We do not always realize how much our relationship with our mother affects our lives. Having matured, having started a family, we still need our mother, who will support, understand and approve. Unfortunately, not all of us have such a relationship with our mothers. Someone openly rebels, someone tries to maintain neutral relations, someone pretends that everything is fine, but in our hearts we have not forgotten childhood wounds and insults.

In our desire to assert ourselves and prove something to our mothers, we do not want to recognize how important it is to establish a good relationship with her. This would make us happier, calmer and more confident, but the burden of childhood grievances haunts us.

Is it possible to break this circle of eternal insults and reproaches? The writer, psychologist and mother Olga Valyaeva shares her experience.

Four stages in a mother-daughter relationship

For a long time I didn't have a mother. Well, that is, she has always been, physically. But inside I didn’t have a sense of roots, there wasn’t a sense that she was older and bigger. There was no respect, no love. We could swear, put up, talk nicely, drink tea in the evenings by liters. She was my kindred person.

But mom ... I felt her mom not so long ago. When she finally stopped expecting something from her, proving something to her and trying to remake her. When I grew up and stopped doing nonsense.

That's the truth. There is a mother as a person. Which is from another century. It is difficult for her to master the technique - but I don’t understand why it’s so difficult. And there is me, who reads all sorts of smart books - and sees the problems of everyone in this book. Except theirs, of course. Especially mothers. And you can teach her to live - that's why you are not married. This is where you're wrong, this is where you did it wrong. Like I'm older, more experienced.

And then there are resentments. The grievances of a little girl who lacked her mother's attention. But not at the age of 15, when this attention became too much. I needed it then. Remember how in this joke: “If you didn’t have a bike at the age of 5, and at 25 you bought yourself a Mercedes, then you still didn’t have a bike at 5 years old.” So here too. Today's me, like me in my teens and older - my mother's attention was too much. And I wanted it for my five years. Me, a child. Then. And this “then” is already unattainable.

And here I am all so smart and with a bag of grievances. And mother. Mom, who did everything for me that she could. A mother who loved as best she could and as best she could. Many times more than they loved her. Mom, who went out of her way to keep us alive. Mom, who doesn't need much from me. Adoption. Respect. Gratitude.

Only a bag of grievances does not give respect. Doesn't let you love. The memory of childhood pain makes you build walls, stop talking heart to heart. And continue to be clever and teach life. This is how you can live your whole life. And never see your Mom behind this bag. Never see her as a person. And behind her - her fate.

And it really gets in the way. There is no harmony and acceptance with mother - no femininity, no conscious and joyful motherhood. They say that gratitude and respect come by themselves when you become a mother yourself. Lie. In some ways, you can begin to understand it better. But they add more “I will become a different mother, better!” - and resentment grows by leaps and bounds. I can - why couldn't she?

That's how we live. We prove something to mothers, we express. And we think that we live. Recently I saw a story about how an ambulance came to a woman who lived with her daughter. Mothers 95, daughters 75 - each other is called "old hag". And there are many such cases. It's not always spoken out loud. But how many women live just like that - physically next to their mother, but deep down in a complete break with her.

Often a daughter, even when she gets married, remains soulful with her mother. And he continues to butt with her, run around and so on. Sometimes she even gives birth to children for her mother. Because the mother wants grandchildren. And sometimes the connection is broken - they do not see each other at all. Both suffer in separation. Sometimes the daughter tries to break the painful connection, but the feeling of guilt does not give ....

Although in reality everything is simple. There are 4 stages in a relationship with your mother. To be lived, experienced. Step by step. None can be skipped or deleted.

1. Symbiosis

From the very beginning, you and mom are one. You have a common body, you are its continuation. After birth, the child also considers the mother as part of it. Therefore, separation is so terrible, he screams when mom leaves the room.

Someone hangs in this stage. And all his life he tries to please his mother, to make her happy, not to argue. Because my mom is happy, I'm happy. But these relations are harmful - first of all for the daughter. Until the age of 7-8, it is right and great to live like this - to be one with your mother, to absorb her love and care. And then you have to move on.

2. controversy

At some point, the child begins to realize that my mother and I are different people. This means that we may have different views, different desires, opinions on different issues may not coincide. And the daughter begins to argue with her mother, to prove her case.

The point of this stage is to break away. Find yourself. Find the strength to go your own way. But you can get stuck in it. And argue all your life. To prove all my life .... I'm not you, I'm better than you, I know better ....

3. Independence

The next stage, when the daughter, not only in words, but also in deeds, begins her life. Leaves, can go far. You may stop talking altogether. In her life, her mother ceases to be an important person.

"I am on my own. I grew up. I'm big. You are not my command." At this stage, too, you can hang - and lose a lot. Ancestral resources, connection with the feminine gender…

4. Gratitude and respect

And only when we separated and began to live our lives, we can move on to the final stage - gratitude to mom. When a mother becomes a close and dear person. When you can talk heart to heart with her - and really want to. This only gets better. A powerful resource is emerging...

Each cycle ideally fits into 7 years. Zero to seven, seven to fourteen, fourteen to twenty-one, and twenty-one to the end. That is, at the age of 21, there are already resources in order to move to the fourth stage. If you have already passed all three previous ones. If not stuck anywhere. But for a long time I hung on the second stage. Then came the third - but I kept sliding into the second from it. Argued, argued...

And only a few last years I have a mother. For real. Vedic knowledge, constellations, communication with the Teachers…. Thanks to all this, I have matured. Left a sack of childish grievances. I saw a person in my mother.

I learned to respect her. And I realized how much I was grateful to her - my mother did so much for me ...

Yes, sometimes I get back into the usual games. Not for long. And then I remember gratitude, I make a mental bow ... And everything falls into place again. As it should be.

And I wish all girls, girls and women to find their mother. In your own heart.

If an adult woman cannot call her relationship warm as a mother - what does this mean? Should we try our best to feel grateful to our parents - or should we not break ourselves and leave everything as it is: disputes and scandals or cold distancing? Why is the topic of gratitude to mom so painful for most of us and can it be cured?

Gratitude to parents is a topic frayed from all sides. From the very pot, they drive into the head of each with a ten-pound hammer:

• Your parents gave you life, be grateful.
• You are fed, clothed and educated - you are obliged until the end of your days.
• Everything your parents did was for your good. Say thank you. And leave your opinion you know where!

In fact, "good aunt-advisers" deftly manipulate our feelings. Feelings of guilt and duty. The desire to be "good" in the eyes of the public. And the desire to comply with social norms is a powerful lever:

It's a shame to be so ungrateful!
How can you say such a thing to your mother?

You feel like you have to play by the rules. You pull yourself up, you condemn, you try to find at least a drop of gratitude in your soul. But warmth inside in relation to parents is not added.

And that's when the brain starts drilling thoughts:

- Do you really need this feeling of gratitude?
- How to squeeze it out of yourself if your soul is empty?
- And why break yourself like that, if they did not really try to deserve this gratitude?

I will say this: kick yourself even to the point of losing momentum to awaken gratitude, but it will not be possible to fix relationships that now either consist of scandals or take place in irreconcilable silence and rejection.

Chances are you already have some practice in finding gratitude. Surely they tested the power of self-hypnosis on themselves, awakened their conscience, sought mercy and forgiveness. Obviously not found...

Despite all efforts, the notorious feeling of gratitude remained something mythical, almost like unicorns. It is quite possible that there are real reasons for such coldness. Start with this. Realize exactly what you blame your parents for. What is blocking your relationship right now?

There may be many options. But most often one of the following reasons acts.

Reason #1: Poor Parental Attitude in Childhood

This is not forgotten. It is not erased from memory either after 20 years or after 40. It is worth remembering, and inside everything boils from unspoken claims and grievances. And serious and justified. It's not that easy to get rid of them.

Have you tried making excuses for your parents? Did not work? Naturally. Because it is stupid to justify cruelty, rudeness and betrayal towards a child. He is defenseless.

Imagine a situation. A teenager is torturing a living creature - it doesn't matter if he throws stones at a cur or tears off the paws and wings of a caught fly. Will you look for excuses for him? Hardly.

Because every child knows not to hurt an animal that is unable to protect itself. He knows, but now he wants to do just that. And there can be no justification for this act.

Now transfer the perception of this situation to the cruelty of the parents. Yes, they are living people. They succumb to fears, fall into confusion, rage from impotence and their own weakness. But is that an excuse? Consciously or unconsciously - the choice was made in favor of strength and humiliation of the weak.

What to do?

Stop looking for reasons for such actions. If you set a goal, you can come up with a dozen explanations and find a hundred reasons for abuse. It just doesn't make any sense.

Your parents were unfair and rude to you. And this is a fait accompli. This is your past. It's impossible to fix it! Tell yourself

Yes, my parents are. Yes, I had a difficult childhood. There's nothing to be done about it.

Face the reality - at that moment, the parents intentionally chose to behave this way. Recognize it and move on.

Of course, in this situation, if you were beaten and humiliated, you do not owe them gratitude. But you owe something to yourself: peace of mind, happiness in your own family and getting rid of that "I should be grateful."

Reason #2: Rivalry with Parents

You say to yourself: "I will never be like that!" And you do everything in life from the opposite. Not like them.

You repeat: "I will be better than you, I can and I will prove it!". And lie down with bones to achieve more than your parents. Although you do not need this "more" at all.

As a result, such rivalry dooms a woman to at least problems in her personal life. Because instead of creating her own family, she is trying to win the competition with her mother in her parents' family. And this is a guaranteed defeat!

Do you think I'm exaggerating? Phrase: "I won't be like you, I'll be better than you" actually means: "I'll be a better wife to my dad than you!".

It turns out that the place of a man in a woman's heart is actually occupied. Naturally, relationships with the opposite sex do not add up. Any suitor is automatically compared with dad and loses.

When such a scheme works in the head, it is impossible to discern the dignity of a person. See who he really is. It just clicks in my head: "He's not like that!". He has other views on life, other priorities, other requirements. And therefore, on the personal front, things are rather sad.

What to do? Do you want a harmonious relationship with your mother? Order in your head will come only when you recognize and accept two things.

Your mother is above you in the family hierarchy. She is the eldest and you are the youngest in this chain. Which gives her a number of rights. This is reality and must be dealt with.

You are 50% your mother. And it doesn't matter if you like this fact or not - it's genetics. You can resist, get angry, foam at the mouth to prove that you are not her. But the fact remains that half of the chromosomes in your body are hers.

Take comfort in the thought that we are better than our parents anyway. Few people think about it, but in addition to 50% of the mother and 50%, we have another 100% of our own potential. Not a weak prospect, agree!

So get busy instead of digging in the past. Find a way to realize all the 200% you received at birth.

Reason #3: Your parents don't value you and were never proud of you.

A mother is not always defiantly proud of her child. There are various reasons for this:

• Inability to express feelings. Someone was taught from childhood that it was indecent to brag about the success of their loved ones in public.
• High plank. Others do not see anything special in the successes and achievements of their child - well, an excellent student, well, an athlete ... But it cannot be otherwise!
• For educational purposes. Someone deliberately does not praise the child, thus wanting to spur him to new heights.
• Unreasonable expectations. And someone is angry at his child for being an inconspicuous middle peasant. In comparison with more successful peers, he always loses. Everyone around is great, but there’s nothing to praise your own for.

However, in your life mothers There were many moments when she was proud of you. When in her heart there was only tenderness and gratitude for you, such a gift from the Universe.

Remember at least that postcard that you first gave her on March 8th. Yes, it was not a masterpiece, and there were three errors in the signature. But for my mother, it was the best gift. She may not have been able to demonstrate her feelings, but at that moment you lit sparks of joy in her soul.

What to do?

1. Understand that only a small part of what is inside spills out. In many families, it is not customary to express feelings. And at a time when fireworks explode inside with joy and pride for her child, mom only says with restraint: "Well, well done, continue in the same spirit."
2. Realize that it is the past. And you live in the present. And what prevents in the present to make your mother proud of you? Moreover, now your possibilities are much wider than in childhood, when you, sticking out your tongue, displayed a red eight on an album sheet.

How to feel the gratitude that is not there?

First of all, erase forever from your brain the assertions that you owe your mother gratitude. Forget about it! Now you only owe yourself. Take it as an axiom. You simply must find peace of mind and stop the internal conflict.

Would you like to feel gratitude? It is to feel, and not to squeeze it out of yourself? Imagine that your mother is now in front of you, and say out loud to her image:

Mom, I thank you for...

Remember and voice all-all-all situations when your mother hugged you, cared for you, kissed you, gave you gifts, took you to a circus or a park. Anything. Every little thing matters!

So you can reach the bright moments. Until those memories for which you can really be grateful. If the problems in the relationship are serious, it will not be easy for you. Most likely, you will have to repeat the virtual "talk with mom" several times.

But as a result, you will still find in yourself a sincere feeling of gratitude, which will settle the world first in your soul, and then in your relationship with your parents.

Discussion

I basically agree, I read it with interest. But there are nuances. The reason for my relationship with my mother that did not work out was her emotional coldness. I had a wonderful father, he was my "mother." praised, hugged, kissed, and so on. Unfortunately, I don’t feel either love or warmth for her. Only one thing, thank you for being in this world. And dad is not enough. Unfortunately, he left early from life.

Comment on the article "How to improve relations with your mother. 3 reasons for coldness or scandals"

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3 reasons for coldness or scandals. Do you want a harmonious relationship with your mother? Order in your head will come only when you recognize and accept two things. Becoming a mother, a woman, to one degree or another, always changes her attitude towards the one that ...

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Mom’s legs are very bad now, and now the conversation started, what will happen if she can’t walk and serve herself, of course, we have to hope for Mom’s grandfather is now taking her grandfather to her place for the winter with a big scandal, we live with the children in the village in the summer, Mom wanted him...

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About gratitude. Serious question. About his own, about a girl's. I have this feeling for my mother, yes. True, my father died quite early and did not manage to drink all the blood from us. But if she divorced, I am sure that everything would not be so rosy, especially in the material sense.

If you answer the question about your relationship with your mother from this second point of view, it turns out that there is no relationship and since childhood my mother has not accepted me 3 reasons for coldness or scandals. Do you want a harmonious relationship with your mother? Order in your head will come only then ...

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How to get in touch with your mom. 3 reasons for coldness or scandals. ...break yourself and leave everything as it is: disputes and scandals or cold distancing? Why is the topic of gratitude to mom so painful for most of us and is it possible ...

If something doesn’t suit us very much in a relationship with a man, we can say at any time: “Sorry, but here our paths diverge.” Of course, it won't be easy, but as they say, we don't have to be around those we don't need. The same applies to friends who, for some reason, cease to be friends: we move away from some gradually, with others we break any ties with lightning speed.

But there are those in our environment who will always be there, despite misunderstandings and conflicts. We are talking about close relatives, namely the only and most beloved mother.

Unfortunately, not everyone has a trusting relationship with their mother. Sometimes conflicts arise through the fault of the daughter, sometimes the mother is to blame, but still more often both do everything possible so that later it is difficult to be in the same room.

In this case, both mother and daughter suffer. The first believes that she undeservedly receives one after another slap in the face from the person to whom she devoted all of herself, and the second is sure that she is doing everything right and her mother simply does not understand her. Is it possible to mend a relationship with a mother when they seem to be at an impasse? We will give you some tips that will help you get back together with the dearest person, leaving endless quarrels behind.

DON'T FORGET WHO YOU'RE FIGHTING WITH

Sometimes you get into a rage and start throwing the most unpleasant words at the offender. However, it is very important to remember exactly who is standing in front of you now. It's one thing to argue with a work colleague or girlfriend you can't rely on, and quite another to argue with your own mother. No matter how trite it may sound, but this person not only gave you life on your birthday - he was there in the most difficult moments, helped you get up when you fell from a swing or a tricycle, blew on abrasions and bruises, did not sleep at night, when you had a fever, and was ready to give up his own life for you if necessary.

Yes, now you are looking at your mother, and it seems to you that in front of you is just a stubborn tyrant who does not even try to understand you, but just imagine that this tyrant will suddenly disappear. She is no longer young and may need help just as much as you did when you were little.

So always remember who you are arguing with and choose your words carefully. First, there will come a time when you will not be able to forgive yourself for some of them. And secondly, being more selective in expressions, you will be able to smooth out the already sharp corners.

STAND IN HER PLACE

Do not think that life's difficulties haunt only you, your mother also has a lot of them. Of course, there are a lot of reasons for the emergence of conflicts between mother and daughter, but the vast majority of psychologists assure that maternal dissatisfaction with one's own life very often lies at the basis. Perhaps your mother once left her husband, and now she has serious health problems. Here you like it or not, but you will periodically take out your anger on loved ones. Never forget that mom is not a robot. This is a person with his own thoughts, experiences, problems and fears. Maybe you should pick the right moment and talk heart to heart with her?

TALK

Despite the fact that we agreed to protect the feelings of a loved one, we’ll clarify that it’s not worth hushing up grievances, especially since mom probably tells you about everything that doesn’t suit her in you. Try to voice your dissatisfaction, just present it in a more positive way. Instead of “you never listen to me, you don’t care at all how I feel!” you can say "please listen to me, I'm sure you will understand me", and the phrase "of course, you have the most terrible daughter in the world!" it is better to replace it with "your praise means a lot to me."

CONSULT

It is very important for her to know that you need her just as much as 20 years ago. Therefore, do not forget to consult with your mother on how to prepare this or that salad or remove red wine stains from a white blouse. Firstly, the advice of a woman who clearly has more experience in these matters than you will really help you. And secondly, your mother will see that you never thought to forget about her, that she is still the same smart and wonderful woman in the world for you. In addition, if you know that she has a weakness for moralizing, it would be better if you choose the topics for these moralizing yourself.

TAKE INTEREST IN HER LIFE

Older people are especially acutely experiencing inattention to themselves from loved ones. That is why a call from a grandson from another city is a great reason to brag to your girlfriends.

Be more attentive to your mother: take an interest in her well-being, come to visit, bringing her favorite sweets as a gift, and when buying the little things you need in the household for your home, do not forget sometimes to buy something for her.

You will see, such a gentle and caring attitude will eventually melt the ice between you, and you will be able to hold meetings without reproaches and scandals.

Start with repentance. You should not splash out on the mother everything boiled up. In this case, it is better to lay everything out to an outsider. For example, a psychotherapist or a spiritual mentor. They will not only listen to you, but also help with practical advice.

Understand yourself

The fact that the relationship went wrong, and everything is not so simple for you, your fault is also present. Let its share, in your opinion, is not great, but it is definitely there. Remember what exactly started the cooling in your feelings. Maybe the reason lies in childhood. Maybe other children, in their families, parents could give more than you, and in this you saw injustice to yourself. Maybe mom wasn't there at the right time. She does not trust you very much and treats you like an unreasonable baby, although you are already over thirty. There is an explanation for all of this. And, although no one can return and fix everything, you are able to overcome childhood grievances.

Keep yourself together

Mom can not always cope with her emotions. If she raises her voice - this is not a reason to believe that she does not love you. It is useless to correct the mother, but it is quite possible to make an effort on oneself. As soon as you start screaming, try to distract yourself with something neutral.

Get into mommy position

Mom again blames you for inattention? Try to understand why this is happening. Maybe she just doesn't have anyone to talk to. Maybe she needs your participation, and to resolve the conflict, you just need to allocate some of your precious time to communicate with your mother. Don't just brush it off. Very often, mothers scold children not because they want benefits for themselves. They are simply afraid that their child is not coping with the situation. In this situation, you need to show your mother that you have been independent for a long time.

More frankness

You still need a mother, even if trust is lost at an early age, and there is no close relationship between you. This entails a feeling of dissatisfaction between you. Relationships need to be built right now, while there is still such an opportunity.

You just need to ask for forgiveness for the pain and misunderstanding caused. Tell your mom how much you need her attention and companionship. It can become like a "balm for the soul" for her. She would not exchange these words for any treasures in the world. Pay attention to your mother more often, even if you are very busy at work or in your family. She needs to know that you love her very much. After all, this is the most important thing for any mother.

The problem of relations between children and parents always remains relevant. It is sometimes difficult to understand who is right and who is to blame in the current misunderstanding between adults and children. And for some children, the issue is sometimes very difficult to solve.

What can ruin a relationship

Most often, a relationship with a mother can be spoiled by elementary disagreements not only in views on life, but also ordinary everyday issues. Of course, there are those who look at what is happening around through the eyes of their children, but there are also those who have their own established patterns, and they try to impose them on their children. Most often, this is a comparison of the norms of the behavior of your child and his actions with his actions at his age. This will certainly lead to conflict, and since many children are very vulnerable, they may have an acute question: how to improve relationship with mom but at the same time, my mother would certainly try to understand them.

The degree of mother's involvement in the child's life

No matter how much children want to be independent, any mother should still take part in the life of her child. Here it is important to determine how high the degree of this participation is, namely:

• It is important to have common specific tasks and goals in life, and most importantly, to coordinate ways to achieve them in time. Perhaps the solution of these issues is not immediate, you can just periodically find time to discuss them. From the opinion of the child and the opinion of the mother, it is necessary to single out the most rational thoughts and consider them as starting points for solving the tasks, and then at the right time the child will not have the feeling of an opinion imposed on him.
• The child, together with the mother, must together determine some specific norms of mutual behavior in controversial situations. This may include the question: how to dress in cold weather, if you want to look fashionable, and your mother is afraid that you will catch a cold. It is better to find some kind of compromise in such a matter so that the mother does not have to deprive the child of something. After all, this is not the most, at first glance, a serious situation can lead to a quarrel.
• For some positions, determine specific dates, that is, tie a number of situations to time. For example, solve the issue until what time children can be on the street. Or how long you can watch TV if you have to go to class in the morning.

Why the relationship between mother and schoolgirl daughter deteriorates

Let's start with the fact that schoolgirl daughters are different. Some listen to their mother in everything, and it suits them perfectly. Others strive for independence, and then disagreements may arise on some issues:

• mom considers breakfast a must, but her daughter doesn’t want to eat in the morning;
• mother believes that the length of the dress should be decent, and the girls like it shorter;
• mother does not like that her daughter goes to school with jewelry, and the child wants to show off her costume jewelry or jewelry;
• every mother wants to be proud of her daughter's good grades, and modern girls often take their studies lightly, and so on.

It would seem, trifles. In some families, in such matters, mother and daughter may well come to some kind of common decision, but sometimes the totality of such trifles develops into a conflict. Some mothers can punish for disobedience:

• do not let go with friends to the cinema;
• do not allow to sit at the computer for a long time;
• not allowed to call on a mobile phone and so on.

Here are examples of punishment that can be applied specifically in modern life, but the restriction in communication with peers for many students is too strong a punishment, and then they try to find a way how to get along with your mom.

Why there is a bad relationship with the mother of an adult daughter

It happens that an adult daughter often has much more reasons for a tense relationship with her mother than with a schoolgirl daughter. Of course, it's great when a girl has some difficult moments in her life and they analyze and solve them together. But this is only if the mother respects her adult daughter and her needs. But it also happens that a mother begins to try on her life at the same age for a grown-up daughter and give her advice, and for any reason:

• which girlfriends are better to choose;
• which institute is better to enter;
• what dress is better to wear on a visit;
• what kind of guy is better to date, and so on.

There are many examples. In such families, an adult girl, of course, has. And most often such a mother is very difficult to convince, which does not lead to the establishment of her relationship with her adult daughter. And how many examples do we know when everything turns out the way mom would like:

• dressed as my mother wanted;
• I went to work where my mother said;
• he is friends only with those girls with whom his mother allows.

In such a situation, if an adult girl cannot defend her opinion on some issues, she can appeal to the lifestyle of her friends. If mom has enough wisdom, she can do the following:

• chat with your daughter's friends, ask how their relationship with their mothers develops;
• talk to their peers who have adult daughters, how they build relationships with their children.

Perhaps, after analyzing what she heard, she will change her mind that a mother should decide everything for her adult child, and the relationship between them will become closer and warmer. But if the mother does not draw the proper conclusions, then it is better for her to seek the advice of a psychologist, otherwise they risk staying for a long time, and the girl may become withdrawn and notorious.

Mother and son

Relationships between mothers and sons can be complicated just like with girls. After all, she has been the most important woman for him since his birth. But due to the fact that he is a future man, the mother should try to instill in him masculine qualities. While he is small, then the skills are quite simple:

• be able to protect the girl;
• do not offend animals;
• help the old woman to carry the bag and others.

But as they grow older, the vectors in raising a son should be somewhat different:

• the son must know that he himself will have to earn a living;
• the son must know that he will have a family and he will be responsible for it;
• an adult son who has formed his own life should remain attentive to his mother, do not forget to visit her on ordinary days, congratulate her on holidays, invite her to visit, be interested in her health.

If a mother has chosen the right direction in raising her son, then she will become a happy mother, mother-in-law, and later a grandmother. However, there are selfish women who from childhood inspire the child with the idea that she is the only woman important to him. Of course, in this case, the son will certainly have. After all, what awaits a man over whom the mother tries to maintain her influence:

• the son was never married;
• was married several times, but divorced because his mother does not accept another woman in his life;
• after work, he runs to his mistress, and then returns to his mother.

This will make his life empty and meaningless, but the mother is happy, because the son belongs only to her. Unfortunately, such cases are not uncommon. And it is very unfortunate that many mothers do not understand that they ruined the life of their son.

Son needs to be able to let go

A real loving mother should try to raise her son as a person. She should strive to ensure that she has reasons to be proud of him. And this can only be achieved if she teaches him some important things in life:

• independence;
• the ability to solve difficult life situations;
• striving to become successful at work;
• be a good husband and father;
• avoid bad habits;
• be a trusted friend.

With such upbringing, they will always remain close and loving people.

While children are growing up, psychologists advise creating a trusting relationship between mother and children, which will allow them to gradually, as they grow older, learn about life and accept its rules. But when the children are adults, here the advice is more complicated:

• call your mother on the phone more often, take an interest in her health;
• if there was a quarrel, the son and daughter should be aware that they are arguing not with a work colleague that cannot be relied upon, but with the mother who raised them, to whom you can always come for advice;
• children should be able to try to take the place of their mother and understand that she can also have problems, and she can also break loose in her hearts;
• if mother and adult children still cannot find a common language, then children should take care of how to improve relationship with mom;
• mother and adult children should strive to see each other as equal adults, learn to respect each other, and this can lead to strong friendship between relatives.

Conclusion

It is very important for mom to know that you need her just as much as many years ago. Of course, if a son or daughter distances herself from her mother in resolving all issues, then resentment will accumulate in her, and sometimes she will tell you something in her hearts. Just do not forget to sometimes ask her for some, even a small piece of advice:

• how best to prepare a salad;
• what is the best yarn to buy for knitting;
• the son may well consult with his mother, which is better to give a birthday present to his wife or friend;
• just take an interest in her life.

Do not move away mom, stay close and dear even at a distance, always try to warm her with a kind word. Come to visit her, you are always welcome there.