10 years for a girl (and for a boy) is not only a “round” date, but also the beginning of a crisis pubertal (adolescent) period. This is the time associated with a huge number of emotional reactions (mostly negative, since most of them are provoked by a lack of understanding of their condition).

Age features

Most of the changes at the age of 10 - 11 years occur at the hormonal level, psychology also changes. A certain independence appears in behavior, the exclusive dependence on mom and dad gradually disappears. Each parent should treat this with understanding and accept the fact that the child has a need for communication outside the home and interests on which he can spend his personal time (and the child must have them).

Attempts to overly control the social circle and activities of a growing girl can result in:

1. Rebellion, a clear demonstration of disobedience (accompanied by anger, aggression, the desire to act “contrary to” results in truly unreasonable and life-threatening decisions).
2. Indifference (ignoring all the requirements of the mother and father).
3. Conditional humility that disappears as soon as the child is out of sight of the parents (accompanied by lies and the development of distrust of others).
4. True humility (accompanied by a drop in self-esteem, lack of initiative, a tendency to self-destruction).

In each individual case, one of these tactics of behavior is predominant, but in general they can alternate with each other. This is due to the variability of the emotional state, which is typical for a girl aged 10-11 years. You should not worry about such instability, you just need to show, if possible, that you are ready to understand your child if he wants to explain himself to you or decides to discuss his condition.

Features of education

It happens that having a good intention to raise a “decent person”, parents raise their child in the conditions of numerous “shoulds” and a categorical “no”, not supported by any explanations. The presence of such groundless (from the point of view of children) prohibitions is very difficult for a growing person to endure, since cognitive processes are still active, the desire to explore the world around is also just parental disagreement is no longer an enough argument to stop.

Remember: explain your decisions to your child.

It doesn't matter if it's a girl or a boy - if your children know why you expect certain actions from them, they will be much more attentive to your requests. Talk to them about the consequences of possible transgressions. Not about punishment, but about how the offense will turn out personally for them.

How to conduct a dialogue

You need to be able to talk with a child of 10-11 years old. Never put pressure on your age, and don't say that you "know better". If you know, then explain, if you are worried, then tell me. Show your child that you are not just a parent, an authoritative, powerful person, but also a loving person who worries and tries to save him from trouble.

If you think that this is already clear, then there is a high probability that you are wrong. Speak out your reasons, your attitude. But be prepared that even after listening to you, the child will act in his own way. It's inevitable, he gets his experience. It is quite possible that you will flare up about this - this is natural, but you must definitely explain that the reason for your anger is not that the child is bad and naughty in itself, but in your worries about his life and health.

Also, in the process of communication, one should not compare children with their brothers and sisters, or with other people's children. This makes them devalue themselves and doubt their abilities. Moreover, there is no need to shout at them.

Understand: it is in the ability to control yourself that adulthood is manifested.

This does not mean that an adult is a robot. Of course, we all experience emotions, but it is as we grow older that the skill of self-control is acquired. You cannot demand this from a child, but you can set an example for him.

Praise

It is impossible to compare children with someone not only in a negative, but also in a positive way.

That is, to say “You are beautiful (smart, kind, and so on)” will be true, and the option “You are beautiful (smart, kind), like ...” is erroneous. Firstly, in such a comparison, children may get the feeling that they are not unique, not valuable in themselves. Secondly, there is a risk that there will be a desire to imitate in everything that other personality, to which they turned out to be similar, which again leads to a loss of individuality.

Incomplete families

Single-parent families have a special situation, and if a girl lives with her dad, it is advisable to make sure that she has an older “friend” (grandmother, aunt, nanny), who, from her own, female position, will help in solving certain issues. If you are in such a mentoring role, then take it seriously, do not divulge the secrets entrusted to you and do not ridicule the still immature decisions of your ward.

An incomplete family requires a special relationship with the child

It is quite possible that a girl at the age of 10 will not dare to discuss any of the problems that concern her, so you should carefully “probe” the situation, inadvertently touching on “difficult” topics and noting the reaction for yourself. Fear of discussion is associated with the fear of showing one's ignorance, stupidity or awkwardness. If you have figured out what exactly hurts the child, then you can tell something funny about yourself on this topic. Let him see that everyone has failures and absurdities, and that there are no taboo topics for discussion.

Housework

First of all, you have to learn to consider a teenager of 10-11 years old not only as a child, but also as a person who wants to make decisions on his own, without regard to what they say or think about him. It is possible that he will consider the performance of household duties not as an objectively necessary action, but as an act of submission to someone else's will.

Discuss with the future hostess that you are not able to do everything around the house and it would be reasonable (if she is already old enough) to share worries with her. Give her your “territory,” for which she will be responsible, entrust her with a certain (but strictly limited) list of cases that are in her jurisdiction.

Attention: if your child has a separate room, then you do not need to try to control the process, quality and frequency of putting things in order in it.

Better instead:

• Keep your room in order (set a personal example).
• Discuss the consequences of such negligence (the occurrence of allergic reactions and frequent illnesses due to excess dust and poor hygiene, the appearance of an unpleasant smell in clothes, to which classmates may react badly).
• To be able to show a moderately positive reaction to the fact that the daughter nevertheless took up the cleaning (stormy enthusiasm, as well as ignoring, can cause a teenager to have a negative attitude towards the experience of housekeeping).

If a daughter of 10 years old does something outside the regulated list, then be sure to note how much she helped you, because this is not part of her duties, and she spent her free personal time taking care of her family and household chores.

Joint rest

According to most parents, a modern child by the age of 10 is not interested in anything other than phones, games and walks. But it is not the children who are to blame for this, who are often left to their own devices for a long time. They do not have not only a habit, but even a single experience of other pastimes. Give him such an experience, do something together, agree that for one day (or at least for a few hours) you will put down your phone, TV, computer together and do something else.

It does not have to be "useful" leisure, you can fool around, but in a special way. Practice co-creation.

But! Always be prepared that the child will not agree with your proposal. He needs to be able to dream up himself, try to negotiate. You can alternate the days when your child plans classes, and when you yourself. Do not try to adjust her plans to suit your needs, children feel this and can be seriously offended or lose motivation. But it is possible and even necessary to make reasonable remarks about practical issues in a calm, non-critical manner.

Respect

Parents who want to earn respect from their offspring must understand that the power of personal example also operates here. It is not necessary to indulge all the whims of the child, but to treat him with respect is a must.

In general, girls are characterized by more tactful behavior and a greater sense of responsibility. They are easier than boys to understand someone else's point of view, and therefore respectful (as well as compassionate) attitude towards others is more characteristic of them.

Psychology

At 10-11 years old, girls may be interested in psychology. Support this hobby, try to figure out your inner world together. Read the relevant literature, encourage the child to think about his inner state. Self-knowledge, self-development - this is exactly what will allow the child to develop self-confidence, to socialize safely.

As one daughter told her mother when asked about how to behave with children at the age of 10: “Be sincere and natural. And don't overload it with too much information.

Conclusion

There are no universal laws on how a boy or daughter should be brought up at 10-11 years old (and at any other age). Just be careful with your kids. These are actually separate individuals who a priori do not owe you anything. But if you want, you can become their reliable friend and excellent teacher. Then they will listen to you and help of their own free will, and not under pressure, and this, you see, is much more pleasant.

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