When we are young and full of hope for the future, it is difficult to accept the fact that death is also a part of life. Entering adulthood, we inevitably face it: unfortunately, our grandparents are not eternal, and younger relatives and friends are not all distinguished by good health, one of them may have an accident or die. It is impossible to come to terms with the idea that one day someone's death will definitely enter our lives, but sooner or later it will happen. We may not think about death at all, but if a misfortune happens to someone close or friends, you need to know how to behave in these difficult days of life and how to express condolences on death so as not to offend the feelings of those who are experiencing the greatest loss. Through our words and deeds, we must help people adequately cope with the grief that has touched their families.

How to Express Condolences on a Death

As soon as it became known about someone's death or accidental death, those who knew the deceased closely should come to the family that suffered misfortune to express condolences to the relatives and offer their help in organizing the funeral and commemoration.

Even those who have not experienced how painful it is to lose a loved one can imagine what a blow it is. At such moments, one wants to support someone who has suffered a truly unbearable loss, but it is very difficult to find words that could express this understanding and sympathy. Therefore, many people find it hard to give condolences on the occasion of death. The text should not contain words such as "died", "killed" or "death". Try to avoid dryness and find some sincere comforting words. But if you still find it difficult to come up with something yourself, refer to the examples below.

If you learned about the death in the family from one of your close friends while away from them, send a letter of condolence. It is customary to write such letters only by hand in black ink on white paper and send in a plain white envelope. And remember that you need to send such a letter within 2-3 days after receiving the news of death. If sent later, instead of consolation, it will cause new tears.

Condolences on death, examples

“We understand how much he meant to you. Such a wonderful person is very hard to lose. He brought us so much warmth and love. We will never forget him. We mourn with you."

“I am very sorry that he left us. Sincere condolences to you. If I can help you with something, I will be very glad ... "

“This tragedy causes pain for all of us. But of course, it affected you the most. My condolences. And you can always count on my help ... "

“Only now, to my great regret, I realized how unworthy all my quarrels and disagreements with this wonderful person were. I beg you to forgive me and accept my regrets and condolences.”

“It’s hard to put into words how hard it is for me right now. But you suffer much more. Let me help you in some way to share your grief.”

“His passing is an irreparable loss for all of us. This is a terrible tragedy. After all, he was such a kind, loving and sympathetic person. He did so many good things in his life for everyone. We will never forget him."

But remember that these are just examples to help you if you don't know how to express condolences on a death.

Real words of condolences should be sincere, come from a pure heart. Put all your sympathy and love into them. Hug relatives, shake hands with them. Be sure to offer them help and support if needed. Do whatever you can to help them come to their senses after everything they've been through.

Condolences on death are words of grief and complicity with which relatives, acquaintances and colleagues support the relatives of a deceased person. Such words are addressed orally or in writing.

Life is fleeting and sometimes interrupted. Even if a tragic event happened to unfamiliar people, the news of this is shocking. The deceased may be a distant relative, colleague, housemate, with whom they occasionally exchanged phrases. Expressing condolences on the death in this case is the only right decision. In this way, you show your sympathy and help to cope with the surging grief. Of course, all this works if the words of condolence were uttered from the heart and chosen according to life circumstances.

How to express condolences

How to express condolences on the death of your family and friends, friends and colleagues who have suffered a loss? It seems that the words are banal and empty. But condolences are a must - it's a long tradition of expressing support for those who are grieving. We empathize, so we are together. In moments of grief, even a few words of encouragement will help comfort the grieving and show them that we are there and ready to help. How to express condolences is not so important: the main thing is to say something from the heart, show participation and support those who are grieving.

Verbal condolences to the families of the deceased

Most often, condolences to relatives are expressed in person, in writing or by phone. Orally speaking words of condolence is preferable, especially if you live nearby or meet at work or other public place. Other forms of condolences are used when the addressee lives far away or if you need to be guided by the rules of etiquette, which prescribe condolences in writing.

Another case of expressing verbal condolences is a speech at a funeral or during a memorial meal. Since such a ceremony is usually attended by people who knew the deceased well, it is usually not difficult to find sincere wishes.

Condolences on death in writing

Condolences on death in writing - ways of expressing:

• By letter or postcard. Old, but not lost relevance way. Often required by etiquette. Condolence cards should be selected in accordance with the sad event, the picture should not be defiant or festive.
• The inscription on the mourning ribbon. Usually it is an invariable attribute of a ritual wreath or a basket of flowers. You can read more about inscriptions in our article Inscriptions on wreaths.
• Email. Most often, this option is used to express condolences on the death of people abroad.
• Obituary in the newspaper. They choose the printed edition that the relatives of the untimely departed subscribe to or read.
• SMS informing. If you are not a mobile operator, beware of doing this. Better to make a short phone call. Exception: the subscriber is out of reach for a long time.

Words of condolence

How to find words of condolence for people who have suffered an irreparable loss? It often seems that all the phrases are banal and can only offend the relatives of the deceased. Believe me, in moments of grief, any encouragement and manifestation of participation is very important. Relatives of the deceased experience severe stress and are not always ready to show their emotions to others. Support and affection from your side will help ease their pain at least for a while.

Examples of verbal condolences on death

Mourning words should not contain falsehood or pathos. You say them to support another person in a difficult moment, and not to express your own feelings. If you really have nothing to say, limit yourself to concise phrases. The relative position of the mourner with the deceased should also be taken into account. It will be strange for a person in grief to hear “Blessed memory to your dad. Good memories are what will help to survive this loss, ”if in fact he did not have the best relationship with his father.

• I am shocked by the sad news. Be strong.
• My heart is out of place from what I heard. Rest in peace __.
• I can't believe that such a person has left us. This is an irreparable loss.
• The loss of a mother (father, brother, etc.) is always hard to bear. We sympathize and empathize.
• The deceased and I did not always find a common language. Now I want to apologize for the differences. I am not always right either.
• Please accept our words of comfort. How can we help you at this moment?
• Our sincere condolences to your entire family. We know how kind and sensitive N was.
• Sad event. It's hard to talk about it. We hope he finds peace in heaven.
• This is a bitter loss. I'm sorry she didn't live as long as she would have liked.
• It's hard to find the right words at this moment. Just remember that you can always turn to me for help.

Words of condolence can also be more personalized. This is quite appropriate if you personally knew the deceased. When condoling about death, you can’t talk about bad things, for example, about the reprehensible actions of the deceased. Only good things should be said, focusing on what positively characterizes the deceased.

How to write a condolence

When writing mourning words in writing, the question often arises of how to write condolences. In this case, you should stick to concise phrases. Poems of condolence for death are appropriate for an obituary or mourning tape. In other cases, they will give away pathos and pretentiousness. Condolences in prose usually contain 2-3 sentences. The brevity and capacity of the content is more important here. After all, a postcard or a letter will be re-read several times.

• __ was a kind and sympathetic woman. We mourn and remember with you.
• It's sad that the people we love are leaving our lives. We offer our sincere condolences.
• With the departure of __, we have lost a lot. We will miss her smile. Please accept our words of sympathy.
• We offer our sincere condolences to your entire family for their irreparable loss. God rest his soul.
• Our deepest condolences on the unexpected death of ___. We pray and mourn.
• All who knew __ are now mourning. It is unbearably bitter to lose loved ones at such an early age. We will always remember him.
• It doesn't matter how long a person has lived - what matters is how much good he has brought into this world. May God reward him for his good deeds.
• We grieve with you for the irretrievable loss. We believe that such a bright person will definitely go to Paradise.
• Only with the departure of __ did we feel how great her love was. She will always live in our bright memories.
• We empathize with you. There is pain for which there is no cure. We believe that the Lord will not leave you in such a difficult moment.

You might be interested:

Condolences. How can I sincerely express my condolences to the family of the deceased? Short words of grief over death and support in difficult times. "My condolences…"

Words of sorrow and support in difficult times

Sincere words of sorrow and delicate behavior express their readiness to share grief, to support their neighbor with their presence or common memory of the deceased. More importantly active participation, willingness to help, to give your time and efforts to a girlfriend or friend at a time when he is vulnerable, depressed and needs participation. Well, if you guess what exactly: in material assistance, organizational, physical. Maybe you need to give someone a lift or shelter for a couple of days. Offer your services for example:

• How can I help you these days?
• If/when you need anything, contact me right away!
• A lot has happened to you right now. What can I do for you?
• I think you might need help. I would like to participate.

My condolences…

How to find the right words to mourn? If you know the relatives of the deceased closely, then it is better to think of a more personal, personal sympathetic phrase. Thinking over the words of condolences, we recommend that you look. Each obituary ends with words of condolence from family and friends of the celebrity. We have given some words of condolences to celebrities at the end of this article. The site "Manufacture of monuments.ru" provides 100 specific examples words of mourning for death.

Accept my condolences!

Delicacy and sincerity- that's what you need to remember when uttering words of sympathy. In grief, the feeling of sincerity and falsehood intensifies. Feel free to pre-select, as well at homerepeatedlyaloudspeak out condolence phrase. This will allow the right moment not to think about the wording and concentrate on the person and the circumstances. Don't be ashamed of your feelings. I want to hug my girlfriend - touch her shoulder or hug, shake hands with a friend - shake. A tear rolled up - do not turn away, but brush it away. Take a bag of clean tissues with you - they may be useful to you or someone from those present.

Death is the final reconciliation... If you harbor a grudge against the deceased, find strength in yourself forgive. Having cleansed your soul and thoughts of negativity, the words of sympathy will sound from the heart, sincerely! If you had a conflict with the deceased, then sincere regret, an apology, a request for forgiveness will be in place.

Examples of a brief verbal condolence

Format verbal condolences context dependent. In a close circle, you can allow heartfelt. But at a funeral or, during parting with the body or at the funeral, only short sayings. Many more invitees should express their condolences.

• [Name] was a man of great soul. We sincerely sympathize with you!
• Be strong!/(Be strong, friend)!
• He was a bright/kind/powerful/talented person. An example for all of us. We will always remember!
• I loved him/(her)/[Name]. My condolences!
• How much good she did to those around her! How she was loved, appreciated during her lifetime! With her passing, we lost a part of ourselves. We are very sorry for you!
• This is a tragedy: we are in great pain at this hour. But you are the hardest! If there is anything we can do to help you, please contact us right away!
• He meant/did/helped me a lot in my life. I grieve with you!
• He left so much of his soul in all of us! It's forever as long as we're alive!
• Our whole family sympathizes with your grief. Condolences ... Be strong!
• His role in my life is huge! How small those disagreements that were, and the good and the deeds that he did for me, I will never forget. Condolences to you!
• What a loss! God's man! I pray for him, I pray for all of you!
• What a pity that I did not have time to say “I'm sorry!” to him. He opened a new world for me, and I will always remember this! Sincere condolences!

religious condolence

Is it right to express condolences using religious rhetoric? When is it appropriate, and when is it not appropriate to refer to quotations from sacred books? How should you use the words of prayers if you express your condolences to a person of a different faith or an atheist?

• If a and condoling, and mourning - atheists or agnostics, then resorting to religious rhetoric is not worth it. Ideas for short phrases of sympathy can be gleaned from the section.
• If a person, who lost a loved one is a believer, but you are not, then briefly addressing the topic of a better life in the other world will be correct, but the use of church language will seem false. Phrase ideas can be found in the section.
• On the contrary, when the mourner is an atheist or agnostic, and you are a believer, then an appeal on your part to or to the dogmas of your religion will look like a sincere form of sympathy. The only thing that matters is the measure.
• If both you and the bereaved - both co-religionists, then the appeal to common sources, general and observance of the canonical rites of commemoration are appropriate.

• Even if the mourner himself is a lover of rhyme, yet a moment of condolence is bad time for your own poetry.
• The poetic text in the context of condolences is devalued and can be perceived as verbal exercises during grief.
• If it is popular, then it is already exotic, and condolence verses is the risk of being misunderstood.

Condolence SMS? No.

• The message may come at the wrong time.
• Even if your condolences are laconic, the very image of the SMS channel suggests the transmission of facts, not feelings.
• If you are sending condolences by sms, then you have a phone in your hand. Was it difficult to call? - that's what a person who has suffered a loss will think about.
• If you do not meet in person in the coming days, then express condolences by phone or email.

What, condolences, you can not say?

• Comfort with the prospect. Pain is here and now, and against its background, turning to the future is either to show one's tactlessness, or to hurt a loved one, or, at least, to be unheard or misunderstood. The words are inappropriate: “Everything will be fine ...”, “Don’t worry, you will get married in a couple of years”, “Everything will pass, and this is pain too”, “Time heals ...”, “Nothing, you are young, still give birth”, “I wish you faster endure the grief...
• Demonstrate positive circumstances associated with the loss. Examples of tactless phrases: “Be strong, friend! After all, it happens (somehow / worse / worse ...) ”,“ With such torment, death is a relief ”,“ It’s good that at least (something worse) didn’t happen ”,“ The child will have his own room ”,“ You there is an opportunity (to do something).
• Point to the culprit, "find the extreme". For example, “God gave - God took”, “If you ... (would go to the doctor), would not let him go, listen to advice ...”, “Such doctors are on trial”, “With his lifestyle, it’s not surprising.”
• Do not ask how and under what circumstances it is happened. Now is not the time or place to ask for details.
• Should not be in these moments talk about any topic not related to the experience. Not about work, not about common acquaintances, not about any extraneous topics.
• Do not appeal to your experience even if you have had a similar grief. “Girlfriend, I know how hard it is for you, I also lost ...”, even if said sincerely, in a moment of grief it can be perceived inadequately.
• Intrusive or banal advice, such as “You must live for the sake of ...”, “You need to calm down, wait out the time”, etc. - all this is stupid and unnecessary in moments of grief.

All "impossible" not to list. Be guided by common sense, a sense of proportion, be sincere and sympathetic. Be brief, concise. Remember that sometimes it is better to remain silent and refrain than to talk nonsense or be tactless.

How to write a condolence letter

It is not always possible to express condolences in person, and then in the very first days after death, a letter of sympathy should be sent.

Condolence letter on a postcard appropriate as an addition to a discreet mourning bouquet (red, white colors) or together with some amount of money, if it is, say, an allowance or just financial assistance from an enterprise. Design matters: you can’t write condolences on a bright holiday or greeting card. Use special ones, or take an absolutely neutral postcard with a discreet design.

Condolence Email should also be concise, sincere, but restrained. The title should already contain words of condolence. So, it is incorrect to indicate in the subject line “Condolences on the death of such and such”, but it would be correct: “[Name], condolences to you on the death of your father / (mother).” Before pressing the "send" button, read the condolence through the eyes of the grieving. It should be short, to the point, without frivolity or faux pas. Below are examples of written condolences.

Examples of written condolences

Sample condolence letter for mum's death

Dear/Dear [Name],

It was difficult for us to accept the news of the death of your / your mother, [Name-Patronymic of the deceased]. The more we empathize with your/your loss. We deeply mourn the death of [First Name]. For us, she has always been an example of care, sensitivity, attention to others. (or other positive qualities inherent in the deceased) and conquered both with a good disposition and philanthropy. We are very sad for her and can only guess what a heavy blow her passing was for you / you. More than once we remembered her words: [such and such]. And in this she served as a model of [something], thanks to her we became / understood [what the deceased influenced us]. Your mother, [First Name], raised and raised you / you - a worthy person, whom, we are sure, she was proud of. We are happy that we got to know her.

With deep and sincere sympathy, the [So-and-so] family

Condolence email template for mother's death

email header:[Name], condolences to you on the death of [Name-Patronymic]!

Text of the letter: Dear [Name]! Today I learned with sadness about the death of your mother, [Name-Patronymic]. It's hard to believe - after all, not so long ago she cordially received us as a guest. I remember her as (positive qualities of the deceased) . It's hard for me to imagine the depth of grief you're going through right now. Sincere condolences!

Perhaps these days you will have troubles associated with mourning events. I want to offer you my help: maybe you need to meet someone, help with a car or notify someone ... Contact me! I would like to help in this difficult moment for all of us!

I empathize with your loss! Signature.

Condolences on the death of your father

The structure of the letter (postcard, email) of condolences on the death of the father girlfriend or boyfriend - the same as in the case of condolences on the death of the mother (see above). However, society appreciates a few different qualities in a man than in a mother or wife. Words and phrases relevant to express condolences on the death of the pope, the head of the family are listed below. If more accurate words of comfort come to mind that reflect the features of this particular person, then it is better to use them.

• As soon as I met your father, on the same day I realized that this is a person [of such and such qualities]
• He was a real man, a responsible head of the family and a caring person.
• I didn't know your father personally, but I can imagine how much he meant to you.
• He was an example for me in this and that.
• He admired everyone with his foresight, erudition, and sharp mind.
• I realized that I knew little about him. When the time is right, tell me more about your dad!
• Knowing you, I can guess how much your father gave to the family and children!

Samples of condolences on the death of a friend, colleague

Condolences to a colleague, employee, subordinate - not only a sign of good relations in the team, but also an element of business ethics in a healthy company. Condolences to a colleague are expressed in the same way as condolences to a friend, relative, person close to you. The examples below highlight in professional status- boss, responsible specialist, prominent official, public figure ...

• With deep regret I learned about the tragic / untimely / sudden death of the president of your company, Mr. [Surname-Name-Patronymic]. His contribution to the formation/development/prosperity of your company is well known and indisputable. The management of [Company name] and our colleagues, saddened by the bitter news, convey their condolences on the loss of a respected and talented leader.
• Let me express to you our deepest feelings over the death of [position] Ms. [Last Name, First Name, Patronymic]. Her professionalism, competence and dedication earned her the genuine respect of all who worked with her. Please accept our sincere condolences to your grief and sympathy for your irreparable loss.
• Deeply shocked by the news of the death of [position, Name-Patronymic]. Let me express my most sincere sympathy to you personally and to all the employees of your company. My colleagues, upon learning of the tragedy/grief/misfortune, share deep regret at his/her passing.

Funeral speech at the funeral text - farewell words spoken in memory of the deceased by his relatives and friends. They are pronounced over the grave of the buried from the bottom of their hearts. The speaker talks about important and significant events associated with this person, his achievements, and also speaks about the character and personality of the deceased from the good side. It is desirable if he says it orally, and does not read it from a piece of paper.

Funeral speech

There are quite a lot of people at funerals and commemorations. Basically, these are relatives and friends of the deceased, but there are others - colleagues, acquaintances, school friends and others. As a rule, the head of the family or the eldest and closest person is given the first to say memorial words. In the event that he is in a strong emotional state, then others present can speak at the commemoration.

Mourning speech at a funeral example:

“My grandmother was a wonderful person with a difficult but interesting fate. Her mother, along with her three younger brothers and sister, raised her alone in the difficult post-war years. To say that they lived in poverty then would be an understatement. She had to endure many difficulties and hardships, but she never lost her optimism and presence of mind, she constantly helped her mother and took care of the younger members of the family. And later, having married a military grandfather, she steadfastly endured all the hardships of the service. In any circumstances, she always maintained exemplary order at home and accustomed all family members to it. Grandmother was sometimes strict, but fair. I am glad that I managed to learn from her accuracy and order, the ability to organize my life. And her famous apple pies were simply incomparable, no one else could do such! I will always remember you, my dear, beloved grandmother! Your warmth, love and care will forever remain with us.

If others do not know you well, then at the beginning of your speech you should introduce yourself and explain under what circumstances you met the deceased. The memorial speech should contain words of gratitude in relation to the deceased, reflect his positive qualities. You can mention some significant moment that occurred with the participation of the deceased.

Memorial words for 40 days:

“I will introduce myself for those who do not know me: my name is (name). We have been working together with (deceased's name) for the past few years, and I would like to say a few words in his memory. He was a real professional in his field, a Specialist with a capital letter. Many of our colleagues, young and not only, learned the basics of craftsmanship from him and often used his advice and help. He was very patient and responsive, he could always listen to everyone who turned to him for support, give advice, help out, and never refuse anyone's requests. He could superbly cheer up anyone who was upset, confused or depressed about something. The countless funny stories he told, toasts, jokes and anecdotes could amuse anyone. We will all miss him at our dinner parties and corporate parties, where he always shone at the table, raising our morale. There is no other person like him in our team. And, perhaps, in my memory it will no longer be. We will all miss him greatly. He will remain in my memory and the memory of all our colleagues until the end of his life as an example of perseverance, sparkling cheerfulness, activity and professionalism! Rest in peace, dear colleague!”

It is advisable if you prepare the words at the commemoration in advance and memorize them. Since a well-formulated text will sound good and be perceived by others. A sluggish, boring speech with hesitation can be regarded as disrespect for the deceased and his family. If you are afraid that you will forget the words, you can take a piece of paper with a sample of mourning speech with you. You need to pronounce words clearly and slowly. You need to speak confidently and so that others can hear you, but not very loudly.

Funeral Speech Examples

Memorial words for the anniversary of death (from a colleague):

"Friends! The deceased worked honestly at the enterprise (name) for more than twenty years. We all knew him as a decent, honest and modest person. Appreciated for skillful hands and reliable character. We will miss his many inconspicuous but indispensable contributions to the work! A bright memory of him will remain in our hearts!

Wake speech 1 year (from friends):

“Friends, the best of us has gone to another world. We all mourn deeply. Our souls bleed from untimely loss. The deceased was a support to all of us. He was the first to come to the rescue, did not wait for requests or complaints. His kind heart and broad soul were always wide open. He was a clear light and guide in a complex and dangerous world for all of us, his friends! May the soul of this wonderful man rest in peace! We will always remember him with a feeling of light sadness, mixed with a secret longing!”

Memorial speech for 40 days (from relatives):

“All his life, our father was a worthy example not only to his children, but also to those around him. In everyday life, he demonstrated a wise understanding of true values, kindness and devotion. Any person left him with an enlightened soul. And to us, his children, the father instilled love for people, a high sense of responsibility and devotion to the Motherland. We consider his departure unfairly early. Eternal to him, bright memory!

“Our grandfather was a very kind and good man. His path was long and difficult. All the difficulties that befell the country, he perceived as his own. He worked and raised children without complaining about the lack of benefits, lack of food or amenities. He raised children, was a support for grandchildren. We will all miss this wonderful man. Blessed memory to him!

Words of condolence are expressed not only during the funeral, but also on the days of commemoration of the deceased. They say a speech at the commemoration of 40 days, a year after the date of death, as well as during Parents' Saturdays and other Orthodox holidays. You can make speeches both at the cemetery and during memorial dinners.

What do they say at the funeral? This event remembers all the deceased relatives and friends. They remember what they were like during their lifetime, what they were fond of, what they loved. Words of condolences are spoken, the blessed memory of the deceased is honored. It is forbidden to say something bad about the deceased, to recall old grievances. Either it's good or it's nothing, goes the proverb.

Funeral verses

In addition to a mourning speech, condolences can be expressed in verses or toasts. These options are more suitable for commemoration than for the funeral itself. For example, memorial verses are read on the anniversary of death. They can be written by hand or taken ready-made. If you do not have the opportunity to personally attend the commemoration, then you can express condolences by placing memorial verses in the newspaper.

***
Two tears dripped into the flowers,
In two large, pink roses!
From my tortured soul
Hopelessly tears rolled out!
See my wet eyes
What they don't believe at all
That which you will never change
That which is measured by pain and tears!
My heart beats stubbornly,
And desperately doesn't want to know
That beloved eyes can no longer see
And native no longer hug!

***
You have always been an example to us
Like a person with a pure soul.
And your memory lives on
In the hearts and souls of your loved ones.

***
The people close to us are leaving.
Do not realize that - forever,
Do not exhaust all the pain of separation,
And hits backhand - never.

We won't see them, we won't hear them,
Don't ask, don't talk
Though, as before, we breathe them,
We love them, we wait, we adore them.

Ridiculous, strange, impossible
That the dawn has come again
Call, scream or cry heart-rendingly,
And there are no more relatives around.

***
We do not understand and do not comprehend,
Do not survive, do not overcome
What turns the chariot of life,
As it was before, exactly the same.

The sun is shining and the air is so fresh
What days are standing, but very sad.
Gone is the beautiful hope of hopes
And again, the heart is sad and empty.
For six months now, there has been silence in the apartment,
It's all yours and it's hard to believe it.
I would drink the cup of grief to the bottom,
But it still cannot be measured.
So I want to come back to you
Kiss and just be with you.
With the hope to resist in the fight,
To argue with illness and illness.
The farther, the more immeasurable depth
The abyss that stood between us
How are you now, how in childhood, I need,
But it is impossible to beg with tears.
I'm strong, you know I can
After all, we have been through so much.
I am forever indebted to you
You are an eternal part of my world.
I'll bring you flowers and stand
And the heart will touch with its wound.
And you will feel how much I love you
My beloved, only mother.

***
Memorial verses for 1 year:
You passed away too soon
Our pain cannot be expressed in words.
Sleep, dear, you are our pain and wound,
The memory of you is always alive.

***
We come here
To put flowers
It's very difficult, dear
We can live without you.

***
Great sorrow cannot be measured
Tears of grief do not help.
You are not with us, but forever
You will not die in our hearts.

***
Where do all the dreams go
And why they have no return,
How do we experience pain?
After all, they were once happy.
Like waking up every day
Realize that this is all reality
How painful it is to remember that day
When everything in life changed.

***
Without you my soul is anxious
You don't need girlfriends and friends.
Why is it possible without millions?
Why can't you do without one?

***
I don't rock you in the crib
I come again to the cold fence
I will fix the fallen wreath
And I will sing to you, dear son ...

***
They usually leave without saying goodbye.
Without whispering your last words
Perhaps not going on a long journey,
On that long road of dreams and dreams.
Yesterday they smiled sweetly at us,
Their eyes radiated a bright light,
And as always, waiting for us to visit,
They dreamed of giving their friendly advice.
They, like all of us, really wanted to live,
And every moment brought joy to them,
All that they wanted to do did not have time,
They still had so much power.
At some point, everything was broken,
Someone from above indicated their term to them,
The soul is in turmoil,
What did not have time to tell us a few words.
Let them not be with us, we love them,
And remember happy days
And our heart will never forget them
It's like they're right next to each other.

***
We are sad and sad
And there are no other feelings.
Let's remember all parents
Let's remember all the relatives!

Let's remember all the departed
In the prime of my years,
Brothers, sisters of the dead,
Friends and strangers!

They once lived
And made us happy
Laughed and loved
They took care of us.

Long ago or recently
They are no longer with us
And tremblingly to the grave
We bring a bouquet!

In the fast paced time
We do not remember other things,
But you are family to us
More than alive!

We ask You, Lord,
About one mercy
Forgive them their sins, Lord,
Rest their souls!
***
Among those who love - there is consent
Among the lonely only flour
Among those deceived by love is revenge
And among the dead - memory and separation

***
Death has taken you on a path of no return
And took me beyond the edge of existence.
Here she dissolved in the quiet echo of the tocsin
The life lived "in Russian" is yours.
And all that was in the heart before - pain and rage,
Dreams, hopes, faith and love -
In the space of space invisibly suddenly disintegrated,
But maybe reborn in someone again.
And at the grave there are white-trunked birches,
When the moon is silent in the night
Dew-tears drop to the clear dawns of the earth,
That from the mother's eyes did not expire to the bottom.

***
Your watch has stopped. how you didn't want to leave!
But the heart stopped beating, and we can't bring you back,
You've been through a lot in your life
War and famine, but you survived in spite of everyone.
Your clock is running in the houses of your friends, everyone loved you! you've always been lucky!
Giving life to the hours of your loved ones, you poured your breath into them.
You anointed their hearts and eased the hours of suffering.
But you could not help yourself, and it is useless to lubricate the heart.
I did not win this fight, I gave my all, I gave everything for free.
We gave you the warmth of our hearts, and we were always with you,
Our dear grandfather, father-in-law, father and father-in-law,
You were so afraid to be alone, you were so afraid to be with yourself.
But the black hag came to you, waving her scythe, hit right in the heart.
The clock has stopped, but the soul
She stayed with us, we are always with you, we are together.
February, frost, trees without foliage, but without you we have not learned to live.
You so wanted to be with us, but alas
Your watch has stopped...

Funeral toasts

It is customary to say funeral toasts at the wake at the table. They do not need to specify the identity of the deceased. We can express our general condolences to all the deceased:

Grandfather sat in heaven and wept bitterly. A boy approached him and asked why he was grieving. The old man answered him:
- there is a custom on earth - to drink for the repose of our souls. And then we are always full and with a full jug of wine. We are glad that children remember us. And now I have an empty jug and that's why I'm sad.
So let's drink to those who are not with us!

Friends, today is a day of mourning. There was a time when we had fun and rejoiced with the departed (her) from us. But today we ourselves drink this cup of sorrow, seeing off a person close to us on the last journey. Not everyone in the world was worthy of Dormition, like the Mother of God and other holy people. But we will keep in our hearts a good memory of our friend, having hope for the resurrection and for a new meeting in a new place. Let's drink the wine of sorrow to the bottom for this!

In a wolf pack, suddenly, without leaving a will, the leader died. The wolves announced a meeting to elect a new leader. For three days they argued and squabbled, because each was afraid that the new leader would begin to take revenge on those who voted against him. When they were already hoarse from screaming, the wise old wolf got up and said:
"Let's choose someone not from our pack to be an unbiased leader."
Everyone agreed and asked who. Then the wise old wolf offered to choose a goat as the leader. The wolves began to resent:
- We just didn't have enough goats!
But the wise old wolf explained:
- Although he is a goat, he has one advantage: if he starts to fix chaos, he can always be bullied.
The wolves agreed with a laugh and called the goat. When they brought a goat trembling with fear, they said to him:
- Listen carefully! We will choose you as our leader if you do not goat.
The goat was even more frightened and answered:
- I'm a goat. But I renounce my goat past. I swear I'll never be a goat again.
The wolves murmured approvingly and dedicated the goat to their leaders.
“Now you are our leader,” said the wise old wolf. - You can order us whatever you want, and we will obey. Our fate is in your hands.
All the wolves, with their tails between their legs, nodded in the affirmative and asked the goat to make a speech. The goat quickly jumped up on the rock, spread his legs wide, fluffed out his beard, put out his horns, looked around the hushed flock with a slow gaze and bleated sternly:
- Well, so which one of us is a goat?
So let us remember our glorious leaders!

Also, toasts at the commemoration can be expressed in poetic form:

Blessed memory of those who have departed from us,
Let's drink to that now.
Let it be like granite in our hearts,
Keeps the memory of those who have passed away.
May all the good things that happened to them
A damp grave will not bury.
How long will we keep the memory
So much and will he live with us.

memorial notes

You can also honor the memory of the deceased with the help of memorial notes. In churches there is a special table where there is a memorial note sample, according to which it can be written. At the very top of the sheet, a cross is placed and marked "for repose." Then the full names of the deceased are written in the genitive case and in church spelling (for example, Ivan - John), neatly and legibly. Usually about ten to fifteen names are written. Moreover, everyone who is written there must be baptized in the Orthodox Church.

In addition to the names, the note indicates which deceased: the newly deceased - deceased for forty days after death or ever-memorable (worthy of constant remembrance) - the deceased, who has a memorable date on this day.

When going to a funeral or memorial service, it is important to remember about etiquette. You need to behave delicately and tactfully. It is also worth preparing words of condolence, which can be expressed with the help of a mourning speech, memorial verses or toasts. An appropriate and competent speech will be appreciated with gratitude by the relatives and friends of the deceased.

Expert advice - right now!

Expressing feelings in words is not easy even in ordinary situations, but it is even more difficult to correctly formulate thoughts about grief and empathy for loved ones at the time of a person’s death. It is important not to tarnish the memory of the deceased, not to offend upset relatives, friends, and to speak sincerely about the attitude towards the loss. Appropriate condolences on the occasion of death differ depending on the relationship with the deceased during his lifetime and are structured in such a way as to avoid phrases and topics prohibited by the unspoken rules.

How and what is customary to voice in condolences

When choosing words of condolence for death, people are guided by 5 rules.

1. Do not sight-read sympathetic texts and do not speak in memorized phrases. A funeral is not a birthday, where everyone is obliged to congratulate the birthday man and make a toast for show. In grief, sincerity is important. Mourning words are pronounced by those who are ready to speak out loud and share grief with others. Let one sentence or a couple of words, but from the heart.
2. Words to a deceased loved one are best tied to a description of the person or unifying stories. Prepared people retell good memories of a deceased relative or friend. Good and funny incidents are appropriate that can defuse the atmosphere of the commemoration. The speech, filled with personal details, sounds warm and sweet, like sincere condolences to family and friends.
3. Don't be ashamed of the emotions that are appropriate for the situation. At the funeral of loved ones, people cry, scream, fall into a stupor, and this is normal. It is unacceptable to arrange simulated tantrums, to overdo it with the expression of insincere feelings. If these are mourning events on the occasion of the death of a colleague or an unfamiliar person, they are limited to restrained phrases and mournful silence.
4. Help when possible. The day of farewell, the preceding and subsequent activities exhaust the already exhausted family members. Condolences on death include an offer of help if they feel the need. You can share with relatives, financial costs or promise moral support. It is only important to keep promises, and not to waste words.
5. Monitor the condition of family members of the deceased. It is necessary to support, be patient with manifestations of aggression, splashing out feelings of guilt and other emotions associated with the psychological acceptance of grief. In this difficult time, a person on the path to humility lives through 5 stages, where tears are replaced by shock, anger, and depression. Words of grief are not for everyone - stress prevents encouraging phrases from reaching their goal. Listening, being close, hugging or holding hands, if the level of the relationship allows, can be more useful.

If embarrassment or sadness does not allow you to say words of condolence to your family in person, you can convey feelings in the text. Condolences are written in short SMS, email and paper letters. But the format does not cancel the point about the necessary degree of sincerity. Verses copied from the Internet or common phrases in writing look even more fake.

How to express grief in your own words

If mourning events take place in the city of residence, condolences on the occasion of the loss are conveyed in person or by phone. It is more appropriate to pronounce lines in prose aloud. The expression of sympathy in poetry often sounds false.

When choosing the right words, they rely on the relationship of the mourner with the deceased. For a colleague or stranger, short, formal phrases without feigned mourning and exposure of personal ties will do. If expressing condolences in your own words does not work out, you can remain silent, a wreath without speeches.

To describe the pain of loss when parting with a familiar person, the text is formed from a reflection of one's own feelings from the loss, bright memories and words of support for the family. It is better to focus on the latter - condolences to relatives and friends should relieve the pain a little, calm people, and not retell the biography of the deceased.

When it doesn’t work out to pick up the text, ready-made templates are taken as the basis. The best option is to dilute the example with personal facts so that sympathy comes from the heart. Here, attention is also paid to the relationship of the deceased with those who accept condolences. Calling on children to keep a bright memory of their father, who during his lifetime was not a wonderful person and brought only pain to his offspring, is hardly appropriate.

Grieving phrases appropriate for acquaintances and colleagues

To express condolences on the death of an unfamiliar character, the words will do:

• “Your father was the most talented man. We didn’t talk much, but I followed his activities with pleasure. I will remember everything he did."
  “Imya was hardworking and kind. Please accept our sincere condolences."
  "I heard about your husband's death. What an injustice of fate, I offer my condolences.
  “It is very difficult to come to terms with the loss of a friend. I can’t imagine how you feel, but I mourn with you.”
• “This is an irreplaceable loss for the team. There was a bright soul, my condolences.
• “I heard the sad news. I want to express my condolences on the death of my grandfather, be strong.”
• “I deeply regret and sympathize. Hold on, you still have to live."
• “This is a terrible shock for all of us. My sincere condolences."
• “I can’t find words of consolation, I can only sympathize with grief.”
• “We did not agree on everything, but this does not detract from grief. Let us be strong in suffering, like your son."
• “We didn’t have time to make friends, but as a colleague,“ Name ”taught me a lot. Sincere condolences to the family."
• “You have become an example for us in our work, a teacher and assistant. It is impossible to find the right words, we mourn.”

From the list, choose the template you like, transform it to the situation and pronounce it. It is not worth memorizing examples to automatism - improvisation and pauses will make the phrases come alive.

How to grieve for a loved one

For a family member, girlfriend or friend, short words of condolence dilute the real facts and warm attitude:

• “Mom is gone, but I can feel her by my side. Let's remember these gentle hands and hugs. Let's keep a cozy home and a happy childhood atmosphere in our hearts, because there will be no second mother. Everlasting memory."
• “The death of a husband is the loss of half of the soul. It does not fit in the mind, how fate dared to separate you. I offer my condolences to my wife and daughter. As the brother of the deceased, he is always ready to support with deeds and advice.
• “How many passed with your son, but not once, in difficult times or in happiness, did he leave me. They say that the best die early, and the death of the "Name" confirms this. Sincere condolences and love with all my heart.
• “Although we didn’t have such a close relationship with dad as with mom, but his departure left an indelible pain. You never cursed with anyone, you were not rude and you did not speak badly about others. He always remained a kind, honest and bright person. We're glad you'll be remembered that way, Dad. And as daughters, we promise to continue your work and preserve the bright and good that you have sown in our souls.
• “The grief of a mother is incomparable to anything. It's hard to express what it's like to lose a child, to lose a part of yourself. A disaster you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. Be happy there, son. I hope my child will be in a better world and find peace.”
• “I can’t imagine not touching my grandmother’s wrinkled hands again. I will not find myself in a modest but cozy house smelling of herbs and medicines. I won’t wake up from the smell of pancakes and homemade jam. I will not see how the grandmother threatens the guilty grandfather with her finger and scolds the parents, as if they were naughty children. I will miss you, grandma. Thank you for being and giving me an incredible childhood.”
• “I was lucky to meet a wife, mistress and girlfriend. Now I need to say goodbye, but I can't find the words. You can’t prepare for parting, this pain caught up at the most inopportune moment. I don't know how I'll cope without you. I love and remember forever.”
• “I lost a brother and a friend. How many hikes we went through, mountains and caves explored, songs sung under the stars - do not count. How not to measure my love and affection for you. Sleep well."

If quarrels and insoluble disputes arose during life with a loved one, it is appropriate to apologize on a farewell day. Just mentioning the details of the conflict and expressing anger is not worth it. In the case of words, the rule “Either good or nothing” applies to the deceased.

How to support the nearest deceased

It is better to express condolences for a deceased loved one in person. When it is not possible to attend farewell events, you can place sympathetic phrases in a telegram, letter, or on the mourning ribbon of a wreath. Sample words that are said when condoling to the family are mentioned below.

Husband wife

• “Your connection cannot be broken by earthly death. I don't know any other couples where people love each other so much. But a man would like you to live on and enjoy every day. Please accept my sincere words of encouragement."
• “You are lucky to share your life with a woman who lit up your existence with warmth and true love. I grieve for this bright soul and experience with you.
• “True love never dies. Eternal memory to your beautiful woman.

Parents

• “Letting go of parents is not easy, but death is inevitable. I grieve with you."
• “I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a loved one. I can not understand the reason why fate decided to take him away. I can’t share this pain with you, but I can be there.”

Children

• “The death of a child is a terrible loss for a woman and a man. Brace yourself."
• “The little angel didn't deserve to die. Rest in peace."
• “Let sadness not cloud the mind, we must remain strong for the sake of other children. I'm here, count on me."

Friend / girlfriend

• “Dude, this is incredibly painful. But we have to move on. Come when you need help in word or deed. I'm near."
• “They say friends are known in trouble. I am ready to help in this trouble with everything that is needed. I express my condolences for the deceased."

Universal

• “It is difficult to speak, but even more difficult to endure and accept. I share the pain with you, you can count on my help.
• “Neither tears nor words can help grief. But we are there and will help to survive the bitterness of loss.

Before pronouncing the words, the state of the mourner is assessed. In difficult situations, it is better to express condolences to a friend with touches: take hands, hug. Tactile contact can also help you cope with feelings of loneliness due to loss.

How to express condolences in writing

In supporting the relatives of the victims, speed is important - in a week or two, the words needed in the first days will only once again remind you of what happened. If the message is sent in writing, messengers, social networks, telegrams, sms and ribbons of wreaths are chosen as channels. For services, short texts of 1-2 sentences are suitable. If you need to write a long letter, use email.

In short messages, you can give up your feelings and details of relationships with the deceased. Correctly write something that will support family members:

• “It is impossible to believe what happened. Good memory, “Name.”
• “I want to say that I deeply regret the death of your loved one. A good man - a bright memory.
• “Let me offer my condolences. I share your grief and am ready to do everything in which help is needed now.

Words are sometimes written on postcards with a suitable print, but this format is puzzling. The card is associated with the holiday, you should not bring something like this on the day of the funeral. When they want to say special phrases or highlight the dead, they write obituaries in newspapers.

A believing Christian during a ritual burial is escorted with the words:

• "Rest, Lord, the soul of the deceased";
• “Bright peace to ashes “Name””;
• "The Kingdom of heaven";
• "Lord, rest with the Saints";
• "Forgive voluntary and involuntary sins and grant the Kingdom of Heaven";
• "Rest in peace".

In Islam, it is customary to support relatives with instructions and pray to Allah. Stories from the life of the deceased must be left until the evenings of memory - at the funeral, tales are superfluous. Condolence with the phrases: “May Allah spare the “Name” of Allah” or “May Allah forgive the sins of the deceased and have mercy on you.”

5 things people don't talk about at funerals

To express grief and not offend others, 5 prohibitions apply to condolence texts.

1. Talk about hurt. Death put an end to the conflicts of the living, and there were no losers in this dispute. The surviving side forgets about the bad, at least for the duration of mourning speeches. There is no strength to leave grievances in the past - it is better to remain silent.
2. Be ashamed of tears and ask others not to cry. Expressing grief in tears is a normal reaction of a person experiencing a loss. Let the grief pour out, otherwise the pain will be transformed into mental health problems.
3. Emphasize that death is natural and expected. “Grandfather was old, it’s high time” or “He did drink, the imminent death was obvious.” Such phrases insult the memory of the deceased and make loved ones angry. For a family, loss cannot be expected or obvious.
4. Talk about a happy future without a dead person. Potential babies won't lessen the pain of losing a baby. A future marriage will not force a man who has lost his wife to step back from mourning events.
5. Look for the guilty. “If you treated him differently, he would still live” is not the best way to deal with pain.