Often young girls cannot understand relations and realize that the guy she thinks is just a friend is actually in love with her. She likes to communicate with a guy, go to the cinema and dance with him. They completely trust each other, seek help, share experiences and joy. They have fun spending time together, as they have a lot of common interests and acquaintances. However, sooner or later, every girl who has been friends with a guy for a long time has to think about whether their relationship has crossed the border of friendship?

The reason for this is that there simply cannot be a long relationship between a guy and a girl. Sooner or later, the guy begins to understand that he is no longer able to drown out the true feeling that he has for the girl. Most often it happens like this. The girl has a gentleman who begins to court her, and her friend begins to be jealous of her and understands that he cannot allow other guys to look after her and wants to confess his love to her, but is afraid to destroy their friendly relations with this recognition.

Therefore, if you began to notice that a friend has become very sensitive relate what you say or do should not be ignored. Observe the behavior of your friend and try to understand how deep his feelings for you are? If conflicts and scandals constantly arise between you because you forgot to call him, joked unsuccessfully, made a remark, or went to the movies with another guy, then these are signs that he is not indifferent to you.

friendship, as opposed to love, combines a sense of fun, intimacy and ease of communication. It is good for friends to be together, they feel free in the presence of each other, no matter what state or appearance they are in. They don't have to try to look their best and worry about what appearance or the behavior may not please someone. A friend will only be happy if a girl has a boyfriend - the object of her sympathy. He will wish her happiness and help in every possible way so that her love is mutual.

If a friend in love and tries to cover his passion with friendship, he is often irritable and demanding. When communicating, he always smiles and tries to catch your eye in order to understand whether his feelings are mutual or not? Each person is the blacksmith of his own happiness, you should not agree to start a romantic relationship with a friend if you are not sure that you truly love him. After all, most girls marry guys with whom they have been friends for a long time, but it is very difficult to become a happy couple without mutual love. Despite the fact that friends are ready to help each other in everything, they are not capable of devoting their lives to someone like lovers.

Real love absolutely disinterested. A man in love is ready to give everything to make the one he loves happy. He thinks more about him than about himself. A friend on a subconscious level is always waiting for a return, so we can safely say that the main difference between friendship and love is that friendship is selfish. For a friend, their own interests are higher than yours. Love is a deeper feeling than just friendship. loving person interested in improving the quality of life of the one he is in love with.

Friendship is a mutually beneficial cooperation based on trust, sincerity and common interests. Each of its participants receives some benefit from spending time together and communicating, most often it is moral pleasure, but sometimes material benefits. Of course, a friend is always ready to help, but deep down he always hopes to get some benefit for himself from friendship.

Friendship helps us feel happier in the present, immerse ourselves more fully in life and keep abreast of all events. But after a while, our views on life and preferences change, which leads to a loss of mutual interest among friends and they rarely begin to communicate. Therefore, by changing ourselves, we change friends. Love inspires a person. The lover is always ready to share the results of his success with the one he loves. It brings him joy to expand his horizons, enrich his knowledge and life.

Many believe that the main difference friendship from is the lack of intimacy. Friendship, in their opinion, can be tender and strong, but it completely excludes sex. However, today these boundaries are very blurred - we must not forget that great amount couples perceive each other only as friends and this does not prevent them from having sex regularly. Many people these days are sexually attracted to a friend without having deeper feelings for them.

Very easy to confuse friendship with love, so before agreeing to an intimate relationship with a friend, you need to think carefully about what you expect from this relationship? You should not put high hopes that friendship will eventually develop into love. Often, after sex with a friend, girls are deeply disappointed when they hear the phrase: "Let's continue to remain just friends!" Until a friend confesses his love to you, you should not rush things in order to achieve the reciprocity of your feelings.

As the famous teacher in his time rightly wrote A.S. Makarenko: "Love cannot be grown from the bowels of a simple sexual desire. The forces of love can only be found in friendship and simple human sympathy. A person will never love his spouse if he did not love his parents, relatives and friends. The wider the area of ​​\u200b\u200bthis non-sexual love, the stronger will be his love for the opposite sex."

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Girls really like words of love and a lot of attention. They want the person she is dating to confess his love to her as soon as possible, and she begins to worry if this does not happen for a long time. Is it possible to somehow understand without words that he loves you? And what is love like?

It is worth noting that the relationship between a man and a woman can develop in the most unexpected way. It is impossible, looking from the outside, to say that everything is perfect in this couple, and in the other everything is going to part. Many do not show their true relationship in public, often they just play love. People can be friends for decades and after some kind of quarrel, stop communicating forever.

Or a person whom you considered your friend becomes an object of passion for you, and a long romantic relationship begins. Where is the line that separates indifference from interest, hatred from love. Our feelings are able to change their state, and therefore life is constantly full of events. After all, even in one day a person can have a wide variety of emotions and feelings.

As you know, love is different, and it is necessary to understand what a person can experience for us, and what can we give him in return? Experts have identified three main types of love: friendly, family, passionate. So, let's try to figure out what we have.

friendly love

We feel a sense of gratitude, tenderness and love for people who have become our friends, who have made our life more beautiful and interesting, and we cannot imagine that we can ever lose them. Such love must be devoted and sincere, otherwise friendship cannot be called real.

family love

Family love is parental love for children and vice versa. This also includes love between brother and sister, between grandmother and grandson, etc. Love for relatives is unconditional, it cannot disappear just like that - whether it be a petty quarrel or a huge disagreement. Truly close people will always be able to agree and find a compromise, because they have no one more dear than each other.

Family love is forgiveness, help, support, understanding, comfort, family warmth and hospitality. Dear and close person never leave you in trouble, never leave you, remember how many mothers have to raise disabled children or find out that their child has crossed the line of justice and become a criminal. They have not stopped loving them less for their shortcomings and bad deeds.

Love for their children will always live in their hearts, no matter what they do, sometimes this love is destructive, both for the mother and for her child, so you need to try not just to love, but to guide your child on the right path. In a family, between the closest people, there must be such feelings as respect, trust, sacrifice and, of course, love.

Passion love

Passionate love is not just an exciting sex life, it is an expression of tender, platonic love, which is reinforced by this passion. This feeling is especially typical for young couples who experience incredible attraction to each other, both physical and emotional. But passion-love is not only a privilege of the young, but for people of age it is quite relevant.

What is passion-love? These are such relations between a man and a woman, the basis of which is affection, affection, care, dedication, tenderness. Every person dreams of such magical love, especially for girls. And there always comes a moment when she begins to think about the question: “Does he love me?” This is a very complex question and it is quite difficult to figure out what the answer will be. But after all, women always know how to listen to their hearts and trust their intuition, look at your relationship from the outside, and if you like the result, then you can confidently say that you are not indifferent to a person. However, it is worth remembering that men are insidious creatures, and women are gullible. Be on the alert, because you do not want disappointments.

, social psychology , anthropology of philosophy . Various academic theories of friendship have been proposed, notably social exchange theory, justice theory, relational dialectic, and attachment theory.

Multidimensionality

Adult friendships provide companionship, affection, as well as emotional support and have a positive effect on mental well-being and improvement. physical health. It can be especially difficult for adults to maintain meaningful friendships in the workplace. In the workplace, behavior can be influenced by competition, so people learn to hide vulnerabilities and quirks from colleagues. Labor friendships often take on a transactional nature; it's hard to tell where communication ends and begins real friendship. Most adults value the financial security of their jobs more than friendships with colleagues. Most adults have an average of two close friends. Numerous adult studies show that friendships and other supportive relationships do improve self-esteem.

Sociological aspect

Psychological aspect

Children's understanding of friendship tends to focus more on areas such as shared activities, physical intimacy, and shared expectations:498. These friendships provide an opportunity to play and practice self-regulation :246 . Most children tend to describe friendships in terms of things like sharing, and children are more likely to share with someone they consider a friend :246 . As children mature, they become less individualized and more aware of others. They gain the ability to empathize with their friends and enjoy playing in groups. They also experience peer rejection as they move through the middle years of childhood. Establishing good friendships in young age helps the child to better adapt to society in the future.

Anthropological aspect

Philosophical aspect

In ancient Greece, the symbol of inseparable friendship was the friendship of the Dioscuri - Castor and Pollux (Pollux). According to the myth, Polydeuces, the son of Zeus, unable to bear the death of his brother and friend Castor, who died in battle, asked his father to send him death. Zeus allowed him to give his brother half of his immortality, and since then the Dioscuri spent the day in the underworld, and the day on Olympus. This myth was widespread in ancient Greece, and in ancient Rome they even honored the cult of the Dioscuri.

As the great Socrates said - "Without friendship, no communication between people has value."

Since the time of Epicurus, this idea has become traditional for ancient Greek ethics. In one of his early dialogues Lysis, Plato pointed out that friendship is possible only between people who are kind and like each other. The good ones, according to Plato, “... are like and friends among themselves; evil ones, ... are never similar to themselves, as if foggy and unstable. And what is unlike itself and different from itself can hardly be likened to another, or be his friend. For Plato, who distinguished between love for the body and love for the soul, friendship is a kind heartfelt love, the most noble and disinterested form of communication between people.

A detailed doctrine of friendship is also given by Aristotle in Nicomachean Ethics. Aristotle distinguished three types of friendship: friendship based on mutual benefit; friendship pursuing pleasure, and friendship based on virtue. The first two kinds of friendship are the lowest; here people do not love each other, but only that benefit or that pleasure that is achieved in their communication. Such a friendship cannot last, because with the disappearance of utility or pleasure, the friendship itself also disappears. True friendship is friendship based on virtue. Here friendship has a goal in itself and lasts as long as the people who share it remain good, virtuous. At the same time, friendship based on virtue includes mutual benefit and pleasure. Assuming the equality of the persons participating in it, friendship is closely connected with justice and those conditions of state life in which this justice is manifested. "Friendship in all forms of government is manifested as much as justice". In accordance with this, Aristotle argued that under tyrannical rule, friendship either does not exist at all, or it occupies a very insignificant place. “... There cannot be friendship where there is nothing in common between the ruler and the ruled; there is no place and justice ... ". On the contrary, friendship is most pronounced in democracies, since here citizens, "... being equal, have many common interests." The perfection of social life consists, according to Aristotle, in justice combined with friendship. Aristotle believed that friends are the good that, among others, a happy person should have, he saw the goal of friendship as mutual improvement in virtue.

Marxist ethics makes friendship dependent on social conditions people's lives, their needs and interests. Marxists believed that only the unity of great social goals and lofty interests leads to deep and lasting friendship. In an exploiting society, examples of such friendship are formed among the oppressed masses, among people who are fighting for progressive social ideals. This is what united personal friendship of such prominent people as A. I. Herzen and N. P. Ogaryov, V. G. Belinsky and N. A. Nekrasov, N. G. Chernyshevsky and N. A. Dobrolyubov. An example of the greatest friendship is the relationship of K. Marx and F. Engels, which, according to V. I. Lenin, surpassed "... the most touching tales of the ancients about human friendship." A. I. Herzen, recalling his friendship with N. P. Ogarev, pointed out the great importance of this feeling in education. “We raised each other,” he said. - This is my first feeling - Friendship. It gave me his deep soul, from which I could draw thoughts like from the ocean ... ".

Peculiarities

Cliche

Holidays

On April 27, 2011, at its 65th session, by resolution 65/275, the UN General Assembly declared July 30 International Friendship Day, inviting international, state and regional organizations to celebrate this day in accordance with cultural traditions.

The asteroid (367) Amicitia, discovered in 1893, is named in honor of friendship.

see also

Notes

1. Definition for friend , Oxford Dictionaries Oxford Dictionary Press , . Retrieved May 25, 2012.
2. Newman, B.M. & Newman, P.R. (2012). Development Through Life: A Psychosocial Approach. Stanford, CT.
3. Reisman, John M. Friendship and its Implications for Mental Health or Social Competence // The Journal of Early Adolescence (English)Russian: journal. - 1985. - 1 September (vol. 5, no. 3). - P. 383-391. - doi:10.1177/0272431685053010 .
4. Zelazo, Philip David. The Oxford Handbook of Developmental Psychology, Vol. 2: Self and Other. - OUP US, 2013. - ISBN 978-0-19-995847-4.
5. Sparks, Glenn (August 7, 2007). Study shows what makes college buddies lifelong friends. // Purdue University.
6. Schulz, Richard. The Encyclopedia of Aging: Fourth Edition, 2-Volume Set (English) . - Springer Publishing Company (English)Russian, 2006. - ISBN 978-0-8261-4844-5.
7. Williams, Alex. Friends of a Certain Age: Why Is It Hard To Make Friends Over 30? , The New York Times(July 13, 2012). Retrieved 25 October 2012.
8. Bryant, Susan Workplace Friendships: Asset or Liability? (indefinite) . monster.com. Retrieved 25 October 2012.
9. Willis, Amy. Most adults have "only two close friends" , The Telegraph(November 8, 2011). Retrieved 11 August 2013.
10. Berndt, T.J. (2002). Friendship Quality and Social Development. American Psychological Society. Purdue University.
11. Bremner, J. Gavin. An Introduction to Developmental Psychology. - John Wiley & Sons, 2017. - ISBN 978-1-4051-8652-0.
12. Your Childhood Friendships Are The Best Friendships You'll Ever Have (indefinite) (June 17, 2015). Retrieved June 21, 2016.
13. Popov, P. S. Sayings of Confucius, his disciples and others. Translation from Chinese with commentary. - St. Petersburg. , 1910. - S. 102.
14. Epicurus. Vatican collection of sayings. LII / Per. with other Greek S. I. Sobolevsky // Materialists of Ancient Greece / General. ed. and intro. Art. prof. M. A. Dynnik. - M. : Gospolitizdat, 1955. - S. 222. - 240 p.
15. Epicurus. Vatican collection of sayings. XXIII / Per. with other Greek S. I. Sobolevsky // Materialists of Ancient Greece / General. ed. and intro. Art. prof. M. A. Dynnik. - M. : Gospolitizdat, 1955. - S. 220. - 240 p.

Loving your friends is common. Who doesn’t love their comrades, who are always ready to help, who can cry on their shoulders and who have a great time with? Of course we love our friends.

How to distinguish friendship from courtship, sympathy, manifestations of romantic feelings?

But can you say with certainty that your feelings for a friend are not romantic in nature? Sometimes it’s hard to distinguish platonic friendship from love, as well as vice versa: people mistake the strong friendship of two bosom friends for love.

If you doubt the feelings between you and your boyfriend / girlfriend, it is worth thinking and analyzing your relationship. Take your time to do at your expense. Let's talk more about what the concepts of friendship and love are and how to distinguish them from each other. Perhaps you should move to the next level with your buddy? Or is it not worth risking friendship by confusing it with a romantic relationship?

Love and friendship, what do they have in common?

Note that you would hardly have become interested in the question: "How to understand whether this is friendship or love between you?" If you did not doubt your feelings for a friend. If we talk about friendship between a guy and a girl, it’s worth recognizing the sad truth: a long-term friendship between different sexes can not be. One or both will one day think about how they really feel and whether their relationship has a continuation.

The phenomenon of love and friendship are similar to each other, and we can safely say that they are components of each other. True friends love each other without showing romantic feelings and their love lies in mutual respect and affection. Like lovers, they cannot exist without friendship between each other.

But not every couple is ready to cross the threshold of friendship and enter into a romantic relationship, there is a fear of losing a faithful comrade or being rejected.

So how to distinguish love from friendship, if they are so similar? We can conclude this: friendship includes spiritual intimacy, and relationships consist of aspects of friendship and physical attraction.

Let's take a look at the differences between these two phenomena to find out how to distinguish love from friendship.

Differences of feeling: sympathy for a potential rival

Analyze your behavior around your friend. it the right way distinguish between friendship and love. How? Start with the obvious signs of showing affection.

How do you react when your friend tells you about sympathy for another person, shows it to you?

If you are on friendly terms with this person, you will be glad to get acquainted with his choice, you will also, if possible, help him build happy relationship because you wish him happiness and true pure love.

If you are in love, then jealousy will betray you. You are unlikely to like the object of his sympathy, but this does not mean that you do not wish him well. Just in your mind you already imagined him next to you, you are used to this thought, and your subconscious mind is at a loss: "How is it, because there is me, why did you choose (a) not me?" Jealousy is one of the main signals about your romantic feelings.

Behavior in his/her presence

In the presence of a friend, do you behave calmly, or do you feel embarrassed when he appears in your company?

With the advent of a friend, you feel free, no matter what state you are in, no matter how you look. You are comfortable with this person, even if you are flaunting in a nightgown, one slipper, disheveled, with a thermometer and a bucket of snot at the ready.

If you are still in love, you try your best to look better than you are. You care about your appearance, you worry about whether your friend will like your new jacket or hairstyle. You are embarrassed when receiving compliments from him, they cause you extraordinary feelings of joy and embarrassment.

Personal space

How to distinguish love from friendship? There is another obvious way. What do you feel when a friend is not around?

In friendships, you feel at ease if you know that your friend is spending time with someone else. If you have not seen each other for several days, emotions will not unsettle you and will not take away sleep.

But if you still fell in love with your friend, then your thoughts are probably occupied only by him alone, you want to meet more often and spend more time together. You miss your object of sympathy. You are in love.

The manifestation of emotions

Emotions play an important role. If you are friends, you experience lightness, freedom, fun next to a friend. No drama, only positive emotions.

But if you are in love, there may be quarrels between you. Did you think the opposite? Quarrels are not only a manifestation of mature love, but also an expression of love that has not found expression. Perhaps subconsciously you are trying to cover up your sympathy with friendship, but you want reciprocity. Not meeting her, you become irritable, demanding in relation to your friend.

habits and reactions

Your reaction to a person's habits, behavior, and plans can give away your attitude towards a friend. How to distinguish love from friendship, based on the habits of the suspected subject of sympathy?

If you are only friends, you do not judge a friend for his habits, accept him for who he is, and do not try to change him. You make friends with him this way and accept him this way, and his habits and behavior will not affect your life in any way. Of course, you will advise your friend to quit smoking, but do not take it to heart as a lover would.

Of course, that you are worried and wish your friend well, and even a real unloved friend should make a scandal if your close friend does not want to give up addiction. This is what a man in love will do, who hopes for the further development of relations with a person and worries about his health. A lover may try to reshape a person at his own discretion, which is less often seen with true friends.

Note that lovers try to change themselves if a friend points out to them what he does not like, wanting to please the object of sympathy.

friend in love

If you have come to the conclusion that you are still in love, do not despair. Love is a wonderful feeling, better let's find out if it's mutual. You can watch your partner. Here's how to distinguish a man's friendship from love? Based on this list, you can understand how your friend feels. Maybe it's time to talk to each other and move to the next level?

You can judge that your friend shows sympathy by such points as:

• your friend does not want to part with you and tries to spend more time together;
• your friend goes to a meeting with potential competitors during the parade;
• your friend is gallant with you, he will give a hand, move a chair, open the door;
• they are trying to pay for you;
• you are called to take a walk without company;
• you are always ready to help;
• he suddenly gets into your music;
• a friend is silent about his personal life, and reacts sourly to stories about yours;
• they try to take you away;
• love to chat with you.

The list can be endless, as everyone expresses their sympathy for the opposite sex in their own way, but these are some of the most popular signs that you are experiencing more than just friendship.

Focusing on these tips, you can distinguish love from friendship. We hope that this knowledge will be useful to you and your feelings will be mutual.

Analyze not only your manifestations of feelings for a friend, but also the attitude of a friend towards you. Take a closer look at his behavior, how he communicates with you, how he reacts to you. Watching your relationship from the outside is the perfect way to help answer the question of how to distinguish friendship from love.

Friendship between a man and a woman is possible, but very often a man next to a woman only pretends to be her friend, having completely different views on her. We will not discuss the fact that a woman at the same time herself can hide her real interests - we will only discuss how to bring a man "to clean water". So, ten signs of deception:

1. Present. The “deceiver” (a man who cunningly hides sighs under the guise of friendship) gives large, impressive, generous gifts. By this he hopes to impress your tender heart to the very depths. A true friend(a man to whom you are interested precisely as a friend), gives little and modestly. As a friend.
2. Help. If a man is ready to help always and in everything, at any time of the day or night, this does not mean anything. But if he is for last month six times he came to save you on the Moscow Ring Road, and three times - in the dead of night, this is no accident. A man for whom you are just a friend is not ready to spend so much time on you. By the way, he also has his own woman.
3. Purchases. Does a man walk with you shopping malls with pleasure, enter each store with pleasure and nod in agreement when you remember that you need a new handbag? Does he easily agree to this every weekend? You don't have a friendship - he just wants to please you. A true friend behaves exactly like a friend. Spends as much time in the store as he can stand and goes out to breathe fresh air. Because it is customary for friends to respect each other's interests and not demand a complete rejection of themselves. That's how we men are.
4. Discussion of men. You can discuss your men with both a "deceiver" and a real friend. The difference is that the "deceiver" will always take your side. He will always agree with you and say that "he just doesn't deserve you." This is a clever trick - let everyone be bad, he alone is good, and sooner or later you will notice and appreciate it. A true friend will only be fair. If your man behaved like a goat, a true friend will say just that. If it was you who acted like a fool, a real friend will say so. This is true friendship.
5. Apologies. Everyone makes mistakes - they are late for a meeting, they forget to bring what was promised, they hurt with a careless word. Reaction difference. The "deceiver" rushes to repent, as if he were at the Nuremberg Tribunal. He is afraid that now he will lose your trust and communication. Therefore, he is afraid of any of his oversights, even the smallest. A true friend will just humbly apologize. If the error is serious, it must be corrected. If it's small, it's not worth the trouble.
6. Drunk. Sometimes friends drink together. And then you can immediately see who is who. If he is a “cheater”, he will start telling you how beautiful you are and how lucky the one who will be with you. Then he will tell about his difficult fate. Then he goes to kiss. A real friend will tell you about the upcoming elections and the prospects for hybrid engines. It's more interesting to him.
7. Attention. When you are around, the "deceiver" pays all his attention to you. From start to finish, you are in the center. Are you cold? Would you like a cocktail? Did you notice that picture over there? You look great, by the way! A true friend remembers that besides you, there is another person here - he. Therefore, you will get exactly half of his attention.
8. Women. A real friend is interested in other women in your company, he is curious about the idea of ​​“you need to meet Nastya!” (if, of course, he is free). The "deceiver" rejects all offers - softly or harshly, but always completely.
9. Communication. A real friend communicates with you like a real friend - relatively rarely, and more often not nose to nose, but through remote channels (ICQ, phone, VKontakte). This is because he has other interests among which he distributes his attention. The "deceiver" has the main interest - you. Therefore, he is ready to spend as much time with you as possible.
10. Sex. The "deceiver" wants to have sex with you, but is afraid that you will understand it. Therefore, it proves in every way that you are interesting to him not as a woman, but as a person. A real friend remembers that you are a woman and in principle allows sex between you, but "in some special case." He is interested in you, first of all, as a person.

If you can clearly identify three or more points in the behavior of a man, you have a “deceiver”. Further - you decide. In fact, a man's interest in you as a woman is not at all a minus for a man, but rather speaks of his good taste. Well, what about the fact that he hides this interest of his - think, maybe it’s too dangerous to discover him next to you?