We have collected in it reliable theory and answers to practical questions. Learn from other people's mistakes, not your own.

One we know muslim family is in difficult situation. The husband, during a family quarrel, said the divorce formula (talaq) three times in a row. Can he get his wife back?

As for the case when three divorces are given at the same time, then “during the life of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), then during the reign of Abu Bakr and during the two years of the reign of 'Umar, the triple [one-time] talaq was considered one [that is, if the husband immediately pronounced the divorce formula three times, it was counted as one time]”. Ibn ‘Abbas, who transmitted this hadith, quotes after him the words of ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab: calm, reasonable and thoughtful approach]. And if we complete this (put a signature under this) [make sure that three voiced talaqs are counted as three; in order to wean people from this addiction?! Let them think before saying such things]” Ibn ‘Abbas ends his narration with the words: “He did so. [That is, he ordered three talaks spoken at a time to be counted as three]” .

In the realities of modern religious illiteracy and, unfortunately, the thoughtless emotional use of the words of divorce in family quarrels, I believe that the canonical practice of the times of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of God be upon him), the period of the reign of Abu Bakr and the first two years of the reign of 'Umar is the most priority, that is, three talaqs spoken at the same time should be counted as one. Especially taking into account the general context of the Koran and the Sunnah, which call on us to create families and protect them, while maintaining intra-family harmony, mutual understanding and integrity.

I note that at the end of the verse, which tells about the stages of divorce, when talaq is given one after another once a month, there are the words:

“These are the boundaries set for you by Allah (God, Lord), do not cross them! Whoever crosses the borders, those are sinners (oppressors, tyrants) ”(see).

Based on this verse, some Muslim scholars have concluded: “Three talaq divorces at a time are haram (forbidden and unacceptable).”

It is also narrated that during the time of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), one man divorced his wife, saying three divorces-talaq at a time. The Prophet Muhammad stood up and angrily said: “He is playing with the book of Allah (God, Lord) [distorting what is written in it], and this is when I am among you?! [That is, how dare he give three divorces at a time, when the Qur'an clearly says about phasing, and with the presence of certain conditions]”. The displeasure of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was so great that one of the companions stood up and exclaimed: “O Messenger of God, should I kill him?”

The twenty-year practice of working as an imam of a mosque (since 1997) and communicating with parishioners has repeatedly confirmed and confirms to me the correctness of exactly the option that was practiced during the time of the Prophet Muhammad (may the Almighty bless and greet him) - a one-time triple talaq should be counted as one, and only so. The words of divorce should be spoken only in a calm, conscious state with the appropriate intention, and not in a fit of uncontrolled anger.

Shamil, I recently divorced my wife, but now I want to get her back. When I decided to divorce her, I came to her father's house and in front of witnesses (two men) said: “I'm divorcing you. I'm breaking up with you. I'm divorcing you." Now, at the insistence of relatives, I want to return it back. Is it possible? If yes, what should be done to get it back?

A one-time triple divorce can be counted as one, and therefore if three months have not passed (from the moment you announced it), you can return it without special procedures. But if they have passed, then you will have to conduct a new marriage and give your wife a new wedding gift (mahr).

And let me remind you that after the third final divorce, the spouses can no longer get back together. This is practically impossible, except under certain conditions.

The opinion of ‘Umar was adopted by almost all Muslim scholars. See, for example: al-Nawawi Ya. Sahih Muslim bi sharh an-nawawi [Collection of hadiths of Imam Muslim with comments by Imam al-Nawawi]. In 10 volumes, 18 hours. Vol. 5. Part 10. S. 70–72.

However, I dare say that this is their opinion, and not the direct text of the verse or hadith. And it (opinion) of the last centuries (I don’t know how it was in those days, more than 1000 years ago, when scientists agreed with the words of ‘Umar and gave the corresponding fatwas) has an obvious harm to family life, and not benefit. I will assume criticism in my address regarding the argumentation of the opinion of the majority of scientists, and therefore I will immediately note that it is indirect, in contrast to the earlier hadith.

Collection of hadiths of Imam Muslim. See: an-Naisaburi M. Sahih Muslim [Code of Hadith of Imam Muslim]. Riyadh: al-Afkyar ad-davliya, 1998. S. 590, hadith No. 15–(1472); al-Nawawi Ya. Sahih Muslim bi sharh al-Nawawi [Collection of hadiths of Imam Muslim with comments by Imam al-Nawawi]. In 10 volumes, 18 hours. T. 5. Part 10. S. 70–72, hadith No. 15–(1472) and an explanation to it; al-Munziri Z. Mukhtasar Sahih Muslim. S. 246, hadith no. 850; Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziya. A'lam al-muwaqqi'in 'an rabb al-'alamin. In 4 volumes. Beirut: al-Kitab al-‘arabi, 1996. V. 3. S. 30, 31.

I note that there is an opinion not to consider such an innovative (bid‘ah) form of divorce as a divorce, to ignore and not take it into account. For more details about this opinion and its argumentation, see, for example: al-Nawawi Ya. Sahih Muslim bi sharh an-nawawi [Collection of Hadith of Imam Muslim with comments by Imam al-Nawawi]. In 10 volumes, 18 hours. T. 5. Part 10. S. 70; al-Kurtubi M. Al-Jami ‘li ahkyam al-kur’an [Code of establishments of the Koran]. In 20 vols. Beirut: al-Kutub al-‘ilmiya, 1988, vol. 18, p. 101.

See: as-Sabuni M. Mukhtasar tafsir ibn kasir [Abbreviated tafsir of Ibn Kasir]. In 3 volumes. Beirut: al-Kalam, [b. G.]. T. 1. S. 207.

The degree of authenticity of the hadith is low, but it is true in meaning, Muslim theologians took it into account. See: an-Nasai A. Sunan [Collection of Hadith]. Riyadh: al-Afkyar ad-davliya, 1999. S. 359, hadith No. 3401, “da‘if”; al-Sabuni M. Mukhtasar tafsir ibn kasir [Abbreviated tafsir of Ibn Kasir]. In 3 volumes. Beirut: al-Kalam, [b. G.]. T. 1. S. 207.

Everything was as it should be at a wedding: witnesses, guests, parents, musicians, a bunch of guests. Only the bouquet for the bride was wrapped in a newspaper, and the procession was decorated toilet paper. Instead of bread and salt, those present were treated to beer, and when leaving the registry office, the former spouse was showered not with wheat, but with dumplings.

On the bridge of lovers, the former spouses solemnly sawed down the castle, which a year ago symbolized the strength of their union, smashed the service that they were given for the wedding, and burned the traditional symbol of love - a red plush heart. After that, the guys said that such a fun divorce should become a new good tradition.

Down and Out trouble started

Oddly enough, they found followers. In Blagoveshchensk, one of the holiday agencies already offers "organization and conduct of the divorce process." Such a pleasure is not cheap - about 7-8 thousand rubles for the most modest scenario. If you carefully study the price list of "divorce" services, you will be convinced: another divorce will cost more expensive than a wedding. It is understandable: there are a dime a dozen scenarios for a wedding celebration, but in order to celebrate a divorce in a human way ... It’s still tight with this, you have to invent everything on your own. In Blagoveshchensk, the process is led by a host, who delivers heartfelt and cheerful speeches. The rest is at the discretion of the customers. Agency employees rest on the fact that such a divorce will allow people to part like human beings and remain friends, and remember the procedure itself as something funny and curious.

By the way, one married couple has already used the services of this agency and celebrated their separation with brilliance and chic. They say that both the ex-husband and ex-wife.

The opinion of psychologists

By the way, psychologists very much approve of new trends. Women and men react differently to such an event in their lives. Men perceive divorce as the end of one life stage and the transition to a new life. Usually they get either a new mistress or a new wife pretty soon, they have children. Another option is that a man perceives divorce as his defeat, especially if his wife becomes the initiator.

For a woman, divorce is usually a tragedy. Starting a new life with children is much harder for her. Therefore, psychologists advise to celebrate this event at least with close friends. A divorce party for a woman, they argue, is primarily therapeutic. After such therapy, it is easier to believe that divorce is not the end, but only the beginning of a new stage of life, which will be better and happier.

Naturally, no one is going to sing about the collapse of the family. But the drama of the situation can be smoothed out by organizing at least a semblance of a celebration. Moreover, some time passes between divorce as a fact and its legal registration, during which the divorced spouses are already starting or preparing to start a new relationship. Having completed his unsuccessful family life with a party, a person, as it were, says to himself: "Life begins anew!"

And how are they?

It is possible that the fashion for divorce parties came to us from Western Sahara, where a woman arranges a holiday for this occasion, inviting her friends and potential applicants for her hand and heart. The guests present the "divorced woman" with incense and money.

But the first among the "civilized" peoples to celebrate their divorces were american women. This is how they mark their new status a free and independent woman. The indispensable attributes of such a holiday are dishes with "adjustable" pictures, tea that helps to forget the ex-spouse, a collection of music appropriate for the moment and a set of Voodoo love magic - a cute cloth doll and a long pin. You can poke a pin into all convenient and uncomfortable puppet places and at least in this way take revenge on your hated former soul mate. It is also practiced to ceremonially lower wedding rings in the toilet and shoot at a target with a photograph of "this bastard".

French the divorce is celebrated in an expensive restaurant or a trendy disco where a DJ sets the tone. Sushi, champagne and a giant cake are included. The cultural program is provided by strippers, fakirs and fortune-tellers.

In Argentina couples after a divorce usually dance a passionate tango.

In Great Britain In addition to parties, people also order an intensive rehabilitation course in order to regain faith in their strength and start a new life. And the highlight of the parties are special cakes. The first to prepare them for the divorcing pastry chef Faye Miller - so she decided to cheer herself up after breaking up with her husband. As Miller herself says, the main thing in these cakes is the customers' imagination and sense of humor. But in any case, sugar figures are necessarily placed on the cake already ex-husband and wives. And the cake itself is some kind of scene from family life, which became a pretext or reason for divorce, but, of course, with a humorous twist. There is a place here and packed suitcases, and even guns and knives that rush after the outgoing half. The image of a woman clinging with her last strength to a man, who at that moment pushes her away with his foot, is popular. The cake is called "Finally Free". If the customer is an ex-wife, then the woman stands on top of a three-tiered cake and pushes her ex-husband off it. Most often, customers order such inscriptions: "I'm free", "Given my life back" and "Get rid of the old man." Baking is also often adorned with broken wedding bells and fallen wedding rings. The cost of "adjustable" cakes - from 100 to 1300 dollars.

Divorcing Germans They also love pastries, only they order not cakes, but pies with special portraits of the ex-spouse (wife). Such edible portraits were launched by the Berlin baker Georgius Vasseliou. They cost 30-100 euros. According to Vasseliou, the idea for such pies came to him after one of the customers asked for something to celebrate her divorce. “People get divorced all the time, so it makes sense to sweeten this “bitter pill” for them,” says this baker.

In Warsaw divorce parties are held with music, dancing, striptease and toasts to a new life. Orders from firms arranging such celebrations - a quarter ahead. As a rule, young people who have lived together for a year or two and did not get married in a church arrange such an action. Moreover, the majority of customers are women over 30 with children.

The ritual is like this. A cake is required, just cut it apart. A chocolate figurine of a husband or wife is attached to the top of the cake, which must be cut off with a special "machete". Then you need to break the "handcuffs", testifying that freedom has come. After that, the hostess of the evening burns pictures of the "ex-spouse", a marriage certificate and other souvenirs that remained after the "happy life". For men, parties resemble a bachelor party: girls, striptease, a lot of booze - take a walk, people, I'm finally my own boss!

By the way, in Poland there are "adjustable" restaurants where ex-spouses can visit. They kindly offer "soup for mother-in-law (mother-in-law) from mushrooms of unknown origin" (soup from porcini mushrooms), "breast of a mistress" (brisket), "divorced" vodka with a label depicting an ex-wife.

China also keeps pace with the times. On Valentine's Day, February 14, 2006, the "Club for the Divorced" was solemnly opened in Shanghai. The goal is to help divorcees celebrate the end of their marriage. The club already has over 100 members. Consultations are provided for them, including lawyers, social events called parties are organized. In addition, the divorced mark the final break in the marriage bond in the club.

"Actually, breaking up with a practically dead marriage is a happy occasion, which is why we chose Valentine's Day to officially open our club," says its head, Ms. Shu Xin.

Divorce in our country is considered to be something like the end of the world, which you need to mourn for several months, mentally tuning in to a sad old age alone. Perhaps the current generation of 30-year-old individualists will be the first to prove by their own example that divorce is as normal an event as moving or changing jobs, so you should not go deep into a prolonged depression with its onset. And it's better to fix both decision a joint funny photo and throw a small holiday about a new round of personal freedom.

Sep 1, 2015 at 6:02 AM PDT

The post-divorce selfie idea, or #divorceselfie, became a buzzword on the internet last week thanks to hilarious Canadian couple Chris and Shannon Neiman, who, instead of going through a "normal" divorce with sad faces and sharing wedding sets, did it with dignity , with humor and with the front camera of his smartphone, immortalizing the moment with a positive selfie. In the caption to the photo, where the now ex-spouses are smiling as if they just got engaged, Chris and Shannon shared their thoughts on the topic of divorce as “something wonderful” and promised to raise their children together so that they would not have to be torn between living separately and hostile parents. Judging by the comments on social networks, our Russian-speaking audience did not appreciate such an innovative way of dissolving a marriage (oh my God, didn’t they even grab each other’s hair?) and immediately called the #divorceselfie fashion clownery and covert propaganda of family breakup, ex-spouses in the photo are hypocrites and selfie maniacs. Who is right here after all and is it really possible to get a divorce “elegantly”, that is, without scuffle, insults and the evil looks of Medusa Gorgon, is it some kind of art that is still inaccessible in our country (which, by the way, leads in the world number of divorces) art?

1 Sep 2015 at 10:32 PDT

However, sorting through the patriarchal logic, everything can be put in its place: if in our society marriage for a woman is the only form of life (otherwise “old maid”, “no one needs you like that”, “did not take place as a woman”) , it is logical that divorce is such a “little death”, the collapse of the most important social status for many of our girls, on which (hidden or openly) both the financial situation and the housing issue are based, and even such a character trait as pride (“ if I was CHOSEN, then I am good/beautiful/smart/kind; if not chosen, then I am NOTHING"). That is, appealing to the stupid comparison with the railway, we do not need a wedding to celebrate that we have found a wonderful companion in life, we need it to “hook”, “attach” and then ride someone as much as possible time, preferably without much jolts and accidents. From here, the divorce comes out not as a completely everyday event with trains that calmly dispersed in different directions, but as a real railway disaster, the collapse of the entire traffic system for weeks (or even months and years), which it certainly would not occur to anyone to perpetuate picture on Instagram.

Thus, if from the very beginning you approached your future husband as a lifeline, then such an incident as a divorce acquires the highest degree of drama: everything flies into hell, and your world will never be the same. But what if from the very beginning you perceived him as an equal partner with whom you would like to go through life together (for how long, the fortuneteller will not predict here) and were not going to die for love, stage dramas in the kitchen every night and turn into a shadow of your own husband? Then the end of this story can be perceived not as an apocalypse, but as a transition to another state, and a selfie at the door of the registry office as a test of the civilized relationship. Think, because if you have lived a certain amount happy days together, it means that you have something to remember, and these memories will be even more valuable than impulsive attacks of resentment and hatred. Yes, you are not together, but you continue to live on and maybe even meet one day at the supermarket checkout or on the restaurant terrace, or even online on Facebook. Maybe someone will say that a happy divorce is the same oxymoron as a happy funeral, but comparing them is stupid. Because divorce certainly has nothing to do with death - it's more like new life, which is high time to celebrate no less magnificently than a wedding.

Funny jokes about divorce

- I I almost divorced my wife yesterday.
Why "slightly"?
- We had a fight, she said she was leaving, but before leaving she put on makeup for so long that she forgot where she was going ...

- W Why are you buying your wife a new dress if you are going to divorce her?
- And in the old one she does not want to go to court!

R two get divorced. The judge asks the husband why he decided to divorce. He answered, hiding his eyes:
- Yes, she was a cold woman.
The wife, unable to bear this, shouts:
- I'm not a cold woman, just where I'm hot you can't get it.

- AT Are you happy in your family life?
- Oh yeah! We love each other so much that we've put off divorce three times already!

P yany husband returns home and yells:
- That's it, you got me! Divorce!
Wife, with a snake smile:
- Well, my dear, now I'll just go for the key!
- What?
- DIVORABLE!!!

- M I don't think my wife wants to divorce me.
- Why do you think so?
She brought her friend home yesterday!
- So what?
You have no idea how beautiful she is!

M You got divorced because of one of my phrases. During the scandal, Volodya threatened to spoil my life, and I told him that he could only spoil the air ...

FROM a divorce case is pending. Referee:
- Petitioner, explain why you want to dissolve the marriage?
- The fact is that my husband went out to buy cigarettes a year and a half ago in the evening, returned last week and gave me a row because of a cold dinner. . .

B cancerous process. The husband demands a divorce because of his wife's endless infidelities. The wife's lawyer advises her:
- Our strategy should be like this. You - faithful wife. Deny everything, ask again every question and pretend that you are at all
don't understand what we are talking. I will give you signs.
Wife:
- I got it.
At the court. The husband's lawyer gets up and asks the question:
- Is it true that on June 12 of this year, in the pouring rain, you had sexual intercourse with a midget Giacomo from the Amaretto circus on a motorcycle moving along the main street at a speed of 100 km / h?
The wife's lawyer gives her an imperceptible nod.
Wife:
- I don't understand anything. What number do you say?

AND ena:
- I demand that we be divorced: my husband, without my knowledge, sold all the pans, and drank the money away.
Husband:
- I also ask you to separate us: the wife noticed the loss of pots only on the sixteenth day!

P After the divorce, my wife and I divided our house equally: she got the inside of it, and I got the outside.

- P why do people get divorced?
- Because weddings are played! BUT family life- not toys!

- TO How did the Johnson divorce end?
- As expected. The husband got the car, the wife got the kids, and the lawyer got everything else as a fee.

P about statistics, a quarter of all divorces occur because the husband spends too little time with his wife; three quarters - because he spends too much time with her ...

To what The best way get rid of 70 kg of excess fat?
Get a divorce.

- P According to statistics, more than half of marriages end in divorce.
- What about the rest?
- Well, death.
- Mom, I don't want to get married!

BUT lawyer asks:
- What would you like to get after a divorce?
- I would like to have children, an apartment, a car and ... my ex-husband.

M The young couple applied to the judge for a divorce.
“But there was something about your husband, signora, that you liked.
Wife: It was, Signor Judge, it was! But I've spent everything!

BUT Alexander Druz is divorcing his wife. He asks: "Are you going to change your last name?" Wife: "No, better let's stay Friends"!

- P Why did you decide to divorce your wife, Mr. Jones?
- For humanitarian reasons, Your Honor.
- ???
- If I live with her for at least one more day, I will definitely strangle this bitch !!!

- P ap, when did you lose more money - during the last crisis, or the year before?
- During the divorce from your mother!!!
By the way, then I still did not understand why it is called DIVORCE ...

P divorce divorce, after the fifth, is no different from ...

P Before a wedding, you think that it can’t be better, before a divorce, that it can’t be worse. And every time you are wrong!

B cancerous process. The husband is asked:
- What is the reason for your divorce?
- We have different interests. She is interested in men, and I am interested in women!

- AT All your arguments are not sufficient for dissolution of marriage. You should
reconcile with your wife.
- This is too severe punishment, Mr. Judge.

- BUT Do you know what Seryoga did in the apartment? Linoleum glued to the ceiling. I stuck the wallpaper with the back side out. The walls in the bathroom were carpeted. And all in good conscience.
Has his roof been blown off?
- He's getting divorced. And this apartment goes to my wife and mother-in-law.

To the lawyer is approached by the client with a request to take over the conduct of the marriage and divorce proceedings.
- Why do you want to break up? the lawyer asks.
- I can't take it anymore. My wife has a bad habit of going to bed in the morning.
- What does she do all night?
- Waiting for me!

- P Why do you want to divorce your husband? the judge asks.
- We have different religious views.
- Can you be more specific?
- He does not recognize me as a goddess.

- P why do women get married?
- Lack of life experience.
- Why are they getting divorced?
- Lack of patience.
Why are they getting married again?
- Lack of memory.

P TV shows an interview with an elderly couple who recently celebrated their golden wedding. TV reporter asks grandfather a question:
- Tell me, do you have time for your life together Ever thought about divorce?
- What are you, young man, how could you think such a thing! About murder - it happened more than once, but about divorce - never!

AND ena - husband:
I'm tired of being your maid! I'm filing for divorce!
- No, you're fired!

BUT Angelina Jolie is crazy! Imagine, she is divorcing Brad Pitt to adopt him.

AND A woman from the village came to file for divorce.
- Completely fucked me up! And give him at night, and in the morning, and after dinner... My strength is gone!
- Okay, we'll consider your appeal.
- Yes, she is so swollen that there is nothing to look at!

FROM the elastic couple bought a greenhouse, a stern uncle delivered it to the site. Husband asks:
- How long to collect it?
The stern uncle replies:
- My partner and I will collect in 6 hours, and you (gave them a look) - from two days to a divorce.

AND Jenna files for divorce.
- And what is your reason for divorce? the judge asks.
He makes me eat whatever I cook for him...

H Are you afraid to go to the side? What if the wife finds out? She's just a beast!
Deep breath:
- At best, file for divorce.
- I'm even afraid to ask what is the worst case.
- At worst, he won't.

90% people who send SMS to find out what awaits them: love, sex or divorce, learn another meaning of the word "divorce".

- T ebya, what, the wife in the sexual plan does not arrange?
- Arranges.
Why are you getting divorced then?
- So she not only suits me in this regard.

H a flamboyant man always cleans the sugar bowl before putting in new sugar, the butter dish before putting in fresh butter, and diluting before bringing in a new woman.

H married unexpectedly. It turned out that getting divorced unexpectedly for oneself would not work.

- FROM listen, girlfriend, why are you getting divorced for the seventh time? Do some bastards come across?
- Not. I just love weddings.

P After a divorce from his wife, Seryoga single-handedly brings up and raises a beer belly. And on weekends, he even rides him on carousels and roller coasters.

A PHOTO Getty Images

The hundreds of love stories that I listened to while writing The Secret Lives Of Wives constantly remind me of how thin the line is. eggshell, shares love and hate. I also know what it takes to stay married. Flying saucers, tears of loneliness, too much wine, and looking for old boyfriends on Facebook at 3am. Who stays in a marriage and who doesn't is often not a matter of love or commitment. It's a matter of endurance.

I am especially asked this question by young wives who are learning to deal with many things in their lives at the same time, moving from honeymoon to real-time relationships. It is no coincidence that the peak of divorce decisions falls on the first 2-3 years of marriage.

A new and rather significant part of those who ask me about this are women about 80 years old. That's a hell of a long time to spend with one person.

Who stays in a marriage and who doesn't is often not a matter of love or commitment. It's a matter of endurance

While I was writing this book, I interviewed many women, including the wife of former US Vice President Al Gore, who left him after 40 years of marriage and who, as it turns out, is the envy of many of the remaining marriages. I've heard so many incredible stories that I'm probably not surprised by anything.

Adultery and triple alliances. A venerable wife at the age of 61, a husband a renowned surgeon who lectures all over the world, and their gardener. They are still together, like the couple where the husband managed to discover his new facets of sexuality in conversations with ... the pastor. I can no longer be shocked by anything that goes on behind closed bedroom doors. It's not that that shocks me - it surprises me how many apparently prosperous couples think about divorce, if not every week, then once a month for sure.

Yet most of them remain on this side of the thin shell. One of these women said that she "constantly asks herself questions, but has not yet despaired." This continues for 25 years of her married life. There is no violence in their relationship. They have good sexual compatibility, and her husband is by no means a miser. She is saddened by something else: “I am tired. I'm tired of him. I want passion. But I stay with him out of inertia, I know that the new path is fraught with many unknowns.

Divorce decisions peak in the first 2-3 years of marriage

All these women who are hesitant to stay married have one thing in common. They don't suffer in marriage for some serious reason. Living under the same roof with one person for a very long time, that's what makes them lose strength. This is a small and monotonous daily work, routine (but at the same time stability) makes them think: “Is that all? I want more. I want adventure. I want change."

Some marriages must surely break up if there is humiliation and violence in them. I only remind those who unexpectedly overtook " real love at the office cooler and they are now ready for anything, about one thing. I tell them that this is a new love, and everything new sometime inevitably becomes old.

Marriages that undermine your self-confidence do not need to be artificially resuscitated. But boredom is not a good enough reason for divorce.

I want passion. But I stay with him by inertia, I know that the new path is fraught with many unknowns.

Those who managed to live together for many years did not ask themselves the question: “Is that all?” They knew they were in charge of their own happiness and had a close circle of friends to travel with, go shopping, and drink a bottle of wine. They did not expect that the husband would open the whole world to them and replace all the close people.

My husband and I raised four children and went through fire and water. And I know for sure that we would not have made it if it were not for my sister and close friends.

Weddings are wonderful. Brides seem to be the most beautiful and full of hope. But if you want to stay together, you need to learn to accept imperfection.

I know from those who have gone through a divorce that they discovered a lot of surprises while spending their days with new relatives and trying to build relationships with the children of new partners.

You cannot love your marriage all the time. But if you love him more than you hate him, even if it's 51 to 49 percent, that's better. than to start a new adventure with a stranger whose flaws you have yet to discover.

Iris Krasnoff is a professor of journalism at American University in Washington DC and a bestselling author on couples.