Hi all! Girls ... I ate a dog on these loves, as they say. It all started a long time ago, for the first time I fell in love with a classmate to the point of insanity at the age of 12, suffered for 2.5 years, suffered, cried, hysteria, was embarrassed by him, all thoughts were only about him, etc., etc. ... It ended after a specified period of time ... with a new love, and again at a classmate, now at the age of 15, she suffered for 2 years (now I write about it so calmly, but what happened then - neither with the mind to understand, nor with a pen to describe, as they say).
Then this love ended (or rather, abruptly ended), and off we went! These crazy loves followed one after another, and they were all so painful, long, exhausting. In institute teachers, actors, politicians, athletes, men older, younger, etc. Once, I almost drank pills from hopelessness ... The torments were just hellish! Every time, again and again! I can say that I didn’t have a personal life until the age of 26, because I couldn’t meet those with whom I was in love! I was simply embarrassed by them, I didn’t know how to present myself with them, closed up, went into myself, or it was simply impossible (with TV characters). My real loves were also so "unreal" that I was even afraid to think about dating them.
But those guys who liked me (she was known, by the way, as a beauty) did not cause me any feelings, except for disgust, I met a couple of times, only because I was ashamed in front of my girlfriends that I was still alone ...
So... Now the main thing. Everything changed when I turned 25. I fell in love with a guy from work and told him about it, he went nuts, of course, but because he was decent and I was decent, he said: "you're a good girl, I don't want to offend you." Previously, if this was my first or second love, I would probably go crazy from such words, but before that I myself would not have opened up - I had not matured. In general, I forgot about this guy, and then love came to another, with whom we communicated very well as friends at work. Well, and, of course, I also told him about it, because I came to the conclusion that this is one of the most effective ways to attract the attention of a guy you like, almost the only "killer" way. This guy, of course, also went crazy, said that he likes me, but he doesn’t love me, that it’s better not to start, because he hasn’t met girls for more than 3-4 months, etc. Of course, I was sad, but she was not in despair, because she did everything she could, and from this she did not reproach herself as if she had done nothing.
In the meantime, the first guy to whom I confessed my feelings caught on and began to “roll up”, and seriously: I sent SMS, calls, songs by mail at work and so on, but I didn’t care about him anymore ... because I had a new goal .
Now I began to systematically finish off the second one: I ignored him, talked to pseudo-guys in his presence, started a rumor that several were trying to get me, in general, this lasted 8 months. And it was hell for me, but I DID NOT whine, because I understood: if I jump on emotions, everything is gone! I wouldn’t want to repeat this path, but ... there was no other way out, we worked side by side, and I’m a proud girl, I don’t like it - well, I went to the bathhouse! (and nobody knows what's going on in my heart!) So, we began to communicate with him little by little, or rather, he began to show interest, and in the end: HE DECESSED IN LOVE TO ME! SAID HE CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT ME! I was ready for it, oddly enough! My intuition led me in the right direction, that's how it should be with them! Now we have been together for 3 years, everything is about. to. BUT...
I still fall in love, but now I have radically changed my attitude towards these loves! I don’t climb the wall, I don’t cry, I don’t confess anything to anyone (why, if I have a husband?), But I just ENJOY these loves! I am in complete control of my feelings! They, of course, splash out in the form of poetry, music and other "therapy", but I LEARNED TO ENJOY LOVE, having gone through many trials and having gained incomparable experience in this.
Girls, be wiser! Try to enjoy it as much as I do! And remember: very well (me, anyway), the thought cools: "HE DOES NOT OWN ME ANYTHING" and "NOBODY OWN ANYTHING TO ANYONE!"
i.e. IF YOU EVEN ADMIT YOUR FEELINGS TO HIM, you have the right to do so, and he has the right to refuse you and because of this you don’t have to be killed.
This is all I learned from my own experience.

How not to fall in love with someone you don’t need or just not fall into the trap of unrequited love?! A question that stirs the hearts of many! If you think that this most bitter unrequited love has befallen you, then you have fallen in love with someone who should not have fallen in love. Yes, it's all clear that "love is evil, you will love and ...". BUT, is this really true?

Are we supposed to be completely helpless and unprotected from a sudden ridge of surging feelings?! Many confidently assert that in this situation nothing depends on us. If you often feel a tendency to disappointment and your so-called made-up romance failed again, think about who you are falling in love with?! Modern psychologists are sure that most of us do not know how to control our feelings. Hence the whole root of the problem. We cannot direct them in the right direction and to “those people”. Let's try to figure out who these "those people" are.

In our crazy world, there is such an insidious little thing called passion. And so she travels the world in search of a suitable shelter for herself. And more often than not, she finds it. But we all know perfectly well that it is quite dangerous to follow the passions. If you do not want another disappointment, then try not to let passion stop in your HEART! Friends, please do not turn off your brains so as not to fall into the clutches of unrequited love.

I think we all just need to learn to understand people. Well, first you need to decide on the qualities that you like in a person and try to get along with the owners of these qualities.

How to learn not to fall in love?! All people are arranged in such a way that it is important for them that their needs or needs must be met. In other words, everyone needs care. Never get close to someone who can't take care of you. And by the way, in no case do not think that this applies only to the male half of the population. The stronger sex also needs care, it is only expressed in a different form.

Do not mess with overly demanding and overly jealous people. No matter how strong the feelings really are, jealousy in 99 cases out of 100 destroys even the purest and most sincere relationships.

Have you had unrequited love? So, you have not learned to choose exactly “those people”. The only advice - do not harass yourself or him (or her). Get over it and you'll be fine, trust me. We must learn to perceive what is happening as a useful experience, a lesson, a test sent to us for awareness of something important for ourselves. And friends, please do not think that after this the doors of your happiness are forever closed, YOUR person will definitely find you. A person who has survived this pain is capable of stronger feelings in the future.

So why not fall in love? In fact, there is no single answer to this question. Sometimes our feelings are not subject to any reason and reasonable arguments, but the brain exists in order to direct us on the right path. Life is too short to waste it on relationships with the wrong people. We all make mistakes, sometimes get disappointed in people, get a bitter experience, but we all also rise, rejoice again and eventually meet exactly “THE PEOPLE”! The one who knows how to wait always gets what he wants. Good luck friends!

P.S. best regards, Veronika Semenova, Creativ study moderator

The question of how to get rid of unnecessary feelings and unrequited love is no less relevant than questions about its search. After all, just as some people are looking for love, others are trying with all their might to eradicate it from their hearts. How to stop loving a person if the relationship has failed, and feelings for him bring only suffering? Let's look at a few simple ways.

• Refuse any contact and interaction. If you are determined to free your heart from your former love, this item will be almost 50% successful. Despite the desire to get in touch on a social network, call or otherwise appear in the field of view of this person, it is absolutely impossible to act in this way. After all, then feelings will flare up with even greater force - due to the fact that he or she has now become inaccessible to you. Think about whether you want to torture yourself even more so that you eventually become a patient in a psychiatric clinic?

• Fill your life with people. Those who try to fall out of love often make the same mistake: they withdraw into themselves, sit at home, endlessly grinding memories of a wonderful or not very past, and some in these cases even begin to abuse alcohol. Since both unnecessary suffering and treatment for alcoholism are likely not in your plans, try to diversify your life as much as possible. Make new social connections, renew old ones. Indeed, often one of the best consolations can be a friendly shoulder or even communication with strangers. Communicate at every opportunity - let people always surround you: at work, study or leisure. If there is not a single minute of loneliness in your schedule, then there will be no time to yearn for unfulfilled dreams.

• As often as possible, think about this person in a negative way. What bad things happened while you were together? What events helped highlight the negative traits of his character most clearly? What about physical handicaps? Whenever a wave of pity about past relationships comes over you, try to fight back in the form of the most vivid memory of this person’s shortcomings. After all, there are no saints or ideals in the world - everyone chooses the one with whom he would be live more comfortably and happily. And if you understand that the person you still have feelings for is not able to satisfy your needs, it's time to remember his disadvantages. Since it is a sacred thing to stop loving a person who does not love you, then you should not feel guilty about it. Remember at least the biblical "treat your neighbor the way you want to be treated." Justice is exactly what should now make you soberly face the truth and not be afraid, at least within yourself, to admit all his or her shortcomings.

• It is always much easier to stop loving a person if you occupy your mind with worries and work. It often turns out that work, especially intellectual work, is not an easy task if feelings are still smoldering in the heart. But in fact, the more difficult it is to force yourself to get down to business, the more useful this type of activity is for distracting from difficult thoughts.

• Start dreaming about a new chosen one or chosen one. The more attractive the other person is to you, the more effective this method is. With regard to this point, a whole range of actions can be taken here - from dating new potential candidates for a lover to simple dreams of better days with a better person. In the first case, such "therapy" may be most effective. However, here you need to adhere to the golden rule: do not rush into the pool with your head. Such dates for the most part can only serve as a distraction for you. After all, it is very easy to mess things up before you have dealt with old problems. In the second version of this method, you have more options. After all, you can dream about anyone - even if it is the image of a new mysterious stranger from the pages of a magazine. The main thing here is to intensively feed your brain with information about new potential relationships, to reassure him with the opportunity to again receive the love he needs. The more convincing these testimonies are, the faster the healing of old wounds will occur.

• You can also help yourself get rid of suffering by transforming your environment. Repairing an apartment, changing jobs, updating your wardrobe - all these actions will help you start life from scratch as soon as possible. If there is a possibility of moving, you should not refuse this option, even if it is moving to another city. If there is absolutely no strength to change something in the environment, you can, on the contrary, place yourself in a new environment - with the help of travel. The effectiveness of this method is based on the brain's need for new experiences. New places, people, at least the color of the wallpaper - all this provides additional informational food for the brain and helps to resist depression.

It is very difficult to forget the departed love, especially when there is an influx of emotions and memories, and all efforts to free oneself from feelings seem in vain. However, it is not. After you have released all the suffering, with determination again take up the transformation of your life. The night is darkest just before dawn - so stock up on courage, and then unnecessary suffering will soon give way to new love.

You have to think about how to stop loving a person whom you can’t let go in any way, in 2 cases - when you make the decision to part ways yourself, and when he leaves. But it always hurts the same way. Often it seems that the soul is torn.

I left on my own, why does it hurt so much?

It is clear that you are painfully experiencing a breakup when he leaves, but why is it difficult to solve the problem: how to stop loving a guy if you were the first to slam the door?

If a person occupied thoughts in the heart, and the relationship of people continued for a long time, then involuntarily you begin to think about him, even if a decision is made - he is not suitable for later life. It just seems like "Out of sight, out of mind".

Memory can stir up former feelings and return to the past even after many, many years, if there are grains of a feeling of love in the soul.

Why do people stop loving and break up?

• They get tired of the routine of relationships;
• find new more interesting partners;
• understand that existing relationships are ruining them;
• feel that the partner suppresses career or personal growth.

"I love a married man..."

Sometimes women fall into the trap of a lonely man. I want a family, children, stability, and the partner only feeds with promises and fairy tales.

When you love a married man, most often it is the woman who decides whether or not to be in a relationship. Men living on 2 or even more fronts are satisfied with everything, and all words about love are just words.

In this case, a woman just needs to understand how to stop loving a married man, since he does not want to change anything, and time is running out ...

Heart breaks

How to stop loving if he suddenly decided that it was time to end the relationship. Good luck, if a man is really a man, dotted the “and”, explained himself, and you don’t have to think what happened when he stopped answering calls and avoids meetings. In most cases, guys try not to explain themselves: they simply hide from former lovers - sometimes they ask friends to “distract” the former lady of the heart for various reasons.

The fact that you need to inform the girl yourself comes to mind, but it's scary to do it. The explanation, if the girlfriend managed to catch him by surprise, is usually stupid: "Didn't mean to upset you", "I don't like it when you cry".

It is even worse when you are still close to your loved one, but you already understand that he has made a decision and is waiting for the initiative from the girl, showing how bad he is with her.

Whatever the reasons for breaking up, you need to think about how to stop constantly thinking about the person you love, and start living your life.

Learn to live on your own

What should never be done:

1. You can’t sink into despair, refuse to meet with others, stay within 4 walls. Short-term loneliness and reflection are even useful, but if the days pass one by one, and the hermitage continues, it's time to connect sedatives and antidepressants - it already looks like depression.
2. Never threaten suicide "if things don't go back to the way they used to be", and even more so in "indicative purposes" hang yourself, cut your veins or swallow pills. There are several options:

• help may not be in time;
• an attempt will have a detrimental effect on the state of health and further relationships with others.

If the guy even thought about returning, now he will definitely avoid communication - no one wants to communicate with crazy hysterics.

1. You should not pursue a guy with a desire to find out everything - why did this happen? There will be tears, a scandal, but he still will not be able to explain why he fell out of love. That's how it happened.

Sometimes guys give a clear reason for breaking up, and it gets even more painful. Does a suffering woman need this?

1. Coming in company with a mournful face, talking with friends on only one topic, constantly suffering ... Those around you will quickly get tired of this, and friends will talk to each other behind their backs: “I understand him! How did he stay with her for so long?

Also, do not lie in wait for a guy on the street, send SMS, breathe into the phone. Although this method is quite suitable if you want to avenge the breakup and ruin your life.

How to behave

Try to remove him from your own environment: block contacts, do not answer calls, try not to intersect during working hours, etc. There is a very good saying: "Love Requires Presence"- and it was not just folded.

Lots of recipes:

• write down his shortcomings on a piece of paper;
• try to rebuild yourself;
• imagine what you can do now when he is gone;
• sign up for dancing or a sports club;
• spend more time with friends;
• to have a pet;
• communicate with everyone around, make new acquaintances.

If you do not stop thinking about a person, you can write him long letters - without sending them. You can express all your feelings and emotions in them, and then tear them into small pieces and burn them.

Only such letters should not be typed on a computer keyboard - a pen and a piece of paper. Believe me, the desire to “talk” will quickly come to naught, writing long letters is tiring.

You need to stop saying "I can't live without him", "I can never love" and things like that.

In the first place, you only thwart your own healing. Second, it's not true! There are a huge number of worthy and good partners around, you just need to open your eyes wider and really want to find them!

A very good way is to change yourself. Get a haircut, put on things that were not in the wardrobe before. The new woman has different interests and tastes. By the way, can you change the interior so that nothing reminds of the past at all?

Are there things left?

Ruthlessly throw away "memory" in the trash, and transfer his personal wardrobe to friends - let them take it to the owner, there is nothing more for him to do nearby, to remind about himself!