Love addiction is a painful attachment to another person. It manifests itself in excessive concentration on the personality of the partner, on his behavior, feelings and emotions.

Love addiction is on a par with other types of addictions (alcohol, drug, etc.), only the object of this addiction is relationships with another person. The key word is "relationship" because love addiction it is not the person himself as a person that is important, but the relationship with him, the quality and their character.

There is a good phrase "We all remained at the age at which we were not loved." It's about love addiction. Mom and dad did not love or did not show their feelings properly, so now a person has been looking for a replacement all his life and requires the love of a partner. And he doesn't get it, which is typical. For it is impossible to satisfy the need and fill the inner emptiness with someone else and the life of another. Only yourself.

Love addiction is treated exclusively by filling oneself, by satisfying needs at the expense of oneself, and not by others, by searching for self-reliance.

If you are faced with a love addiction when there is no life without a partner, then the following tips will help you.

Why does it occur

Often in the literature you can find the term "love addict", which very clearly characterizes a person's need for a "love high" regardless of the type of drug itself.
Love addiction does not arise from scratch and does not happen to everyone. For its occurrence, certain prerequisites are necessary in the form of the addict's previous love experience, his attitudes and relationships with his parents, his self-esteem and inner fullness as a person. A love addict is a certain type of personality whose psychological attitudes contribute to the emergence of love addiction with any partner they meet. Secondly, dating partners also have their own type (others just don’t like it!). What are these attitudes that attract love addiction?

First of all, love addiction is the inner emptiness of a person, which she tries to fill with another person.

At the same time, a person can lead a very active social life, have many friends, a good job, etc.

We each have our own needs :

• Physiological: food, warmth, safety;
• Safety ;
• Social : contacts, affection, communication;
• Prestigious : self-respect, recognition, achievement of success;
• Spiritual : self-identification, self-actualization, self-expression.

If at some period of life (most often in childhood with significant adults) some need was not satisfied, frustration followed. Frustration is a state in which there is a need, but there is no way to satisfy it.

It should be noted that despite the impossibility of satisfying a need or several needs, they do not disappear anywhere! They remain with a person for life and a person will always subconsciously look for an opportunity to realize them.

For example, during the period early childhood the child could not fulfill his need for love. There could be a lot of reasons: the parents died and the baby was sent to Orphanage, or one of the parents rejected the child, etc. As a result, the child lives and develops with the need to “love me” and the inability to receive it from significant adults, which leads to the formation of an adult personality with the same attitude. At the same time, the strength and significance of frustrated needs is so great that a person is ready to do almost anything to satisfy it. And this is a direct path to love addiction. When meeting a partner, a person so strongly wants to be loved that he is ready to endure humiliation from the other, conflicts, physical violence, so long as he does not go anywhere and does not leave him. Therefore, a love addict is very sensitive to the manifestations of emotions and feelings of a partner, to his behavior, since each time the addict needs to make sure that he is still loved. There is a control of behavior over another, a desire to be together around the clock, to hear words confirming feelings, etc., so that one day not to miss the moment when the other no longer loves. A love addict can't let that happen.

Recognize addiction

Informed means armed. It is possible to cure a disease only when the fact of its presence is recognized and realized by the patient.

You can’t get out of love addiction and change your life if you don’t consider yourself addicted.

It's hard to admit, but it's necessary.

Signs of love addiction:

• When you are in love, you are consumed by thoughts of the object of love so that you cannot think of anything else;
• You don't care about frank signs that the relationship with your partner is destructive for you: disrespect, violence, rudeness, conflict, etc.;
• Your life has changed qualitatively for the worse: difficulties at work, friends disappear, financial losses, poor health and health problems;
• You cannot imagine life without a partner, or temporary loneliness scares you;
• The most important goal in life is love;
• You feel the superiority of your partner over you, your failure in front of him, that he is better than you in every respect;
• You need control over your partner, this gives you confidence that you are loved;
• You are very jealous of your partner, his personal space, interests;
• You live the life and hobbies of your partner, devoting little or no time to your interests and needs

If you answered yes to most of the questions, then you are addicted.

Love has nothing to do with emotional dependence. This is a painful condition that calls into question the construction of normal love relationships and internal personal integrity.

Contact a psychologist

Psychological practice suggests that the percentage of requests for help by love addicts is extremely low. This is logical, since it is extremely difficult and painful to admit the fact that you do not love, but are dependent, and even the point is not in another, but in you. However, be honest with yourself. Analyze your past and present relationships and answer this question for yourself: “Do I really love my partner or myself in his attitude towards me?”

Love addiction does not imply love for a particular person, for his acceptance. Addiction is focused on one's own feelings of happiness during the period of love by a partner.

Only when a partner "behaves well" can I be happy. If the partner did not tell me: “I love you,” when I need it, then I feel bad. The fact that the partner is a master of oratory and spent a week intensive in a group of 40 people and is physically tired for words of love, you care little.

The psychotherapy of love addiction is long and requires a lot of strength and energy. With the right attitude and attitude to what is happening and your “diagnosis”, the forecasts are positive.

Don't get into a temporary relationship

Dealing with love addiction is difficult and takes time. After it, the person becomes different. He opens up new facets not only in life, but, most importantly, in himself. His inner horizon is gradually expanding, the range of interests and hobbies is significantly increasing. During this period, psychologists recommend not to enter into a serious relationship with a partner for some time.

A person BEFORE starting work on addiction and AFTER - these are two different person. As practice shows, during treatment, even being in a relationship, people often disperse after.

This is a trend. And it’s not at all a fact that the current partner will suit you new in the future.

take care of yourself

Work on love addiction always begins with filling your life with yourself. What does it mean? If you are a love addict, then your life was focused on the interests of your partner, you did not really care about yours. It's time to take care of yourself. To do this, you need to determine those areas that are significant and significant for you. At the same time, leave the love sphere temporarily. Think about what is important to you? Work? Children? Relationships with friends? The beauty? Hobby?

1. Write a list of important areas of your life on a piece of paper.
2. Under each area, set goals that you would like to achieve. For example, I would like to lose weight and lose 4 kg in 2 months. The goal has been set!
3. Now identify the resources you need to achieve this goal. For example, a gym membership or sportswear for running around the house. Resources identified!
4. Now your task is to act. Provide yourself with resources and forward to the goal.

Thus, gradually setting goals and achieving them, you will be filled as a person with yourself. You will have new hobbies, comrades-in-arms, desires that you did not even suspect before, pride in what you have achieved, etc.

The main goal in working with love addiction is to broaden your horizons and learn how to live without a partner.

Doing sports, throwing parties with a long time ago forgotten friends By visiting the circus with children, you can experience joy and happiness without a partner. And then a person will come into your life, with whom you will build relationships on an equal footing, because you will no longer be afraid to be left alone and without love. This position, in turn, sets the couple on respect for each other, understanding, closeness.

The feeling of love inspires and makes you live. It gives wings and throws to the ground. However, love is not always mutual and happy. Quite often in life situations occur, as a result of which we have no other options, how to forget a person. But this is not so easy. How to forget a person with whom all thoughts are occupied? How to get rid of a painful feeling that brings only suffering? And is it possible in principle? Let's try to answer these questions.

What is love addiction

Love addiction is similar to alcohol and drug addiction. A person is constantly drawn to the object of adoration, he idealizes him to such an extent that he does not see any shortcomings in him. At times, the addict understands and realizes that this feeling won't do any good, but in most cases there's nothing you can do about it.

Love addiction is obsessive thought own a partner, by all means. Addiction makes us go to extreme measures - to pursue a person, pester him with unnecessary calls and messages, stifle him with unnecessary attention and care. But most of all, addiction harms the person himself. After all, his soul is tormented, his heart suffers, and in his thoughts there is no one but HIM (HER). In such conditions it is difficult to live, develop, communicate, work or study, and most importantly, it is difficult to find a suitable alternative and replacement for a partner. If the addiction is strong, sometimes a person can remain alone for life.

Causes of love addiction

But why is this happening? Why does a person, being a self-sufficient person and a completely self-confident individual, lose his pride? Why does he subordinate all his thoughts, actions and emotions to one object? Here are a few reasons.

1. Lack of self-esteem. Surely you have met people in your life who are very insecure. Such people hold on to any possibility of a relationship with the opposite sex, and even if they refuse, they try to return the relationship. For them, the loss is not a specific person, but the very fact of the relationship. Such people are deeply convinced that they are fat, ugly, poor and generally unworthy of love. Therefore, partings and breakups are very deeply experienced.
2. Lack of parental warmth. Many psychological problems come from childhood. And strong love addiction is no exception. Often, long sufferings for departed love occur in people who were not loved in childhood. And vice versa, if a person sees a happy layout of relationships in the form of his own parents, but he himself cannot build such a cell, he suffers and suffers.
3. Stop personal growth. Often in a relationship where there is a leader and a follower, one person stops in his development. There is a banal degradation. If a person stops studying, working, striving for goals and achievements, he begins to look with envy at his more successful partner. Over time, envy turns into pathological jealousy and manic fear of losing a partner.
4. Deification of a partner. Sometimes it happens that you idealize a partner, exaggerate his merits, do not see the shortcomings. At the same time, you are belittling yourself and your importance in this world. You are already happy that such a deity paid attention to you. Therefore, often the loss of a partner becomes a tragedy on a large scale.

Symptoms of love addiction

As has been said, true love is kind and patient. She does not boast, she does not get jealous, she does not boast, she does not doubt or get irritated. True love trust and forgive. But sometimes love is painful. From it there is no joy and happiness, but only suffering. How to distinguish truth from fake? Here are a few symptoms by which you can distinguish true love from love addiction.

1. In true love, you realize that there is a personal space for a partner in which he must remain without you. A loved one understands that there is work / study, during which you do not need to call and bother him for nothing. Beloved people feel good together and apart, they manage to get bored, which makes their meeting even sweeter. But painful attachment is when you cannot spend a single minute without a partner.
2. True love gives wonderful, positive feelings - pleasure, inspiration, harmony. Addiction brings only insecurity and anxiety into a person's life.
3. In a true relationship, you are happy that the person you love is also in love with you. But a symptom of addiction is the constant fear of losing a loved one.
4. If there are signs of dominance of one partner over the other in a couple, this is also considered one of the signs of dependence. When a person cannot get enough reciprocal feelings, he begins to subjugate a weaker partner.

Women are more emotional, and as a result, more prone to love addiction. If for some reason you broke up with a man, if he betrayed you, abandoned you, or simply did not reciprocate, it is important to survive this state correctly. First, make a decision - whether you want to return this person by any means or want to end the story. If you've made the second choice, here are a few ways to get through love addiction less painfully.

1. First of all, be aware of this moment. Understand that sick love and unrequited feelings will not lead to anything good. Love yourself and feel like a queen. Take a look in the mirror. After all, you are a beautiful, wise woman. Are you worthy of this?
2. Love and pamper yourself. But not delicious cakes, but massage, fitness and cosmetic procedures. Engage in self-education, set yourself a realistic goal to strive for. The easiest way to make a man bite his elbows is to become better and prove to him WHO he has lost.
3. If self-esteem is still lame, you need to get out on a visit, to a restaurant, to a theater or any other crowded place. put on elegant dress, do stylish hairstyle and spectacular make-up. This will certainly make strangers pay attention to you. But this is not done in order to strike up an affair. The essence of such a campaign is to make yourself feel desired and beautiful again. And then your confidence will return.

How to get rid of love addiction to a woman

Like it or not, human nature is such that men fight for the right to possess a woman. And not always this struggle is successful. Men, too, sometimes have to cope with love addiction. How to forget a woman who seemed to bewitch?

1. First, feel like a man. After all, you are not a crying girl who cannot cope with her emotions. You will be able to forget the one who did not appreciate you. Take up a hobby that fills your free time and takes away unnecessary thoughts.
2. The best cure for any addiction is work. It's time to put your personal life a little on the back burner and start developing and professional growth. Change your income level and social status - this will not only make your woman regret her decision, but also help her make life decisions in the future.
3. Sports are a great alternative to love relationships. Develop the strength of the body and the endurance of the spirit. Yoga can also be a great solution. She puts thoughts in order, settles harmony in the soul.
4. They say they knock out a wedge with a wedge. This doesn't mean you have to plunge into a new romantic relationship. But try to spend time with a nice person, go on a harmless, non-committal date. Feel that flirting and falling in love can bring lightness, joy and pleasure, not worries and fear.

You are a man or a woman, young or old, rich or poor - you should not put an end to yourself after an unsuccessful relationship. Of course, it will not be possible to survive separation painlessly, especially if the love addiction was strong. But you need to try to raise your head, remain yourself and confront all the problems in life. And then fate will certainly give you mutual, pure and true love, which will fill your life with meaning.

Video: how to get out of love addiction

A condition characterized by intense passion and an obsessive emotional obsession with a particular person is called love addiction. In psychology, this phenomenon is called addiction or co-dependent relationships. FROM true love obsession has nothing to do, but many women become hostages of their own attachments. As a result, they pay with the loss of their own "I", self-respect, the ability to move on and live a full life. How to get rid of love addiction?

Causes of obsession

It is believed that women with severely low self-esteem suffer from love addiction to a partner. Due to the inability to self-realization, they first pay close attention to another person, then they fall in love, and then they give up their own interests in favor of the object of desire.

According to psychologists, people who are unprepared for mature relationships, brought up in strict families, deprived of parental affection, who received mental trauma in childhood, have complexes, or, even worse, become victims of sexual harassment, are susceptible to the problem. They are motivated to develop unpromising relationships by fear of loneliness, lack of a sense of security, fear of being rejected.

Age is also not an obstacle: as soon as a woman enters into interpersonal relationships with the opposite sex (starting from 10-13 years old), addiction may appear. The provoking factor is an excess of sex hormones in the body.

How to find the problem

Signs of love obsession are easier to identify to an outsider, since the person himself does not notice the problem. Typically, this condition is characterized by the following behavioral disorders:

• giving the partner all the strength and time, complete dissolution in his interests;
• loss of ability to focus on work;
• lack of own emotions (duplication of the object of love, repetition of his mood);
• inability to independently end the relationship (willingness to endure humiliation and beatings, just not to part);
• acute perception of criticism of the ideal;
• a firm conviction that without a loved one life is meaningless;
• constant suspicions of betrayal of a partner, in his dislike and insincerity.

The main symptom of love addiction is a constant feeling of suffering and pain, even when the beloved is near. During the period of separation, a woman is disturbed by obsessive memories of the object of love. Codependent relationships act as a vicious cycle of unhealthy reactions - attachment, promises, vows, panic, rejection, reunion and rejection again.

How to get rid of addiction

Stories of beating addiction without breaking up are extremely rare. Conscious inner work to overcome attachments and passions is far from being possible for everyone. A partner - an object of love addiction, often lacks the patience and wisdom to help his companion. Driven by fatigue and irritation, he leaves the woman. In this situation, you must understand that everyone has the right to happiness. Relationships that brought both disappointment and pain can hardly be called healthy. Accept change with gratitude as the first step to getting rid of the problem.

Be sure to enlist the support of mentors, relatives or close friends. They will point you to the problem, help you see the situation from the side and find a way out. Include different hobbies in your circle of interests - shopping, yoga, trips to the mountains and holidays at sea. The main thing is to realize that life is not limited to relationships between opposite sexes, and even more so does not stop with their unsuccessful ending.

The next step on the path to "recovery" is the realization of one's own value, the search for interests and desires that are different from the object of addiction. You should stop perceiving life through the prism of your partner's emotions and learn to experience independent emotions. Also, learn to give selflessly without expecting encouragement or love in return. 4.2 out of 5 (5 votes)

We all dream of falling in love and being happy, but often, instead of love, a strong passion and an obsessive emotional attachment to the object of adoration comes to us. Such a feeling brings pain and disappointment, it literally kills a person as a person. In psychology, this condition is called addiction.

What is love addiction

This is the strongest passion, but not love. Psychologists compare it with other types of human addiction, such as alcohol, drug or gambling addiction. Love addiction is a psychological problem that often cannot be cured without the help of a specialist. However, most people take this feeling for love and continue to suffer, not knowing how to overcome emotional dependence on a person.

Love and love addiction

Comparing two feelings that, at first glance, seem similar, psychologists distinguish a number of differences:

• If the first is characterized by trust in a loved one, then the second causes a passionate desire to constantly control your soulmate. Almost always, such dependence is accompanied by a feeling of jealousy.
• Love and love addiction differ in purpose. In the second case, a person has one goal - to live not his own life, but the life of the object of passion. Their values ​​go by the wayside, the priority is the desires of a partner.
• Over time, a woman sees many shortcomings in her man, but she cannot refuse him.
• Dependence on the object of passion is almost always accompanied by self-doubt.
• If in love partners are individuals, then in relationships of dependence on each other they live according to the scenario: you must become the way I want.
• In a state of love, people spend time together because they are so comfortable, but they do not suffer in separation either. In dependency relationships, partners suffer even when separated for a few days.
• Love develops a personality, makes it self-improve. Depending is the opposite. A person loses himself, he becomes sad, suffers, becomes angry and confused. This condition needs to be treated.
• The state of dependence in most cases occurs with unrequited, non-reciprocal love.

Passion and love

Books are written about these two feelings and songs are written, but if the second brings happiness and does not lend itself to time, then the first passes quickly. In addition, in insane passion and love, other differences can be distinguished. A person in ardent passion does not obey reason and is capable of the most unpredictable actions. A storm of emotions boils in him, new desires appear, for example, to go in for sports, start drawing. He wants to make good deeds for those around you.

We can name the following physical signs of passion:

• distraction and inattention;
• rapid pulse;
• "formication;
• dilated pupils;
• increased sexual desire;
• trembling in the hands.

What is the difference between love and infatuation

Falling in love is like hypnosis, it is an obsession with always being close to a partner, even if without reciprocity. A real feeling is always mutual, arises with complete trust and respect for each other. Love differs from falling in love in that the first comes imperceptibly and leaves slowly or does not leave at all, and the second flies in like a hurricane and quickly disappears. Being in love is happiness, but when it turns into addiction, life turns into torture. A person who does not know how to cure himself, how to get out of love addiction, gradually loses his individuality.

Symptoms of love addiction

How do you know if you are in love or are in love with a relationship? You don't need to study psychology to understand this. Addiction is characterized by specific features:

• Assurances from acquaintances that this person is not a match for you cause irritation.
• The fact that you constantly think about the subject of passion can also be called a symptom of love addiction.
• You are sure that the most important thing in life is love.
• Even the thought of being alone is maddening.
• Breaking up with him is tantamount to the end of the world.
• Addiction is always accompanied by jealousy, perhaps a desire to avenge unrequitedness.
• Sacrificing one's own interests for the sake of the interests of a partner.
• In order not to lose the object of passion, you are ready to forgive him anything.

How to get rid of addiction

In this case, knowledge from the psychology of relationships will help. Various methods are offered to solve the problem, for example, such a simple practice as “visualization”:

1. You understand that you depend on the person and want to fight it.
2. Mentally imagine it and carefully consider it.
3. To get rid of addiction, imagine how a rope was stretched between you. One end is tied to you, the other to him. Note where it is tied, how strong it is, how it feels and looks.
4. Try to break this rope for a moment. Most people feel uncomfortable with this because this connection has been a goal for a long time.
5. Answer the question: "What do you expect from a partner?". And immediately think: “What benefit will this bring me?”. Take your time, find deep motivation.
6. Imagine that you are standing on the right, but with resolved problems. How you look, how you move. Touch yourself in your thoughts.
7. Turn to the subject of your addiction and again imagine a strong connection between you. Cut the rope and tie its other end to you, standing on the right.
8. Look again at the person with whom you cut the connection. Imagine that the torn end of his connection was reattached to him.
9. Come back to yourself rejuvenated.
10. Think about how easy it will be for you to communicate with other people. That's all, from now on you know how to kill the love for a man in yourself, so start acting. Do the exercise as needed.

How to get rid of love addiction to a man

The technique of psychotherapy described above provides only temporary relief. The problem is that codependency relationships are laid down in childhood and often it is impossible to solve them on your own. To make love addiction from a man go out of your life, do the following:

• Get rid of all his gifts.
• Write him a thank you letter and say goodbye.
• Do not call, temporarily do not communicate with mutual friends.
• Do not complain to your girlfriends - they will do more harm than help.
• Go on vacation.
• Allow yourself to be imperfect and educate yourself.
• Do not rush to enter into a new relationship, you need to be alone for a while.
• Think of yourself and don't remember the past.
• How to overcome addiction to a person? Free time is your enemy, fill it to the maximum.
• Write down in a notebook how you feel. After some time, it will be interesting to re-read and understand how everything has changed.

How to get rid of love addiction to a married man

To cope with the misfortune, the Orthodox Church offers to turn to Orthodoxy, pray and ask God for deliverance from obsession. Psychologists advise to go on a long journey. New meetings, nature, impressions will not let you get bored. How to overcome love addiction? You need to relax. To do this, select extreme sport or learning something new. Someone is mastering a parachute, someone is mastering pottery - all methods are good.

If you don't know , how to get rid of love addiction to a married man , remember the most important thing - you need to expand your circle of interests, because now it has narrowed down to one person. We need a new meaning to life. You can volunteer or look for a place where you can make a difference. Getting rid of love addiction will be easier if relatives and friends will support you.

How to get rid of love addiction to a woman

There is a misconception that only a woman can get into a relationship of dependence. A girl is also able to leave a man at the peak of a relationship. The difference is that the guy will not advertise his depression, considering it a sign of weakness. A man prefers to experience everything within himself and cope with longing and pain on his own, so others often do not suspect how unhappy he is. How to overcome love addiction for a man?

When a woman feels bad, she goes to see a specialist. A man tries to free himself from attachment. If love cannot be returned, he can plunge into alcoholism or carnal pleasures, commit suicide. According to statistics, one in eight suicidal people do this because of emotional devastation. Addiction in men is caused by low self-esteem and the treatment should be to increase it. Start doing your favorite thing or self-development. If such therapy does not give results, you should think about changing your place of residence for a while.

How to get rid of psychological dependence on a person

First you need to understand that the problem exists and try to get to the bottom of the cause of this condition. If a child grew up in a deficit of parental love, then all his life he will look for this feeling in other people. To get rid of psychological dependence on a person , you have to learn to love yourself. If you cannot do it yourself, you need to contact a specialist.