Usually from the first days of life, children get used to being the center of attention. They help the child in everything: feed, dress, take him for a walk, take care of him. When a baby cries, it does not leave anyone indifferent: everyone runs to help, trying to understand what is the cause of discontent. It often happens that as the child grows, the parents already react to his crying, not at all to satisfy the natural needs of the baby, but just his whims. Thus, we discourage the child from learning to do something on his own. How does it happen that a spoiled lazy child - an egoist often grows out of a beloved smiling baby?

What is selfishness?

In psychological science selfishness is understood as a negative value orientation of the individual, which manifests itself in a conscious greedy clash of one's own interests and the needs of other people and society as a whole. Until about the age of three, children's selfishness is considered quite natural. It represents the natural selfishness of a baby, interested solely in what can bring him pleasure. The child still does not really need to communicate with peers, does not yet understand whether it is necessary to share. However, experts believe that even at a very early age, a child can become a real egoist. This can happen if the parents thoughtlessly treat the upbringing of the baby: they give him an excessive amount of toys, satisfy the slightest whims, follow the child's lead. Thus, you can bring up a little tyrant, who is the law.

“If you do not pay attention to the correct upbringing of a baby from infancy, then the demands of a capricious child will increase over the years, and extortion will acquire the status of a strong trait of his character. Such children plague their parents with constant desires; as adults, they are not able to take care of themselves.”

Selfishness of a child

The perception of one's own individuality, one's "I", separating oneself from the environment, as well as the need for self-affirmation are necessary for kids, as well as adults, in order to become a real person. These important processes of becoming a small person usually begin. The baby shows a desire for the approval of others, which is why he needs attention from adults, praise, the manifestation of their love, a sense of happiness. In his demands, he is annoying, stubborn and capricious.

The way a child develops relationships with the world around him depends on the people around him:

• will he understand other people's desires and feelings
• will he learn to empathize with people
• will he unselfishly help
• or will perceive everyone solely as a source of satisfaction of their own desires.

Some psychological and ethical teachings consider egoism as an innate property, which allegedly ensures the protection of a person's life and the observance of his interests. At the same time, consumer neglect of the feelings and interests of other people brings a conditional fleeting benefit. Such an attitude leads to the rejection of a person by society, which entails great losses of a different nature. For this reason, preventing the development of egoism is today the most important task of educating children as socially developed individuals.

Causes of children's selfishness

• Blind love of parents. This is the most common problem today. The focus is on the child. To all his questions - significant and not very - a positive answer. Such children react to refusal by scandal, hysteria, screaming, squealing and lying on the floor.
• Independence of a child. If parents do not allow their son or daughter to perform elementary actions, this will lead to a steady formation of selfishness in their character. Such parents clean up toys after their children throughout childhood, and children ignore all the requests of their parents.
• Stimulating success. If you do the math, I'll buy a chocolate bar. Familiar? This is how altruism (the complete opposite of egoism) is destroyed in the bud: a child is unlikely to want to do things in life just like that.

Manifestations of selfishness

There is a period in the life of younger preschoolers when they say: “I, I, I ... I jump above all. I draw the best. I can climb the highest hill. I am the bravest." At this age, it is a natural need to show one's strength, to show a desire to do something. Parents are always deeply touched by the achievements of the baby. They strive to tell everyone what a wonderful child they have, how quickly he develops, how cleverly everything works out for him. However, often mom and dad do not notice (or do not seek to notice) that in this way they contribute to the child's focus only on himself. Excessive praise and admiration do not benefit the child, but only bring him up selfish.

There are also manifestations of selfishness in such cases when parents try to fulfill all the whims of the child: “We did not have a happy childhood, let him have it!” If, as the child grows older, the indulgence of his whims does not decrease, then the child grows up as a selfish consumer and manipulator. For an adult child, the requirements increase, and he will use a variety of methods to achieve the goal, for example, to buy a new smartphone, tablet, laptop, fashionable dress again, or simply give money. So the child turns into an extortionist who simply mocks his parents, least of all thinking about their capabilities. Such children do not appreciate their parents, do not try to understand their feelings and expectations. A daughter or son is used to thinking how good it would be for them all the time. Without taking action in time, parents will see how their children have become cruel, cold-blooded, greedy.

There are cases when the egoism of a child develops in the form egocentrism: rejection of a different point of view, focus on one's desires, refusal to understand other people. Children brought up in such traditions are unable to convey information adequately, neither communicate nor understand the motivation of interlocutors. Believe me, entering adulthood with such a set of qualities will not be easy at all. Such children are waiting for a lot of failures, disappointments and difficulties in communication.

Egoism can also manifest itself in the form infantilism(developmental immaturity, retention of traits inherent in very young children). Such children take care for granted. It would never occur to a child that you can take care of someone yourself. Such children do not know how and do not want to make decisions. Usually they cannot do without their parents all their lives, needing guardianship until old age.

parenting mistakes

The egoism of the child and its formation as the main orientation of character is a consequence of improper upbringing. What are parenting mistakes on education in this direction?

“Do you know that preventing the formation of a child’s egoism depends on taking into account his individual character traits and helping parents to build the right relationships with peers and adults?”

Altruism

Altruism- the exact opposite of selfishness. Altruism is a concept that implies actions aimed at selfless help, care for others. Do you want your child to grow up to be a respected, worthy member of society? It is necessary to teach him, first of all, to reckon with the opinions of others, to listen to people and help them, to be attentive to them. unable to do so.

“Do you know that in order to resist the formation of a negative (unnecessary) quality, you need to strive to cultivate a quality that is opposite to it?”

So, how to bring up the altruistic principle in a child?

1. Let's start with empathy. Empathy means the ability to sympathize and empathize with the experiences of people. With the help of conversations, real life examples, good old movies and cartoons, you can cultivate empathy in a child. This will be a good prevention of selfishness, will greatly simplify the future life for the baby, and give more chances for success.
2. We teach that asking for help is nothing to be ashamed of. Kindness and responsiveness can be taught to a child by explaining that all people can find themselves in a helpless situation. In such a case, everyone should be able to come to the rescue. Teach children to be attentive to people, imbued with their states.

1. Stop being responsible for the affairs of the child. Do you recognize the situation when you wake your child up in the morning for school with great difficulty? Does it happen when schoolchildren demand: “Why didn’t you iron it / didn’t sew it / didn’t clean it / didn’t cook it?” Schoolchildren are quite an adult people who can well serve themselves. Children should have their own responsibilities: wake up on time in the morning and go to school, learn lessons, clean up after themselves,. Custody on trifles prevents the child from growing up. Let him have a sense of responsibility.
2. Benefits of negative experience. The negative experience of the child is an effective way to realize how to do the right thing. It is in these cases that he will really become an adult, which means that he will be completely independent.
3. Don't force. It is not recommended to force the child to do what he does not like. Let them learn to take responsibility for their decisions.
4. Help around the house. A preschooler can already cope with homework: wipe the dust, wash the plate, make the bed. Let it help - it brings up the need to take care of loved ones.
5. Ask how you're doing. A child who is interested will show the same attention to the people around him. He will not be indifferent to how they feel, what is happening to them, what are their successes. An attentive child is no longer an egoist.

Watch a video with practical advice from a psychologist on how to strike a balance of love and discipline in parenting

conclusions

Try to raise a child in the traditions of kindness, selflessness, generosity, and you will see how easy it will be for him to move through life. Such children appreciate their parents, thank them later for a good upbringing and take care of them in their later years.