Anna Bykova

Independent child, or How to become a "lazy mom"

© Bykova A. A., text, 2016

© Publishing House E, 2016

Essential Books for Parents

"Developing classes" lazy mom»

A new look at the problem of child development - teacher and psychologist Anna Bykova suggests that parents do not rely on fashionable pedagogical systems and advanced toys, but connect their own personal experience and creative energy. In this book you will find concrete examples fun activities and learn how to have fun with kids no matter your schedule or budget.

Time management for moms. 7 commandments of an organized mom

The time management system developed by the author of this training book is easy to use and gives 100% results. By completing tasks step by step, you will be able to put things in order in your life: set priorities correctly, organize children, find time for yourself and your husband, and eventually become happy and organized by mom, wife, mistress.

"How to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk"

Main Book by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish‒ No. 1 expert in communicating with children for 40 years. HOW to convey your thoughts and feelings to a child and HOW to understand him? This book is an accessible guide on HOW to communicate with children (from preschoolers to teenagers). No boring theory! Only verified practical advice and a lot of live examples for all occasions.

"Your baby from birth to two years"

It's done! You are finally the mother of an adorable baby! Authoritative experts, parents of eight children, William and Martha Sears will help you navigate this difficult time. The book will help you cope with the fears of the first weeks and teach you how to organize your life so that the child is comfortable, and you do not only parental duties, but also find time for other things.

From this book you will learn:

How to teach a child to fall asleep in his crib, put away toys and dress

When is it worth helping a child, and when is it better to refrain from it?

How to turn off the perfectionist mom and turn on the lazy mom

What is dangerous overprotection and how to avoid it

What to do if the child says: "I can't"

How to make a child believe in himself

What is Coaching Parenting?

Foreword

This is a book about simple, but completely non-obvious things.

The infantilism of young people has become a real problem today. Today's parents have so much energy that it is enough to live life also for their children, participating in all their affairs, making decisions for them, planning their lives, solving their problems. The question is, is it necessary for the children themselves? And isn't this an escape from your life into the life of a child?

This is a book about how to remember yourself, allow yourself to be not only a parent, find a resource to go beyond this life role. The book is about how to get rid of feelings of anxiety and the desire to control everything. How to cultivate the readiness to let the child go into an independent life.

A light ironic style and an abundance of examples make the reading process fascinating. This is a story book, a thought book. The author does not indicate: “Do this, this and that”, but calls for reflection, draws analogies, draws attention to various circumstances and possible exceptions to the rules. I think the book can help people suffering from parental perfectionism to get rid of the obsessive and painful feelings of guilt, which in no way contribute to the establishment of harmonious relationships with children.

This is a smart and kind book about how to become a good mother and teach a child to be independent in life.

Vladimir Kozlov, President of the International Academy psychological sciences, doctor of psychological sciences, professor

Introduction

The article "Why I'm a Lazy Mom", published a few years ago, is still roaming the Internet. She bypassed all the popular parent forums and communities. I even had a VKontakte group “Anna Bykova. Lazy mom."

The topic of raising independence in a child, which I then touched upon, was very heatedly discussed, and now, after publication on some popular resource, disputes constantly arise, people leave hundreds and thousands of comments.

I am a lazy mom. And also selfish and careless, as it may seem to some. Because I want my children to be independent, proactive and responsible. So, it is necessary to give the child the opportunity to show these qualities. And in this case, my laziness acts as a natural brake on excessive parental activity. That activity, which is manifested in the desire to make life easier for the child, doing everything for him. I oppose a lazy mother to a hyper-mother - that is, one in which everything is “hyper”: hyperactivity, hyper-anxiety and hyper-protection.

Why am I a lazy mom?

I am a lazy mom

Working in kindergarten, I have seen many examples of parental overprotection. I especially remember one three-year-old boy - Slavik. Anxious parents believed that at the table he was obliged to eat everything. And then he will lose weight. For some reason, in their system of values, it was very scary to lose weight, although Slavik's height and plump cheeks did not cause concern about a lack of body weight. I don’t know how and what they fed him at home, but he came to kindergarten with a clear loss of appetite. Trained by a tough parental attitude “You need to eat everything to the end!”, He mechanically chewed and swallowed what was put on the plate! Moreover, he had to be fed, because “he still does not know how to eat” (!!!).

At the age of three, Slavik really did not know how to eat on his own - he did not have such experience. And on the first day of Slavik's stay in kindergarten, I feed him and observe a complete absence of emotions. I bring a spoon - he opens his mouth, chews, swallows. Another spoon - again opens his mouth, chews, swallows ... I must say that the cook in the garden was not particularly successful in porridge. The porridge turned out to be “anti-gravity”: if you turn the plate over, then, contrary to the laws of gravity, it remained in it, sticking to the bottom in a dense mass. On that day, many children refused to eat porridge, and I understand them perfectly. Slavik ate almost everything.

I ask:

- Do you like porridge?

Opens mouth, chews, swallows.

- Want more? I bring the spoon.

Opens mouth, chews, swallows.

If you don't like it, don't eat it! I say.

Slavik's eyes widened in surprise. He didn't know it was possible. What you may or may not want. What you can decide for yourself: eat up or leave. What can you say about your desires. And what can be expected: others will reckon with your desires.

There is a wonderful anecdote about parents who know better than the child himself what he needs.

- Petya, go home immediately!

"Mom, am I cold?"

- No, you're hungry!

At first, Slavik enjoyed the right to refuse food and drank only compote. Then he began to ask for an addition when he liked the dish, and calmly pushed the plate away if the dish was unloved. He had the freedom to choose. And then we stopped feeding him with a spoon, and he began to eat himself. Because food is a natural need. And a hungry child will always eat itself.

I am a lazy mom. I was too lazy to feed my children for a long time. In a year, I handed them a spoon and sat down to eat next to them. At a year and a half, my children were already wielding a fork. Of course, before the habit of independent eating was finally formed, it was necessary to wash the table, the floor, and the child himself after each meal. But this is my conscious choice between “too lazy to teach, it’s better to do everything myself quickly” and “too lazy to do it myself, I’d rather spend my efforts on learning”.

Another natural need is to pee. Slavik was urinating in his pants. Slavik's mother reacted to our legitimate bewilderment in the following way: she asked to take the child to the toilet by the clock - every two hours. “I put him on a potty at home and keep him until he does all the work.” That is, a three-year-old child expected that in kindergarten, as at home, he would be taken to the toilet and persuaded to “do things”. Without waiting for an invitation, he puffed up his pants, and it didn’t even occur to him that his wet pants should be taken off and changed, and for this he should turn to the teacher for help.

If parents anticipate all the wishes of the child, the child will not learn to understand his needs and ask for help for a long time.

A week later, the problem of wet pants was solved naturally. "I want to write!" - Slavik proudly informed the group, heading to the toilet bowl.

No pedagogical magic. Physiologically, the boy's body at that time was already ripe in order to control the process. Slavik knew when it was time for him to go to the toilet, and even more so he could reach the toilet. Probably, he could have started doing this earlier, but at home the adults were ahead of him, seating him on the potty even before the child realized his need. But what was appropriate at the age of one or two years, pr...

Anna Bykova

The Big Book of the Lazy Mom

# lazy mom

TWO BESTSELLERS UNDER ONE COVER

Cover illustration Alexandra Dikaia

Illustrations by @katyazzzmama are used in the interior design

Lazy Mom® is a registered trademark. All rights to its use belong to Eksmo Publishing LLC.

FROM THIS BOOK YOU WILL LEARN:

✓ How to teach a child to fall asleep in his crib, put away toys and get dressed

✓ When it is worth helping a child, and when it is better to refrain from it

✓ How to turn off the perfectionist mom in yourself and turn on the “lazy mom”

✓ Why is overprotection dangerous and how to avoid it

✓ What to do if the child says: "I can't"

✓ How to make a child believe in himself

✓ What is Coaching Parenting?

✓ Where smart kids come from

✓ How to help your baby speak

✓ Why it's not too late after three

✓ Why teach a child to draw

✓ Do I need to raise a polyglot

✓ How to dine with geography

✓ Can a story about a dandelion lay the foundations of systems thinking

An independent child, or how to become a "lazy mother"

Foreword

This is a book about simple, but completely non-obvious things.

The infantilism of young people has become a real problem today. Today's parents have so much energy that it is enough to live life also for their children, participating in all their affairs, making decisions for them, planning their lives, solving their problems. The question is, is it necessary for the children themselves? And isn't this an escape from your life into the life of a child?

This is a book about how to remember yourself, allow yourself to be not only a parent, find a resource to go beyond this life role. The book is about how to get rid of feelings of anxiety and the desire to control everything. How to cultivate the readiness to let the child go into an independent life.

A light ironic style and an abundance of examples make the reading process fascinating. This is a story book, a thought book. The author does not indicate: “Do this, this and that”, but calls for reflection, draws analogies, draws attention to various circumstances and possible exceptions to the rules. I think the book can help people suffering from parental perfectionism to get rid of the obsessive and painful feelings of guilt, which in no way contribute to the establishment of harmonious relationships with children.

This is a smart and kind book about how to become a good mother and teach a child to be independent in life.

Vladimir Kozlov, President of the International Academy of Psychological Sciences, Doctor of Psychology, Professor

Introduction

The article "Why I'm a Lazy Mom", published a few years ago, is still roaming the Internet. She bypassed all the popular parent forums and communities. I even had a VKontakte group “Anna Bykova. Lazy mom."

The topic of raising independence in a child, which I then touched upon, was very heatedly discussed, and now, after publication on some popular resource, disputes constantly arise, people leave hundreds and thousands of comments.

I am a lazy mom. And also selfish and careless, as it may seem to some. Because I want my children to be independent, proactive and responsible. So, it is necessary to give the child the opportunity to show these qualities. And in this case, my laziness acts as a natural brake on excessive parental activity. That activity, which is manifested in the desire to make life easier for the child, doing everything for him. I oppose a lazy mother to a hyper-mother - that is, one in which everything is “hyper”: hyperactivity, hyper-anxiety and hyper-protection.

# lazy mom

TWO BESTSELLERS UNDER ONE COVER

Cover illustration Alexandra Dikaia

Illustrations by @katyazzzmama are used in the interior design

Lazy Mom® is a registered trademark. All rights to its use belong to LLC Eksmo Publishing House.

FROM THIS BOOK YOU WILL LEARN:

✓ How to teach a child to fall asleep in his crib, put away toys and get dressed

✓ When it is worth helping a child, and when it is better to refrain from it

✓ How to turn off the perfectionist mom in yourself and turn on the “lazy mom”

✓ Why is overprotection dangerous and how to avoid it

✓ What to do if the child says: "I can't"

✓ How to make a child believe in himself

✓ What is Coaching Parenting?

✓ Where smart kids come from

✓ How to help your baby speak

✓ Why it's not too late after three

✓ Why teach a child to draw

✓ Do I need to raise a polyglot

✓ How to dine with geography

✓ Can a story about a dandelion lay the foundations of systems thinking

This is a book about simple, but completely non-obvious things.

The infantilism of young people has become a real problem today. Today's parents have so much energy that it is enough to live life also for their children, participating in all their affairs, making decisions for them, planning their lives, solving their problems. The question is, is it necessary for the children themselves? And isn't this an escape from your life into the life of a child?

This is a book about how to remember yourself, allow yourself to be not only a parent, find a resource to go beyond this life role. The book is about how to get rid of feelings of anxiety and the desire to control everything. How to cultivate the readiness to let the child go into an independent life.

A light ironic style and an abundance of examples make the reading process fascinating. This is a story book, a thought book. The author does not indicate: “Do this, this and that”, but calls for reflection, draws analogies, draws attention to various circumstances and possible exceptions to the rules. I think the book can help people suffering from parental perfectionism to get rid of the obsessive and painful feelings of guilt, which in no way contribute to the establishment of harmonious relationships with children.

This is a smart and kind book about how to become a good mother and teach a child to be independent in life.

Vladimir Kozlov, President of the International Academy of Psychological Sciences, Doctor of Psychology, Professor

The article "Why I'm a Lazy Mom", published a few years ago, is still roaming the Internet. She bypassed all the popular parent forums and communities. I even had a VKontakte group “Anna Bykova. Lazy mom."

The topic of raising independence in a child, which I then touched upon, was very heatedly discussed, and now, after publication on some popular resource, disputes constantly arise, people leave hundreds and thousands of comments.

I am a lazy mom. And also selfish and careless, as it may seem to some. Because I want my children to be independent, proactive and responsible. So, it is necessary to give the child the opportunity to show these qualities. And in this case, my laziness acts as a natural brake on excessive parental activity. That activity, which is manifested in the desire to make life easier for the child, doing everything for him. I oppose a lazy mother to a hyper-mother - that is, one in which everything is “hyper”: hyperactivity, hyper-anxiety and hyper-protection.

Working in a kindergarten, I have seen many examples of parental overprotection. I especially remember one three-year-old boy - Slavik. Anxious parents believed that at the table he was obliged to eat everything. And then he will lose weight. For some reason, in their system of values, it was very scary to lose weight, although Slavik's height and plump cheeks did not cause concern about a lack of body weight. I don’t know how and what they fed him at home, but he came to kindergarten with a clear loss of appetite. Trained by a tough parental attitude “You need to eat everything to the end!”, He mechanically chewed and swallowed what was put on the plate! Moreover, he had to be fed, because “he still does not know how to eat” (!!!).

At the age of three, Slavik really did not know how to eat on his own - he did not have such experience. And on the first day of Slavik's stay in kindergarten, I feed him and observe a complete absence of emotions. I bring a spoon - he opens his mouth, chews, swallows. Another spoon - again opens his mouth, chews, swallows ... I must say that the cook in the garden was not particularly successful in porridge. The porridge turned out to be “anti-gravity”: if you turn the plate over, then, contrary to the laws of gravity, it remained in it, sticking to the bottom in a dense mass. On that day, many children refused to eat porridge, and I understand them perfectly. Slavik ate almost everything.

I ask:

- Do you like porridge?

Opens mouth, chews, swallows.

- Want more?

I bring the spoon.

Opens mouth, chews, swallows.

If you don't like it, don't eat it! I say.

Slavik's eyes widened in surprise. He didn't know it was possible. What you may or may not want. What you can decide for yourself: eat up or leave. What can you say about your desires. And what can be expected: others will reckon with your desires.

There is a wonderful anecdote about parents who know better than the child himself what he needs.

- Petya, go home immediately!

"Mom, am I cold?"

- No, you're hungry!

If parents anticipate all the wishes of the child, the child will not learn to understand his needs and ask for help for a long time.

At first, Slavik enjoyed the right to refuse food and drank only compote. Then he began to ask for an addition when he liked the dish, and calmly pushed the plate away if the dish was unloved. He had the freedom to choose. And then we stopped feeding him with a spoon, and he began to eat himself. Because food is a natural need. And a hungry child will always eat itself.

I am a lazy mom. I was too lazy to feed my children for a long time. In a year, I handed them a spoon and sat down to eat next to them. At a year and a half, my children were already wielding a fork. Of course, before the habit of independent eating was finally formed, it was necessary to wash the table, the floor, and the child himself after each meal. But this is my conscious choice between “too lazy to teach, it’s better to do everything myself quickly” and “too lazy to do it myself, I’d rather spend my efforts on learning”.

Another natural need is to pee. Slavik was urinating in his pants. Slavik's mother reacted to our legitimate bewilderment in the following way: she asked to take the child to the toilet by the clock - every two hours. “I put him on a potty at home and keep him until he does all the work.” That is, a three-year-old child expected that in kindergarten, as at home, he would be taken to the toilet and persuaded to “do things”. Without waiting for an invitation, he puffed up his pants, and it didn’t even occur to him that his wet pants should be taken off and changed, and for this he should turn to the teacher for help.

Anna Bykova's book "How to become a lazy mother" 1 minute. 1 sec.

Who is a "lazy mom"? And how does she manage to cope with children so easily and simply? Anna Bykova's book "An Independent Child, or How to Become a Lazy Mom" ​​will help raise independent children and reveal the secret of happy motherhood!

• About the book

many modern parents interested in how to raise an independent child. Family psychologist Anna Bykova knows how to help parents raise an obedient and independent person.

Anna Bykova's book - "Lazy Mom"

In order to demand independence from the child, parents also need to change. After all, if you continue to overprotect, prompt and help the baby, then he will not learn to do many things on his own. And why does he need it? After all, mom is always there and will help to put on shoes correctly, wash up, put away toys and collect a briefcase! In order for a child to grow up independent, sometimes you need to include a “lazy mother”. And the advice of Anna Bykova will help with this.

From the book you will learn:

• In what moments can you help the child, and in what moments give the opportunity to cope with the situation on their own;
• How to avoid overprotection;
• How to help a child to believe in their strengths and capabilities;
• When to turn on the "lazy mom".

Raising a child is a necessary process on which the future of a growing person depends. And it is the parents who give the bulk of the skills and qualities. Anna Bykova will help raise an independent person.

Anna Bykova

Independent child, or How to become a "lazy mom"

© Bykova A. A., text, 2016

© Publishing House E, 2016

Essential Books for Parents

"Developing activities" lazy mom "

A new look at the problem of child development - teacher and psychologist Anna Bykova suggests parents not to rely on fashionable pedagogical systems and advanced toys, but to connect their personal experience and creative energy. In this book, you will find specific examples of fun activities and learn how to have fun with children, regardless of your schedule or budget.

Time management for moms. 7 commandments of an organized mom

The time management system developed by the author of this training book is easy to use and gives 100% results. By completing tasks step by step, you will be able to put things in order in your life: set priorities correctly, organize children, find time for yourself and your husband, and eventually become a happy and organized mother, wife, housewife.

"How to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk"

A definitive book by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish, the #1 experts in communicating with children for 40 years. HOW to convey your thoughts and feelings to a child and HOW to understand him? This book is an accessible guide on HOW to communicate with children (from preschoolers to teenagers). No boring theory! Only proven practical recommendations and a lot of live examples for all occasions.

"Your baby from birth to two years"

It's done! You are finally the mother of an adorable baby! Authoritative experts, parents of eight children, William and Martha Sears will help you navigate this difficult time. The book will help you cope with the fears of the first weeks and teach you how to organize your life so that the child is comfortable, and you do not only parental duties, but also find time for other things.

From this book you will learn:

How to teach a child to fall asleep in his crib, put away toys and dress

When is it worth helping a child, and when is it better to refrain from it?

How to turn off the perfectionist mom and turn on the lazy mom

What is dangerous overprotection and how to avoid it

What to do if the child says: "I can't"

How to make a child believe in himself

What is Coaching Parenting?

Foreword

This is a book about simple, but completely non-obvious things.

The infantilism of young people has become a real problem today. Today's parents have so much energy that it is enough to live life also for their children, participating in all their affairs, making decisions for them, planning their lives, solving their problems. The question is, is it necessary for the children themselves? And isn't this an escape from your life into the life of a child?

This is a book about how to remember yourself, allow yourself to be not only a parent, find a resource to go beyond this life role. The book is about how to get rid of feelings of anxiety and the desire to control everything. How to cultivate the readiness to let the child go into an independent life.

A light ironic style and an abundance of examples make the reading process fascinating. This is a story book, a thought book. The author does not indicate: “Do this, this and that”, but calls for reflection, draws analogies, draws attention to various circumstances and possible exceptions to the rules. I think the book can help people suffering from parental perfectionism to get rid of the obsessive and painful feelings of guilt, which in no way contribute to the establishment of harmonious relationships with children.

This is a smart and kind book about how to become a good mother and teach a child to be independent in life.

Vladimir Kozlov, President of the International Academy of Psychological Sciences, Doctor of Psychology, Professor

Introduction

The article "Why I'm a Lazy Mom", published a few years ago, is still roaming the Internet. She bypassed all the popular parent forums and communities. I even had a VKontakte group “Anna Bykova. Lazy mom."

The topic of raising independence in a child, which I then touched upon, was very heatedly discussed, and now, after publication on some popular resource, disputes constantly arise, people leave hundreds and thousands of comments.

I am a lazy mom. And also selfish and careless, as it may seem to some. Because I want my children to be independent, proactive and responsible. So, it is necessary to give the child the opportunity to show these qualities. And in this case, my laziness acts as a natural brake on excessive parental activity. That activity, which is manifested in the desire to make life easier for the child, doing everything for him. I oppose a lazy mother to a hyper-mother - that is, one in which everything is “hyper”: hyperactivity, hyper-anxiety and hyper-protection.

Why am I a lazy mom?

I am a lazy mom

Working in a kindergarten, I have seen many examples of parental overprotection. I especially remember one three-year-old boy - Slavik. Anxious parents believed that at the table he was obliged to eat everything. And then he will lose weight. For some reason, in their system of values, it was very scary to lose weight, although Slavik's height and plump cheeks did not cause concern about a lack of body weight. I don’t know how and what they fed him at home, but he came to kindergarten with a clear loss of appetite. Trained by a tough parental attitude “You need to eat everything to the end!”, He mechanically chewed and swallowed what was put on the plate! Moreover, he had to be fed, because “he still does not know how to eat” (!!!).

At the age of three, Slavik really did not know how to eat on his own - he did not have such experience. And on the first day of Slavik's stay in kindergarten, I feed him and observe a complete absence of emotions. I bring a spoon - he opens his mouth, chews, swallows. Another spoon - again opens his mouth, chews, swallows ... I must say that the cook in the garden was not particularly successful in porridge. The porridge turned out to be “anti-gravity”: if you turn the plate over, then, contrary to the laws of gravity, it remained in it, sticking to the bottom in a dense mass. On that day, many children refused to eat porridge, and I understand them perfectly. Slavik ate almost everything.

I ask:

- Do you like porridge?

Opens mouth, chews, swallows.

- Want more? I bring the spoon.

Opens mouth, chews, swallows.

If you don't like it, don't eat it! I say.

Slavik's eyes widened in surprise. He didn't know it was possible. What you may or may not want. What you can decide for yourself: eat up or leave. What can you say about your desires. And what can be expected: others will reckon with your desires.

There is a wonderful anecdote about parents who know better than the child himself what he needs.

- Petya, go home immediately!

"Mom, am I cold?"

- No, you're hungry!