• Think about what you are good at. Identifying your own strengths will allow you to increase your self-esteem. Therefore, in a situation where self-doubt comes to you, or a feeling of shame arises, you can always quickly remind yourself of your strengths.
• Focus on what benefits your habits give you. For example, you may prefer one-on-one conversations and pastimes. This kind of solitude with yourself or with another person can make you a good listener and make you more aware of your own feelings. Such qualities are difficult to cultivate as a popular speaker in a large social group.

Get shyness under control. Treat yourself as someone who has a lot to offer others, even if you don't see yourself as the life of the party. Treating yourself this way will allow you to form more realistic expectations of what will happen if you manage to open up. You may find that when you open up, you create closer bonds with select people rather than filling your phone's contact list with barely-remembered names.

Don't dwell on the mistakes you've made. Try not to waste time analyzing awkward and uncomfortable situations or beating yourself up for causing them.

All this is not surprising. Human sexuality has long been taboo. Women's - especially. Stereotypes and taboos, embedded in our culture many centuries ago, have not gone away, they have acquired more modern counterparts and spoil the lives of healthy, sexually active girls.

Insufficiently active - frigid. Too active - whore. Finish vaginally. Finish fast. Be always ready. But don't push. Be active. Be humble. Dress seductively. But not like a whore.

Instructions about where this line is, which of the requirements are justified and how to combine everything in one, society, mothers, girlfriends, ourselves, neither at birth nor upon reaching puberty are not issued.

Is it any wonder that many girls (and quite mature women too) are embarrassed by the sincere manifestations of their sexuality. Many do not even suspect that they have these manifestations - they are so deeply buried. Of course, there are just people with a very weak libido. It's not about them. We are talking about ladies who want sex, love sex, but when it comes down to it, they become stiff or claim an Oscar for the role of an ice statue.

The phrase "don't be a log" seasoned with an invigorating slap is a bad motivator.

Let's talk about the good ones.

Don't write off injury

It's one thing when a girl is a little tight. Another is if in the past she experienced a severe trauma that affected her sexuality. Not necessarily rape, although this cannot be ruled out either.

Victim stigma and self-blame is the plague of our culture, and victims often don't even admit it to their loved ones.

Maybe she had a bad first (or second, or last before you) experience. Former partners who systematically disregarded her desires or worse - shamed for them, devalued. And she closed herself to avoid the pain of rejection.

You can turn on only if you are close and confident in your ability to comfort the girl after and during such a conversation. Start Gently so that the words do not sound reproach or accusation from any angle, for example:

It seems to me that it is not easy for you to open up with me in bed. I don’t know how your previous partners treated you, but I love you, and it’s important for me that you feel good with me. Let's talk about it, because I don't want to accidentally hurt you.

But if you love a girl, it's worth it. She may not be a depraved, unfeeling sex bomb, but over time, progress will be made.

Bring it to the boiling point

Now about the pleasant. If it's just simple shyness, maybe you hurry up too much.

In the sinusoid of desire, there comes a moment when even rather shy people do not care. If the flesh is on fire, standing and shuffling is not so much fun.

Drive her crazy- kisses, hands, words, tongue. Just don’t take it as slave labor or a necessary evil that you need to go to in order to finally get to the yummy: the girl was also not born yesterday and will understand that you are here “under pressure”.

Enjoy every caress, every touch. Catch her moans, drink them, see how and what she reacts to. If you know how to listen to a woman and are sincerely involved in the process, at some point she herself will rip off the rest of your clothes.

Provide the right environment

Put a million candles, sprinkle rose petals on the bed and let I will always love you no need for repetition. I'm talking about the base, which consists of three components:

1. Privacy.
2. Convenience.
3. Mood.

Solitude means that you are in the apartment together and no one will bother you. There is a non-illusory chance that the girl is squeezed, because behind a thin wall, for example, your younger brother is sleeping and she is afraid to injure his fragile psyche with her cries of ecstasy. Replace a brother with a grandmother, parents, a housemate - the essence is the same. Let you be neither hot nor cold from such a neighborhood and you are sure that they do not care, but their feelings (like yours) do not play a role in this matter. It should also be comfortable for the partner.

Convenience is normal surface for sex (without exotics, the bed is just right), cleanliness and comfort. The mess is distracting, especially if the girl is clean, and the smell of the day before yesterday's pizza as an aphrodisiac does not work. All necessary supplies, such as a condom or a towel, should be at the ready.

With the mood, I think it's clear. If one or both participants are tired, annoyed, or want nothing today, of course, you can have sex, but this will take a disproportionate amount of effort. Sex through "I can't" - do you need it?

Give her total control

This technique sometimes works: when the modest suddenly realizes that all power is in her fragile hands, she blossoms. Lie on the bed and say:

Do with me what you want.

It is unlikely that she will try something really depraved, so it is most likely not necessary to discuss your taboos in advance. If suddenly something, do not twitch. Just say that you are not ready for this yet.

Use Gadgets

Let's say you tried to talk to a girl about what she loves about, but as soon as the conversation moves in a dangerous direction, she instantly clenched her teeth.

Workaround - communicate by text. Through Skype or SMS, many things (vulgarity - not least) are easier to say. Try flirting with a girl like this during the day. First, tell her what you want to do with her, how you want to satisfy her, and ask for feedback.

Do you like it that way?

Do you want to try that?

When contact is made, ask what she wants to do with you. If there are successes in the text world, they can be carefully transferred to live communication.

Use gadgets

Does the girl have a favorite vibrator? Ask her to take the toy to bed with her. If not, buy it as a gift or give a certificate to a sex shop so that she herself chooses what she likes and likes her body.

If she is not yet ready to use toys in sex with you, let her buy and practice solo anyway. Masturbation is often the key to a woman's locked-in sexuality because helps her get to know your body better: what she likes, what she doesn't like, what kind of orgasms she has and how they feel. Many girls generally thought that they did not experience orgasm until they picked up the right vibrator.

Do not praise - admire

When you see some success of a girl, say, she stopped holding back her moans or took the initiative in her own hands, although she didn’t do it before, it may be tempting to praise her. This, of course, is good, but there is an even better option. Admire! Now I'll show you the difference.

Praised:

It's great that you can't hold back your moans.

Well done for agreeing to do this in the light.

Admired:

When you moan, it breaks my tower.

I love to look at you, to see you all.

That's why it's better to admire.

Firstly, praise often emphasizes the negative by its very wording and contains an assessment: “You are great, what ...” And before, it turns out, it wasn’t great?

This puts you in the so-called parental position, because it is from mom and dad that we get the first praise. "Well done for getting an A." Say this to a child enough times, and he may get the impression that if he ceases to be an excellent student, then he will no longer be loved.

It's the same here. Today, the girl managed not to hold back her moans, but tomorrow she may not be able to. Let her know that in this case you will want and love her just as much..

Secondly, admiration is easier to accept than praise. Shyness is often a symptom of other things, such as self-doubt. And for insecure people, telling themselves “I’m done” and believing in it can be oh so difficult.

And thirdly, praise focuses on her, and admiration focuses on you and your perception. What is so good about it? Shy people don't like being pointed at them figuratively. By shifting the focus, you allow your partner to enjoy your admiration in a comfortable "darkness" from which she will come out when she wants to.

Ignore failure

This should be said separately in continuation of the previous paragraph. If something doesn’t work out for a girl (she finishes for a long time, is embarrassed to undress completely - it doesn’t matter) and she is really dear to you, in no case don't focus on it. There is no stronger anti-aphrodisiac than the feeling that “something is wrong” with you - I’m sure you have experienced this, if not in sex, then in something else.

Take my word for it, she already knows that she can't finish for a long time. There can be many reasons for this (as well as any other situation), and you will create another one if you direct the already mentioned soffit there.

Tired of doing something (cunillingus, for example)? So say, they say, dear, I need a break, and do something else. Caress her hand, kiss or just lie down together and chat.

If she does not want to completely undress - light candles, say that she will look stunning in stockings and underwear. Have sex with a dressed one, after all. Hastily unbuttoned and half-removed clothes have their own relish.

With this approach, you yourself will tune in a positive way and release the girl from the pressure.

★ Bonus ★ How to help a guy loosen up

Men can be shy and reserved too, more often than you might think. Sorry if I broke someone's pattern.

They may be afraid to open up, trust, they may be embarrassed by their appearance (less often), their desires (more often). Your emotions, finally. Especially if these are “non-male” emotions (that is, everything except anger).

The methods described above to some extent applicable to men too especially the last two points. Admiration and patience reveal people, show that they are wanted, accepted. That they are safe. That they will not be rejected.

I think we all miss this.

According to statistics, 47% of women are dissatisfied with their figure, 20% - skin, 15% - hair. Most are embarrassed to appear naked in front of a man and are afraid to loosen up in bed. But tightness prevents us from enjoying sex not only for us, but also for our partner.

A rare woman can proudly say that she has never been embarrassed about her body and that she loves it the way it is. As a rule, everyone has the same problems: imperfectly shaped breasts, excess weight, cellulite, stretch marks, freckles and other minor (often far-fetched) flaws. And if we somehow restrain our complexes with ourselves, then when we are left alone with a man, they increase a hundredfold.

Where do complexes come from?

According to psychologists, in many respects the blame for our insecurity in bed lies with stereotypes - both behavior and appearance.

Our Soviet past with the slogans "Decent women do not need this" and "There is no sex in the USSR" put an end to bodily and emotional looseness. From childhood, we were taught to regard sex as something vicious. Hence - ignorance (or even fear) of one's own body and subconscious fear of condemnation - for imperfection, for too bold and unusual desires. In an attempt to avoid it, many believe that it is safer in bed to "endure and be silent."

Stereotypes of appearance also play an important role in the rooting of complexes. Glossy magazines, television, movies impose on us the standards of beauty, not meeting which, we consider ourselves inferior, ugly, unable to arouse desire. Now the catwalk models are considered to be the canon of beauty - tall, excessive thinness, small breasts and narrow hips. Women, undressing, feel insecure and tense, afraid that a man will notice their non-compliance with the standard.

However, according to statistics, most men prefer rather curvaceous forms, an hourglass figure, to model thinness. The same statistics also show that a man does not focus on the female figure at all when it comes to bed. If you are there, it means that he has already rated you with the highest score. So don't get hung up on looks. The ideal parameters of the figure are not at all a guarantee of perfect sex. Learn to love your body the way it is, with all its imperfections. Only then is it possible to truly relax. There are many ways to achieve harmony with yourself and your body. The main thing is to find yours.

Defeating uncertainty

To learn how to feel comfortable without clothes and stop being afraid of your body in bed, use these tricks.

Tanned skin looks firmer and sexier than pale skin. As a "body sculptor" use self-tanner. Cover your entire body with it, and the next day, apply another layer on areas that you want to make visually thinner, such as the inner thighs. Any cream or body butter with a radiant effect can hide imperfections. By reflecting light, they make the skin look smoother and more even.

Refine your figure with accessories. Expose first the part of the body that you find attractive. And better decorate it, for example, put on bracelets if you have beautiful hands. Emphasize a long neck with a string of beads, or stay in stockings if you have slender legs. Once undressed, stay in high-heeled shoes. Your legs will look longer in them.

Light candles or throw a loose cloth over the lamp. Soft, diffused light will present the figure at its best.

Do a massage. Massage yourself or ask someone to massage. Close your eyes, breathe deeply, focus on your feelings. Your body will learn to relax and you will learn to love and take care of yourself.

Move. Running, swimming, aerobics, yoga - the type of activity is not important. Go in for sports not for a specific purpose, but for the realization of the pleasure that movement can bring.

Home training

Feel your body overcome complexes and set yourself up for pleasure Some simple exercises will also help.

Lie on the floor and feel the horizontal surface with every part of the body. Pay attention to the "poorly perceptible" places. Try to "breathe" into these points, fill them with energy. Test yourself for inner freedom - take the position of the "star". Usually, it is difficult for many people to leave the groin area open on the first attempt. By how free you feel like a "star", you can determine how much you allow yourself to be free at all.

Body jazz dance. Try to twist, move your head. Then alternately include in the dance the shoulders, elbows, forearms, hands, then the body, the pelvic area, then the knees, feet, until the whole body comes into motion. Move freely as you like, making the most of the space. It is desirable that all parts of the body participate harmoniously and evenly in the dance. New variants of movements free from stiffness, develop sensuality.

Ask yourself these questions. Find out for yourself:

• Why are you shy?
• What is the reason you can't let go and express yourself fully now?

The answer is obvious:

1. You care about what others think of you.
2. Someone else's opinion makes you adapt to society.
3. The opinion of others limits and fetters you, because of it you do not know how to become liberated in communication and be yourself.

Answer these questions to overcome shyness

Understand that if someone else's opinion is important to you, you will be the one who always reacts to others and depends on others.

Reality will dictate to you, and you will adapt to people.

ask yourself:

• Do you need such a life?
• Do you want to forever be the one who is afraid of someone else's opinion and limits himself in everything?
• What will it give you if you continue to be shy?
• Will it help you somehow?
• What do I need to do to be free from everything limiting?

If, for example, you are a guy and do not know how to stop being shy of girls, then take a pencil and paper and write down these questions for yourself. Do an analysis.

You limit yourself and give importance to other people's opinions

Ask yourself:

“Who is the one who prevents you from becoming a more liberated person?”

Answer- « You yourself!»

Don't play the part of the little man

1. You gave too much weight to other people's opinions.
2. It was you who chose to be shy.
3. Everyone plays roles without realizing that these are roles.
4. It was you who chose to play the role of the pathetic man.
5. You yourself want to believe in the importance of someone else's opinion - this is his power.

Don't ask people for permission to be that person

Do not ask people for permission to be that self-confident and free person.

Allow yourself to be it!

It's time to stop accepting second-hand information and start thinking for yourself.

It's only your actions and zero actions on the part of life

What you need to do and understand:

There will always be people who hate you

There will always be people who hate you and who is mad at you.

There will always be those who don't like you.

Don't even waste your time with these people.

I would rather do what I do and have fun than sit and discuss behind the back of a person going to his goal.

Advanced Analysis: Is What's Hindering You Real?

Ask yourself questions:

Answers:

1. This is your insecurity.
2. exaggerated fears.
3. Fear of public opinion.
4. Thoughts.
5. Parenting.
6. Social programming.

You choose whether to believe in limits or not.

Tyou choose either to believe in what society and your parents introduced into you, or not.

Be beyond the social matrix.

You create your own world

The whole world is your cinema, your world, your reality. Society and its opinion are outside your reality.

You choose your environment, not the other way around.

Throw away thoughts about the future and the expectation that someone will help you or tell you how to be free in communicating with people and solve your problems.

Who will help you is yourself! You are the generator of your actions.

All you can lose is your own lack of freedom

What happens if you:

• will you act in a way that is not accepted by society?
• Will you look like a fool in the eyes of others?
• if they point the finger at you?
• if they refuse you?

Answer: « NOTHING will happen!»

And even more: you will lose your old limiting beliefs!

Want ⇒ do ⇒ get.

You are disturbed by something that does not exist, or you yourself

All the limitations that your mind creates they don't exist!

Abuse, negativity, disapproval, evil and other husks. Everything that prevents you from translating your ideas into reality, focusing on action and becoming liberated in communication - none of this exists.

Get out of the herd mindset.

It turns out that what prevents you from being shy and modest is either yourself or something that does not exist.

Don't believe in something that doesn't exist. Believe in yourself.

There are no restrictions.

Video "The guy does what he wants"

In the next video, the liberated Internet star is dancing to “gangam style” with a naked torso in the metropolis, and he is doing great. In my opinion, from birth he never had problems with how to overcome shyness and self-doubt and never asked these questions.

An important realization: how not to depend on someone else's opinion

This is the key! This is what the most important understanding where people fail.

Don't be fueled by good reactions! Absolutely! DON'T let praise touch you! Do not let something external dictate and draw your personality, even if it will be good words of praise about you. You do not have to receive anything from outside to confirm your confidence! Simply put: you don't need people to validate your worth!

This is where the addiction to other people's bad reactions to you comes from.

This is where it starts dependence on someone else's opinion.

Reaction to praise, someone else's approval \u003d Reaction to someone else's curse, condemnation, disapproval

Remember the following awareness and beliefs:

Remember and learn! And no one else can touch you!

Express yourself fully, don't be afraid to be yourself

When there is an understanding that what hinders you and limits you does not exist, then it remains only to overcome all these little things.

• Express yourself fully and do not keep any words and emotions in yourself.
• If you want to laugh, laugh.
• If you want to dance, dance. If you want to leave, leave.
• Don't filter the words, let them flow.
• Don't be afraid to be louder in words, to express yourself fully and to be a noticeable person.

All this will give you a good state and help overcome shyness.

The more you do this, the stronger your self-expression and your own presentation in communication are fixed.

All you lose if you're free, so it's own lack of freedom.

There are no mistakes: no matter what happens, everything leads you to success

Don't be afraid to make mistakes, because there aren't any.

You cannot make a mistake. Change your perception!

It is illusory to think that a mistake is when they point a finger at you or discuss you. It's not a mistake.

The real mistake is when you are afraid to be yourself and do not allow yourself to say what you want, because you attach importance to other people's opinions. This swindle.

Do what scares you

Always do what scares you! The first four attempts will be awkward, on the fifth you will get used to it. Forget ten.

Otherwise, if you keep everything to yourself and remain shy, you close yourself off from communications. You will be reserved and not open to people.

When do people usually change?

• You will realize how to get rid of shyness and shyness just when you realize that there is no point in postponing and it is time to change.
• When that is the first thing for you to do.
• You will get rid of everything that bothers you when it becomes the most important thing in life for you, and you can no longer be inactive and delay.
• You will understand that you need to stop being shy and blushing over nonsense right now and not a moment later.

Video "Crazy Guy"

In the next video, the fearless guy Remy enters the playing field and sports fields during live broadcasts and skillfully impersonates a team player.

The football team in France's top league wins the cup and Rémy manages to slip onto the pitch in the club's uniform and celebrate triumph with the official players. They even take him for their own, and no one suspected anything. Remy does not confuse or stop anything, because he knows everything about how to stop being shy and not worry about someone else's opinion.

Very interesting and funny video.

How to dance in a club for a guy, 3 videos of guys who dance wherever they want -.

Important Reminder

If you do some crazy things in society, always know the measure.

Is always know how to stop in time!

Do not cross the line of people's patience, know how to calibrate!

Do not behave unnecessarily as inadequate, otherwise you can grab trouble. No need to scare people.

Understanding and awareness is enough to solve all problems

It is not necessary to do all these crazy things to become free from other people's opinions.

Enough of the understanding that I wrote in this article.

It was understanding that first of all allowed me to let go of all the pain, to ignore the opinions of others, to find myself and go my own way.

Now you know all about how to stop being shy with people, be free and express yourself fully. Good luck!

Many girls are embarrassed to be liberated in bed with their beloved man, considering some actions shameful. From this shyness come not only conflicts, but also parting.

The young man lacks fire, so he looks to the left, looking for a more liberated girl. It has long been necessary for women to recognize the fact that intimate relationships between loving people play an important role. This should be especially remembered by girls who have a temperamental man.

Such a man should not be associated with an animal that only needs sex, they (temperamental men) are not to blame for the fact that their nature has more than rewarded them with testosterone. By the way, isn't that what attracted the girl in the first place? Temperamental men have always been in the price.

Girls should at least admit to themselves that they also really like sex, and all sorts of complexes interfere with enjoying it: the tummy sticks out, cellulite on the pope, small breasts and so on. I can go on forever, I'm also a woman. But now, with all the shortcomings, albeit small, I am open with my husband in bed. I will share my experience on how I came to this.

How to become liberated in bed?

1. Admit that he likes you

Men's psychology is different from women's. This woman can love "fragmentally" - beautiful hands, priest, facial features. Cynical women love men's wallets, but I'm not talking about them today. Men love differently. They love completely and completely.

If he invited you on a date, then rest assured, he considered that your breasts are not very large, and there are extra pounds, and other little things. But if he continues to ask you out on dates, then it suits him.

And now you have to realize that it’s not about weight, and not about the beauty of the eyes and the plumpness of the lips, but about the ability to present yourself. It sounds a little cynical, but such is our life - you can make an impression with good manners, the ability to conduct a conversation, dress with taste. Looking good is your way to boost your self-esteem and become more relaxed in bed.

2. Emancipation in bed and appearance

Underwear

First of all, it should be remembered that underwear plays a very important factor, both for increasing self-esteem and for “pleasing men's eyes”. On this occasion, there is even a common aphorism - "beautiful underwear, like higher education - no one sees it, but invisibly raises the status."

Wearing beautiful underwear makes a woman happier and more confident. So do not be stingy and buy beautiful panties, bras, belts, stockings. By the way, if your young man with a sense of humor is all right, and you are used to walking around the apartment in your underwear, then you can buy panties with now popular comic inscriptions.

In general, underwear is a woman's calling card, which increases self-esteem.

Cosmetics

It is very important to spend time on makeup. You should not apply catchy makeup or brightly paint lips. Men like it when women's lips are painted with scarlet lipstick, but they are not particularly drawn to kissing such women.

Men have a very biased attitude towards lipstick. They are annoyed when women's lipstick remains on their lips, they are unpleasant to her taste, sensations. And they love to kiss.

Therefore, you can choose some kind of neutral gloss with some kind of fruity aroma. So you will not be embarrassed that you will stain your man with bright lipstick, and he will enjoy kissing moistened, “tasty” lips.

Perfume

Don't forget that you should always smell good. In each of us live instincts that unconsciously drive us. We have a special reaction to smell. There should always be a couple of French perfumes on your dressing table.

Just do not forget that perfumes should be used carefully, only a train should remain from the aroma, and not a cloying, obsessive smell. Here the proverb is appropriate - "Better less, but better."

This was the second rule, the first was that if a young man is with you, then he likes everything about you, respectively - you can feel free, without thinking about your little shortcomings.

3. How to become liberated in bed? Gradually!

To emancipation should go gradually. If your young man loves sex under lighting, then you should not immediately turn on the chandelier with seven light bulbs and feel like you are on an operating table. It is enough just to light a few candles or turn on a nightlight, preferably with muted red lighting.

For men, the highest manifestation of the fact that sex with him gives you fabulous pleasure is the emotions of a woman, in other words, moans. By the way, if you are not shy about showing your emotions in this way, then sex will give you more pleasure.

Do not restrain yourself if the sweetness of kisses makes you want to moan. It's not embarrassing, it's wonderful. Therefore, an important factor in sex is the manifestation of emotions. Foreplay is an integral part of the sexual process, and the longer it lasts, the more you begin to feel more relaxed.

You can have a candlelight dinner together first. I am against alcohol, but if it is not alien to you, then you can drink a glass of white wine or champagne. Any other alcoholic drinks should be excluded, for example, cognac, red wine.

These drinks will not make you feel a little lighter, but on the contrary, you will want to sleep. And white wine or champagne relaxes. Just do not get carried away, one glass is enough.

Strange as it may sound, you also need a mind to have sex. As they say - "To have sex with a smart woman is not only pleasant, but also interesting." A smart woman is more relaxed in bed and inventive.

And by the way, men like to talk after sex. Even Napoleon, when he ordered his servant to bring him a woman for love pleasures, his obligatory requirement was that the young lady be smart. When the servant asked him a question - "For what?", He answered - "But to talk between ...".

So, the mind in a woman is still very much appreciated. Certainly smart men. Do you need just such a man?

4. Trust and sex

To be liberated in bed, you need a man you trust. You can ask him to help you in emancipation, or be more tolerant of your constraint. Tell him directly that you are a little shy. Believe me, this will not make him love you less (quite the contrary).

In general, it is very important to talk with a man about sex, to be interested in what he likes, to share his impressions about what you like, what should be emphasized and what should be avoided. And there is nothing shameful in discussing such sensitive issues.

Are you discussing the menu, what will you eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner? Why do you feel ashamed to discuss sexual relations? After all, sex is an integral part of family life and there should be no understatement. And if something worries you, be sure to tell your partner about it.

And it also liberates love for a partner in bed. If you sincerely love your chosen one, then you will want him to always feel good with you. By the way, the looseness of a woman helps a man to prolong sexual intercourse, and make it better.

5. Sports as a means to become liberated in bed

Another important point. A woman should be plastic, graceful, and this is how she differs from the “clumsiness” of a man. If you do not have grace, sign up for aerobics, oriental dancing, fitness, swimming. It will also be a great hobby, it will serve to improve health, raise self-esteem and, as a result, make you more relaxed.

Everything in our life is quite simple, and all the failures live inside us. They need to be killed, they need to be stepped over if there is a desire to become happy. And sex is a kind of happiness, of course, when he is with his beloved man.

Photo: depositphotos.com