother that even now I am writing these lines and a few tears are shed. Feelings in one word good feelings- love, tenderness, happiness and care for each other close people!

Then she dragged out her usual phrase “no one needs me, everyone is already adults!” To which I assured her that we really needed her as a wise mentor (although there was a clear exaggeration on my part, but she really liked it, but who doesn’t like it?). Then the next duty phrase sounded: “I will die soon!”. In response, she heard the following thesis from me: “When you die, then worry!” She was embarrassed by such a proposal, her eyes widened. She replied: "And then - what to worry about?" Not letting me come to my senses, I continued: “That's right, then it's too late, but now it's still early. You are full of strength and energy. Live and enjoy every day, you have us, so take care of yourself and do not forget about yourself. We are always happy to help you! And we will always come to your aid."

In the end, we laughed, hugged and confessed our love to each other. I reminded once again that she is the most best mom in the world and we desperately need it. So we parted under the impression, I'm sure. Arriving on a wave in, I gladly went home. I think that my mother was also in the same world at that time, her appearance signaled it. The next morning, she called me herself and we continued to communicate on this wave of love.

conclusions

I realized and understood one important thing. A person lacks attention, care and love, the significance of his person and recognition of the relevance of the individual. And most importantly, a positive assessment from the environment. She wants it, but does not know how to her get from people. And he demands it in a crooked way, begging through numerous reminders of his relevance, imposes his services, advice, i.e. in the wrong shape. If there is no reaction from people, then there is aggression against them, a kind of resentment, perhaps it unconsciously turns into revenge. A person behaves this way because he was not taught the correct communication with people in childhood and subsequent years.

Once an accident, twice a pattern

I am writing this post 2 months later. After this incident, I thought for a long time, how did it happen to me? After all, it didn’t just happen, didn’t it happen by accident? And thanks to some action. But there was a feeling that everything happened somehow unconsciously. I remembered, in the course of the conversation, that it was necessary to apply distance exercise schemes, but I didn’t get hung up on this, and I still understood the exercises themselves with difficulty. In general, it passed somehow spontaneously and on feelings, the head was in second place. Therefore, it was important to dig here. I figured out with my mind that one such case could be an accident, but if there are already 2 such cases, this is already a small, but statistics.

Therefore, I decided to test myself on another person and just such an opportunity presented itself. My mother-in-law has a similar character, the same irascibility, aggressiveness, impatience. At the same time, a village woman with an insignificant education. True, my relationship with her was always a little better than with my mother. But for the meeting it was necessary to prepare in more detail. I began to remember and analyze the first conversation, brought out for myself some fads of conducting a conversation, on which you can rely, i.e. schematic. And she armed herself with this to talk with her mother-in-law. I will not describe the second meeting (so the article is long), but the result is the same! A benevolent wave and a good ending.

The mother-in-law even finally said: “Did I behave well?”. It was something ... I was just taken aback and did not expect! For me, this was the answer to the question: Do such people change, with such a level of intelligence, knowledge, upbringing, etc.? Yes, friends, change! And the culprits of this change are us, those who study psychology and apply it in life. A man in his 80s is trying to become better. It is clear that slowly and little by little, but this is a fact, and this is progress for them. It's like moving an overgrown mountain. The main thing is to help loved ones! And this should be done by native people who know how to live and communicate correctly.

So, I present for your review a communication scheme

I summarize my actions:

• 1. Attentive focus on the interlocutor. Exercise - - can help in this, develop this ability.
• 2. Sincere empathy, empathy. Appeal to the feelings of the interlocutor. Reflection of his feelings, through himself to him back. "What did you feel? ... it's amazing, I admire you, you are so insightful ...".
• 3. Boost it. Give the person confidence. Assure him that he is well done, a hero in what he did well in a certain situation. Or, on the contrary, to support and assure that everything is not so bad, if you did something wrong, you need to see the good. Anyway, well done for holding on heroically.
• 4. Lead to cooperation with loved ones. Explain that you love each other, just take care of each other not quite right. Give advice on how to properly care. Give criticism according to the formula,
• 5. Raise his self-actualization. Assure that it is meaningful to you, needed and always relevant. That in any case you can always rely on him. This additionally psychologically imposes obligations on a person, and sometimes he fulfills them, of course, all according to the circumstances.
• 6. Give confidence that you are always there and you can count on you. "Always happy to help!" and offer to help in any way.
• 7. A little humor on the sacrificial phrases of the interlocutor, you can use homework if the phrases are already known.
• 8. Parting on a benevolent wave and repeating (fixing) some of the above points in a short form:

- You've done well, fighter!

- You're the best! where do they get these?

- We need you!

- I am always near.

- I love you.

That's actually all. Now I have a scheme by which I communicate with loved ones. And I am happy to share it with you, friends. Try it in life, supplement it with your experience, and we will all be happy from communication and love!

P.S. This is a universal formula for high-quality communication for communicating with any person, because every person wants: positive attention, support, recognition of his importance and gratitude for his work!

If you want to learn systematic communication skills, come to

I am a family therapist. Working with clients, I constantly hear questions about how to establish contact with a child.

Work that takes a lot of energy and strength, exhausting climbing the career ladder, endless running on a wheel - all this does not give us the opportunity to devote as much time to the family as we would like. If you feel like the previous phrase applies to you, you are not alone. Many families come to me with similar problems.

Getting in touch with your child is not that difficult. The main thing is to learn to understand his experiences, to treat him with sincere interest.

1. Show interest in his hobbies

I think this is the most important thing. Sharing the interests of a child is not always easy, for example, if you support different sports teams. I'm not asking you to love everything he likes. Just show a sincere interest in his hobbies, ask questions.

2. Don't let your child get angry

Children need to express their feelings, anger is a natural emotion. If they are not allowed to express their feelings, they will not learn to do so. If you punish them for expressing anger, they will decide that it is forbidden to express it, and they will accumulate anger in themselves, which in the future can cause many problems: headaches and other health problems. This does not mean that we have the right to express our anger without any concern for the feelings of others.

3. Every child is unique

Children are different: some are more sensitive, others rarely openly show emotions.

Children learn to express emotions in many ways: playing in the yard, watching their peers, imitating their parents. A significant role is played by genetic predisposition and the influence of the environment.

Create an atmosphere in the family in which it is allowed to express emotions in different ways. As adults, we are different, and we should not expect all children to behave in the same way.

4. Do not spoil the child beyond measure

It is easy to make such a mistake both for adults who were not allowed to freely express emotions in childhood, and for those who come from poor or single-parent families.

It is important not to spoil the child by trying to create for him a happy childhood, which we were deprived of. If a child does not know the word "no", he will not learn to respect others. He will believe that he has the right to take anything and do whatever he pleases. Children need limits and want you to set them so they can tell good from bad. In addition, restrictions teach them self-respect.

5. Be a role model

"Do as I say, not as I do!" - the wrong approach to education. If you tell them not to binge on cookies, and you take one after another, they will wonder why you do it.

It's okay to make mistakes, but it's important to take responsibility for them. The child should know that you can rely on: if you promised to take him to the movies or for a walk in the park, then be sure to keep your word.

Even when it seems to you that the child is pushing you away, in fact, he wants you to be there.